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Thread: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

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    Default Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    So I got this idea while thinking about the types of red-flag customers; come up with a funny character name for a type of customer that you can't stand, like if he were a character or superhero/villain in a comic book. It could be the cheap ones, the annoying extras-hunters, the time wasters, or the dudes who straight-up reek.

    Here are some examples:

    Stinky McShitbreath
    Captain Currystink
    The Mighty Momma's Boy
    The Retarded Redneck
    Cheapy the Lardbucket

    Bonus points if you can attach an illustration, meme or .gif to help us visualize.

    Let's have fun some with this!

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    I wish I had more creative ones
    I just tend to call them Sweatpants Boner Man (though here it's hot out, so it's Gym Shorts Boner Man), or Octopus Hands.

    Then we have Clavicle Man - wants to bite girls collarbones
    Sparkly Shoe Fetish - I'm pretty sure this guy came to my dance studio and just hasn't recognized me... but anyway he sits in the same chair every night, with his ear buds in listening to his own music, and never tips anyone a dime... except for me... because he likes my glittery rhinestone encrusted heels.

    I've taken to calling the 6pm Saturday crowd "The Common Folk", to my regular (one of his other dancer friends refers to them that way, so I stole it). "Excuse me, I should probably go hustle the Common Folk..."
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Dildo Douchebaggins, the guy who acts like he has a stick up his ass and has been dragged along on a grand adventure to a strip club. And you can bet your ass he won't part with any of his treasure.

    They tend to look something like this when they fear they're about to have to pay for something:

    Last edited by tuesdaymarie; 07-12-2015 at 11:04 PM.

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Someone needs to come up with a creative name for the guys who lick / bite / suck your neck and ears when you lean back against them. I feel like literally every customer does this...wtf. Fucking parasites...

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Likin O'Biterneck?

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Someone needs to come up with a creative name for the guys who lick / bite / suck your neck and ears when you lean back against them. I feel like literally every customer does this...wtf. Fucking parasites...
    Count Suckula? Vlad Lick-eș?

    I really don't understand why this is such a widespread phenomenon. Like, I would never lick a stranger. It would never even occur to me to do that. Why would anyone do that?! Were strip club customers raised by wolves?

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    Veteran Member DorienG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Someone needs to come up with a creative name for the guys who lick / bite / suck your neck and ears when you lean back against them. I feel like literally every customer does this...wtf. Fucking parasites...
    This is totally out of left field here but there was a playwright by the name of Tennessee Williams who wrote a play called 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". The lead lady was 'Maggie'. She was childless with a gay husband. She would refer to her brother's kids as "No Neck Monsters".

    So, I have the No Neck Monster , who bites necks because he's jealous he doesn't have a nice one? It would work for a custy with multiple chins

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    LOL. I used to think of these at work when customers were being shits.

    Chipmunk looking Motherf*cker

    Dickless

    Tiny Balls McGee

    Loser

    and Putzo (this thread reminds me of the villian "Cheapo" from Stan Lee's "Stripperella.")

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Oh the stinky mcstink breath. I NeVER understood this I never met guys with such rank breath till I worked at a strip
    Club wtf?! Brush your teeth ever?!?!?!

    Mister dickwhipus who whips his dick out of his pants within 3 seconds of a dance wtf

    Scroog mcdick the guy who clearly has money but wants to sit on the pile and "just watch" the girls and not tip a dime or get a lap dance. Wtf why are you here?!

    Gandolf the wet. The old man who comes in and just wants to lick you with his slimy spiky tongue. Possibly pull your hair like he's tying to steer you like he's riding a dragon.

    Zak Morriss -simply put the guy who's too cool for school who can "get dances for free from any girl so why would I pay for such a thing"

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Chipmunk looking Motherf*cker
    LOL I love this!

    When a customer smells really strongly of smoke, not just fresh cig smoke but like he rolled in a stale ashtray two days ago and hasn't changed his clothes since, I'll refer to him as Ashtray. My snarky names for customers are usually pretty literal.

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Can't remember who coined it but "Pervert MacGrayballs" was the best.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Can't remember who coined it but "Pervert MacGrayballs" was the best.
    I think that was mine. Haha!

    Pervert McGrayBalls



    Sir Talks a Lot



    Slimy McLicky



    Lurker VanCreepy

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    Prepubescent Pete (aka every 21 year old)

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    Default Re: Humor thread- make up names that you would give to rotten customers

    I couldn't let everyone down by not putting pics with the nicknames I came up with. So here you are:

    Stinky McShitbreath
    PatrickBreathingFriedOysterSkins.jpg

    Captain Currystink
    Screen-Shot-2012-12-13-at-1.24.14-AM.png

    The Mighty Momma's Boy
    mamas-boy.jpg

    The Retarded Redneck
    redneck_gun_20100526_1984409262.jpg

    Cheapy the Lardbucket
    a07034c51a6f7ee917c1de79855a822fe5643fe8bc2cc5101a2dbae112009e07.jpg
    Last edited by Swarovskibunny; 07-16-2015 at 10:31 PM.

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