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Thread: Is my Significant other over controlling?

  1. #26
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    How can I get verified? Would this thread become viewable to only verified cammodels? Or just future posts? Just wondering because my husband checks this site occasionally.. Not a huge deal. I've already talked to him last night about a lot of this.. But it would still be nice to not worry he is reading up on me.. and I could be more descriptive and honest with you all if that wasn't a fear in the back if my mind.

  2. #27
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...light=verified


    I get you. My husband sometimes too since he is in the background of things with camming.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
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  3. #28
    God/dess kortneykay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I think you need to write down every thing you're feeling. Anger, hurt, resentment, guilt, etc and then have that conversation with your husband.
    First things first. Ask yourself if you're doing this job because you want to, or if you have to. If you dislike camming and the anxiety is too much, stop. No amount of money is worth stressing you out if you absolutely do not need to do it. There are other work at home jobs you can do without the stress.

    If you do decide that you can handle camming, stick to the goals that you and hubby set up for each other. I don't mean a "figure" necessarily. However, if the goal is 40 hours a week; put in your 40 hours because you made the commitment that you would. As far as that $850 (weekly was it?) I think you should both reevaluate your figures. Make another lesser goal like $600 instead per week to aim for and see if you or he could pick up the rest doing other things. Camming burn outs are a huge possibility and sometimes the money isn't going to be the same every week unless you can commit to doing the hours/work consistently. Even then some of us just have bad weeks. Redo your budget and add in rewards for yourself to keep you focused and on task. Also, if you really need to get rid of the debt, both of you could try going without for a bit until the money is better and then splurge occasionally. At the end of the day, you still both agreed to a budget and you should stick with it.

    I do think your husband is a bit controlling. He needs to focus on what he's doing at work, and leave your job out of it. Ask him if he'd be okay with you checking up on him at work to see if HE'S working. He wouldn't like it and neither would his boss. I absolutely hated when my ex would watch me on cam. It causes too much anxiety at times and you can end up feeling inadequate with your customers because you feel like hubby is judging your every move. Make it a rule that he is absolutely not allowed to harass or watch your feed unless you gave him permission to micromanage you. I understand that some people (myself) need to be pushed to work sometimes. However, if you're feeling uncomfortable, make him stop! Tell him how it feels for you to be watched and constantly micro managed and will not work under those circumstances.

    I think you and hubby need to put a few policies in place if you want this to work. If you don't feel happy at all and don't think this could be worked out between the two of you or with counseling, let him go. Good luck!

    P.S. Mention (and work it in your budget) your requests. You work hard for the money you make and rewards actually tend to keep people on task. Tell him if he can afford to buy lunch daily and have his friends eating up your food you deserve treats for your contribution to the household. I'm pretty sure not only are you working, you're taking care of your child, him, and the majority of the housework. Talk to him. Tell him you need a supportive husband, not a micromanaging boss! If you wanted that you wouldn't be self-employed.

    P.P.S Start a secret emergency fund for you and your child A.S.A.P! Message your sites to see if you can block his username and IP (check his phone for his phone's IP address) so he can't stare at your feed.
    Last edited by kortneykay; 07-18-2015 at 06:52 PM.




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  5. #29
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    And I'd like to add read "codependent no more" by Melody Beattie, buy the ebook and read it while you are chilling in freechat.... you can log on knowing you're going to read something that will help you and focus on that to distract you from the fear of logging on...
    its just a suggestion. The book has helped me at various points of life.
    Last edited by Flickdreams; 07-19-2015 at 10:02 AM.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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  7. #30
    Veteran Member doublerainbow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I think a lot of women are so eager to tell someone such as in this situation to jump ship because that's what they did themselves. They relate to the experience this person is writing about, internalize it as 'the same thing they went through' and I'm sure when they left the relationship they felt it was their only option. I know if I were in that situation, I wouldn't want any reminder that I may have made the wrong choice or that I might have salvaged something good if I'd tried a bit harder, so of course you need to insist to yourself and anyone else that leaving is the only option.

    I'd just like to point out that every single person everywhere is completely unique and different from you. Every single situation, however similar, is still totally different from what you've gone through. It may make you feel better to tell someone to just do what you did, but without knowing their situation intimately, it's really unhelpful advice unless the person has expressed their own clear desire to leave and they're just too scared/timid/whatever and need the support. (As always, unless there is the threat of actual danger. If you're ever unsure of your safety, run. Fuck domestic violence with a fig.)
    "It's amazing what a positive attitude can do!"

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  9. #31
    Featured Member Kitcatt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I agree DoubleRainbow. When I first read the thread the first thing I did was think of the situation I had with my overly controlling ex husband (chore charts for spending cash, enough said) but this sounds more like a guy who's kind of had enough of his partner not hauling their weight on the finances. Of course we could be missing out on a lot of detail by the OP that makes it worse than it actually sounds. In the end unless we had the full story all of our advice is kind of useless and based on our own bias.

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  11. #32
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I haven't responded to this simply because I don't think it is possible to come to any sort of conclusive advice without both sides of the story. However, I do know that if you cringe at the sight of him and you don't want him near you...it is time to move on regardless of whether he is controlling or not. The love just is not there anymore and pure disgust isn't something that is a "phase" or something that can be ignored. Anger and sadness at the situation can be fixed but pure disgust? Life is too short to live in misery. Listen to your gut instinct it is always leading you on to the right path.
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  13. #33
    God/dess KatM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    No person should stay in a situation that makes them unhappy, miserable, if it's about relationships of any kind, jobs where they mistreated (i mean jobs where u have a boss & colleagues, vanilla jobs, independent jobs like cam work are different, the ban hammer works wonder in case we feel mistreated ).

    Every time i felt i am not loved (anymore) or mistreated or both i left, i am a loving & caring person, i have a huge heart, i am a good hard worker, a good friend, a good parent but if i feel u dont love me, respect me, pay me the correct salary, betray my trust, try to take advantage of me or are a faker then i dont want to know about you anymore, u blacklisted haha.

    I many times left (relationships, jobs), i had a broken heart, i suffered but i went thru them all life lessons, i started from zero, i got myself back on my feet again knowing more every time.

    Never let a man mistreat you babes but also, make sure u fair & give ur best in that relationship, abandon the ship only when u know for sure u did ur best & there is nothing on ur side u can improve to make relationship work, when u got to that stage then it's time to leave.

    Be aware also, life is not easy on ur own, there will be many many challenges in ur way, especially if u a single mother, omg is difficult, it was for me & still is. Be prepared to work hard to provide for urself & the kid(s), be prepared to be all alone in all decisions u make, be prepared to deal with all problems without having the help of a man (at least for a while) if it's about financial help, support of any kind (emotional, while being sick, while kid is sick & all), be prepared to all these.
    I tell this to everyone that talk to me about the problems in their relationships: if u can save ur marriage do ur best to save it, especially if u have kids, leave a relationship only when u know u have depleted all resources & there is nothing left, the single parent life is very challenging not only for u as a single mom but also for the kid who will only have a parent. Depending on the support u have near you (parents, family, friends, close relatives) u'll have to take into consideration ur chances to make it on ur own in case u decide to leave but before doing so, fight for that relationship.

    Katie, u said urself u would be more honest talking about all these in verified section of this forum which means u were not completely honest presenting the situation so yeah, remember, when a relationship does not work anymore the two partners involved have their share of guilt

    My motto in life is "What does not kill u it makes u stronger", i know i am stronger here, the person i am now is the result of my hard life, if i had an easy life w.o challenges i would have never been able to evolve & i would be a spoiled brat now lol expecting everything to be handed to me
    Good luck & stay safe Katie, keep us updated xxx

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  15. #34
    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    Having read what some of the other married ladies here have said, I relax my stance a little, but only a little. While I agree that it is good that you should contribute to the finances each week, I still think it is BS that HE dictates how much you earn and then in turn has no issue spending YOUR joint money. That needs to stop. That is definitely not partnership, that is a dictatorship. While it is ok for him to check that you are working, only from TIME TO TIME. He needs to treat you like an adult.

    As for the fact that he won't let you spend money on a procedure that will improve your quality of life, methinks that he fears once you are all confident etc you will realize his shortcomings and leave. This is red flag behavior honestly. Many guys keep their women downtrodden and sabotage their efforts to better themselves for fear of the woman leaving. SO be aware of that.

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  17. #35
    Veteran Member Violet_Z's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I'm worried that we are being encouragement for bad behavior. If you are both working $850 a week should be enough to get things paid off with far more left over.
    If you are I so much debt that it isn't, you need to start work, work, working your butt off.
    Maybe crushing debt and the thought of being the only dependable provider is scary for the guy as well.
    When I say that things should be 50/50 I really mean it.You have to do your 50% too.

  18. #36
    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie0 View Post
    How can I get verified? Would this thread become viewable to only verified cammodels? Or just future posts? Just wondering because my husband checks this site occasionally.. Not a huge deal. I've already talked to him last night about a lot of this.. But it would still be nice to not worry he is reading up on me.. and I could be more descriptive and honest with you all if that wasn't a fear in the back if my mind.
    Ok, I just read this properly. You are scared of him reading up on you etc. Why would he even do that? Controlling what you do on social media and YOUR OWN spaces is not right. That is not a sign of a good relationship. The fact that you feel you can't even fully talk about this because of HIM is a problem. I hate to break it to you but there are issues here that go WAAYYY beyond just marriage etc and I think you need to look out for yourself.

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  20. #37
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    SimoneGray is right. It goes beyond what should ever be okay in a relationship if you have to be careful what you say online in an anonymous forum...

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  22. #38
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    ^^ I do agree with this as well. It's in the same line as him checking your phone or emails... there's an amount of privacy one can expect in a healthy relationship and someone crossing that (without a safeword ;P) can be harmful to your well being.
    "It's amazing what a positive attitude can do!"

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  24. #39
    Featured Member Kitcatt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    From what I understood, he knows she reads this forum and probably reads it himself?

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    God/dess KatM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    ^^^ If so they both could use the info/ opinions given here to work on their relationship, free couple 'therapy' for them i would say, i hope it works out

  26. #41
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    Guys, jumping to conclusions. My husband reads this forum too. And there are things I talk about in verified I wouldn't want him reading. Say like I'm talking about him or my current issues going on with my family. Sometimes I use it to vent.

    My husband reads it because he is involved in the industry too, and likes to be knowledgeable what is going on in the camgirl side, and not just my perspective.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

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  28. #42
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    ^^^ Oh yes, men do read our forums, i know *well damn well* what this means unfortunately. Only in verified section of this forum u can say u 'safe' but not here in CC.

  29. #43
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    Guys, jumping to conclusions. My husband reads this forum too. And there are things I talk about in verified I wouldn't want him reading. Say like I'm talking about him or my current issues going on with my family. Sometimes I use it to vent.

    My husband reads it because he is involved in the industry too, and likes to be knowledgeable what is going on in the camgirl side, and not just my perspective.
    True, but do you ever censor yourself out of fear of him or his opinion? or more just out of wanting to keep certain things to yourself? There is a big difference between someone feeling scared of talking about things and simply wanting a safe, ladies only type environment and in this case the OP seems fearful of him more so than just wanting a space away from him to talk.

  30. #44
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I choose to "censor" myself, because quite honestly ya'll don't PERSONALLY know me. You are looking in from the window and only getting my side if I did decide to put my relationship problems. There are some things I don't like sharing with my husband, like how there are things he doesn't want either. The issues I brought up were health issues that was going with him, and still is. He didn't want it being public, so I respected his wishes. He has done the same as well.

    Also he fears of me putting something personal out here on a public board, and since I used my actual camname, wouldn't want to see trolls use that for ammo. I'm a pretty tough girl, but he is looking out for my well being, because he knows how emotional I can be.


    I am an inactive member on another forum my husband still regularly posts on. He posted something about an issue we were having, and yeah, that pissed me off. He never really brought it to my attention, so I was in the dark. If he wanted to talk to me about it, he should have. Other people were telling him to leave me and not put up with my bullshit. That fucking hurt, because I wouldn't ever want him to give up on me without putting any effort.


    There are two sides to every story.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

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  32. #45
    Veteran Member Violet_Z's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is my Significant other over controlling?

    I think we are debating it too much. Since we don't know both sides and an anonymous forum isn't a good place to get an answer for this.

    The only real answer to these questions boil down to. If you fear for your safety you need to leave.... All other problems with husbands or boyfriends need to be spoken about with the husband or boyfriend...

    If you can't ever speak about the problem in your relationship with your significant other for whatever reason, your relationship is either abusive or just about to come to and end.... People will find any reason to point fingers and fight if a relationship is in trouble and coming to an end so this might be what is going on.

    We can't tell someone if the person they are with is over controlling because we don't really know what degree of controlling is okay with you.

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