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Thread: Where does the money and time go?

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    Default Where does the money and time go?

    Hi everyone, curious wife here.

    Just to put it out there -- I'm cool with the existence of strip clubs, understand my husband isn't going to be attracted only to me, etc.

    However, he's spending about $700 every time he goes out (regularly to the same club). Sometimes he doesn't roll in until 7-8am. He has vague statements about where he is after the club closes (I was at this guy I met there's house) but has been pretty convincing about not physically cheating on me (I don't consider a lap dance cheating, I wouldn't be too psyched about him touching a woman but wouldn't consider that as big of an offense as a HJ or BJ). When he lies, he's vague and evades, and answered these questions very directly. He's also vague about how the money is being spent (e.g., how much on drinks, lap dances, drugs).

    Yes, as cool as I am with clubs, this is all totally crossing boundaries and our relationship is entirely screwed up, and I am to blame for that too, but I'm still trying to figure out where the money/time is spent since I can't get answers from him. The club that he frequents is full nude, no touching during dances, and as far as extras, people have written about HJs under the bar table for ~$50 and BJs for ~80. Other people have said there are no extras there.

    Is it possible to spend $700-$800 in an evening and *not* be getting some physical stimulation? By my own calculations, yes, between $30 drinks for the girls and $20 lap dances, some private dances, some blow, but I am not an expert here. Does that definitely scream VIP room participation? Am I being a complete idiot to think he isn't going farther than lap dances?

    I'm also convinced that he's having or has had emotional affairs, I know that he texts with some of the girls and is very secretive about his phone, but he's denied that as well.

    Thanks and sorry if this is the wrong place to post something like this!

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Omg I can't believe that you created an account on here just to ask that question.You're his wife correct? If you don't feel comfortable with his answer than go about the situation the best way you feel to deal with it. You are already at your wits end it sounds like trying to figure things out. Deal with your husband directly.

    But creating an account on a stripper site specifically to ask strippers & adult entertainers alike to rat out or tell on a custy or client just so you can probably use any answers as ammunition/ throw it in his face or use any info as leverage is quite odd.

    If you don't feel comfortable with his answer than go about the situation the best way you feel to deal with it.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    My intention was not to get anyone to rat out their customers -- I certainly do apologize if that's how it comes across! I specifically didn't mention the name of the club for a reason. I wouldn't be here if dealing with him directly got me anywhere, I've tried that many times and from many angles. If I had more information about what could be going on, I thought that might help me. Maybe not, but you are right that I'm at my wits' end

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    With any luck maybe your husband is already a regular on here.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    From a customer...photog...friend...whatever of dancers for years

    First you said 'some blow' that sht ain't cheap

    Vip.minimum 20 per song plus 20 tip. That's for air danxe. Touch costs more
    easily she can get 5 songs at a clip. 200 there

    Drinks. Easily 10each
    20 for dancers

    Another 150 200?

    Food?

    Tipping for chat...figure...100 a night

    After parties...figure hotel cost and 100 min per 20 minutes..plus tip w out touch

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Depending on a particular club's setup, I would say $700 a go is possible -- even when keeping everything legal, drug-free, etc.

    Idk your location so I can't speak abt clubs where you are, but I've worked clean my whole time dancing. Touching where local law permitted, but I am a prude by many dancers' & def by many customers' standards. 'Keep your grubby mitts & filthy mouth off my boobs & away from my thong or you're gonna get hit' kinda clean. I also danced sober & didn't/don't do any drugs, & avoided customers who were looking for or had drugs.

    Now, that out of the way -- One club I worked for example, VIP was $10/wristband for all-nite access + $30/song, or $375/hr. No bottles incl'd since it was a BYOB club but a customer could bring his own liquor. I nvr had a guy at that club do an hr w/ me, who tipped me less than $50/stage set beforehand. So that's $400+ already, & that's b4 adding-in costs of the liquor he picked up en route (if it's BYOB), club's cover charge, any club/dancer drink costs, & any stage tipping + pay-by-song dancing w/ other girls. It's also b4 factoring in any tips that he might give on top of private dance/VIP price. Then there is tipping a waitress or bartender for drinks/ice.

    So w/ a fully clean/fully legally-operating dancer, it's possible. If it's more than one girl in the room w/ him, he is paying full rates for each girl for the block of time. If drugs are involved -- I only skimmed the OP but another reply says you mentioned it -- then damn right the cost of the party will climb, & climb QUICK if the drug of choice is cocaine or heroin. Bottle prices are also GREATLY inflated in many clubs -- I browsed a VIP bottle menu at the sister club of the club I described here & was like WHOA you actually get guys to fork over that much … but bottles are also often more abt status than anything.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Thanks Pinup4 and Aniela, that is exactly the type of information I was looking for. I wouldn't be shocked if he were lying, but not surprised either if he was telling the truth. I figured that if anything more substantial were going on, $700 for a whole night wouldn't cut it.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Honestly, if my boyfriend spent $700 at a strip club even once, we would not be together anymore. I guess that's a personal decision, so if you're cool with your husband spending that amount of money on a regular basis to see other women naked, that's that. I get that you're not asking for relationship advice here, but the other things--secretive with his phone, out till 7-8AM, vague on where the money goes--are all red flags, to me. Could he feasibly spend $700 clean? I guess. But do you want to be in a marriage where you have to wonder?


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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Nope, I'm totally not OK with it. It's way, WAY, WAAAYYY too much money. If he did it 3-4 times a year I'd chalk it up to entertainment, I get it's fun, then buy myself a really nice bag and call it a day, but it's more frequent than that. Where we are in life, 7-8am benders are inappropriate, let alone having them on a regular basis. Things are seriously effed up and he is definitely hiding *something*. Thanks for your perspective, it helps.

    Edit to say -- I'm no peach, I psychologically understand why he's doing it, but it's still crossing a lot of lines.
    Last edited by Arken15; 07-28-2015 at 07:07 PM. Reason: More words

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    How many times a month is this happening? What percentage of your income is this? Sorry to be nosy, I'm just trying to get a picture of scale

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    I would just divorce him, but that's just me.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Ioops

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Yeah, I'm thinking about divorce but I don't really want to, I love him, we have a family. I betrayed him many years ago with an emotional affair, I didn't handle the aftermath well at all, and we never recovered (we tried). I tolerated this stuff for a while because of that, almost an eye for eye sort of thing, but at this point, I think I have more than paid. Since January, I count $5.5K (1-2x / month). These days closer to 1x/month, rather than other years where the tallies were higher (~15K) and it was closer to 2x/month. It's not going to take food out of anyone's mouth, but that is a significant chunk of change.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    wow, that's a lot of $ for a family man..that should be going to the kid's college fund.


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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    If you don't want a divorce, he needs to spend that money on marriage counseling.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    If its any consolation, your husband is just an ATM with a penis to us. The chances of the "emotional affair" being reciprocated is 1 in a billion. We don't want the useless skin that surrounds the wallet.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    If its any consolation, your husband is just an ATM with a penis to us. The chances of the "emotional affair" being reciprocated is 1 in a billion. We don't want the useless skin that surrounds the wallet.
    The biggest issue is making sure her husband understands this. If he thinks (or the girls lead him to think) it's a "friendship" (fueled by money, that extends mostly / totally to when he visits and an occasional text)....it's a problem

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinups4 View Post
    The biggest issue is making sure her husband understands this. If he thinks (or the girls lead him to think) it's a "friendship" (fueled by money, that extends mostly / totally to when he visits and an occasional text)....it's a problem
    It ain't our problem. Lol.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    I wish that hot long haired guys came in to blow money more often instead of "Pervert MacGreyballs" in golf shorts.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    How about setting a limit on stripclubs? Money spent and the amount he spends. Ya know, boundaries.





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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    It ain't our problem. Lol.
    Nope. Not for the girl to do. But for him and wife

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Yes it is totally possible for a guy to blow $700. If he likes lots of the girls on shift and gets 5 $20 dances each, there ya go. Do that with 5 girls, plus drinking and stage tipping, it can quickly approach $700. VIP can obviously eat that up faster. VIP is not always 'dirty', it depends on the girl.

    That is an absurd amount of $$ for a family man to spend every month though, and I would be dragging his ass to marriage counseling or divorcing him.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Quote Originally Posted by Arken15 View Post

    Is it possible to spend $700-$800 in an evening and *not* be getting some physical stimulation?
    ^While I agree that this isn't really the best avenue to express your worry, yes, of course it is possible to spend xyz and not receive "extras"-drinks, stage tips and dances all add up. But, that's something you will need to discuss with him. If his increasing "entertainment budget" (and the services he is choosing to spend it on) makes you uncomfortable, it is something you need to start a dialog with him about asap!
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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    Tempest666, thanks, that is probably why I am OK with the idea of my man occasionally going to strip clubs. I think on some level he has to get it too. I certainly don't fault any of the girls for this, they are just doing their job. I did confront him tonight actually, he just couldn't admit it was inappropriate behavior -- he has done so in the past but more often than not he deflects. Deflectors aren't the best at admitting when they are wrong, the shame reaction is way too strong when they screw up they often go on the attack.

    I think you guys are right, he's likely spending on a handful of girls. He had always maintained there isn't just one person he's going back for.

    For the record, no grey balls, he's handsome and witty, clean, I'd be surprised if he weren't respectful but who knows, if he spent more he'd be a pretty ideal customer I'd imagine.

    We tried setting limits, but it didn't work. I honestly think he has a problem and can't help it -- this isn't the evening he planned when he goes to meet up with a friend, but after a few drinks he doesn't make the best decisions. However, this is why I don't think it's possible for him to just tone it down.

    Thanks everyone, super helpful, and apologies if this was inappropriate, I truly meant no offense.

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    Default Re: Where does the money and time go?

    I should probably focus more on breaking the "they are my friends!!!" bubble. It seems so obvious to me, not that he isn't fun to be around but work is work. I'm in sales and while I like my customers and they can be fun to take out to dinner, it's all about the sale. I wouldn't be choosing them for my own kicks. This forum has been very helpful in showing me that to lots of men, it's not obvious. They really believe they're that unicorn.

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