Results 1 to 20 of 20

Thread: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

  1. #1
    Featured Member Danni's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Champagne room
    Posts
    768
    Thanks
    335
    Thanked 624 Times in 291 Posts
    My Mood
    Daring

    Thumbs down Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    I've only told 3 people that I'm back dancing and I'm only working 1 night a week, an hour away, in another state. One of those people is my friend that I dance with and another is my best friend that has never danced, She has talked about it in the past but I never thought she would. Lately she has been hounding me everyday about it asking me questions and to help her. I don't think it's a good idea for her because she is one of those drama queen girls, I can easily see her causing drama or gossiping and I just like laying low, making my money and coming home. I also don't feel like "babysitting." I'm only there one night a week and every minute I'm hustling and I don't want to feel obligated to take her under my wing. That sounds awful since she is my best friend but that's how I feel at this point in my stripping career.

    I also feel like she's doing it for the wrong reasons. She has been saying to me how she needs more money for months and then all of the sudden she buys a brand new truck. I'm assuming she thinks she can just dance a couple nights a month to make the payment. She is basically a single mom with 3 kids and has never had a reliable babysitter. I have no idea if or how she can find someone to either stay until 4:30am or just overnight. If her baby's father ever found out she was dancing I really think he would harm her and at the very least try to take the baby and tell everyone what she was doing.

    I hate not being supportive but I just really don't want her there. I have tried hinting that I don't think the club is hiring right now because it's slow but she just said well maybe they will hire her because she's my friend. And I explained to her I only work one night a week and have only been there a couple months so that makes no difference. I don't know what else to do really. I share a ride with my friend and Im sure she will ask to ride with her as well. I was thinking of telling her she's kinda funny about that and maybe the thought of driving her brand new truck that far and that late will deter her.

    Ugh, I don't know what else to do. I'm sure I sound like an awful friend but besides the selfish reasons, I truly don't think she should walk down this path at this point in her life and truly have her best interest at heart.

    Advice is welcome but mostly this is a vent.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisa7513 View Post
    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Danni For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,845
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Is there somewhere else she could work?

  4. #3
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    You are right. I tried getting my lifelong best friend into dancing and it totally backfired. She was beautiful but lazy & stopped as soon as she met someone (she wanted to start a family.) It was not a total failure but if I could go back in time I would not have done that. Not every person is cut out for working in a bar environment.

    My advice, be honest- you can always say you told her the truth. & Frankly if she's a single mom with 3 kids losing her friendship might not be a bad thing. I live in small town America & all the single moms I've worked with are full of drama ......Some of the women are just struggling but others perpetuate their problems (dating losers, getting pregnant by losers, not improving their lives at all.)

    I also doubt she'll make a lot right away- the whole reason she told you is b/c she wants a wing-woman to help her.

    In all my years dancing I only met ONE new girl who caught on fast and right to how the stripping game worked (& her day job was construction so that meant she wasn't lazy or too moody to handle the stresses of the club.) Let your friend find out herself.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Featured Member Starling's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,511
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 2,081 Times in 874 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Yeah I hear you about not wanting to babysit a newbie dancer. And then have to hear complaining if she doesn't make money like she expected being new. Even though it might feel selfish, stuff like that (one making more money than the other, jealousy, etc.) could hurt a friendship. After all it's your time and your money, and you've got to look out for number one.

    I'm not sure what else you can do at this point, other than suggesting another, closer club that could be "better"? But in all honesty it might be a thought she's entertaining now, but she might not actually go through with it. I wouldn't bring up dancing again around her if you have to. If she's that determined she should go to the club and try it for herself.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Starling For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Not to be rude, but after 3 kids, is her body in the right shape for dancing?

    Back on topic, you don't owe her help. Friendship is nice but if you strongly feel she will fail it's only truly friendly to say that. We've all seen girls crying and freaking out over not making money. Most of those are young & single. She has a bunch of kids & a car payment. Stripping is not a super reasonable solution for someone who can't ride out of the slow weeks at work.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Bi coastal Gypsy
    Posts
    4,812
    Thanks
    7,738
    Thanked 5,910 Times in 2,491 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Honestly, I'd keep her at arm's length & if she still hounds you about it, say that you just started at another club (make one up) and say that they're either A.not hiring right now or B. they're really picky. Or you could say that you've quit, and just not tell her anything more about dancing again?
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




    "Respect is a dying art"

    "Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box"


  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to xxxGothBarbie For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    God/dess kortneykay's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2012
    Location
    In Private Chat Making $
    Posts
    6,059
    Thanks
    13,676
    Thanked 21,933 Times in 4,881 Posts
    My Mood
    Amazed

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    OP, firstly, I can understand how you can feel a certain way about your friend. However, what she does in her professional and private life is her own business. If she creates drama, don't be around it. I suggest you give her some clubs she should apply at but let her know under the circumstances that you prefer not to work in the same club. Just tell her you feel comfortable where you are and don't wish to bring your friends in your work space. Also let her know that you'll tell her where to apply but she's on her own and needs to learn the ropes on her own. Good luck!




    Believe In Your Brand



  13. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kortneykay For This Useful Post:


  14. #8
    Moderator PhatGirlDynomite!!!'s Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Darkside Of The Moon
    Posts
    10,461
    Thanks
    11,302
    Thanked 24,349 Times in 6,758 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Dancing a couple nights a month is more than enough to make a car payment. Seems like a good plan to me? Sounds like you don't want your friend around your money. Nothing wrong with that. But Drama Queens are entertaining and men get excited by that shit. I would watch my back too. Just be upfront about it. Like hey this is my thing and you need to get your own. Wait and see how it goes. She just might be amazing at it and turn you on to some new money. Never know. But I totally understand wanting to have some boundaries. I've introduced friends to club owners before and in one instance it was like I took money out of my own pocket.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to PhatGirlDynomite!!! For This Useful Post:


  16. #9
    Veteran Member Elle:)'s Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    362
    Thanks
    303
    Thanked 932 Times in 296 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    I was in a similar situation last year.A friend of me was in a difficult situation (I would rather not give details).She had never danced before and needed money in short period of time.I helped her get a job in my club and I really regretted it.She barely made any money-100-150 at the most before tip out.She had no idea how to pick out guys - she was mostly ending up with cheapskates or weirdos.I had to watch out for her all the time-she was very naive and I was concerned for her safety.Even the little she made she didn't save - she bought weed with it (I didn't know about her habit before the club).At times I even felt that she is blaming me for not being successful,which was downright wrong because I constantly went out of my way to help her and even my friends would try helping her with guys.In addition I found out that she was giving 10 dollar dances (my club was 20 at all times).If I were you I would try make her reconsider or help her get in another club (tell her that yours has very high pole skills requirements,you may just go in as a customer her first couple of days if you want to support her a bit).

  17. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Elle:) For This Useful Post:


  18. #10
    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    4,942
    Thanks
    20,254
    Thanked 7,454 Times in 2,760 Posts

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    No friends in your strip club if you can help it. You are right in feeling this way. It never ends well.

  19. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to arielbriel For This Useful Post:


  20. #11
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    I don't think you're being unnecessarily selfish. I actually think you're being quite practical.

    This is the story as I understand it: your friend wants to start dancing bc she feels $$$$ is tight. That would be fine, but she a) is already saddled w/ several small children & b) just took on the additional burden of a new-vehicle payment WHILE complaining that $$$$ is tight. On the surface, this alone strikes me as a bit irresponsible, unless her previous vehicle was either dead or on life support. So right out of the gate, she seems a bit whack in how she manages her $$$$.

    There is the issue of childcare. How does she plan to coordinate that? Funds are tight, after all; can she make those ends meet until her prospective career (dancing or otherwise) going, or work out sm kind of barter system, or coordinate w/ a friend or relative who also has kids & share/trade-off babysitting duties? The kids need to come first here, no question abt that.

    Then there is the question of 'What if Daddy finds out??' Even if her heart is in the right place 'stripping to give my kids a better life' is that worth the risk of the dmg Daddy can do if he gets a case of the ass?

    Finally, she is apparently a first-class Drama Llama. You DO NOT need to bring another hot mess into your club -- distracting you, screwing up your hustle aka fkng up your ability to earn a living, & quite possibly dmg'ing important (or at least semi-peaceful status quo type) relationships w/ clients, coworkers & club staff.

    If she insists on going down this road, there is not really anything you can do to stop her … but I would draw a very clear boundary that your club is off-limits.

  21. #12
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    the mountains ....
    Posts
    14,202
    Thanks
    15,165
    Thanked 21,346 Times in 9,308 Posts

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    I wouldn't do it ! Of course that's me ( nearly completely " closeted ")! I can't focus when worlds blend and I like doing my own thing.
    It would be tempting to have another travel buddy but from your description, it doesn't sound like she'd be discrete enough for your comfort level.

  22. The Following User Says Thank You to carmen_b For This Useful Post:


  23. #13
    Featured Member Danni's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Champagne room
    Posts
    768
    Thanks
    335
    Thanked 624 Times in 291 Posts
    My Mood
    Daring

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post
    I don't think you're being unnecessarily selfish. I actually think you're being quite practical.

    This is the story as I understand it: your friend wants to start dancing bc she feels $$$$ is tight. That would be fine, but she a) is already saddled w/ several small children & b) just took on the additional burden of a new-vehicle payment WHILE complaining that $$$$ is tight. On the surface, this alone strikes me as a bit irresponsible, unless her previous vehicle was either dead or on life support. So right out of the gate, she seems a bit whack in how she manages her $$$$.

    There is the issue of childcare. How does she plan to coordinate that? Funds are tight, after all; can she make those ends meet until her prospective career (dancing or otherwise) going, or work out sm kind of barter system, or coordinate w/ a friend or relative who also has kids & share/trade-off babysitting duties? The kids need to come first here, no question abt that.

    Then there is the question of 'What if Daddy finds out??' Even if her heart is in the right place 'stripping to give my kids a better life' is that worth the risk of the dmg Daddy can do if he gets a case of the ass?

    Finally, she is apparently a first-class Drama Llama. You DO NOT need to bring another hot mess into your club -- distracting you, screwing up your hustle aka fkng up your ability to earn a living, & quite possibly dmg'ing important (or at least semi-peaceful status quo type) relationships w/ clients, coworkers & club staff.

    If she insists on going down this road, there is not really anything you can do to stop her … but I would draw a very clear boundary that your club is off-limits.
    Thank you all for the input and opinions. Aniela pretty much nailed it.

    Men may like drama queens but I was talking more along the lines of creating drama with staff/customers and other dancers.

    I also feel it's very irresponsible to purchase a truck with a 600 payment, knowing you can't afford it unless you dance. This might have been ok if she didn't have 3 kids to take care of. She's also already in danger of being fired from a job she's had less than a year because she's always late. The only night she can possible juggle the kids and everything to get to the club would be a friday night and she works sat mornings. She won't get home until 5:30 at the EARLIEST. I can see her being fired within a month.

    That being said....I get it. I really do. The draw to dancing with the temptation of being on stage, money, power, etc. especially being a single mom. That has to be quite the thrill. I just feel with her in particular it's opening up a huge can of worms. Besides risking our friendship, she's risking her job, her children's steady income, her baby's father finding out and potential custody battle. If her situation was different I'd say go for it but this is not the case.

    I also already have a friend I car pool with. We work very well together because we've both been dancing for 10 years and we understand the need for zen in the car and when we work. I don't work friday nights and if she does end up dancing luckily I won't work with her and maybe it will turn out ok. I guess that's all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best scenario to play out.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisa7513 View Post
    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

  24. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Danni For This Useful Post:


  25. #14
    Featured Member Starling's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,511
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 2,081 Times in 874 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Danni View Post
    I don't work friday nights and if she does end up dancing luckily I won't work with her and maybe it will turn out ok.
    If she actually does start dancing I wouldn't make it known to staff or anyone else that you guy are friends. We're judged by the company we keep, and if she makes an ass out of herself you don't want it to reflect badly on you.

  26. The Following User Says Thank You to Starling For This Useful Post:


  27. #15
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Starling View Post
    If she actually does start dancing I wouldn't make it known to staff or anyone else that you guy are friends. We're judged by the company we keep, and if she makes an ass out of herself you don't want it to reflect badly on you.
    True dat. I was almost blackballed from a club b/c my travel partner pissed off everyone. That was the first and last time we went somewhere together.

  28. The Following User Says Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  29. #16
    Featured Member Danni's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Champagne room
    Posts
    768
    Thanks
    335
    Thanked 624 Times in 291 Posts
    My Mood
    Daring

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Starling View Post
    If she actually does start dancing I wouldn't make it known to staff or anyone else that you guy are friends. We're judged by the company we keep, and if she makes an ass out of herself you don't want it to reflect badly on you.
    Obviously I won't but my fear is she'll name drop when she goes in to audition. I was thinking about telling her not to mention me because the manager doesn't like it when potential new hires use any tactics. I was going to say because the manager doesn't like me but I'm sure she would have that spread all over the club in seconds flat.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisa7513 View Post
    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

  30. #17
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Danni View Post
    Obviously I won't but my fear is she'll name drop when she goes in to audition. I was thinking about telling her not to mention me because the manager doesn't like it when potential new hires use any tactics. I was going to say because the manager doesn't like me but I'm sure she would have that spread all over the club in seconds flat.
    Would it be possible to get ahead of this by warning mgmt abt the fact that she knows you & might try to use that to worm her way in? Tell them she's 'a friend of a friend' that you have been trying to distance yourself from for sm time. If you are on esp positive terms w/ your club's powers-that-be, maybe you could switch the 'name dropping' tactic around on her -- imply that she is a loose cannon & may be more trouble to them than she would be worth.

  31. #18
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    the mountains ....
    Posts
    14,202
    Thanks
    15,165
    Thanked 21,346 Times in 9,308 Posts

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    It's a tough thing. I'd give her a sit down first if she goes to your club about the level of DISCRETION you expect. I'd tell her clearly beforehand that it isn't safe to release real name ect.
    Don't leave it up to chance.

  32. #19
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    the mountains ....
    Posts
    14,202
    Thanks
    15,165
    Thanked 21,346 Times in 9,308 Posts

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    It's a tough thing. I'd give her a sit down first if she goes to your club about the level of DISCRETION you expect. I'd tell her clearly beforehand that it isn't safe to release real name / info about either of you in the club ect.
    Don't leave it up to chance.
    From her info once she finds out dancing is actually hard work ( to do successfully ) she probably won't last!

  33. The Following User Says Thank You to carmen_b For This Useful Post:


  34. #20
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Best friend wants to dance. I'm less than happy about it...

    ...update? I'm almost afraid to ask...

  35. The Following User Says Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 18
    Last Post: 10-23-2012, 06:04 PM
  2. friend wants to dance.... her new heels!
    By funtasticFerra in forum Picture Post
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 06-02-2008, 08:11 PM
  3. Guy buys friend a dance, friend says no thanks
    By Kaylinn in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 01-17-2008, 03:44 PM
  4. Do you want to buy your friend a dance?
    By AkashaM in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-19-2006, 08:25 AM
  5. 'You wanna dance for my friend?'
    By luvbuniz in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-01-2005, 09:10 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •