Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

  1. #1
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    I came across this site looking random stuff up on the Internet and I'm glad I did..
    I don't really know where to begin., I just need some kind and helpful words from people who can relate and understand me, because it seems like no one else in my life can relate.

    To break my long story short..
    I'm currently 21 years old, I started dancing at age 18... 6 months after I had my daughter. I was in an emotional/some what physical abusive relationship with her father through out all of high school. He was horrible to me, called me slut/whore/bitch/cunt.. Etc whenever I went out with friends, spit in my face, pulled my hair, pushed me.. Etc...

    I finally got the nerve to leave him & when I did I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to be independent I wanted to live on my own and support my daughter without anyone's help. I was broken hurt and had mixed feelings about my life and what I was going to do to support my daughter by myself. At the time I was living with my mom in her basement with my four siblings so the house was hectic. So a friend suggested that I stated dancing. I could never see myself ever doing that eswpecially in a town I grew up in my whole life... But I did it.

    I auditioned and got hired on the spot... My first two days I made over $1,000 and was able to put a deposit on this nice apartment ice been wanting. Moved out a week later and not long after I started dancing I met this guy online. This may sound cliche' but we hit it off right off the bat and just had instant emotional and mental chemistry... He was perfect.

    We both come from completely diff life styles.. He's from California, very popular, outgoing, raised well, owner of his own clothing company, sponsors shows for rappers... Then there's me. A broken and lost girl from the Midwest who strips and has a child.

    Hw would stay up every night until 4am and talk to me after work, we would text constantly, I would cry to him telling him how depressed I was and how dancing has affected my emotional well being... He would always be there for me. Even if he was 2,000 miles away.. He understood me, and he accepted me as a person. He eventually peeled back my tough exterior and got to know who I really was inside.

    When I met him I was anti-relationship. I looked at men how they looked at me.. Like an object. Didn't feel for them, didn't love them, I would play them. I would talk to multiple guys at a time telling them all the same things. I would have sex with them, then leave them. I wouldn't let myself ever become close to them.. Except for Parsa.. The one who was so differ t.. But why?

    Aftwe three months of talking every day all day through calls/FaceTime/texting.. We were telling eschother we loved eachother. He bought a plane ticket to come visit me and meet me but I told him to cancel it.. He was heart broken. Wouldn't talk to me for weeks.

    We we startedtalking again and I was ready. Ready to meet this insane human being that wants nothing more than to see me happy. We met and it was amazing. Love at first site.. He came a second time and met my family and had thanksgiving dinner with us.... The third time he moved out here.

    Hes currently been living with me and my daughter for around 7 months now & I just got back from California for the first time. I met his family and friends and it went great. he's my soul mate and the love of my life.. But there's one problem.....


    I'm a stripper. He understands my line of work and the money I make, but he doesn't support what I do. He loves me unconditionally and has cried hysterically in front of me begging me to quit dancing. I know it eats him inside and hurts him more than it hurts me.. But I can't get myself to quit. This is all I know. The money is so good and so easy it's all I know. It's like a security blanket that I can't ever let go of.

    im so lost. Dancing has changed my relationship with everyone around me. I used to be so caring and so happy. I was full of life. Now I feel depressed and filled with empty ness. I'm stuck between being addicted to the life style and the money that comes with it, but I also feel like it's changed me as a person.

    I'm sorry this is so long. I'm just lost and depressed. I have no one to talk to about this type of work and I love and appreciate some insite. Does anyone else dance and also balances having a boyfriend? I need help and advice

  2. #2
    Featured Member SuperJa's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Edmonton
    Posts
    1,668
    Thanks
    2,969
    Thanked 4,552 Times in 1,250 Posts
    My Mood
    Yeehaw

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    I think there's more issues going on here than just "having a boyfriend". A lot of the ladies here are in relationships with men (and women) who can see what they do as a job, not something that defines them as a person, and just leave it there.

    But

    When you posted this: "I would cry to him telling him how depressed I was and how dancing has affected my emotional well being" you can't really be surprised that he wants you to quit. If stripping is causing these kind of issues for you then it might be time for you to consider quitting/taking a break for yourself, regardless of your relationship status.

  3. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SuperJa For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    Ditch the loser and grow a pair. Either that or gtfo out of this industry. It's not for everyone and there's no shame in admitting that. Anyone who gets easily addicted to this lifestyle is going to crash and burn anyways.
    To me it's a job like anything else. I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years. (Granted, he is younger than me, I met him ITC AND popped his cherry)
    Barring that I don't know what to tell you except both of you sound like a toxic co-dependent cocktail.
    If you can't ditch him then grow a pair, put on your big girl panties and leave your work problems AT WORK. I almost never bring up work to my boyfriend. He doesn't want to hear about the old perv in golf shorts who possibly jizzed after a LD with me!
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tempest666 For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,430
    Thanks
    19,846
    Thanked 18,507 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    I'm not going to say that just because you've had a few crying spells and the self-realization about how dancing has affected you that that means you need to quit asap. Lord knows I've been affected negatively in certain ways by the adult industry and can even work myself into a fit about it some nights. That doesn't mean I can't also appreciate the positive aspects above all that and be ultimately good with the choice. There are plenty of dancers who have boyfriends and husbands successfully. Is he upset because he thinks you truly hate and are hurt by dancing or it is all about his own hangups regarding his ideas of stripping and what "good girls do/don't do"?

    If you're actually ultimately ok with dancing, express that to him so he can calm down. If it's the latter - then you're probably not as compatible as you think. He obviously knew what you did long ago. Hanging around, becoming your boyfriend, and expecting you to change when he made things official was shady on his part. You don't go into a relationship with someone expecting them to change... that's not "unconditional" love.

    If you actually think dancing is seriously hurting you, get out - but make it about you and working on yourself, not him. This is your journey and well-being. Being the only thing you've ever known is no excuse. You got into dancing thinking you could never do so, you can certainly get out of it and go on to other professional pursuits. Taking care of yourself and your kid on your own and living a semi-lavish stripper lifestyle on a nice schedule is hard to give up, but it's not impossible if you're truly that miserable with the other parts of dancing. But that's all up to you to decide - leave the boyfriend out of it. He's not the only guy in the world, nor the only one who will love you throughout your life. Make your decisions about what is truly best for YOU, and if he fits in, great. If not, you'll move on. He's been good for you so far but that doesn't mean you have to twist yourself into a pretzel trying to maintain him in your life if you've outgrown his purpose.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  7. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Featured Member Aurora14's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1,060
    Thanks
    1,974
    Thanked 2,010 Times in 704 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    Unless you are married, you keep your job. When you have a job you have a ticket to independence. Since you have a daughter you HAVE to have job security. If you aren't married he isn't required to take care of you or even stay with you. He could leave you high and dry with NOTHING all of a sudden. You say he loves you, but tears don't pay bills. Right now you shaking your ass is paying the bills. It is one thing if you hate the job and go find something else that will pay less but make YOU happier. But it needs to be because you want to do it.

  9. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Aurora14 For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    Senior Member Leather_Jacket's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    182
    Thanks
    638
    Thanked 370 Times in 111 Posts
    My Mood
    Cool

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    Ok, so here is my two cents... first your kid is #1. You need to do what's best for him/her. If that's finding stability in a lifestyle that is more socially accepted with a partner that can HELP support you and your child, then that might be a solid plan. IF he's as awesome as you say he is (and as financially successful as you've mentioned) he should be helping to get you out dancing if he cares that much (After all, you can always go back to dancing but you better save enough to leave him for if things don't work out). But it's your life. If you want/need to keep stripping and if you think it's the best course of action for you, then don't throw away your family's source of income and financial freedom to be with some joe-blow. And, if he isn't supporting you through finances or resources (food, shelter, etc.) then he has no say in how you should or shouldn't make ends meet and it's none of his damn business. Do what you gotta do to keep your family happy, healthy, and safe.

    Honestly though, you seem to have your own hangups about stripping and in the end, will you be able to successfully raise your kid if your not supporting your own emotional wellbeing? Prob not. That's not to say that as a stripper, you can't be a happy and successful mother. You absolutely can, if you're supporting your own health and the health of your kid. The fact that there are women out there taking whatever necessary measures to ensure the well-being of their family make many strippers better moms than most realize. Maybe you should focus a little more on yourself than focusing on some guy. If dancing is not making life better for you then use it to save up for another skill so you can leave the industry. Not for him, for you. You sound attached to it in some unhealthy way, and if that's true, it's gonna do you a lot more harm than good. Work on your priorities girlfriend.

  11. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Leather_Jacket For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Duh Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?



    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to whirlerz For This Useful Post:


  14. #8
    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2013
    Location
    cloud9
    Posts
    825
    Thanks
    1,518
    Thanked 1,549 Times in 575 Posts

    Default Re: How do I balance dancing and my bf?

    Quote Originally Posted by Layna_ View Post
    How do I balance dancing and my bf?
    you drop the bf


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Cashmere Star For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Dancing and being a SAHM.. How do you balance it all?
    By carm3n in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 12-02-2011, 07:08 AM
  2. How do you balance it all?
    By luxury in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-12-2007, 12:06 PM
  3. 'balance'[ indeed !
    By Melonie in forum Member Boards
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-12-2007, 08:09 PM
  4. Help! How do I balance a wonderful but exhausting day job with dancing?
    By Gypsy14 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 07-05-2006, 06:13 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •