I came across this site looking random stuff up on the Internet and I'm glad I did..
I don't really know where to begin., I just need some kind and helpful words from people who can relate and understand me, because it seems like no one else in my life can relate.
To break my long story short..
I'm currently 21 years old, I started dancing at age 18... 6 months after I had my daughter. I was in an emotional/some what physical abusive relationship with her father through out all of high school. He was horrible to me, called me slut/whore/bitch/cunt.. Etc whenever I went out with friends, spit in my face, pulled my hair, pushed me.. Etc...
I finally got the nerve to leave him & when I did I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to be independent I wanted to live on my own and support my daughter without anyone's help. I was broken hurt and had mixed feelings about my life and what I was going to do to support my daughter by myself. At the time I was living with my mom in her basement with my four siblings so the house was hectic. So a friend suggested that I stated dancing. I could never see myself ever doing that eswpecially in a town I grew up in my whole life... But I did it.
I auditioned and got hired on the spot... My first two days I made over $1,000 and was able to put a deposit on this nice apartment ice been wanting. Moved out a week later and not long after I started dancing I met this guy online. This may sound cliche' but we hit it off right off the bat and just had instant emotional and mental chemistry... He was perfect.
We both come from completely diff life styles.. He's from California, very popular, outgoing, raised well, owner of his own clothing company, sponsors shows for rappers... Then there's me. A broken and lost girl from the Midwest who strips and has a child.
Hw would stay up every night until 4am and talk to me after work, we would text constantly, I would cry to him telling him how depressed I was and how dancing has affected my emotional well being... He would always be there for me. Even if he was 2,000 miles away.. He understood me, and he accepted me as a person. He eventually peeled back my tough exterior and got to know who I really was inside.
When I met him I was anti-relationship. I looked at men how they looked at me.. Like an object. Didn't feel for them, didn't love them, I would play them. I would talk to multiple guys at a time telling them all the same things. I would have sex with them, then leave them. I wouldn't let myself ever become close to them.. Except for Parsa.. The one who was so differ t.. But why?
Aftwe three months of talking every day all day through calls/FaceTime/texting.. We were telling eschother we loved eachother. He bought a plane ticket to come visit me and meet me but I told him to cancel it.. He was heart broken. Wouldn't talk to me for weeks.
We we startedtalking again and I was ready. Ready to meet this insane human being that wants nothing more than to see me happy. We met and it was amazing. Love at first site.. He came a second time and met my family and had thanksgiving dinner with us.... The third time he moved out here.
Hes currently been living with me and my daughter for around 7 months now & I just got back from California for the first time. I met his family and friends and it went great. he's my soul mate and the love of my life.. But there's one problem.....
I'm a stripper. He understands my line of work and the money I make, but he doesn't support what I do. He loves me unconditionally and has cried hysterically in front of me begging me to quit dancing. I know it eats him inside and hurts him more than it hurts me.. But I can't get myself to quit. This is all I know. The money is so good and so easy it's all I know. It's like a security blanket that I can't ever let go of.
im so lost. Dancing has changed my relationship with everyone around me. I used to be so caring and so happy. I was full of life. Now I feel depressed and filled with empty ness. I'm stuck between being addicted to the life style and the money that comes with it, but I also feel like it's changed me as a person.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm just lost and depressed. I have no one to talk to about this type of work and I love and appreciate some insite. Does anyone else dance and also balances having a boyfriend? I need help and advice


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