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Thread: Best ways to say no without being rude?

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    Default Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Hi, I've only been to strip clubs a few times, so was hoping for some advice. I try to be polite and respectful of the dancers and don't want to waste their time. I also don't want to piss them off by saying something rude.

    So, what's the best way to say no in the following situations, without being a jerk?

    1. If a dancer asks if I want company, or a dance, and I don't want a dance from her, I just say "no, thank you" or "you are very pretty, but I don't want a dance, thanks". However, a lot of dancers just sit down next to me without asking. I'll have a nice conversation with her, but I know I don't want a dance from her, so I don't want to waste her time. What's the best way to communicate this without being rude? Or, should I just be nice, until she eventually asks for a dance, and then say no?

    2. Occasionally, a dancer will sit down next to me, start touching my thigh, and then start touching my crotch. If I don't really like the dancer and don't want her to, what's the best way to tell her to stop, without pissing her off?

    When I go to a strip club, I usually see a few women that are really my type and I want a dance from, so I'm only looking to get dances from them. Sometimes it takes a while until they are available, and while I'm waiting, I get approached by a lot of dancers. I'm just trying to pass this time without wasting anyone else's time.

    3. Also, if a dancer is sitting at the bar talking to another dancer, and I want a dance from her, is it okay to interrupt her to ask for a dance? I wasn't sure of the best way to go about this and didn't want to interrupt her if she was on break or something.

    Thanks in advance for your advice.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    1. I'm surprised that saying "no, thank you" doesn't work, but you could also simply say that you're waiting for someone else. While some dancers may think they can change your mind, IME most will leave the customers waiting for a fellow dancer alone. You could even say which dancer you're waiting for and who knows, maybe the dancer will be nice enough to go tell her.

    2. Move her hand? Tell her "no thanks"? If she's pushy, just say "please stop."

    3. Always ok to interrupt a dancer talking to another dancer if it's to give her money. We're independent contractors, so we don't get breaks in the traditional sense. If we're not on stage, talking to a customer, or giving a dancer, we're basically always on a "break." And I can assure you that we are always happy to be approached and offered money!

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Awesome, thanks Shanna! This is all really helpful. I appreciate it.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    You could just say that you are there to see someone else. Girls get pretty gun shy about making moves on another dancer's regular.

    I'm not very pretty (probably considered a 3-4) but sometimes a girl's worth in VIP goes deeper than pouty lips and and a tight butt. Maybe spend a couple of minutes talking to that girl who is less physically attractive but is able to seduce you in other ways.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Anything said after, "No, thank you" is said by the loser.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    "No thank you" works 90% of the time all by itself for me. Sometimes I have to say it two or three times for the understanding impaired, but it is what it is.

    If I said no and they sit down or rub my crotch or do/say anything else, I make it clear that, while I appreciate their efforts, I won't be buying dances or anything else from them. Once they realize that all the chatter, promises and crotch rubbing in the world aren't going to change my mind, they move along pretty quick.

    If they ask if they can sit down and I don't want them to, I tell them I'm not really looking for company now, but thank you.

    Now I am not harsh when I do these things. I smile, try to be as pleasant as possible and look them directly in the eyes. But I do move girls that I' do not want along very quickly. If a girl that I don't want tries to camp out, she is wasting my time in addition to her own and I no longer have the patience that I used to for that sort of thing. The ones that get pissed off about being moved along were not going to be happy with me anyway since I was never going to spend on them. As a customer, if you don't learn to "control your space" in a strip club, then your space will be controlled for you - usually by the most predatory and aggressive girls in the club.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Divorced, it is even simpler just to tell the dancer that you are not going to buy dances from her or that you are not looking for company at the moment. I know it seems rude, but truth be told she's won't like you anyway once she knows that you won't be spending on her, so in the long run you actually save yourself hassles by being direct.

    All you accomplish by using some lame excuse is to encourage her to come back again later or even allow her to amuse herself by challenging your excuse. For example, girls have become savvy to the "waiting for someone" excuse and some will ask you who, which just sucks you further into the rabbit hole if you were lying.

    Anyway, just a few thoughts fwiw and good luck.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    IMO no thank you doesnt work cause they come back later.

    Better line is im there to see so-in-so.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Others have already said it but "Sorry I'm waiting on someone" should work both for getting them to leave you alone and to stop rubbing on you. Even if you really aren't waiting on someone, and they ask who, just say you can't remember her stage name. If a guy tells me he's waiting on someone I immediately go away and I don't feel offended at all. I'm just happy he's spending on someone! On really bad nights even a simple "no thanks" can set some girls off at my club.
    And yes it's totally fine to interrupt dancers talking. If we have time to talk to each other, we are bored and would rather be making $$

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Money
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    "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn!"-C.S. Lewis
    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    I love pay to go away!
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    I also like, pay to go find (your fav).
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Used to happen all the time (not just myself; dancers in general that I worked with would also experience).
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    I can't let them get to rubbing my cock thru my pants because it's likely I'll let them go on. If they wont stop at NO, I'll get up and say I'm going to the john and then I just don't go back there.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    If they just sit down don't be afraid to say you are waiting for someone else. Myself along with any girl that's worked as a dancer any decent amount of time has heard it before from other guys and won't get offended. I'd appreciate that much more than you letting me talk for a while then saying "no" because time is money in the club and it would save me time to get back on the floor to other guys who could possibly like me and spend.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by catlover0106 View Post
    If they just sit down don't be afraid to say you are waiting for someone else.
    I've been kind enough to go and find someone of that customer's liking...because other dancers have done it to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    All you accomplish by using some lame excuse is to encourage her to come back again later or even allow her to amuse herself by challenging your excuse. For example, girls have become savvy to the "waiting for someone" excuse and some will ask you who, which just sucks you further into the rabbit hole if you were lying.
    I go into specifics when given the "waiting for someone else" line; "do you want a brunette/blonde/alternative/tall dancer? Right now, there's only X amount of us, tell me your type and I'll find her for you for ten bucks." If his type is not present, then I'll call on his BS. If he mentions a name, I either go find that specific dancer or tell him that she will back some other day if she's not really there. If nobody has that name, again, I call him on his BS.


    But please OP, do not string along dancers or say shit like "I want to see you on stage first". Just be direct and get to the point.





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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    I usually tip a girl right away. The clubs I go to are heavy on dollar parade, and this seems appropriate. Then you say have a nice night.

    If they ask if I want to dance, I say not right now or no thank you. I know not right now is apparently a bummer, but if I say not right now, I mean I don't dislike her, and I really might dance later if I don't find someone I like better. Long odds, but sometimes you want to keep it open in case she is the best option that night. And to be honest, the white lies go both ways. That I'm supposed to know a dancer doesn't really think I have a big dick or that when she gives me her number, it's so she can get me in on a slow night, but she's not responsible for understanding not right now is a bit of a blow off and not a promise that I'll dance later is not entirely reasonable.

    If she sits and I know I'm not dancing, I tell her I don't know that I'm doing dances. If she sits anyway, and seems nice and we chat, I buy her a drink. Girls might get 20 out of me for their time if they were pleasant and hung out long enough that I feel like they lost money. If they're lingering and shit gets slow in the conversation, her eyes start wandering, whatever, I tell her she doesn't have to hang around, and thank her for coming by.

    To be honest, saying shit like I'm not dancing after they sit or telling them they don't have to stick around because I bought them a drink makes things awkward. But I'd rather not waste our time, and it's nicer than I see a prettier girl, or I've danced with you before and didn't like it because you wouldn't let me play with you hair, or you told me philosophy was bullshit and meaningless 4 months ago and then went on about your hair like it mattered and you forgot we didn't quite along, but it's easier for me to remember because it cost me money, or I danced with you before and you tried to suck my dick and I'm not looking for that but don't know that I could say no again, but I don't want to act shitty to you because you probably don't feel great about it either. The emotions involved with a no thanks or not right now are involved and not worth bringing up with random women who aren't terribly interested in the reasons, just the end result.

    In a perfect world you say no thank you, she moves on, no hard feelings. In the real world, one of you makes the other one sad or annoyed or tired and you can't say no thanks or she can't hear it. That's going to happen like half the time, depending on your dispositions. You learn to deal with it. Or stop going. Masochism helps.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by DivorcedDude View Post
    Hi, I've only been to strip clubs a few times, so was hoping for some advice. I try to be polite and respectful of the dancers and don't want to waste their time. I also don't want to piss them off by saying something rude.

    So, what's the best way to say no in the following situations, without being a jerk?

    1. If a dancer asks if I want company, or a dance, and I don't want a dance from her, I just say "no, thank you" or "you are very pretty, but I don't want a dance, thanks". However, a lot of dancers just sit down next to me without asking. I'll have a nice conversation with her, but I know I don't want a dance from her, so I don't want to waste her time. What's the best way to communicate this without being rude? Or, should I just be nice, until she eventually asks for a dance, and then say no?

    2. Occasionally, a dancer will sit down next to me, start touching my thigh, and then start touching my crotch. If I don't really like the dancer and don't want her to, what's the best way to tell her to stop, without pissing her off?

    When I go to a strip club, I usually see a few women that are really my type and I want a dance from, so I'm only looking to get dances from them. Sometimes it takes a while until they are available, and while I'm waiting, I get approached by a lot of dancers. I'm just trying to pass this time without wasting anyone else's time.

    3. Also, if a dancer is sitting at the bar talking to another dancer, and I want a dance from her, is it okay to interrupt her to ask for a dance? I wasn't sure of the best way to go about this and didn't want to interrupt her if she was on break or something.

    Thanks in advance for your advice.
    I work in a club where dancers can be VERY pushy its sad a no thank you doesnt work but if i were you i would just say thank you but i know the girl im going to be dancing with tonight, that usually gets the girls to back off as even though they are pushy they very rarely disrespect another dancer and wouldnt take 'their guy'

    Second about the touching the thigh i guess we just presume guys like to be touched i would put my hand on hers so it stops and just maybe kiss it and say it has been lovely meeting you but im waiting for someone thank you .

    and thirdly yes yes YES not enough men approach their dancer of their choice we arnt physcic we dont know you want us we might not of seen you come in, might of seen you with another girl and thought ah im not like her so not his type , anything really so yes go approach her ! its not rude its great x

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by barbiecon View Post
    I work in a club where dancers can be VERY pushy its sad a no thank you doesnt work … even though they are pushy they very rarely disrespect another dancer and wouldnt take 'their guy'
    Yes, no point in sitting with a dancer whom you won't be tipping for time or purchasing dances. At some places you do run into dancers that are very pushy and sharky. Maybe in those extreme cases where the woman simply will not leave, I might be tempted to get up and go find a dancer I want. Maybe the first dancer would take the hint in that case?

    I know on my last night out, I had a dancer sit down with me. To her credit she did ask if I was sitting with someone, I told her yes and I turned around. Right behind me was the dancer I wanted with this look of horror on her face. She looked relieved when I told her she could sit down.

    It pays to get her to leave if you really don't want her there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flickdreams View Post
    I love pay to go away!
    LOL. I tried that with the cocktail waitress, but, it just meant that she still came back albeit after a longer period of time. Or maybe that trick only works on dancers?

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    You could always walk away from them if no thank you won't work.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    don't worry ,dancers used to nos, they might feel upset there for a sec, but that's not your problem . just be straight forward, it will be the most appreciated.

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    Default Re: Best ways to say no without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    I go into specifics when given the "waiting for someone else" line; "do you want a brunette/blonde/alternative/tall dancer? Right now, there's only X amount of us, tell me your type and I'll find her for you for ten bucks." If his type is not present, then I'll call on his BS. If he mentions a name, I either go find that specific dancer or tell him that she will back some other day if she's not really there. If nobody has that name, again, I call him on his BS.
    Exactly and you're far from the only dancer who will do something like this. Some dancers, like Wednesday, will graciously walk away when they hear this. But others, especially when they smell a lie, will dig in specifically to maximize the guys' discomfort.

    Now to be fair, I've spent so much time in clubs over the last 15 years that I'm very comfortable in them, so simply saying no or sending a girl away isn't too difficult for me. That wasn't always the case when I was younger and newer to clubs, so I understand how some guys struggle with it. But when a guy does not speak up when he is not interested, it hurts everyone, including him, the girl who is wasting time trying to sell him and even some other girl who could make the sale if the seat was open.

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