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Thread: please send me support

  1. #1
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default please send me support

    Please dont quote this!!!!

    I'm having a very tough time and am in the middle of intense personal counselling and couples counselling.

    I have major trust issues and often relate from the place of the world is coming to get me so don't get comfortable.
    I have been responsible for 80% of the expenses for months; and I'm about 4weeks from broke. My husband's debt repayments are so high! I wish he had told me before we moved into a more expensive rents property.

    I have PTSD which is so affecting my wellbeing. I live in a high stress state which makes molehills feel like mountains. I have struggled with depression cycles since childhood. I am trying to retrain my brain to look for the positives; but damn neural pathways are so ingrained. I have had suicidal ideation throughout this year with a frequency which I disturbing.

    And to top it off, I have lady issues this week which prevent me from working. Grrrr.

    I feel a bit sad reading this and also thinking of myself as a cry-baby. My mind us out to get me.

    I dont feel uber comfortable sharing in great detail the particulars but any words of encouragement, support, compliments, helpful advice or you own relating or stories would help.

    I'm not exaggerating when I say I'M questioning my sanity
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Moderator Genoveve's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    If it helps I think you seem perfectly sane. And you're not a crybaby, when shit goes south you're allowed to discuss it it doesn't make you hypersensitive. Do you feel pressure to seem strong to everyone around you?

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    I hold myself back from sharing with family because I worry that I will make matters worse. Sometimes I do make things worse. I have memory issues and my stress response causes my brain to switch almost immediately into flight/fight mode. I forget faces, names, events, of significant people and within minutes at times.

    Just finding it so hard to keep my head up. I feel dissatisfied and at odds with life.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: please send me support

    I really hope you feel better, it is difficult and share the feelings of being a crybaby, which you're seriously not! It becomes better regardless if sanity is on the line. Crying it out seriously does wonders..you're not alone. I am terrible with memory, even so when my mind is just one big scramble. Sometimes you just need to go blank for a moment to clear the cluster fuck.

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Being responsible for yourself and others in an unstable industry can make you insane - you are not alone - I'm sorry things are going so wrong for you - not knowing all of your circumstances all I can offer would be to stop the financial bleeding any way you can before it is to late - move - cancel ish - and have your husband take over his responsibility for his debt -- and sometimes crying makes you feel so much better - hugs bb

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    God/dess Nikki_Fox's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    stress is a powerful enemy - it can cause all of those things you mentioned - are you on any meds?

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Nikki is so right, this industry is unpredictable and can be REALLY stressful.
    I know how you feel, as the last 2 weeks were rough financially at work and right now I am in the same financial position (without busting out credit cards). It stresses me out beyond belief and makes me want to run screaming from dancing into a safe vanilla job. You are NOT a crybaby. That's a lot of weight to carry when you have a variable income. Depression makes everything harder too.

    I don't really have any advice without going into specifics but if you want to talk, PM me. Hugs.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: please send me support

    You are NOT a "cry baby" and you have no need to question your sanity, you have been going through a lot and you have handled it proactively and maturely. I would be going "out of my mind" literally, but you are an amazing person and I'm proud of your strength and resilience throughout everything. Health problems don't make hard times easier, it can often be the last straw and provoke these kinds of feelings. I hope you get well soon. I am ALWAYS here if you need a shoulder (or a breast ) to lean or cry on! x
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Not on medication, I have always been about treat the cause not mask the symptoms and avoided medication (this is not to judge those who medicate). I was on antidepressants for a few years in my late teens and again for a couple years about 4-5years ago. I wonder I my brain actually needs some kind of chemical reboot.

    I'm scared. The messages are helping and I appreciate everyone contributing. I'm picking up my phone and rereading them when I'm feeling panicky and its helping to feel in community.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: please send me support

    I carefully studied your post for any "no blues" admonition, but found none, so I'll add if I may;
    To me you seem conscientious, helpful, thoughtful, and intelligent. I hope I'm not the first to tell you that intelligence, while a great asset in some cases, has downsides, chief among them a constant feeling of otherness and a heightened susceptibility to stressors. If I had to go farther and speculate on the basis of a few posts, I'd say that the paranoia you allude to above is a result of you overthinking things, again a frequent side effect of high intelligence.

    I agree completely with your statement about neural pathways and bad habits, so let's assume that you're a good person, and intelligent, with a few learned negative behaviors, and let's make a few tiny tweaks :

    1. Actively support yourself every minute of every day. Argue against that little voice. You have reality on your side, so you'll win. Don't give in, and don't get tired. Use the power of your brain for you, not against you.

    2. Go over every real stressor and look for improvements, and go deeper and be more systematic. Renegotiate your husband's debt? Analyze your income? I can't make helpful suggestions but you will be able to find something you can improve. Celebrate your improvement. Anything counts. Clean the computer screen. Eat some broccoli, anything.

    You're in this for the long haul, you made it this far and you'll make it farther. Best wishes and best luck to you.

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Lubs U, Flickie!!! Pm me anytime, sweets & best to you.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Please look into cognitive behavioral therapy and or positive psychology/life coaching. Life coaching can be done in conjunction with psychotherapy. If you want to change your thoughts and actions into something more productive, CBT is very helpful.

    I feel ya girl! The past few years of my life is far from what I thought it would be and often I feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction. Which is kinda of sad cause I'm sure there are people who'd love to have my life but I feel pressure to have this ideal life and I'm feel far from it. But I have to remember to look at the bright side of things often to keep that positive momentum going.

    Take time, even for just a few minutes a day like right before bed to reflect on anything in your life you can be grateful for. And support from people you trust is helpful.

    Also knowing that whatever storms you go through are temporary and that you have the power to deal with whatever obstacles come your way. Sometimes I cry so much or so hard just that act alone helps me feel better when I'm done.

    And remember to continue to get some sunlight, eat healthy, and exercise if you can as this will help your mood as well
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 10-15-2015 at 11:31 AM.
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Ive done CBT. Its very helpful. And thanks miss.a.p1600 for your heartfelt post.

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    Default Re: please send me support

    In my experience, the people who are actually "insane" (I hate using that word - people who truly need immediate psychological or medical care?) are rarely aware of it. They don't get help or take action until someone or something forces them to. So the fact that you are aware of the difficulties you are having and are seeking help and support shows me that you are doing okay-ish. At least you shouldn't be questioning your sanity.

    Sending positive vibes your way!

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Is there any chance you can move into a cheaper place? Are any of your debts negotiable?

    I think counseling is a good idea. Try to get as much out of it as you can. Also, maybe you can see if you can get some financial counseling to help take care of your debt. Good luck!

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Try to think back to a time when you felt the same way you're feeling right now, but you got through that time and things improved. Tell yourself that this period of your life is exactly like that. Things suck right now, but you have to have faith that "this too shall pass."

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    Featured Member JenniferNorth's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Just sending hugs, love, and letting you know you are NOT a crybaby, not alone. Here if you need someone to PM and listen. I have been there before. I second what Nikki said, it's very difficult to care for yourself and someone else (esp. another adult) in this industry. Take care of YOU. <3
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Hugs. Nothing wrong with asking for support

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    Default Re: please send me support

    Pm me anytime or email Steve gran comedian gmail.com

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  38. #20
    Veteran Member buttonpop's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Speaking from experience here:

    I have gone through periods of serious depression, battled PTSD, and had panic disorder & severe anxiety. At my worst, I was experiencing constant panic attacks. I also questioned my sanity during this period in a huge way (I was experiencing sever derealization & depersonalization which definitely adds to the feeling like you're going crazy) but what aurora2 said is accurate: the very fact that you know something is wrong and are seeking help is proof that you aren't crazy, (Crazy people don't know that they are crazy, my therapist relative says) and that you're just experiencing mental health difficulties, but you absolutely can recover. You can. When I was at my worst, I asked my boyfriend to reassure me that things were going to be okay, that I was going to pull through this and become healthy again, constantly. Even if i didn't fully believe it, I'm convinced that that tiny glimmer of hope is what led me to keep on trying. I am so happy to say that I am now free from any symptoms of all of these major mental illnesses. I was 80% healed from my anxiety & panic disorder within several months after going to therapy and employing changes in my thought patterns. It took me longer to clear up the PTSD & depression because I was clinging to the circumstances of my old life and unwilling to change them; as soon as I did (several years later), I fully recovered from depression and all my PTSD symptoms within 4 months.

    The major things that helped me were:

    1. changing the circumstances of my life: things like distancing myself from toxic people (for the first time in my life, i feel 100% good about every single person i know!), living in a stable home that I was able to afford without having to rely on unreliable people, having a career that suited my needs and made me happy, going to school for a major that challenged and excited me (instead of for a major that I was doing because I thought it was the "right" thing to do and because I felt guilty for being alive and felt like I had to give back to the world instead of "selfishly" following my dreams), getting to the root of physical health problems and having a healthy & active routine, and other life changes.

    2. medication. I was on a VERY low dose of citalopram (10mg) for one year. It cut through my physical symptoms (rapid heartbeat, nightmares, panic attack symptoms) and let me focus on the root causes of my problems instead of being so effected by the physical symptoms that I couldn't function. I used be so anti-medication before, but when things got so bad I couldn't leave my house, I was desperate. It doesn't have to be forever, and it can't work if its the only thing you do. It needs to work in conjunction with therapy and other life changes. But it can be extremely helpful if your symptoms are so debilitating that getting help and making changes are impossible.

    3. positive affirmations & changing my thought patterns -- this is probably the biggest thing that got me through those horrible times, and it is the biggest reason I am where I am mental-health wise today. Your brain doesn't understand negatives, so you need to phrase your affirmations in positive terms, and in terms of what you want. "I am calm. I am okay." Must have been repeated in my brain every 10 seconds for three months. It made a huge difference, if only by crowding out all the horrible, irrational, disaster-thinking negative thoughts I was having. I still use positive affirmations and healthy thinking patterns today and I'm convinced its the fundamental reason I've been able to change my life around and am so fulfilled, happy and healthy today.

    There are two books that I cannot recommend enough. I am not exaggerating when I say they have saved my life. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and Restoring My Soul by Andrea Matthews.

    please, please, please buy these books right away. If you don't have the money, send me a link to an amazon wishlist in a message with these 2 books in your list and I'll buy them for you if you promise to read them.
    Do your future self a favor and work hard now.

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    Veteran Member buttonpop's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    Also, I coped this from where I posted it in another thread. Its from a book about healing depression without medication.

    1. Omega 3's. Get a supplement that is molecularly distilled and pharmaceutical grade. This one will be the biggest factor. Take 2 pills a day. Store them in the freezer if they give you "fishy burps" and that way they'll pass thru your lower intestines before they thaw.

    2. Stop ruminating thoughts. I'm sure there's lots of info about this online. If you have a new problem to work out or a recent thing happened that you need to think about, give yourself 10 minutes to ponder it. After that, you're just going over the same thoughts over and over and over with no new insights. It may help to download an app on your phone that beeps every hour or half hour, and use the beep as a reminder to pay attention to your thoughts and ask "have I been ruminating?". Avoid situations that foster rumination like sitting in traffic, watching boring tv shows, etc. Have plenty of distractions around. And if all else fails, simply repeating positive mantras over and over helps me a ton.

    3. Sunlight exposure. 30 minutes of a happy lamp each morning works wonders. Its not about the vitamin D (although taking 2,000 a day is great) its actually about some light sensors in your eyes.

    4. Social Interactions. Cut ties with toxic people and stop seeing people you tend to co-ruminate with.

    5. Good quality sleep.

    6. Exercise for 30 minutes a day, 3 times a week minimum. Make sure you're working out hard enough that its difficult to carry on a conversation easily. Even a brisk walk is enough.
    Do your future self a favor and work hard now.

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  42. #22
    Featured Member JenniferNorth's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    ^ This advice is all GOLD. Thank you buttonpop. #2 is esp. gold because I don't know how many times I have done that and it is so not healthy. OP, if that is something you want to explore further, Dr. Lillian Glass suggests wearing a rubberband on your wrist. Everytime you have these thoughts, snap the rubberband and say "stop the thought!".
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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: please send me support

    ^ I know her advice is amazing. I'm so appreciative of everybody contribting to this; I read it throughout my day and it keeps my mind focused on positive.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: please send me support

    I'm sorry you're going thru this but I'm glad this thread is helping you a little bit. One thing that helps me when I'm having any issues is making lists. It helps if I'm feeling stressed or depressed or whatever else. You can make a list of things you are grateful for to help you feel more positive despite what you're going thru. You can make lists of what is stressing you out and steps to deal with each one individually, which can help make your problems seem a little smaller and more manageable (a therapist had me do this once a couple years back when I was going thru a lot stuff at the time). You can also make a list of goals and that can help you look ahead at your future in a positive light. Something like a 1 year, 2 year, 5 year, 10 year goal list. It can also help you get out of the present for a moment and make you forget about the negativity.

    And someone else said this but crying helps as well. I never like to show people when I'm upset and I definitely do not cry in front of people. I rarely even cry when I'm alone. But every now and then when shit is just piling up and I don't know how to deal and I'm alone I will just let it all out. I definitely feel a little better and once I get all those negative emotions out I can start to think more practically.

    Hope this helps.

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    Default Re: please send me support

    You very much have your sanity. If you didn't, you wouldn't care or question it. I've had some major hardships in life. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Workplace harassment. Being robbed, conned, offered as sexual rewards while drugged for shoes by a friend. As hard as it is, you'll feel better if you're still able to see the world ass good place. Some people turn bitter and want to dish out the hurt they've been given. It's a lose-lose situation. Please have faith in karma. When I was in the eighth grade, I got bullied badly. I miserable the school year because of a deep depression and hospitalizations because of numerous suicide attempts. Due to my math skills, I still kept my gpa at a place where I'd graduate. Wasn't going through that shit again. I ran into two of the biggest bullies years down the road. One, when I was a nurse and a male bully was hospitalized after being gang raped by men. He was terrified as soon as he realized who I was, but I treated him with the same standard of care I would any patient who just survived such a trauma. Another was a female who gave me shit for being poor and hideous. She was the janitor in a glam photo shoot I got paid 75 dollars an hour to do. The photographer, knowing nothing about our past, shared with me that she applied for the position three times and got the housekeeping one out of pity. Also, that they had a huge number of applicants and I was chosen because of my long, naturally black hair-the number one thing she picked on me about. The story's almost over, but gets better. She parked on the street and got towed cuz she was there past the "move by this hour or it's 250" Mark. I used the money from the shoot to free her car. Well, gave it to her, anyway. Turned out it was in her ex's name, had no insurance, and the tags were expired. Plus, her license was suspended for failing to pay tickets. Irony, cuz she tormented me for being poor. I applaud you on not seeking meds, though they really help me. So, get the best therapy possible, have no shame in it, and know that misery will only be 25 percent of your life. You May be getting most of it out of the way early, like I did. We owe it to ourselves to hang around for the good 75 percent.
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