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Thread: FB? Losing friend

  1. #1
    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default FB? Losing friend

    Hey ladies, its nothing about camming this time..worse..FB drama? I hardly login to those social media sites, (In fact I am thinking of just quitting) It is just kind of boring and so much is going on right now and getting caught up in life that friends are pretty much being snooty and clingly. There is this one guy who is very sweet and we have been very close friends (nothing relationship wise, just friends) but he never really...got the hint. In fact he got pretty mad and using things like tickets against me. I had told him straight up in the past that it wasn't going to go beyond anything more, but I feel like he has always wished for more. He doesn't live near anymore as he flew many states away so contact is hard. I am in a super comfortable and relaxing relationship for 3 years now, and he asked questions like, "Are you still with him?" Its kind of..annoying, but I remind him I am. Is there a way of getting the point across without hurting his feelings? He is a great friend, we have played video games, gone on flee market hunts, leaned on each other for support during emotional issues (but he was supportive as a friend and helped me through some shit) I'd hate losing him as a friend, but I don't know what to do..I can't be friendly either like use happy faces or say missed you too, because I fear he gets the wrong idea.. I am Starting to think I should remove all friendly text, faces and anything that may be hinting something. He says things like "I miss you very much" or "I kept these glasses we had during the time we hung out." then I get confused about what to really say and it just spirals.

    As for FB, some friends are very short with me after I say hello from not taking a break from my business/modeling/personal complications

    Sigh, help?
    Last edited by BambiCutie; 10-17-2015 at 10:28 PM.

  2. #2
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: FB? Losing friend

    From personal experience, over several guy friends just like this, he's never going to "get it" while simultaneously continuing to be your good friend. He'll either keep being such a good friend while thinking that he's biding his time until he wins you over, or he'll finally accept the fact that he'll never have you and stop being your friend. If it's been literally years and even having a long-term, steady relationship isn't deterring him, there's no way to salvage that nicely.

    I've lost a few really good guy friends over the fact that they never got over their feelings for me, kept pushing, and when they finally internalized that all their hard work was for naught, they straight-up stopped talking to me. There's one right now who acts like he's my best friend, but when the day comes that I start dating someone else and he realizes I'm never going to be with him (despite me telling him very bluntly, several times), he'll disappear too. I honestly think this time around, I'm just gonna have to cut things off entirely myself soon because that's not even a friendship. That's draining, to have to watch every single thing you say or do lest they jump up your ass with false hope again.

    Honestly, I'm really not an advocate for the whole "women should know that guys aren't ok with being just friends" and "you're still 'leading him on' just by being nice to him" bullshit. These are grown-ass men. And if you tell someone straight-up "I'm not interested in dating you" and they say they're ok just being friends, even if they're not, that's on them. I shouldn't have to babysit an adult and his adult decisions and feel like some cruel "tease" because I kept platonically hanging out with someone who said they could handle it. But, real-talk, most of them can't handle it, and at some point you have to decide if the exhaustion of dealing with their hopeful fantasies is worth it. For your own sake, you should just be blunt and somewhat mean about how it's disrespectful to your bf for him to ask questions like that, and even if you weren't with bf, you two still wouldn't be dating, and let him get mad and walk away.

    However, if you don't want to have a showdown and feel like a bitch, the best you can do is just ignore when he asks personal questions or gets inappropriate, and he'll probably just disappear on his own then. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, but I've been through that circus a few times, and it seems like, for a lot of guys, the only way to get over someone is to cut them off. The longer they try, the more invested they feel and the more they feel slighted, and possibly internally stupid, for all the effort they "wasted" on you. It hurts to lose someone you thought was a good friend just because they can't seem to take a hint that nothing more is forthcoming, but better that than continuing to feel like you owe them something or be blamed when they get their feelings hurt despite your continual honesty.
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 10-18-2015 at 11:12 AM.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: FB? Losing friend

    Do you want guys POV? Totally ok to say no.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: FB? Losing friend

    Yeah you are going to have to be 100% upfront no chaser with this guy.

    Trying to be nice and spare his feelings could make things worse as he may misinterpret your niceness as giving him hope for a romantic relationship. You may just have to distance yourself from him and tell him you are busy working. Less time he spends talking to you hanging out with you the easier it will be for him to meet other people and fill his mind with other things than his affinity for you.

    Your boyfriend seems cool though as most guys would be jealous of long term male friends.

    All else fails tell him your boyfriend doesn't care for you hanging out with other guys if he's not around
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: FB? Losing friend

    You don't have a good friend, you have a guy who is waiting in line for a shot at you.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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