I've been on a long sabbatical from dancing- maybe three months? My car being stolen really nailed up that coffin. I ended on a bad note too, an empty Sunday night where I walked with $40.
I love my day job. I love helping people, I love my boss and co-workers, I love the body positivity and mental support of the place. But it doesn't pay very much and hours are limited. I take home about $800/month and after rent, phone, bills, student loan, I have nothing left over- often groceries and toiletries get paid for by my partner. I'm still paying off my taxes from last year's cash crop. Because I fiddled while the sun shone and all that.
I am rocking some kind of faux hawk, plenty of body hair (it's amazing how long those nipple hairs get when left alone), haven't worn makeup since I don't know when, and go to bed at 10 or 11pm. I don't know how to dance anymore, looking sexy in general throws me for a loop. I have a second partner- my girlfriend- who's been digging my soft butch look soooo....how to femme?
I've been dreaming about stripping. It would be so nice to have not only savings but also wiggle room for fun. For birthdays, dates. To be able to buy books, and donate, and invest in things I love. Also I fucking loved the ego trip. I miss being hot shit.
My close friend who works at the nicer (than my regular dive) club in town moved a few blocks away and goes regularly- which would make getting there real simple.
But I'm so nervous about it. I don't know how to get sexy, how to stand on stage for six minutes and not look dumb. How to be my own bouncer (this club is pretty shitty in that regard). How to be patient with assholes. How to not fall over in my heels. No fucking idea how to do my makeup or hair. I don't even listen to loud music by myself. I don't dance at concerts anymore. And if I do I'm moshing in jeans and a t-shirt.
So how did you get back in after a long break? How do you get your persona back? Your confidence? Your Hustle? I think I'm comparing myself to how things were before when I felt like a top dog, totally in control of image. Maybe I need a less fierce act- to try something sweet and soft instead? But can't afford new outfits...
ah shit guys, I'm all over the place.
Advice?



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