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Thread: Am I being too strict?

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    Default Am I being too strict?

    Just something I've been wondering about. Am I being too strict? I don't mind profanity, but the moment a guy refers to a girl (whether I know her or not) as a "bitch" or says something about "girls can be so bitchy" I lose respect for them. I won't say anything, I know that a lot of guys say this out loud in our culture, but any romantic/sexual attraction goes to 0% and honestly makes me wonder if something is secretly wrong with the guy. For example, a guy was talking to me about how his friend has a girlfriend who is "such a bitch" and another guy (who was dating me one time) say "guys just punch eachother and get it over with but girls can be so bitchy" and I am like... what did you just say? I feel like if a guy is so casual about calling people bitches (even if the person deserves to be called a bitch), it's only a matter of time until he turns on me and starts calling me stuff.

    Don't get me wrong, it depends on the context. I swear too, but I don't go around calling people names. I don't think it's a red flag if a guy is like "he's rolling in bitches" or "a guy needs to be ___, bitches love ____" because the word isn't used as an insult against someone in this context. I also don't feel the same way about girls calling each other bitches, it can actually be pretty funny because in the dressing room the girls throw it around in a light hearted way or even if they do call eachother a bitch they make up really quickly and it's not said in a super serious way. When girls insult eachother, it's NOT the same as when a guy insults a girl.

    I know that no one is perfect, but calling a girl a bitch is on a red-flag level IMO. Am I being prude? My crazy ex used to call me a bitch a lot before becoming violent so...


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    No, you're not being too strict. Guys who sling that word around usually either view women as inferior (and that includes 'he's rolling in bitches") or harbor some resentment towards them. You'll end up being treated badly by guys with either one of these issues, which I believe your mind already recognizes at some level. IMHO your loss of attraction to a guy throwing that word around is just a natural defensive reaction.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    No, you're not being too strict. Guys who sling that word around usually either view women as inferior (and that includes 'he's rolling in bitches") or harbor some resentment towards them. You'll end up being treated badly by guys with either one of these issues, which I believe your mind already recognizes at some level. IMHO your loss of attraction to a guy throwing that word around is just a natural defensive reaction.
    *sigh* thanks. It's good to be validated when a lot of times we're told we're too sensitive/demanding/whatever.

    Here's a wall of text lol but yeah technically "rolling in bitches" (and in extension "swimming in pussy") is still distasteful but I haven't seen it translate to how they actually treat women (yet, in my life anyway)... most of time they're saying that to be funny. The atmosphere is very different. I am sure guys say this kind of stuff to each other to be playful but even these guys have enough sense not to say these around women.

    But then there are those guys, who otherwise seem very well adjusted, suddenly call someone a bitch or has the nerve to say a whole group of people "can be bitchy"... very unpleasant all the way. Even if a guy does call someone a bitch or whatever... saying it right in front of me (or any other woman) thinking that we'll be cool about is just tactless.

    I've met women who deserve to be called "bitches" who backstabbed and threatened me before and it's still uncomfortable going "yeah... she was a bitch" so I don't get how casual these guys are about calling someone that. The girls that these guys call bitches are far from being "bitches" IMO, they might be catty/naggy/gossipy whatever, but they're far from actually being bitchy. Maybe next time I should just look them in the eye and go "That's not a bitch. You don't know what a bitch actually is."


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    No I think you just have a certain preference and that's okay. I do believe people who use profanity continuously are either younger or lower class. So if you are mature and or higher class then I could see how this would irk you.

    I don't use profanity as much since my younger days when I'd curse like a sailor around my friends. I only use it sparingly to make a point (because the connotation is stronger and more sensational) or to insult. Like I've called other dancers hoes when I felt even mildly angry or annoyed by them.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Too strict.

    Especially considering how guys get totally name called reemed here all the time.

    Dont mind that but its a 2 way street - its like the comedians that just goof on 1 party - either goof on both (cause it is very easy to do) or dont do it at all.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    ^^^But I don't think the OP is calling guys names of profanity. I could be wrong but she doesn't seem like she uses profanity, especially to describe men or she would have said that in her post.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    no, i'm the same way if a guy calls girls whores, sluts, or any gendered term that puts women down. and i HATE when guys use "rolling in bitches" or uses the casual term "bitches" to describe women, its just cringe-worthy and repulsive to me and shows complete and total disrespect. i dont even know if there's a gendered insult to describe ONLY men in this culture the way there are plenty to insult and put down a woman.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I think anyone who talks that way about women is a mental adolescent, not a man. Of course you lose all romantic attraction to them.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    no, i'm the same way if a guy calls girls whores, sluts, or any gendered term that puts women down. and i HATE when guys use "rolling in bitches" or uses the casual term "bitches" to describe women, its just cringe-worthy and repulsive to me and shows complete and total disrespect. i dont even know if there's a gendered insult to describe ONLY men in this culture the way there are plenty to insult and put down a woman.
    I agree w/ this 100%, perfectly put, Simone.

    At the same time, Idk. Sm times you gotta call it what it is. I think we have all seen 'that person' who is every name in the book, just all-round not a good individual, & I don't think there is anything wrong w/ calling that out.

    But I do think that's very different from what you're describing, OP. In the context you're talking abt, such words are used w/ the intent of dehumanising the persons they are directed at, & nothing abt that is OK. Cashmere Star brought up 'swimming in pussy' & it's the same thing. Treating a person + their body as objects that one can simply use then throw away …

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    lol I am not mature/higher class... I swear too (actually not in front of other people but in my own journals and in my head), but not at/about people. And no I don't call men names either, I don't call anyone names when I can help it.

    I attribute a lot of things to ignorance/thoughtlessness or just culture than malice. But calling someone a "bitch" has to be malicious to a degree and I question their character. I think that's why I get so uncomfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post
    I agree w/ this 100%, perfectly put, Simone.

    At the same time, Idk. Sm times you gotta call it what it is. I think we have all seen 'that person' who is every name in the book, just all-round not a good individual, & I don't think there is anything wrong w/ calling that out.

    But I do think that's very different from what you're describing, OP. In the context you're talking abt, such words are used w/ the intent of dehumanising the persons they are directed at, & nothing abt that is OK. Cashmere Star brought up 'swimming in pussy' & it's the same thing. Treating a person + their body as objects that one can simply use then throw away …
    Yeah IMO none of the situations explained by the guys warrant the bitch term. It's like these guys have never had difficult people in their life.

    I didn't know 'swimming in pussy' was that bad... I guess time to up my standards. My standards really have lowered after hanging with the wrong crowd.
    Last edited by Cashmere Star; 11-01-2015 at 09:43 AM.


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
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    Veteran Member buttonpop's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I am experiencing this right now with the new guy i've been dating. We went out with his friends for halloween and suddenly he's saying things like "she's a cunt" this and "what a bitch" that.

    It makes me wonder how long itll be till I'm the one being described as a bitch or cunt.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    No, you're not being too strict. Guys who sling that word around usually either view women as inferior (and that includes 'he's rolling in bitches") or harbor some resentment towards them. You'll end up being treated badly by guys with either one of these issues, which I believe your mind already recognizes at some level. IMHO your loss of attraction to a guy throwing that word around is just a natural defensive reaction.
    ^^ Rick sums this up nicely.

    "Stop being such a bitch." "Somebody's PMSing today." "God, she's such a cunt." etc., etc. are all in the vein of what you're talking about. The thing about these statements that strikes such a sour chord with me is how dismissive they are. Seriously, I've had people (most often men, but certainly not always) say all of those things and more, but when asked "why's that?" or "what's she doing?" the only response I get is usually "can't you tell? She's being a bitch/cunt/on her period/etc." And I don't know how that sounds to the rest of you, but to me that sounds like 'she's saying/doing something I don't like/approve of but can't actually put my finger on so I'm just going to demean/dismiss her existence instead of expanding on my thought in a useful way.' It's rude; it's degrading; and it's all too common.

    Works the same way with insulting men in a dismissive way--"God, what a douche." "What's he doing?" "Being a douche--obviously!" Well, that was informative. /sarcasm/

    The kinds of people who insult others in this sort way are most commonly people who haven't stopped to consider what their actual issue with the person is and, more often than not, haven't done the bit of soul-searching required to recognize that it's probably them who has the problem and not the person they insulted causing it. Discomfort and new things make people behave very poorly. Women in charge? They get called bitches. Men being too emotional? They get called pussies. You can play this game all day, but at the end of it all I see is an individual who has a personal issue to resolve and I want nothing to do with 'em--male or female.


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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I bet every single one of you could rattle off the names of at least ten girls you think are total bitches.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    I bet every single one of you could rattle off the names of at least ten girls you think are total bitches.
    True, but I feel that thinking it and saying it are two different things in this case. We all have thoughts we aren't proud of from time to time and we all have people we don't mesh well with for whatever reason, but the beauty of human communication is that it allows you time to process why you think something before you vocalize it. I like to call this phenomena brain-to-mouth-filtering, but some people call it being a mature, self-aware adult.

    There is a short list of people I know who have done what I consider to be some truly terrible things to myself and others. Do I mentally call them assholes/bitches/whatever in my head? Oh yes, I do. But I don't say it out loud because it makes me sound like a very negative person who talks shit about people and has some serious shit to resolve if I'm so busy dwelling on another person's faults that I have to tell others about it.

    Cashmere's initial point was that she finds this behavior very unattractive for some reason she couldn't quite pin down. The reason, as I see it, is how it makes a person come across. If one of the first conversations you have with someone is negative, you might suddenly wonder if they're like this all the time--negative, complaining, unhappy with themselves, projecting, difficult, etc.--and decide it's no longer worth it.


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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I have to agree with miss.a.p1600. I have employees that are 20s and 30s. We travel together sometimes, which creates a "work friends" vibe, and we've all used extensive profanity in front of one another, though never in a public setting. The other day on a Skype meeting, one of them (female) used the term "bitches" meaning, to her, "fun women". The 40 year olds were mortified, the 30 year olds stunned, and the 20s just laughed. It's like that song, I think it's called, "I Love It" she says, "I'm a 90s bitch". In my lifetime, "you're welcome" has changed to "no problem", so language changes. You can say "ass" on TV now, that word has lost its sting. Someone on here told me writing pussy is ok in mixed company; I think to teens the word bitch may not have an automatic negative connotation.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    Zeke,

    If you felt that way then why are you here? You must like getting reemed


    Quote Originally Posted by zeke View Post
    Too strict.

    Especially considering how guys get totally name called reemed here all the time.

    Dont mind that but its a 2 way street - its like the comedians that just goof on 1 party - either goof on both (cause it is very easy to do) or dont do it at all.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I'm
    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    I have to agree with miss.a.p1600. I have employees that are 20s and 30s. We travel together sometimes, which creates a "work friends" vibe, and we've all used extensive profanity in front of one another, though never in a public setting. The other day on a Skype meeting, one of them (female) used the term "bitches" meaning, to her, "fun women". The 40 year olds were mortified, the 30 year olds stunned, and the 20s just laughed. It's like that song, I think it's called, "I Love It" she says, "I'm a 90s bitch". In my lifetime, "you're welcome" has changed to "no problem", so language changes. You can say "ass" on TV now, that word has lost its sting. Someone on here told me writing pussy is ok in mixed company; I think to teens the word bitch may not have an automatic negative connotation.
    Interesting.

    You mention the woman saying "bitches" in the way to mean fun women. I think that is the difference to me, women saying the word in more of a positive or neutral connotation vs. men or women saying to mean something negative or insulting. I can't see a situation where men referring to women as bitches would ever be positive.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 11-03-2015 at 07:34 PM.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    ^^^I think I get it. Like it could be a grouping word for women in their 20s but young men who employ it excessively might have anger or insecurity issues.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    You are who you are. Personally, I love being called bad names but my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. Some guys love it some don't. I just find that sexually I love raunchy dirty talk.
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I really don't want a man to use profanity around me at all especially if we've just started dating...Unless he stubs his toe or something, I don't want to hear cussing unless we're getting it on. If he starts calling other women "bitch" around you right away he obviously has some kind of problem with females or he's really immature.

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    Veteran Member QueenBitch's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I personally don't care about all of that. I don't associate any negative connotations with silly words. they're just words. it all depends on the context in which they're used. My man uses swear words ALL the time and he still treats me with the utmost respect and takes care of me. I talk like a pirate too so :p
    Last edited by QueenBitch; 11-02-2015 at 12:57 PM.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    I have a very close friend who is 35 years old. He has lived away from home a total of 3 years during his lifetime. The man has got issues. I love him dearly but he is completely delusional when it comes to his own self worth vs everyone else LOL He will often times refer to women as bitches and sluts. Now I grew up with him and I know he has only had two girlfriends in all this time. He believes that women either fall into one of two categories and thats Bitches or Good Girls. I guess I must be the exception to his rule? He rarely gives out compliments to the women in our circle and will go out of his way to pay respects to other women. I think its a little mind game that he plays as a way of "punishing" me for choosing someone else as my life partner. His thinking is so basic sometimes that it prevents him from forming any romantic relationships with women. Again I love hims like my brother but it boils my blood everytime he starts with "Man these bitches out here blah blah blah" He's confused and insecure. Men who speak about women in this way have deep seated issues. He's my homeboy so I'm gonna be patient with him. He's going through a recovery and currently he's on the GOD is love portion of the journey. So while I've noticed that his use of the B word has gone down, I know he still has a certain level of resentment about the opposite sex. He's the only man I deal with that talks like this. But that's because he's my friend. The rest i just put on ignore.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    There are very few people I would actually call "a bitch" - and I have good reasons for the handful. I'm not immune from saying someone is "acting like a bitch" or "being a bitch tonight." I think there's a difference between complaining about someone's current behavior and actually classifying them, or all women, as "bitches." But that's just me. I also find it way more offensive to use the term "rolling in bitches" or "bitches be like..." than just calling someone a bitch, but the latter is also distasteful depending on the context.

    It's one thing if the guy can back up his statement, if he only calls someone a bitch once in a blue moon, with real reasons why he dislikes her. But if someone throws around the term so loosely all the time, of course it's unattractive. How soon until he's calling you a bitch because you did something fairly benign that he just doesn't care for?

    It also just shows poor judgment on their part to be talking about "bitches" in front of you. Do I throw around the terms "asshole" and "douche" sometimes when ranting amongst female friends or myself? Sure, and I'm sure guys do their own complaining using gendered terms among themselves. It's just letting off steam. But I have the common courtesy not to make comments like "guys are such assholes"... to my guy friends. That's just shitty. Why would you say that to someone of the opposite sex that you're supposedly cool with?
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    It is one thing if someone is referring to a particular individual with a personality deficit, it is something different if someone refers to an entire gender.

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    Default Re: Am I being too strict?

    You're not too strict at all. It's gross, disrespectful, hateful, and ugly. You're 100% right to make it a dealbreaker. Keep trusting your instincts, they're not wrong!

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