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Thread: Are you happy to be single?

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Are you happy to be single?

    I feel like I am becoming so scarred by my relationship that I could be single for years. I do think there are good men/women out there but fucked if I know where... I have my issues, obviously. I just don't know about whether I would attract a healthy relationship; or even recognise one.
    .

    Are you/have you felt like this about relationships, how long did it last?
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I don't like being single because it means lack of sex, but it's a lot better than wasting time and energy with a cray. If you're being so scarred by your current relationship, work it out or break up.


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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I actually was looking forward to being single, was excited about being single...I really wanted to "play the field" and just have fun, but this new relationship just dropped into my lap...and this guy is so amazing I couldn't pass him up.
    I do like that I still have a lot of independence though and plenty of distance from each other. He literally works 7 days a week now so It feels like a very healthy "part time" relationship lol
    I feel like all of my best relationships came when I was really Okay with the idea of being single and I was happy just being on my own. The most toxic came when I was feeling needy/desperate/lonely. Then you end up settling.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    /\ interesting. How would you liken that to phases within a long term relationship? Ie. Best relationships came when ok with single, most toxic when feeling desperate....
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Yes, I am happy t/b single..


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Yes, I am happy t/b single..
    "Ditto" all the way!
    Been single (after 2 marriages), for over 20 yrs......Loving it!!
    I admit that im way too set in my ways to deal with any guy's shit!
    Having lovers is way better, imo.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I went through the better part of the last year not being interested in romance/relationships at all. I really am happy being single. I get a lot more done and I know my time is mine without having to think about anyone else. It's been nice to be selfish the last few years and get back to who I really am after being dragged down by my last unmotivating relationship.

    I'm currently starting to feel like it's time to move on and start "looking" again. But, while I would be more open to the idea of dating now, I still don't put a lot of effort into it. If it comes, it comes, but I see no point in going on tedious dates and forcing myself to do things that aren't inspiring to me personally just because that's what everyone says you "have" to do to find someone. I think it's nice to be in a place of being happy being single while keeping open to a relationship, because then your standards are higher and you're less likely to surrender your awesome single status for anyone less than great.

    There's also nothing wrong with being staunchly opposed for awhile. My biggest, fastest periods of growth happened when I was single because, like I said, I'm free to focus on anything any day that I feel I need to.
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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Anything is better than being in a shitty toxic relationship. I'm ok with being single, but like someone said... not enough sex in my life. I can't just sleep with anyone either. It's hard to find someone I'm attracted to. Although I have my young hot model boytoy, he's not reliable and it's frustrating when I need it. Other than that, he's perfect for fun only. Beautiful from head to toe, 6'5", all muscle with stunning face and a.... uhum.

    So yeah, I rather be alone than being in a miserable toxic relationship. Would love to be in a happy relationship, but I don't want to "look" for it either. That has to happen naturally on it's own.

    Just be happy in the moment. No dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. I think this is why i look so young....no stress in my life. Lol.

    ETA - All I need now is a good SD who I have good chemistry with. Then my single life would be perfectly set with a SD and my boytoy! Lol. That's the good thing about being single. You can be shallow and greedy all you want. Lol
    Last edited by Vyanka; 11-02-2015 at 11:44 AM. Reason: eta

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    Senior Member mm621's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    After I ended my last long term relationship (4 years), I quickly entered a relationship that only lasted a few months. When that was all said and done, I was single for awhile. It was weird at first, but I enjoyed not having to answer to anyone or fighting about seeing my friends, and just doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't meet anyone until I became open to a relationship, though not actively pursuing one. That time spent being single allowed me to get over my relationship hang ups. Had I just gone from guy to guy to guy, I'd probably follow the same patterns of dating extremely controlling and insecure men (self fulfilling prophecy- if I believe that by being involved in a relationship, I would lose my freedom and independence, I would attract guys who would treat me in that way).

    I think that especially after a turmultuous/abusive relationship, allowing yourself time to be single and to clear your head is important.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I enjoy being single cause I hate answering to anyone and it's hard knowing who to trust sometimes. When I'm single I don't have to force myself to compromise or have sex when I'm not in the mood.

    I do miss out on intimacy and romantic love but if I feel love from friends and family that can be satisfying as well.

    I want to experience weddings and babies and in laws and the American Dream so eventually I'll have to give up the single life.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I like being in a relationship but I'm very much (too much) enjoying being single right now.

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I think it happens as you stay in a long term relationship, you get comfortable and take being single for granted in the early honeymoon stages. I found that healthy relationships come on their own with time, you never know who is going to be a gentleman. Most of the big, overly attractive guys I dated ended up being pigs, assholes or just not very considerate. Once I started dating various people with different personalities and looks I found very sweet men who would take the shirt off their back to keep me warm. When I connected with my long term we walked around from 1pm to 4am in the morning till the mall closed talking about everything, we clicked like a magnet on a fridge! Men/legit, caring people are out there in a huge endless sea of assholes..

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I'm not single but when I was I didn't mind it. Honestly, I'm not sure how I ever managed to get married. I suck at dating, I don't put up a front or hide anything about myself so people find me "sexy" I don't care who sees me without makeup on when I'm not working, and there are plenty of more unsexy things I do that I just can't think of at the moment.

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Sometimes I am. I love my freedom and the fact that I make more money in my line of work as a single woman. I am not the most emotionally stable person and being single feels much safer to me than being in a relationship. I dont care what anyone says, it is so much better to be alone than to be with shitty people! The longer you stay in a shitty relationship, the more damage it does to you. and no, they cant be "worked out". However, I'm not going to deny the shitty side of being single...the loneliness, the missing out on things, getting hit on constantly by scumbags, not getting sex regularly, having to do things all by myself with no help or support, etc.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    It's really good to hear these perspectives.

    Who has been married and long term? What made you decide to leave? Anyone experienced in polyamory?
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Flickdreams View Post
    It's really good to hear these perspectives.

    Who has been married and long term? What made you decide to leave? Anyone experienced in polyamory?
    first marriage: married way too young, incompatible...i wasn't attracted to him and hated sex with him. he was kind of a jerk to me and after humiliating me in public one day, it was the last straw.

    second marriage: dove right in after the best relationship I ever had ended with my ex boyfriend (who I admit I wasn't over yet.) I really wanted love and a baby. he seemed great at the time but I settled. you all know how that turned out.

    never experienced polyamory. I don't think it's for me though I have some friends from work who are in those kinds of relationships and seem happy.

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I'm not happy being single. I like being in relationship, but I want my independence too and that doesn't work for most guys. Most guys want my lips attached to their hairy ass to reassure themselves that their life is going their way.

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I love being single. It is so rare for me to find someone I am genuinely attracted to and when I do they never ever like me back, so I've kinda just learned to embrace the independance that being single gives me.

    As for polyamory, I was on again off again in a not exclusive way with my last ex after our proper relationship ended. The fact that there were always others in the background once we got re-involved was awful for me because I felt disrespected most of the time, so yea definitely wouldn't try it full time of seriously, but that is just my opinion.

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Coming out of an unhealthy relationship and being single, to me, was like being able to breathe again. It isn't scary, it isn't lonely, it doesn't involve sitting at home alone binge eating chocolate, growing your leg hairs and adopting 27 cats (...as tempting as that sounds ). It's actually really gratifying being a single, independent women with the opportunity to be selfish; it is OK to focus on yourself, your needs, wants, goals without having to factor anyone else into the equation.

    The fact that you are able to recognize and understand why your current relationship is unhealthy means that you know what you want and deserve and will endeavour to seek that out in your next relationship. Patterns can be broken, they don't have to be repeated.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Ahh ladies, hugs. Still trying to work it out. Head is a mess and trying to feel my way through. He admits his fault I just don't know if he is willing to be open; his choices have damaged things between us.... Not saying I haven't contributed at all but is he capable of expressing his inner self and not just act out when he has far and feels the disconnect between us.

    I am torn between seeing I we can come through this or not. The word part has been the ongoing lying of which last night he finally volunteered the truth, but will he just keep doing that?

    Can a separation help? Time to get into what I'm really feeling...
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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  37. #21
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Ahhh the spelling mistakes, sorry. The words are fear, if, worst.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    ^^^I have to ask, why the polyamory question?

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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    I'm a total stage 5 clinger, even after my first relationship (2 yrs) ended because he was an abusive rapist. I met my current SO on a 2 week drinking binge, after I was kicked out of my home, on tinder.
    It can be really easy to stay with someone who is causing you pain, it feels familiar and you can hope it'll get better, but it rarely (if ever) does. Moving on means you can live your life the way you want, and meet some one better, or just enjoy yourself and have fun.
    I can't understand how you're feeling, because I'm not you, but I know moving on really helped me

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  41. #24
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    Bahuba, because my husband believes himself to be polyamorous/not monogamous (which while I'm not jumping for joy is something I would be willing to journey with after educating ourselves and setting some boundaries). This has come to light I an extremely damaging way at an already very unstable time for us as a couple.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Are you happy to be single?

    ^^ Aw lady I'm so sorry, that is so tough to hear. Honestly I would say that if it makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, do not do it. I thought I was cool with it, but I really wasn't and my ex partner made me feel guilty and "not progressive" for it, but seriously don't be pushed into a bad situation. People like what they like and what it comes to personal relationships you should always do what makes you comfortable.

    Also something very very important to note (and I know this from people who are in successful Poly relationships) is that Polyamoury is NOT and excuse to cheat gratuitously. He would have to give you just as much love and support as whoever else was in the relationship. It does not mean that his love to you can stop, or that his attention can be minimized. That's what makes Poly relationships work, the EQUAL sharing of love and affection between parties.

    I have a feeling he may be trying to use the Poly thing as a way to stop things between you guys or minimize them, but that will not work. I really think you need to take a long hard look at things and just think about what you need before the situation escalates and you find yourself in a really uncomfortable place.

    Sending hugs and strength to you, PM me if you need to talk, vent etc xx

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