I'm sorry for the lame "husband doesn't support me dancing" thread. I'm just at a loss and I need somewhere to get it all out. I don't know how I let myself be put in this position and now I don't know how to get out of it. I think it boils down to being foolish, naive and not listening to my gut.
For some context... I am 22, husband is 37. We live in Canada and I am currently on maternity leave till July 2016.
May 2014 - Working full time vanilla job Monday to Friday. Started dancing Friday/Saturday nights and after dumping up my cheating ex. Best decision ever!
July 2014 - Enjoying my freedom and new found financial independence. Working hard to pay off my debts accumulated while with my ex, with the goal to save up a hefty amount to go to university. Then walked in the man that would become my husband. I knew better not to date customers. But for whatever reason I thought he (we) could be the exception to the rule. It honestly seemed that way at first. I made it clear what my intentions were in terms of dancing... and I let him know from the beginning that I would not quit my job for him. He said he was okay with that as long as I continued to work at my no-contact club. What seemed like bliss ensued. Then our relationship began to move super quickly.
December 2014 - By this time he practically lived with me. There had been a few spats about my job by this point. I made it clear several times if he didn't like it or couldn't handle it he could leave. I stopped trying to cultivate any regulars as contact with customers outside the club made him uncomfortable. I tried to text with him more often throughout my shift as long periods of silence made him worry... no matter how many times I reassured him that I was just busy making money. Then BAM! I found out I was pregnant. Instantly I thought I was going to have an abortion, it wasn't in my "plan" to have a child, yet. Especially not with a man I had only knew for a few months. For whatever reason I changed my mind. We agreed to enter the journey of parenthood together.
March 2015 - We bought a house together. By now he asked me if I planned on continue dancing. Being a pregnant whale I told him no, I don't believe so. This is where I made my fatal error. I knew I missed dancing. I miss the cash and I missed performing on stage. I use to dream of the time that I could do it again once more. Ignoring my gut instinct we continued to press on.
July 2015 - We got married. Again, foolish on my behalf. Being 22 I had this idealistic dream that I would spend the rest of my life with the father of my unborn child. 36 weeks pregnant we got married in front of our families.
August 2015 - My son was born. Life was going well. Both of us happy as could be. Totally in love with our little boy.
October 2015 - I expressed my desire to return to dancing and shit went down hill. I had been keeping to myself for weeks by this point... knowing he would be unhappy about this revelation. And low and behold when I told him he threatened to divorce me. Apparently the only reason why he married me was because I had said I would not go back. It was a huge fight unlike any other we had ever had before. For this first time I saw I totally different side of him. He called me a stupid bitch when I told him to go get his papers. (This was not the first time he used our relationship as leverage in a fight, and I was pissed that he was yet again). He then proceeded to throw our son's swing at the tv... breaking it. Not once in our relationship had he exhibit any violent behaviour or name calling.
As of right now we are at a stand still. I don't speak about my desire to dance again. It's almost like we are pretending the fight never happened. But the scars are there. I had no plan of becoming a wife and a mother at the age of 22. My goal was to get out of debt and go back to school. I didn't want to be trapped at my shitty job making $40,000/yr for the rest of my life. Obviously there has been some major changes to my plan. Not for a second do I regret having my son though. Yes it would have been nice if it was a few years down the line, but that is not what happened. I don't know what to do about my husband though. I told him from the beginning I wouldn't quit my job for him and somehow I ended up in a position that I did. I feel like my dream of going back to school is over. I have no clue how I could possibly finance it without going into terrible debt. Everyday I feel the resentment build, and it eats away at me all day long while I am at home taking care of our son.<br>Our household income of $80,000+ means we are not struggling to put food on the table, but I feel like we are one emergency away from being in that position. Financial stability means a lot to me. If something were to happen to either one of us we would be screwed. I just don't know if financial stability is worth the cost of my family. I don't know what I have done. I'm just scared and I am angry. It eats away at my happiness and consumes me all day long. Just until my husband gets home and I put my game face back on.
It could be worse I guess...



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