Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: My parents found out

  1. #1
    Member amiranda's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    65
    Thanked 25 Times in 10 Posts

    Default My parents found out

    So I told my cousin in confidence about dancing and she told my parents. My parents freaked and started telling me I needed to quit and that they would help me with my finances. I explained how I've always appreciated everything they've ever given me but I don't want to take anymore. I told them how much the job has helped me financially. I explained that it's helping me reach my goals quicker. My mom told me not to speak to her until I quit. My dad told me I'm taking the easy way out by showing my "pussy to nasty old men" my sisters and cousins keep telling me I'm making a terrible decision by choosing dancing over family. I hope this gets better soon. It all happened last night. They knew I worked at a strip club but I told them I was a waitress. They weren't happy with it but accepted it. I hope they accept that I dance soon also. I hate feeling like I've made a mistake when I haven't. I hate feeling like I've disrespected my family when I haven't. I'm doing this for me. It has nothing to do with anyone's feelings. It's just the income and I really hope my parents will understand that soon

  2. #2
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Should have never told anyone including your meddling cousin. Loose lips sinks ships and you're finding out the hard way.

    Now you're going to have to quit to appease them or you can move then tell them you quit but keep dancing in secret.

    I don't know. Unless your parents are wealthy and cutting you out the will then I would not take their offer and just let them be mad. They'll eventually get over it.

    You're a grown woman now and in many cultures having your parents support you financially is not cool and strips you of your freedom and independence.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  3. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Featured Member
    Joined
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,809
    Thanks
    2,282
    Thanked 3,638 Times in 1,173 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    I agree. Just move out and tell them you got a new job. I wouldn't quit for anybody including my family.

  5. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to 22lligm For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2010
    Posts
    1,096
    Thanks
    517
    Thanked 1,272 Times in 520 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    I'm truly sorry you're going through this. Family problems as a result of the stigma can be a huge hurdle for some girls depending on the kind of family they come from. This may not get better right away, it may take a lot of time, and possibly even some family therapy or a few difficult discussions, as there are so many factors affecting parents' perceptions of the adult industry. I would suggest that you give your family some space initially, especially given your mom's request, so that they can start processing the information on their own and you can avoid any emotional eruptions that may result and bring further conflict. After 2-4 weeks you could try taking your mom out for coffee or something, just to spend time with her. I found that continuing to spend time with my family after the initial fallout had settled in the most "normal" contexts possible, and continuing to communicate with them about things OTHER than dancing like your outside goals and progress in life will help them understand that your dancing does not define who you are. Basically they are initially going to be scared that dancing has transformed your personality because society and the media presents the population with very narrow definitions of what "strippers" are. If you can show them you are still the same person, this is where they will start to calm down and you will perhaps be able to address the matter again with one, or both parents.

    Your family is replicating the same situation that derailed me mentally for a good year or so: the "choice" between family and dancing. Functional families do not do this. However, society mandates a lot of "approved" dysfunction in this area--the idea that no parent would "let" their child work in this kind of environment--so your parents will have to be able to go against this norm with accepting your dancing. Understand that isn't going to be easy for them to do. Once their initial anger has faded you can start communicating and addressing this dysfunction--it's too early for that now though while emotions are still running high. Ensure you have an excellent support system in place now, to smooth over everything is a huge challenge, it can be done, but you will feel much stronger with a few others in your life to help you through this time when your primary support system (your family) may not be as reliable. Hugs You'll be alright eventually!
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Odette For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Member amiranda's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    65
    Thanked 25 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Quote Originally Posted by 22lligm View Post
    I agree. Just move out and tell them you got a new job. I wouldn't quit for anybody including my family.
    I'm already moved out so it hasn't been too bad

  9. #6
    Member amiranda's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    65
    Thanked 25 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Thank you so much odette!!!!

  10. #7
    Member iamthefox's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Baltimore, MD
    Posts
    48
    Thanks
    320
    Thanked 68 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Quote Originally Posted by Odette View Post
    Your family is replicating the same situation that derailed me mentally for a good year or so: the "choice" between family and dancing. Functional families do not do this. However, society mandates a lot of "approved" dysfunction in this area--the idea that no parent would "let" their child work in this kind of environment--so your parents will have to be able to go against this norm with accepting your dancing. Understand that isn't going to be easy for them to do. Once their initial anger has faded you can start communicating and addressing this dysfunction--it's too early for that now though while emotions are still running high. Ensure you have an excellent support system in place now, to smooth over everything is a huge challenge, it can be done, but you will feel much stronger with a few others in your life to help you through this time when your primary support system (your family) may not be as reliable. Hugs You'll be alright eventually!
    I agree that this comes from a place of dysfunction. My parents found out because my jilted ex called my father and told him, probably to try to make them disown me. They didn't, but I was met with much vitriol on the matter. Ever since, we just haven't talked about it, but I haven't stopped... and I have no idea what they would say. What I only came to terms with recently is that I'm not sorry either. The only reason I ever felt bad about doing it was because I felt the need to hide it from my family. If you can't make it work with your family, I second moving on, achieving your goals, and creating a new support system.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to iamthefox For This Useful Post:


  12. #8
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,995 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    I've been there, girl. People judge and are afraid of anything they know very little about. I had my own judgments and assumptions before I entered the industry. But obviously it feels terrible to be on the other end of that judgment. Especially when it's coming from people who were supposed to love you "unconditionally." When you love someone, you're vulnerable to what they say about you. It's only natural.

    You know in your heart that what you're doing right now is the best option for your situation. Your perspective of stripping is logical. You family, on the other hand, is reacting emotionally, not logically - and you won't be able to have a productive conversation with them about this for a while...perhaps not ever.

    We're here for you.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to charlie61 For This Useful Post:


  14. #9
    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2014
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,046
    Thanks
    4,135
    Thanked 2,799 Times in 862 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    If I were you I would be pissed off at your cousin, to the point of not speaking to her. What she did was so immature and unnecessary. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like what you are doing is wrong, only you can be the judge of that. You are an adult woman working a completely legal job and you have your reasons for doing it. It's not like you are a drug dealer or a prostitute, all you do is dance naked for men. Big deal! When will society grow the hell up and stop treating strippers like we are criminals?!

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to EastCoastDancer01 For This Useful Post:


  16. #10
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    118
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked 97 Times in 46 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Quote Originally Posted by Odette View Post
    I'm truly sorry you're going through this. Family problems as a result of the stigma can be a huge hurdle for some girls depending on the kind of family they come from. This may not get better right away, it may take a lot of time, and possibly even some family therapy or a few difficult discussions, as there are so many factors affecting parents' perceptions of the adult industry. I would suggest that you give your family some space initially, especially given your mom's request, so that they can start processing the information on their own and you can avoid any emotional eruptions that may result and bring further conflict. After 2-4 weeks you could try taking your mom out for coffee or something, just to spend time with her. I found that continuing to spend time with my family after the initial fallout had settled in the most "normal" contexts possible, and continuing to communicate with them about things OTHER than dancing like your outside goals and progress in life will help them understand that your dancing does not define who you are. Basically they are initially going to be scared that dancing has transformed your personality because society and the media presents the population with very narrow definitions of what "strippers" are. If you can show them you are still the same person, this is where they will start to calm down and you will perhaps be able to address the matter again with one, or both parents.

    Your family is replicating the same situation that derailed me mentally for a good year or so: the "choice" between family and dancing. Functional families do not do this. However, society mandates a lot of "approved" dysfunction in this area--the idea that no parent would "let" their child work in this kind of environment--so your parents will have to be able to go against this norm with accepting your dancing. Understand that isn't going to be easy for them to do. Once their initial anger has faded you can start communicating and addressing this dysfunction--it's too early for that now though while emotions are still running high. Ensure you have an excellent support system in place now, to smooth over everything is a huge challenge, it can be done, but you will feel much stronger with a few others in your life to help you through this time when your primary support system (your family) may not be as reliable. Hugs You'll be alright eventually!
    @
    Your family is replicating the same situation that derailed me mentally for a good year or so: the "choice" between family and dancing. Functional families do not do this. However, society mandates a lot of "approved" dysfunction in this area--the idea that no parent would "let" their child work in this kind of environment--so your parents will have to be able to go against this norm with accepting your dancing. Understand that isn't going to be easy for them to do


    @

    I wish I could bold this part.Anyways,it got something more than just parents "letting her" in that environmental per se.I think it really boils down to what society,and the parents peers think of the parents parenting skills,if someone finds out their daughter is a dancer. People might think: "Oh God their daughter is a STRIPPER.Where did they wrong in raising her?They must be shitty parents."

    They either think that,or the parents might have abused her.

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ivy Love For This Useful Post:


  18. #11
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2010
    Posts
    1,096
    Thanks
    517
    Thanked 1,272 Times in 520 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    ^and in some cases that may well be true. My family personally was always quite obsessed with "image" and "achievement". So in any other similar type of family environment I can definitely see how the parents view their daughter stripping as either "retribution" or "criticism" for their parenting. Its really more to do with meeting goals and achieving independence and success. And I think maybe when a girl comes from a less than privileged background, she's either damned if she does and damned if she doesn't: she will receive either criticism for not living up to these kinds of families' high expectations or she will be met with jealousy and contempt if she is successful in her stripping endeavours and does achieve her goals through these means because they are not necessarily "right".
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to Odette For This Useful Post:


  20. #12
    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    1,445
    Thanks
    649
    Thanked 3,393 Times in 970 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    You're not choosing dancing over family. THEY are choosing to ostracize you because of your LEGAL career choice. Make sure they understand the difference. The best way to handle the situation is to acknowledge their discomfort and tell them that you never intended to share this part of your life with them. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, so to speak, so you've got to just get on with life. Leave the door open for them to reconsider their position, but you have to do what is right for you and you alone.

    I would leave them with this one last thought: Are you really going to disown your own family member over a job? It's just a job.

  21. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Tourdefranzia For This Useful Post:


  22. #13
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,995 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube
    Love this metaphor!

  23. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to charlie61 For This Useful Post:


  24. #14
    Senior Member LegoMoney's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    152
    Thanks
    323
    Thanked 533 Times in 126 Posts

    Default Re: My parents found out

    Quote Originally Posted by amiranda View Post
    I'm doing this for me. It has nothing to do with anyone's feelings. It's just the income

    ^THIS^ is all you really need to remember when it comes to this situation.

    Geez..... There are so many good points in this thread.

    I've always looked at it like this: My parents have never had the means or been willing to provide for me financially in a significant way. Much less fund my overachiever dreams. Even if they were, I am not willing to give away my independence in exchange. My best friend lives the "good girl image" life. Her parents still contribute significantly to her monthly expenses at nearly 26, BUTTT.... she still has to sneak around to see her boyfriend or ask permission to go to the nightclub (HA!!) Needless to say, I can't live that life. So, I dance. I would never get off the pole for my family before I was ready to. Do NOT apologize for doing the things necessary to get yourself to the NEXT level in life.

    Odette, brought up an interesting point about her family's obsession with image and achievement (Mine is too.) It's so ironic because strippers kinda excel in these categories. Sure, there are some fucked up, drug addicted, bad mom strippers out there. But the strippers who have made the most out of this opportunity are in college, holding down vanilla jobs in booming fields, have purchased homes, have savings, own businesses, etc. (achievement) All while dating or being supported by America's lawyers, bankers, stockbrokers, doctors, and professional athletes. We travel to cool places wheneverwe want, have impecable bodies, dress well, and can work a room like a politician (image). Even if a stripper has only enjoyed moderate success in this game, her bills are paid every month on time, she has extra for savings, and she is able to fund her goals Most regular fucking women can't hold a candle to us.

    So girl, do you.

    And btw, showing your pussy to "nasty old men" is definitely NOT taking the easy way out....... (lol)
    "I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."

  25. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to LegoMoney For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Escort Emergency! My fiance's parents found out everything
    By MidWest_Companion in forum Other Work
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 12-11-2013, 02:46 PM
  2. My BFs Parents Found Out Im A Stripper
    By iambonbon05 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 11-17-2008, 10:56 PM
  3. My parents found out and they are going crazy
    By mollyzmoon in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 06-07-2008, 07:39 PM
  4. parents found out!
    By sexysydney in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 05-30-2008, 10:40 AM
  5. Replies: 41
    Last Post: 01-08-2005, 06:36 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •