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Thread: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

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    Veteran Member CharlieTen's Avatar
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    Default Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    All my friends know I cam and think its cool. I told my mum and she hates it and refuses to talk about it anymore, but she also said I should tell my dad. They are divorced. I've been lying to him for the past 4 months saying I'm doing market research, which I do dabble in occasionally. I love him but we have never had a deep conversation really so telling him I work in the sex industry might be too much...

    Here's the thing. I agreed to go on an 8 hour car journey alone with him each way to see his side of the family on christmas. I haven't seen any of them in about 2 years.

    My question is, do I tell my dad? Do I keep lying? Do I lie to my whole 15 person+ family? Drunk? On Christmas day?

    Help me bbs! Hate lying but dont wanna tell family D:
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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    I only tell those who I feel need to know. At the moment that is only 2 people, another person who works as a camgirl and my long-term boyfriend (10+ years).

    Seems to me a lot of trouble can come from vonunteering that info. Someone may find out on their own but I see no reason for me to broadcast it. This world is too closed minded as a whole and I feel its none of their business.

    I don't know the full details of how most of my family/acquaintances make their money either.

    If it bothers you that much sell something you enjoy using yourself like pampered chef or Avon or something. Might even make some money and if anyone harasses you for details on what you do, harass them to buy! haha.


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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    It's a bloody nightmare lying to a whole load of family who you never see and don't really know. Your Dad is one thing, but the rest of them. Arrgh.
    I went to visit my extended family the other year. 20 odd of them. Hadn't seen them in years and they were all asking what I do for work! I lied, that side is very religious and straight. They couldn't just accept what I said, they wanted more information and kept asking more questions. I had this conversation about 10 times that day. Bloody nightmare and I'd rather not see them.
    Can you tell that it was a traumatic day? LOL

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    If you want to tell him, I would not do it on Christmas.

    What will you get out of telling him? Will it bring you guys closer? There's an intention behind everything we do so ponder on that.

    I think a lot of people feel that if you don't tell certain aspects of your personal life then you're lying because we're so conditioned to put it all out there. There's a big difference between honesty and disclosure. You can be honest with what you choose to share on your own terms yet it's completely okay to not share what you don't want to.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
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    Veteran Member CharlieTen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    I only tell those who I feel need to know. At the moment that is only 2 people, another person who works as a camgirl and my long-term boyfriend (10+ years).

    Seems to me a lot of trouble can come from vonunteering that info. Someone may find out on their own but I see no reason for me to broadcast it. This world is too closed minded as a whole and I feel its none of their business.

    I don't know the full details of how most of my family/acquaintances make their money either.

    If it bothers you that much sell something you enjoy using yourself like pampered chef or Avon or something. Might even make some money and if anyone harasses you for details on what you do, harass them to buy! haha.
    To be fair, I say some believable bullshit to strangers. I genuinely do mystery shopping and writing movie reviews when I can. But I agree, society has such bad stigma towards all sex workers.
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?


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    God/dess Issabelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Telling relatives = no fly zone for me

    They'd have an aneurysm and disown me for at least a week before they'd get over it. Well, my dad would get over it and understand my reasons, but he'd absolutely hate me doing it at the same time. My step-mom would probably never get over it at all. My sister is a giant question mark that could go either way. The extended family? lol, hell no. Friends? MY good, close, personal friends all know about my job and support it. However, I have people who I've considered 'good friends' if not 'good, close friends' that have trash talked the hell out of me when they found out and then been sweet as pie to my face. Being out is a crap shoot and you never know what the response will actually be.

    The important thing is WHY you want them to know--for your own peace of mind, for the sake of honesty, or in hopes that they'll accept what you do? Only you can answer the why question. I think a lot of us get burned out on the secrecy of the industry, whether we admit it or not. Most people can freely discuss their jobs, trade war stories, and share a laugh. Hell, after 'what's your name' and 'where are you from' the most common question new people ask is 'what do you do for a living?' It can be rough having to lie or evade when it's with strangers; it can feel out and out wrong to do it with close family/friends. That said, there's a reason we keep it quiet and that reason is very understandable--at best, they accept us for what we do with no issue; at worst, they disown us forever; somewhere in the middle is shame, disagreement, ridicule, etc. Secrecy is a self-defense mechanism in this industry for a reason, and it's not all to do with creepy men who have entitlement issues.

    If you want to share, then do share by all means, but be prepared for the fullest extent of the blow back. Don't share because your mom makes you feel like you have to. Don't share because you feel guilty. Share because you WANT to do it, regardless of the response it receives. If it's not something you do 100% for yourself, you may come to regret it later.

    In terms of how you do it, I suggest it being somewhere private where you have a clear route of escape if it goes badly. I mean, imagine your father disowning you, over the holidays, eight hours from home and with no way to get back. That's a nightmare scenario. Like coming out in any other aspect of your life, you need to be safe and secure when you do it.


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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Camming is your income. It's just a job, nothing more, nothing less. I personally don't think you should tell you father, especially not in an 8 hour car ride both ways, and before he proudly introduces you to his family. I'm not saying that camming is something to be ashamed of but there are just some things I feel people don't get and it should be kept to ourselves or talked about when the time is right. Like Marina said, big difference between lying and disclosure. No one is paying your bills so they don't need to be all up in your private affairs.

    I'm sure we all hate disappointing our relatives, especially our parents but they also both had a hand in how we turned out whether they admit it or not. You're an adult, you decide what you wish to tell but I certainly don't think this is a good time to tell him. I say enjoy your holiday, if he asks about work speak on it briefly, mention things that you actually do (we market researching clients and fetishes, right? lol ) that pertains to work. Maybe your mom will spill the beans and tell him herself but that decision is really yours to make. He might even know already, lol. I say relax, enjoy your father and family's company and have a good, no stress holiday. Ugh, it sounds like something out of a movie. Having a jolly car ride with your dad, you tell him you're a cammodel and when you both arrive at grandma's house, he's pissed and you're feeling judged not to mention the awkwardness that will ensure over dinner. No thanks, enjoy just being with your dad!

    When my father asked me after my ex tried outting me I denied it but I told him even if I did cam, my ex was being a total hypocrite by purchasing cam sessions himself and my father completely agreed. He's super chilled and laid back so I think if I did tell him, he'd dislike it but he'd still accept me. However, I prefer to keep my personal/work life, private.




    Believe In Your Brand



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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    As a child you are going to make many decisions in life that your parents will not like or agree with, this is life. Happens in every generation. Parents are supposed to love you no matter what, but not always to agree with your life choices. I am sure most of the concern is for your safety. Our parents were all young once and rarely angels who never disappointed or upset their parents. Just go ask Grandmother, she will give you the low down. -My Grandmother used to call my Dad "Jesus" cause ALL the girls loved him, he never had less than 3 girls in the car with him at all times.

    The rest of the family, it will just be gossip. Drinking or being drunk is NOT the way to do it.

    My friends all know, but then I know all their skeletons in the closet too. LOL When it comes to new people rather be upfront & know from the beginning so that I dont waste my time, my energy on a person who would condemn me for things we ALL KNOW they watch porn, send nude pics to boyfriends & record themselves fucking. Can't stand a girl who was my neighbor, school teacher by day, drunk, drug addict with boyfriends that brought over under age girls to do threesomes with or black men to crawl in bed with her once she passed out & fucked her without a condom. She was puritanical while sober but total slut with no morals at all when high or drunk. Think I'm going to waste my time being friends with her? NO NO NO NO NO She wanted to be friends then tried to talk trash about me to the neighbors. Neighbors who all had my back.

    You chose this job, you knew it was scandoulous which added to the mystic of it all. You also have to be a big girl & deal with close family members about it too. There is always a price to pay, just like a Doctor has to spend years in schools, run up all kinds of student loans & debt, intern & then work 60 hours plus a week for a decade or more. There is a price to pay.

    Sam

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    I think you really have to ask the question: "What is to be gained from this action (you revealing your work to your family)".
    Also, is the exact nature of your work any of their business? There are plenty of people who won't/can't tell those close to them everything they do for a living. Reasons for this range from client confidentiality to national security (can you imagine an intelligence or law enforcement worker getting drunk and telling their drunken relations at Xmas exactly what they did at work the week before?)
    Finally, while you may like the work and the money is good, you want to be safe and secure in your daily doings. Too often, women working in the adult trade become targetted for harassment or worse because there are - unfortunately - too many scumbags who feel it is acceptable to treat women with disdain.

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Depends on what you think you'll gain from it. I told my mum because we're so close that I felt bad lying about it - she didn't like it, still doesn't, but respects my choices, and I'm happy she knows because it means I can speak openly with her. If you're not that close to him, I mean, you still can if you want to, but it might not do much good. You shouldn't feel that you have to. My dad doesn't know and our relationship doesn't require him to. I wonder why your mum wants you to tell him?

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Naw......Christmas holiday does not equal the best time to come out. If he doesn't take it well the holiday will forever be linked to your confession of a sex worker.

    I do think you should make her swear not to tell him before you do, I just don't think the holidays is the right time.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    I choose to tell no one except my husband. Having to can knowing this person and that person disapproves and could potentially be watching you will fuck with ur mind and ur money. im not ashamed but i also Dont need people shaming me

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Quote Originally Posted by ShyCamgirlBB View Post
    I choose to tell no one except my husband. Having to can knowing this person and that person disapproves and could potentially be watching you will fuck with ur mind and ur money. im not ashamed but i also Dont need people shaming me
    No one can shame you, verbal abuse should never be tolerated family member or not. None of my family members will let others verbally abuse me either. Their spouses have to accept it or move out. That is family, that is loyalty. My parents have been divorced for over 20 years, yet they still have each other's backs even if they can't stand each other.

    Sam

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    No one can shame you, verbal abuse should never be tolerated family member or not. None of my family members will let others verbally abuse me either. Their spouses have to accept it or move out. That is family, that is loyalty. My parents have been divorced for over 20 years, yet they still have each other's backs even if they can't stand each other.

    Sam
    Thanks for that Sam I grew up in a slightly verbally abusive household, so I know what's coming when it comes out. My husbands the only person I know that would have my back through whatever, so he's the only person that needs to know

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    Default Re: Family advice please...is honesty the best policy?

    This is beautiful! Name:  giphy-facebook_s.jpg.gif
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    If you want to tell him, I would not do it on Christmas.

    What will you get out of telling him? Will it bring you guys closer? There's an intention behind everything we do so ponder on that.

    I think a lot of people feel that if you don't tell certain aspects of your personal life then you're lying because we're so conditioned to put it all out there. There's a big difference between honesty and disclosure. You can be honest with what you choose to share on your own terms yet it's completely okay to not share what you don't want to.

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