Have at it, ladies!
Title mentions stripping, but all are encouraged to contribute! This will hopefully turn into a fun reference for newbies and veterans alike.
Have at it, ladies!
Title mentions stripping, but all are encouraged to contribute! This will hopefully turn into a fun reference for newbies and veterans alike.
I'll start.
If you want to burn out from stripping as quickly as possible, be sure to eliminate any non-stripping-related activities from your life to allow for maximum time spent in front of Netflix, thinking of nothing but your next shift.





Be sure to set large financial goals for yourself, and resolve to make them even if you have to work 8 hours/night, 5 nights/week. When you don't make them, either a) beat yourself up for being not good enough at hustling or not pretty enough, or b) blame the brokeass customers and horrible club management to the point that you start hating the building
"People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."
Sign a really expensive lease and get on payment plans for a bunch of expensive luxuries so that you can't scale back your lifestyle for a year, even if you wanted to.
Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.



omg the beating yourself up for not being pretty enough! god I did that in 2012 I'd set goals like I had to make $600 to be ok, $800 to be decent, $1000 to be good, and I could only be "happy" if I make $1200... I made a lot of money back then (tho I've heard SF has gone down hill) but I burnt out so bad I couldn't work for a year and was lucky to have a very rich boyfriend at the time to completely support all my needs.
This time with stripping I'm going to be more realistic/happy with myself.





Too many shifts in a row. Drinking alcohol while working. Smoking. Not exercising. Guilty of the first two and last one. Not the third. I woke up one morning hung over, with some strange dude, no clothes to be found in an apartment in Louisville after working seven straight days. I resolved then and there to clean up my act.
Be sure to cut back on any and all "Fun Expenses," since your only goal in life now is to make as much money as possible stripping.
That yoga membership that brought you peace & happiness and also helped you recover physically from grueling club shifts? CANCEL THAT SHIT. Those once-a-week cocktail meetups with your girlfriends that brought laughter into your life and helped you stay socially connected? NOPE. TOO MUCH MONEYZ. Those luxurious morning coffees that made you feel all warm and gooey inside? HELL NO GIRL.
In your down time, formulate an elaborate, ambitious, 10-year stripping plan that details your financial goals, complete with aggressive deadlines and strict consequences. "Will work 4 shifts/week for the next five years, then 3 shifts/week for the five years after that. Must make $500 minimum/shift. If shift goal is not reached, add 1 day/week onto schedule until weekly goal is met or exceeded."




Definitely waste lots of time complaining and not hustling so you don't make any money so you have to come in even more days.
And work at a club with low earnings and shitty management and you will hate your job in 2.5 seconds
In the name of saving up as much money as possible, sign a lease on a shitty, tiny, depressing apartment that fills you with dread every time you come home. Who needs quality of life?! All that matters is being able to retire by the time you're 50 (doesn't matter if you're a dried-up cynical raisin by then - you won't have to work anymore!). Your 20s, 30s, and 40s should be USED, not ENJOYED.




Do things that are beyond your comfort zone, stay until the end of the night even though your body/feet are aching like fuck, and keep talking/trying to sell dances to dicks who treat you like shit.
Quit your vanilla job abruptly and completely depend on stripper funds from the neighborhood mid-tier club you work at. Be sure to do this in the summer while working in Florida. When you notice that the club is dying and customers have suddenly become very cheap, don't change clubs!! No! Instead, increase your shifts to 5 days a week to meet your monthly expenses. Be sure to keep ridiculously high goals for yourself. You still need to create a huge savings account and be able to purchase luxury items.
(still haven't recovered from the burnout caused by this lol)
"I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."
Convince yourself that if you don't sell at least 2 VIP blocks a day you are a piece of shit. If you make less then $500 you are a loser. Also convince your financially irresponsible spouse to quit his job and take over all of his bills as well as your own. Work doubles. Lots of doubles. Start taking on customers that you make you uncomfortable because you can't afford to pay your utility bill or buy diapers for your kid without them. Put on a fake smile and pretend like you'e not mad night after night when your boundaries are pushed. Also never talk about it. Just keep pushing the hatred down. (It really helps if you're married to someone who literally won't let you talk about work with him.) The less emotional support you have, the better.





-Try any and all drugs offered to you and add their street value to your earnings.
-Take everything customers say to heart, it's not like most are unattractive with mommy issues.
-Fuck school, get as drunk as you need to in order to get fingered by big spenders.
I'm laughing my ass off over here...omg...
thredjack: I actually just wrote a piece similar to this for my creative writing class. It was like "How to marry the wrong guy-twice!" or something. Actually was very therapeutic and my instructor was like "Sorry all this happened to you but this was hilarious" haha
If you live in a city that has both dives and nicer clubs, stubbornly work at the same dive you started in for the next four years of your stripping career. Auditioning in new clubs is stressful and thus couldn't possibly be worth the increased earnings potential. It's best to stay loyal to your shitty ass club filled with the same cheap regulars who show up every. single. night.
Instead of thinking of stripping as "just a job," look at it more as a *lifestyle*. Or, better yet, as an IDENTITY. You are a stripper. That is who you are. If you're lucky, after a few years of cultivating this mentality, you will have convinced yourself that that is ALL you are.
Start stripping with a 6 year plan: "I'll just strip through grad school! No problem! Hmm I wonder if I should get my PhD in Liberal Women's Basket Weaving or just stop with a Masters?"
End with a 6 month plan: "Maybe I'll just do the dental assistant program...They make what $14/hour? I could live on that...Then I'll only have to dance for 3 more months!"
Glad I'm not the only one...My guy is trying to talk me into nursing school and I'm like "hmm...nursing eh?...Maybe I could be a nurse...that's only another two years, hmmmm" Everything is measured by how long it takes/how much it pays/how likely I'll be able to get a job immediately. haha
Bring stripping home with you whenever possible! Try to infuse your personal life with anything that reminds you of your club, your regulars, and your work persona.
Only hang out with other dancers otc. Wait for the confessions to come out about what they're "really" doing in VIP...Become even more discouraged at work because "everyone else" is doing extras so why even bother? Also continue putting up with the grabby regular with bad breath week after week, since you "need" his steady $150.





Upon installation of the new cameras in VIP that are viewed by the DJ, make sure to repeatedly try to catch girls doing extras, and subsequently bum yourself out about being one of the few clean girls.
Befriend a girl (and share DR counter space with, so you cannot get away from her), who is your exact body type and equally as pretty, but who does extras and loudly proclaims how much money she makes. Develop love/hate relationship as you resent that she makes 2x as much in less hours because she gives hand jobs and allows kitty touching, and again beat yourself up... since you're physically equal, you should be making the same as her.
"People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."
Wear the same three outfits every night for years in an attempt to bore yourself to death.
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