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Thread: Deep Depression/Battle

  1. #1
    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Deep Depression/Battle

    Hey guys, so I kinda need to vent and express how I am feeling to people who understand this industry and the frustrations of depression. I feel pretty overwhelmed by the thought of paying quarterly taxes (I hate owing money and have no clue about taxes) wanting to be extremely disciplined in working, having the motivation to pull out of deep depression, being able to support and contribute without feeling as if my weeks are slipping by without effort. Sometimes I wake up and don't know what to do, I will sit and debate with myself and run around in circles before half the day is over and nothing is done. I become so frustrated with myself and sometimes pretty angry that I don't do more. I often wonder if this is the result of deep depression? I find sleep more comforting than being awake and thinking about how much I've slept over the years can be daunting. When I wake up I first have this thought, "What does it matter? I don't want to move or have to deal with being awake, I'll just set my alarm for the afternoon." Was able to get up this morning and have a determination to get well through exercise and a strict diet but, I fear falling back into a relapse. Airing my garbage online is the last thing I want to do, but at times I feel very lost. I was very abused verbally by my parent and notice I do a repeat ritual of self degrading myself out of habit. I have been able to cut constantly apologizing however, this is by far the biggest hurdle to face alone regardless of my bf being beside me. (Its different when the person closest to you hasn't experienced any level of abuse, which can sometimes bug him when I show fear and cower over nothing. I will drive him insane by asking if he is okay, because that was the only way I could tell if I was going to be screamed at/abused.) I hate this, more than anything I have had to deal with and finding others who have gone through similar struggles can be difficult. I would like to be consistent, live as an adult and not have to battle with myself anymore. I just needed to say something..holding things in eventually explodes somewhere..Can anyone relate or give any advice that could help in this process? I figured Stripperweb would be the best place to post this, since hiding is pretty much out the window..

    A little bird told me my mother is very sick, but I can't help feeling empty about it. Having my own shit to deal with after forcefully removing myself from the chaos, wasn't much of a decision. I wanted more for myself and to live out my dreams, but I feel like things were taken. With her being sick, I am pretty much standing still yet again..
    Last edited by BambiCutie; 11-18-2015 at 09:19 AM.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    Its okay. Focus on your small accomplishments. Getting up, getting groceries, calling a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, etc. Take baby steps to feeling accomplished and happy.

    I get you, its not like adult work changes lives, but it changes your life, Bc it affords us a great lifestyle.

    Sometimes I struggle with the same things and wonder why I prefer this alternative lifestyle over mainstream 9-5 rat race. Most days I consider myself very lucky to have found this and the freedoms it provides.

    Maybe do some counseling sessions? Just to vent and get some of the baggage off your chest. It might help. There are also wellness and motivational courses online that can help too.

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    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    I would also look into improving nutrition in addition to the above suggestions. 80% of women have copper dysregulation which contributes to a whole factor of issues like depression, thyroid, panic/anxiety, autism, OCD, insomnia, chronic fatigue, etc.

    Great article on copper dysregulation:

    http://annlouise.com/2015/01/28/the-copper-conundrum/
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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    Thanks for the article, I had no clue about that and it can't hurt to slip chelated copper into my diet. I greatly appreciate the support!

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    Veteran Member absolutelyadorable's Avatar
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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    To add on to what Hyori was saying, an omega-3 (is that the one in cod liver oil tablets?) deficiency can lead to depression-like symptoms. True shit! Last winter I was feeling super crappy for no reason and I started taking my cod liver oil vitamins...BAM. Felt a whole lot better.

    Keep your head up bb and hope your mom gets well soon!

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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    +1 for omega-3, and also vit D and magnesium citrate. These supplements plus exercise (drag yourself on a walk around the block a few times a day), and making lists with daily goals helps me. Keep your chin up.

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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    Hey, I am brand new to joining this site but I've been a reader for a while. This is actually my first post or reply but anyway.. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with your struggles. I have battled clinical depression my whole life and I take meds for it. Medication has helped me a lot but I too am going through a bit of a rough patch. I know only too well exactly what you mean about sleeping. Sometime I feel like sleep is my safe haven and being asleep is the only option I can think of to not feel the way I feel. I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could like give you some great advice or something but I really can't as I battle this too. The only suggestion I may have is sometimes when I'm getting really down or I'm starting to feel the depression setting in, I sit down once a day and write a list of ten things I am grateful for. It sounds kinda silly but honestly it really does help a lot. Other than that being on Prozac and Wellbutrin has changed my life for the better.

    Anyway if you ever need to talk to someone you can totally vent to me about whatever I am a good listener Hope you feel better

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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    Also you can try switching to day shift for a while. Being nocturnal sometimes gets me down too.

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    Default Re: Deep Depression/Battle

    Quote Originally Posted by hyori View Post
    I would also look into improving nutrition in addition to the above suggestions. 80% of women have copper dysregulation which contributes to a whole factor of issues like depression, thyroid, panic/anxiety, autism, OCD, insomnia, chronic fatigue, etc.

    Great article on copper dysregulation:

    http://annlouise.com/2015/01/28/the-copper-conundrum/
    Yep, nutrition is everything. Its amazing how much of a difference it makes. All last week, I have eaten nothing but cereal, just out of laziness - and I have been crying everyday, feeling like my depression is back full force.. on days when I eat REAL food my brain responds and my mood is lifted and stabilized.

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