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Thread: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

  1. #1
    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Got the feedback I needed. Thanks everyone
    Last edited by wednesday86; 11-22-2015 at 11:00 AM.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    I wouldn't like that at all. But I would ask him about it and go with your gut.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    I just feel like I shouldn't have to ask "why are you on a dating site?" and then even if he takes it down, he's not doing it because he wants to..he's just doing it because I want him to. Ugh.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Well tbh that is what I would think too and I would be done lol. But I would still want to hear his 'reasoning' and have him know exactly why I was peacing out.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Heck no, you're not overreacting!

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Looking at it from a guy's perspective, it sounds very much like he's keeping his options open. Also, if memory serves, you two only see each other once or twice a week, so he certainly has the time and freedom to communicate with other women and even go on dates if he chooses. Obviously all we can do is speculate at this point, but the fact that he kept the profile active, and lied to you about using the site, doesn't bode well IMHO

    Good luck as you figure this out. And please don't take it personally if it goes south. One thing I learned in this era of meeting dates online is that shit like this is all too common.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    no, you aren't overreacting at all. like you said, what other reason would he be on there? especially with your relationship still being in its early stages, too early to have to deal with drama, and well, betrayal like that..if you have agreed to be exclusive he shouldn't be on a dating site. however i wouldn't ghost on him, just tell him why and end it. at the very least, he's "keeping his options open" like rick said..just confusing considering HE's the one who wanted the exclusive relationship so fast right?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Agreed with Rick and Vyanka. There is no good reason for that. Having been online recently, I'd dump his ass.

    I wonder if he's not just being a little "I'm hot shit, I'm a dr now" and wanting to play the virtual field.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    no, you aren't overreacting at all. like you said, what other reason would he be on there? especially with your relationship still being in its early stages, too early to have to deal with drama, and well, betrayal like that..if you have agreed to be exclusive he shouldn't be on a dating site. however i wouldn't ghost on him, just tell him why and end it. at the very least, he's "keeping his options open" like rick said..just confusing considering HE's the one who wanted the exclusive relationship so fast right?
    Yep that's what pisses me off the most. HE insisted that we were boyfriend/girlfriend. He was even trying to talk me into moving to his town/talking about getting a place together when his lease is up. Like whaaa? So basically he doesn't want ME fucking anyone else, but he wants to keep his options open, as rick said. I'm done. When he starts blowing up my phone tonight I'll let him know it's over. Think I'm just going to get a sugar daddy and call it a day. Relationships must not be in the stars for me haha

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    uh oh!

    [email protected] girl I love your strength and how you never get caught up with these dudes. I wish I was more like you in my younger days - would have saved me ton of heartache.

    I think you are going with your gut and doing the right thing. Your women's intuition is usually right.

    FYI doctors are notorious for being players, especially the young ones. If I was you, I'd stay away from the young player doctors with those 14 hour shifts, their time consuming residencies, and their 6 figure loan debts and next time go for the established older doctors that have paid their debts and have more time and money - preferably the surgeons they get paid the most.

    Just be careful if you listen to his 'reasoning' - he could lie and say some bs like his computer was hacked, or he's not talking to anyone just looking, or some dumb sh*t.

    Plus guys are so dumb sometimes - too bad he obviously doesn't know people can see the last login date and time - he done f*cked up!!!
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 11-21-2015 at 05:09 PM.
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    Member WierdGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Looking at it from a guy's perspective, it sounds very much like he's keeping his options open. Also, if memory serves, you two only see each other once or twice a week, so he certainly has the time and freedom to communicate with other women and even go on dates if he chooses. Obviously all we can do is speculate at this point, but the fact that he kept the profile active, and lied to you about using the site, doesn't bode well IMHO

    Good luck as you figure this out. And please don't take it personally if it goes south. One thing I learned in this era of meeting dates online is that shit like this is all too common.
    I disagree with the idea that it's just a normal guy thing, or that it's simply a normal desire to keep his options open. When she said that she deleted her dating site account, he said "Good." Which means he wanted her to close off her options, while he kept his.

    So, if he wants to keep his options open, then in this case he wants to do so in a selfish controlling way. If he wanted to be 'a normal guy' who just wants his options, he could have just dated someone who agrees to have an open relationship with him, and been open and honest about it. And encouraged her to keep her account as well. And encouraged her to be 'a normal girl' who seeks out a bunch of sexy guys as well.
    Last edited by WierdGirl; 01-19-2019 at 12:56 AM.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    It seems odd for him to be asking for an exclusive relationship so quickly. Isn't wednesday86 still going through a divorce? It's best to take these things very slowly instead of trying to move too quickly. I would still recommend for wednesday86 to take a break from serious relationships for a while. BTW, what the guy did was a dick move. If he still wanted to talk to other women, he just had to tell her. Super easy.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    ^^^Right! But the problem is that most players are too scary to do that cause they think no women would go for that so they lie so they can have their cake and eat it too. Plus the excitement of having two or more women, juggling them all without each one finding out, I think is a thrill for the bad boy players. Being honest takes away the thrill and limits the options.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by WierdGirl View Post
    I disagree with the idea that it's just a normal guy thing, or that it's simply a normal desire to keep his options open. When she said that she deleted her dating site account, he said "Good." Which means he wanted her to close off her options, while he kept his.

    So, if he wants to keep his options open, then in this case he wants to do so in an unhealthy and selfishly controlling way. If he wanted to be 'a normal guy' who just wants his options, he could have just dated someone who agrees to have an open relationship with him, and been open and honest about it. And encouraged her to keep her account as well. And encouraged her to be 'a normal girl' who seeks out a bunch of other hot guys as well - wanting to have your options open shouldn't be more of an option for men, and not for women.

    Obviously, he wants that to only be an option for him. Again, not a normal male thing at all - It may actually be the way a lot of guys think, but it should not be considered normal or healthy. Men who think that dating options are only supposed to be for them, and not for women, or not for their girlfriend - are no more natural or normal than racist white people, who think that they should go ahead and have privilege over ethnic people. Those type of people may be very common, but they should not be considered normal or healthy. Same with guys who think that they should get privileges that they try to deny of their girlfriends - those guys may be very common, but we shouldn't see anything natural about that. (rant over)
    Wierd, I think you may have misinterpreted my comments. I didn't characterize what he did as "normal" In fact, I was critical about his actions, which I thought was clear when I said "the fact that he kept the profile active, and lied to you about using the site, doesn't bode well IMHO."

    So with that said, I think that we agree that what he did sucks. If he wanted to continue to explore his options, then he shouldn't have begged Wednesday to be exclusive. In fact, what he is doing is unfair not only to Wednesday, but to any other woman who he dates while also seeing Wednesday. He's playing with peoples' hearts, which IMHO is never ok. Dating is hard enough without someone pulling shit like this.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 11-21-2015 at 05:36 PM.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Don't be another Pokemon in his collection

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    uh oh!

    [email protected] girl I love your strength and how you never get caught up with these dudes. I wish I was more like you in my younger days - would have saved me ton of heartache.

    I think you are going with your gut and doing the right thing. Your women's intuition is usually right.

    FYI doctors are notorious for being players, especially the young ones. If I was you, I'd stay away from the young player doctors with those 14 hour shifts, their time consuming residencies, and their 6 figure loan debts and next time go for the established older doctors that have paid their debts and have more time and money - preferably the surgeons they get paid the most.

    Just be careful if you listen to his 'reasoning' - he could lie and say some bs like his computer was hacked, or he's not talking to anyone just looking, or some dumb sh*t.

    Plus guys are so dumb sometimes - too bad he obviously doesn't know people can see the last login date and time - he done f*cked up!!!
    I don't regret meeting him or anything. It was a good experience and taught me a lot about what I'm looking for...but I really don't feel like I can trust him now. I don't think he's a horrible person, but I was obviously more into him than he was into me. If we're exclusive, it means just that. No more talking to other guys/girls, no more "looking around." Like am I really that boring to you already? I know I'm awesome so he can fuck off.

    But yeah I'm definitely gonna date guys a little older and more established next time, if I ever date again. Just gonna stay away from BOYS for a while!

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinups4 View Post
    Don't be another Pokemon in his collection
    lol! omg I want this tattooed!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    I would say you should have major trust issues with this guy since I do recall he pushed you two to be exclusive together so very quickly. So I question his motives here. I would agree with some of the others that he is trying to keep his options open.

    I can give you a guy's perspective on how I pushed something sort of similar, how it back fired, and how I resolved it.

    When I met my (future) wife, I was still playing the field and keeping my options open. I was in the best shape of my life, I looked good, had no trouble getting dates, acted like I was hot shit. The difference was I was completely and brutally honest with her about it. This hurt her greatly and she left, like "she called friends and left in the middle of the night" left.

    When I awoke and learned what happened I had to search and dig deep. Do I try to get her back, knowing full well the uphill battle I have on front of me? (She was safely 200 miles away now.) Or do I shug it off and move on? I'm married to her now, but it was only after the most difficult 18 hours of my life.

    I would think you need to give your boyfriend the same sort of ultimatum. He's the hunter and you are the gazelle. If he wants you, he will pursue you, and nothing will keep him from you. If he does not pursue. Then it is not meant to be. You should leave.


    (mothers should laminate this last paragraph and give it to their daughters).

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    It's usually a bad sign.

    I dated a couple of guys I met online and usually if his profile is still up, it doesn't necessarily mean he's seeing dating other girls on the side but for sure it means he's keeping his options open. Otherwise he would take his profile down. Sorry if I am being very pessimistic, haven't read other member replies yet but this has been my experience and I still have some painful memories.

    I had fuck buddy who took down his profile after we met, and we were nothing more than that. He's your boyfriend and you guys are exclusive, he definitely should NOT still have his profile up for other women to hit on him.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dominic.2 View Post
    I would say you should have major trust issues with this guy since I do recall he pushed you two to be exclusive together so very quickly. So I question his motives here. I would agree with some of the others that he is trying to keep his options open.

    I can give you a guy's perspective on how I pushed something sort of similar, how it back fired, and how I resolved it.

    When I met my (future) wife, I was still playing the field and keeping my options open. I was in the best shape of my life, I looked good, had no trouble getting dates, acted like I was hot shit. The difference was I was completely and brutally honest with her about it. This hurt her greatly and she left, like "she called friends and left in the middle of the night" left.

    When I awoke and learned what happened I had to search and dig deep. Do I try to get her back, knowing full well the uphill battle I have on front of me? (She was safely 200 miles away now.) Or do I shug it off and move on? I'm married to her now, but it was only after the most difficult 18 hours of my life.

    I would think you need to give your boyfriend the same sort of ultimatum. He's the hunter and you are the gazelle. If he wants you, he will pursue you, and nothing will keep him from you. If he does not pursue. Then it is not meant to be. You should leave.


    (mothers should laminate this last paragraph and give it to their daughters).
    This is basically what ended my marriage...the last bit. I was chasing him instead of the other way around. Hell no I am not chasing a man anymore. Never again. Plus, he lives far, he works a million hours a week,...and now this? Yeah the sex is alright but no dick is worth this much trouble.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Ok, I may have overreacted....

    I started giving him the break up speech, and he's like "Why?" and I told him "Your dating account is still active. I saw you online today, so obviously you're talking to other girls, etc."

    And he's like "omg I'm so sorry. I'm deleting it right now. The app logs me in automatically. I promise I haven't been using it."

    and he deleted it, and made me check...

    So...........now what?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    If you buy his explanation then you can decide to still give him a chance. You were in the best position to observe his non-verbal cues to his response. It does sound like he was genuinely sorry.

    You were right to go off on him though.

    NoRegrets brought up a good point. I think we may need a break from serious relationships for a while, especially since you are still in the middle of your divorce from your last husband, no? A little time off might up. 6 months could really help here. There's a good reason why a break like this is often suggested. The human mind is kind of funny like that.

    It's up to you though.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Quote Originally Posted by wednesday86 View Post
    The app logs me in automatically. I promise I haven't been using it."
    Riiiiiiight.....should have checked his desktop, mobile devices, and laptop browser log for the ultimate truth. That's if he's not tech savvy and hasn't cleared his browsing history.

    Its like Facebook you can check 'keep me logged in' (so you don't have to keep entering your password) but it's not going to "automatically" log you in and show you as logged in if you're not visiting the site with the browser open.

    It's good he deleted his profile so he doesn't get caught up on the online dating sites but I say bs excuse - put him in the doghouse lol! You gone have to watch his a$$ now if he is a slick player he's only going to get better at hiding it.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 11-21-2015 at 08:21 PM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    ^well I googled and his story seems legit..apparently other users of the mobile app have the same issue...https://forums.plentyoffish.com/dati...s15801508.aspx


    So I don't know...He works the next 6 days before we can see each other again..I do feel better that he immediately deleted it and apologized so..I don't know. I have some thinking to do!

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  47. #25
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Still on Dating Site?

    Facebook is the same way.

    You have to log out ALL your devices or you will still be seen as "logged in". If he wasn't intentionally browsing then He probably inadvertently had one of his devices logged in.

    That thread is from 2013. If there were some glitch with the site I would think it would be patched up by now. Maybe POF support can give you a better more definitive answer.

    But anyhow good thing he deleted the profile and hope things work out for you regardless.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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