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Thread: Body image problems

  1. #1
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    Default Body image problems

    How do you feign confidence when you're feeling bad about your body?

    For context, I gained weight because of a medication change and it's affected my self image a lot. I joke that my swagger is gone, but I'm semi-serious about that. I'm self conscious about this every night I work, though there are always a few moments in my shifts where I notice girls my size are making great money. When I'm buzzed I still do too. So it's in my head, I guess. But it doesn't usually feel that way, and customers pick up on that!

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Body image problems

    i've actually been in your exact situation for a few years now.. unavoidable weight gain due to medication. i'm certainly not obese,fat or unhealthy..just thick/with some "puppy fat". its an ongoing mental battle because we are spoon-fed from a very young age that a certain body type,and usually only one body type,(tall skinny with large breasts) is acceptable, deserving, or beautiful as females.but i've found hiring managers and my own lack of self-worth/confidence to really be my biggest block to making money, NOT the customers. in fact i clearly remember last year a very skinny blond co-worker trying to work a customer and him turning her down, and then feeling completely disbelief like i was in the twilight zone when he walked up to me and requested dances in the back. just last shift i was sitting with a customer, feeling self conscious about myself and having him tell me that it was BECAUSE i was thicker that he came up to me.
    just because the advertisement/diet/fashion/plastic surgery industry tries to sell everyone one body, doesn't mean that's the taste of the entire male or even female population, not even close.
    so, the steps i've taken…
    treat yourself and take care of yourself : get your nails done, hair done, self tan,whatever you do to make yourself feel really stripperfied.. get a cute outfit that flatters your body eat well and exercise-take care of the body you have, its easy to get depressed and say fuckit, that doesn't help. lifting weights hasn't made me skinny but its shaped me up and kept me firm and healthy.
    representation is important: somebody hot af who has a similar body type as you.
    concentrate on the things about yourself you love and accentuate those attributes. make a list right before work if it helps and keep those thoughts in your mind.
    and the rest is catching yourself and stopping yourself from negative self-talk. i'd say almost always , we are the harshest on ourselves. think, "if my friend had my body, would i talk to her the way I'm talking to myself right now?" i'm sure you still look great, you're still working in high end clubs in NYC right?? idk if everything i've written will help you, its just some stuff that's helped me over the past 2 years
    Last edited by simone87; 12-10-2015 at 11:44 AM. Reason: additional thoughts

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    It does help a lot simone, thank you!

    I am still working in higher end clubs in Manhattan, but like you said it feels like the Twilight Zone. I know someone would have talked to me if my weight was a serious problem, but it seems crazy to me that they haven't. I'm trying to reframe the way I'm thinking by trusting the managers more though. If they think I belong, that should be enough.

    I have been falling into a lot of the self defeating apathy you've mentioned, like not bothering to touch up my roots as often and slacking on my exercise/self tanner game. The benefits from exercise won't happen overnight, but I put on a bunch of self tanner and already feel sexier. I also asked my bf to give me examples of hot women who look like me and he came up with so many! My favorite was Aria Giovatti.. swoon.

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    i just looked aria giovanni up and she is *wow* absolutely gorgeous, if you look like her then i am jealous AF lol. glad some of my suggestions were helpful, its something i'm still dealing with and trying to pretty much reprogram my mind and thinking patterns almost. hoping others will chime in…although i feel like lately whenever body issue come up its like dead silence for some reason, kinda weird lol

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    I think a lot of self-care, like what Simone mentioned, while getting to the root of the issue is the best solution. If you're unhappy with your body, looking to others for affirmation isn't going to solve anything. I've been on a lot of medications, so believe me, I feel you on the weird effects changing them can have. But very few medications make gaining and keeping new weight inevitable. I've got health issues that many people say make them gain weight. (Seriously--I had doctors telling me to treat my issues by drinking regular soda multiple times a day! It's hard to stay slim when you're pseudo-prescribed Pepsi!) But when I committed to losing weight, at the end of the day, it was a matter of counting calories and making dietary choices that worked best for my body. I'm not saying everyone has to have the stereotypical "perfect" body, but why put yourself through mental gymnastics to accept bodily changes you dislike and that are, in the overwhelming majority of cases, dependent on our actions?

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    ^^Thanks for the advice tuesday, but the problem is that I take sleep meds that cause me to binge eat while totally blacked out. No other meds work at this point, and I make much more money being one size bigger than not sleeping more than 2 hours a night. I've tried duct taping the fridge but I cut through it. My SO won't accept only keeping the lowest calorie vegetables in the house and it's not worth moving out. I do restrict without a problem during the day, but I don't know the solution here aside from learning to accept myself at a somewhat bigger size.

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    Wow, that seems like it could be even more dangerous in other ways--what if you accidentally ingested other things, like cleaning products stored nearby? I used to have insomnia, and they put me on Seroquel for it. It seems like a lot of sleep meds have horrible side effects. Meds were the only solution for me at first, but I eventually went from not sleeping for 2-4 days at a time to having semi-normal sleep. Obviously idk your situation exactly, but when I was first diagnosed with insomnia, I didn't take sleep hygiene as seriously as I should have. I've since learned that I can't even look at screens for like 30-45 minutes before bed, so I take a shower, do my skincare routine, and read some. Might be worth a try to set up a bedtime routine to "teach" your body that you're about to go to sleep. If you're able to go off the meds eventually, the routine will still help signal to your brain to go the fuck to sleep, from my experience.

    I've always been really insecure with my appearance for various reasons, and no amount of external affirmation helps. I've found that there are certain things that make me feel nice, like I love having deep red or grey nails, so I'd say pay attention to those details. Also, go out and buy some new clothes. When I first did my boobs, I looked really top heavy in all of my old clothes. I felt gross in everything, and I kind of regretted going with such big implants. It wasn't until I bought new clothes (totally different cuts in everything) that I actually felt pretty again. Wardrobe makeovers can be very liberating.

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    My SO won't accept only keeping the lowest calorie vegetables in the house and it's not worth moving out.
    Does your SO understand how difficult this is for you? Would your SO be willing to keep high-calorie things hidden or locked up?

    I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I've struggled with eating disorders for yeeeeears and one of the ways I dealt with it was by not keeping triggering foods in my house. When my ex-boyfriend lived with me, he insisted that he be allowed to keep triggering foods in my kitchen, which was extremely stressful. I eventually convinced him to keep it in his car, but he never understood what it was like to binge and purge and he always criticized me over it. It sucked.

    I hope that none of this comes off as condescending if you've already tried the things I suggested. I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you! I hope you can find a solution, whether it's dealing with your body image or sleep-eating, or both.

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    This might sound odd but do you think you can get to where you feel apathetic about your body image? A lot of times when things bother me, rather than trying to convince myself that whatever it is that's bothering me is actually 100% A-okay amazing I just go 'Who cares?' and move on. I guess it shrinks the issue, because then I cease to see it as a big deal or something to get wound-up over. You can still do things to try and manage your weight, I'm not suggesting you just give up on wanting to feel sexy. It's just a way for you to not beat yourself up in the meantime.

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    ^I think accepting where you are is more what you are talking about, the word apathy has somewhat negative connotations, but what you are saying is sooo right. You have to just say fuck it who cares and when you do that, you end up loving your body and the weight just melts off! It works every time for me, it' a LOA thing, when you are constatnly worrying about your body, that's all you notice, but when you just let go and give up, then everything falls into place

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    Default Re: Body image problems

    Very belated update, thanks to everyone who offered advice:

    I've been restricting much more during my waking hours. Because I eat so damn much at night, it's not like the daytime hunger actually hurts. It's just an annoyance I can distract myself from. We do keep high calorie food in the house, but for the most part it's very healthy, so I'm not hurting myself by only eating ~600 cals while conscious. Still feel healthy, lost a few lbs.

    My SO is very sympathetic because has his own eating disorder. Though that presents an ironically harmful environment for me. Binge binge binge for him (COE). We've compromised since OP by only keeping nutritious food in the fridge/freezer, and he hides his junk better now. We've also made a no delivery rule, which helps tremendously. He'd 'considerately' order food for me that I'd put in the fridge for later, then I'd binge on it while blacked out. He's wonderful, but our ED shit requires careful navigation.

    It's in the back of my mind that my new med is dangerous, but so far I've only eaten food. I started checking toxic products and the only thing I could have possibly ingested was mouthwash (which I'm sure I spat out).

    BUT! Most importantly:

    Every day when I wake up, I decide I'm hot AF and look at myself in dim lighting in the full length mirror. And suddenly, I'm hot AF. In club lighting, I'm fine. EDs and mild BDD fucked with my head. This angst was all due to 5-10 extra lbs over my normal, 'thin' weight. And I've gotten halfway back there, np.

    TL; DR: I'm crazy and have mild BDD/ED-NOS. Just like the Dr said.

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