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Thread: side chick baby???

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    Default side chick baby???

    Greetings! I was a member here years ago and I forgot all login information so this is a new account but I'm not new to the forum. I wasn't an avid poster but a member nonetheless. Moving on, I'm in a pickle, a really sour one. My on again off again of 6 years went to another state and got another woman pregnant. I don't have any children but I desperately want one ( always have even prior to this situation ) and this guy never gave me one. I'm really heartbroken and the thoughts of me not having children combined with the thoughts of her having the baby I feel should be mine is consuming my life. I break down crying when I see baby commercials. I'm really a mess. This guy, who we will call Doug, is still in my life and I'm trying to Deal with it, however I don't know if I can do so without driving myself insane. We are in our mid twenties and throughout this entire "relationship", I've Only been sexually active with Doug and I really only want to be with Doug, but this is heavy. Please offer advice

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Well it boils down to 2 choices: either you forgive and move on with this man and accept this kid, or you cut your losses now and walk away. There's no need to torment yourself over his mistake. And this isn't a decision that you have to make right now either! Take it a day at a time. Best of luck to you.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Do you think you would make a good step mother and look out for the child's best interest when it gets here? If you think you can I say stay. There's too many other men in the world to be miserable over one.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    My advice personally and this is not to be harsh to you as I know you are in pain but, I would make him pack his stuff and tell him to get out ASAP. (In fact, I would be packing for him) You may not be able to control the circumstances of the other woman being pregnant and things happen without our control. He/she doesn't owe a baby, but it can be painful when you have been wanting a child of your own that has been granted to another. Be happy and live your life with grace, don't hang yourself up for someone who had unprotected sex first off and impregnated some woman. Be very glade and kiss the ground that it wasn't you being trapped raising a baby with someone who doesn't show much appreciation for you. I recommend trying dating sites and just getting out of the house to avoid dreading or obsessing about what happened so you can slowly move forward out of this. I wish you all the luck in healing and you deserve to be treated as if you made an impact when you were with him, not treated extremely unfairly. I am sorry again if this is blunt, but the last thing anyone should play around with is a woman's dream of having a baby.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    This happened to a friend of mine. She wallowed in it for a while, then eventually moved on to another guy and laughs about it now because their baby turned out ugly haha!

    Guess what I mean is this too will pass. The things that us women accept from men are truly atrocious sometimes. Suppose you should evaluate whether the baby mama is the side chick or are you or are you both? Any case it's ridiculous to have to share a man with another woman and a small baby. He can't be that wonderful can he? Why put him on a pedestal?

    Best thing to do is carry on, regardless if you stay with him or not. Hard as it may feel sometimes, keep going to work and stacking your money and drive forward onto pursuing your goals. (You're going to have to pay for your future baby no matter who you have it with.) I felt better doing that as I went through hard times. Even at the depths of heartbreak I brought my miserable ass to work, slapped on a smile and stacked money. Don't lose sight of your dreams.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    To be perfectly honest, I agree with everyone saying that it's best to just move on because that's what I would do if I were in that situation. But, as you obviously still have feelings for this man, you might want to work things out. Again, IF you feel that you can handle the situation with a calm head, go for it and I salute you for being that strong. BUT........he doesn't seem like much of a catch imo, so it might not be worth the headache and heartache it'll cause you in the long run. Lots of hugs because it can't be easy.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    *sigh* this may sound harsh, but i feel if i didn't say it, you would just stay and be miserable. because i'm sorry hun, there's nothing but misery and drama written all over this if you don't NOPE the fuck out ASAP.

    it's 100% completely understandable to be hurt right now. i don't even want kids, and i would be hurt if my bf did this, even if we weren't together at the time. doug has completely disregarded both your health and his, first off. second, you've put in 100%, and doug can't even put in 50%. honestly, and i hate being the bearer of bad news, less effort from him would be possible once this baby comes. even if you stay, is that a situation you want to put your future child in? a child/baby can be trying on even the most stable couples. i'm sure some of the moms of sw can chime in on this. honest opinion: find someone who can return to you the 100% you put in.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    so im guessing you guys were "on" as in together when he impregnated another woman?? is he planning on being in his child's life/paying support or is he planning on being a dead beat as well as a cheater? either way, i see nothing good POSSIBLY coming from this situation, and if you stay i see this causing you increasing amounts of pain. if he does plan on being in his child's life, that means him paying support every month, visits on the weekends, having to deal with the "other woman" for the next 18 years AT LEAST, you being thrust into a step-mother position..do you really wanna deal with that? and if he decides to take off and run from his responsibilities he created with another woman, that just means he really is POS and why would you wanna be with a man like that, much less possibly have a child with him??. this may be painful at first, but its going to save you years of even worse pain. kick him out. or leave, whatever,you're still only in your mid 20s there's much better things in store for you.
    i'm not sure about all the details surrounding you becoming a mother, but if you decide to ahead with motherhood you and your future baby deserve SOOO much better than this douche. like bambi said, be grateful that he didn't impregnate you before cheating and having another kid with some hook up, then cutting your losses would be a bit more difficult.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Girl leave his a$$. But before you do get as much money as you can out of him. You're going to need it to help you recover mentally from this.

    You're lucky he didn't bring you back a std package.

    This is a sign that if you don't have a baby with him now, and he cheated and impregnated someone else, then it's not meant to be.

    Save yourself from further heartbreak and find the man who will give you what you want and not cheat on you - raw
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    I'm gonna blunt: F*CK THIS A**HOLE!! Tell him to pack his bags, and go be with the woman who he got pregnant because you deserve wayyy better! He is a scumbag for what he did, most women I know would kill their boyfriends if they got another woman pregnant! Even couples I know who have an open relationship agree to one rule, and that is not to get pregnant/get someone pregnant or bring back STD's. Its one thing to cheat, but to be so careless and irresponsible that you get someone pregnant...he was not thinking about you or respecting you when he did that. So moving along, you need to ditch him and find someone else worthy of your love, who will put in 100% like you do. Especially since you want kids, would you really want to have a child with someone so careless and disrespectful towards you? Who after getting someone pregnant by accident, then decides to leave and go back home to be with his girlfriend who he cheated on? He is clearly not father (or boyfriend) material. Dont kid yourself into thinking otherwise. You are now free to go find real love, and create the family that you deserve. Best of luck to you. I know its hard, but you will get through this once you see things more clearly.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    I don't think I could offer any advice on this but wanted to say that it didn't sound to me like the OP was saying the boyfriend cheated. She said they were on again off again and he "went to another state" and got someone pregnant which to me sounds like they weren't together at that time (since he was in another state).

    Not sure if it changes any of the advice she's received but I thought it could make a difference to those trying to help.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    ^^^that doesn't make it any better in my opinion. Like why create a family and life with a woman in another state if he wanted to be with the OP?


    Plus for all she knows he could have done a classic "break up on purpose so I can smash who I want without consequence"
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    One of my friend's went through this with her baby daddy. She accepted the baby into their family so her daughter would get to know her brother. She got really attached to him too, treated that little boy as if he were her's. But then every time the BD and other baby momma got in a fight, they weren't allowed to see the baby. It caused all sorts of havoc and heartbreak. He kept cheating so she finally kicked him out and doesn't deal with him except if it involves their daughter.

    Lesson: Once a dog, always a dog

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    So he knocked this chick up and now is back sniffing on your doorstep? I guess the question is: Do you really want to be Baby Mama #2? Is that fair to you? Would that be fair to your child? Keep in mind that if he has children in 2 different states then he has to abandon at least one in order to be with the other Baby Mama and child. Do you really want to have a child with a guy who could do that?

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Agree with what Bambi said the most and I can second Aurora's story as well. I have a friend who went through this with her baby daddy. He's a deadbeat obvi. They had been off and on for years. And they "loved each other". Even almost got engaged. It's not going to end well. Find someone who will make it work with you no matter what, and who will only be with you because they want you, not because it's convenient for them at the time. I hope you aren't heartbroken. Please take some time to heal these wounds, and love yourself. Just because HE didn't give you a baby: doesn't mean you won't ever have one. TBH I don't think doug ever loved you, because when you love someone you don't do fucked up shit like what he's done to hurt them. I'm so sorry.

    Let's say okay 'maybe he did make a mistake' but you have been off and on for 6 YEARS OF YOUR LIVES! That's a long fucking time! Do you live together? If you do please don't maintain any contact with him, or avoid as much as possible. He will try to get you back. He will lie and say everything and anything he can. Ultimately, it's your decision but clearly he has maintained contact with this other woman and may even be playing both of you. Shes in another state? That's pretty elaborate for a guy too. He might have another side bitch besides her. It wouldn't surprise me. Beware

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Find someone who has never been married or fathered children out of wedlock. Get married to him. Then have the baby.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Thank you all for your advice I love hearing so many different opinions. walking away from him is a lot easier said than done honestly. I mean I really don't find anyone else that I'm interested in and I'm really not up to date with the dating scene. It's so awkward getting to know someone all over again and the amount of years it would take to build a relationship and whatnot with someone else in order to have a child with that person is something that I am not looking forward to. I just feel like an angry woman every day I try to smile but I'm breaking down inside from heartache. My family and friends are tired of hearing about it I'm sure so I don't even talk to anyone about it anymore I just wish it was all a dream

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    Once you walk away YOU have leverage and control. It may be awkward but its like riding a bike you get the hang of it after a while. And it doesn't have to take decades to build a relationship. There are people who get married within 1-2 years then conceive on their honeymoon. You build the relationship as you go.

    What this man did to you is dangerous and reckless - not only cheating and impregnating but indiscriminate raw fucking is no joke.

    Let this be a warning if you do stay with him wear condoms, have a baby when the time is right, and make him WORK to get you back. Similar to how when Kobe Bryant fucked off on his wife - he had to buy her a million dollar ring and promise fidelity to earn her forgiveness.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 12-18-2015 at 08:31 PM.
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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    IMHO this fixation on having a baby is putting the cart before the horse. Taking care of a baby is not an endless series of feel good moments like those in commercials or Hallmark cards. It is hard work, especially in the early years with all of the crying and communication difficulties, and requires a lot of energy and no small amount of cash. Responsible people make sure that they have all of their ducks in a row, including two committed partners, before they go down that path. The fact that this guy just put a bun in some other girl's oven, and is willing to take off and leave the girl flying solo, makes me seriously question whether he is good father material.

    You are young and haven't really dated. How do you know what else is out there until you explore?

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    I completely agree with everyone here who says you should leave him. staying with him will just be a waste of time since he's already proven to be irresponsible enough to get someone else pregnant AND leave the woman to deal with the consequences. how long has he known she's pregnant? did he stay there for long enough to know about the pregnancy? if that's the case, maybe he only came back because he was running away from that baby.

    you're only in your mid twenties, you have plenty of time! I'm nearing 30 and when I was about 25 I convinced myself that I was getting old and that time was running out for certain things. and that's just a big lie. don't waste any more time on this guy though, it's only taking away from the time you have to meet someone decent. who knows, it might only take a couple of months to meet that person, or even less. you never know what happens. when one door closes, another opens. maybe in 2 years from now you'll be pregnant and married to someone who deserves your love. wouldn't you rather wait a bit for the ideal situation to have a baby in?

    don't sell yourself short, you deserve better than this.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    This is a difficult situation and I really do understand what you are going through. You are correct the dating scene is difficult to navigate no matter what type of men you're interested in. The vast majority of men aren't dating with the intention of marrying and starting families. And you're right. For many men it takes years to get to even an engagement. After all they don't have the sense of urgency that a woman who desires a family does.

    If you're lucky they will make their intentions apparent without leading you on a merry dance. The best way to approach that is to not have sex right away and WEED THEM OUT. They show you their goals aren't aligned with yours cut contact and onto the next. You are in your mid twenties and time is still on your side but not if you invest 2,3,6 years at a time into the wrong guys.

    The reason I say keep your mind on your money is while dating and finding the right match is a combination of luck and trial and error, your money you can control. Fact: you can't strip for long while pregnant and you won't want to. You need to have money to live on for nine months plus ideally the first six months of the baby's life. Then of course there's the plethora of baby products you will have to get...see what I mean? It is much more healthy for you to focus on that part of it so you can be prepared for your pregnancy. That's what I did and I'm thankful for it. My baby is 4 months old. I'm 37 and I learned you can have what you want if you make it a priority in your life. Save for your baby and the life you want.

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    Default Re: side chick baby???

    thank you all very much

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