I know there are a ton of threads like this, and I did try to look through a lot of them, but I just want some specific advice. Sorry that this is like a small novel.
The thing about threads like this is that I never know where to start. I'm eighteen (turn nineteen in May) and I really want to strip. I think I would be good at it, I think I would enjoy it. It wouldn't be a career move, but while I'm in college, it would help me put a lot into savings so I could buy my own car, get a head start on paying of my student loan debts, maybe even get an apartment in the next couple of years? Who knows. My other option is to work at a restaurant where, on the best nights, I will make $100-120 in one night. On the worst shifts, I have walked away with $40. On average, I'll make about $60. I've been reading SW left and right to better understand the industry and what it takes to succeed. On top of that, I think I've found a club I want to work at.
Now for the boyfriend. He and I have been involved with one another for about a year now, exclusively seeing one another for about 6 months, and I met his parents/he met mine about 3 months ago. I really do love him. I told him that I want to strip, but that I want him to be comfortable with it, and for us to make that decision together. He's 21 and has been to strip clubs since he was 18, so I think he has a decent idea what goes on in them. Before all of this, I actually wanted him to go with me to the club I think I like best so that we could check it out together before my audition.
The first time I tried to talk to him about it, he got nervous and started shutting down, so I decided to wait. We tried again yesterday just after we had a fight (I want him to be more open with me, he said fine, let's be open, let's talk about you stripping), which I know was a mistake. The conversation did not go well.
He asked me why I wanted to do it, and if there was nothing else I thought I could do to make money. I told him that it was the difference between a $120 night being the best night I could possibly have at the restaurant and making anywhere from $150 to $300 on the slowest shifts at the club, a huge difference that would allow me to put a lot of money into my savings account a lot quicker. His response was "well, you don't know you'll make that much, you might not be good at it. You definitely won't starting out."
He asked me how I knew I would get hired, or how I knew I would like it. I told him I didn't really know either of those things, but it was something I had put a lot of thought into, and I had been considering the pros and cons and things I might not like about it for over a month now, so I at least wanted to try.
He told me a few things, that he was "worried about my reputation, what if people found out? I didn't need that label." (Every time I tried to ask him 'what label?' he was like '.... I don't know.' I knew what he meant but I wanted to hear him say it.) He told me he "knows that there are a lot of drugs in that life and that I didn't need to get involved with it." He said that he doesn't think I
would like it, and that it doesn't seem like something I need to be doing. He said that he doesn't think the money would be worth it. I asked him worth what, and once again he said he didn't know.
He never mentioned anything about him being jealous, or not wanting men to see me topless, or what have you. At one point he asked me "Do you not have any values, babe?" I started sobbing, he immediately apologized and said he didn't mean that. I believe him. He got really stressed out by the conversation and said something that just popped into his mind. Everybody does that in arguments. I wasn't worried about it. He also asked me if I was "really that desperate for cash." I didn't know what to say.
At the end of it, I told him that if he thought it wasn't right for me to work in a strip club, and he didn't want me to do it, I didn't want him going to a strip club as a patron anymore. He was baffled by this. I told him it was unfair that he would support other girls (because, in my mind, that is exactly what he is doing by spending money on them), but stop me from doing the same thing they were doing. He said that it was just because he knows me, but he doesn't know the other girls. To me, that seems like "I have a claim to your body, but not theirs." This wouldn't bother me if he was just saying "I want to be the only one that sees you." It does bother me if he is going to say "I want to be the only one that sees you," but then go pay money to see other women. I hope this makes sense. I tried to tell him this, and he didn't get it. At all.
In the end, we didn't reach a resolution. He started passive-aggressively telling me to "do whatever I wanted," and I don't consider what we had to be a real discussion. After he said everything he had to say, he refused to say anything anymore. He wouldn't ask questions, wouldn't discuss any of those points with me. If I tried to tell him my piece on something he had said, and then ask him how he felt about that/what he thought, he would just say "I already told you my thoughts."
We're going to have another conversation now that we've both cooled down from the fight. I'm hoping he will actually talk to me this time. I'm hoping some of y'all can give me advice on how to address some of his issues with me dancing, or really anything that I can say to him that will ease his mind?
And, once again, I love him a lot, and I don't absolutely need to strip at this point (I have no immediate bills that require the cash), so I would really like to actually reach a decision with him. I don't want to break up with him, because stripping isn't more important to me than he is; what I would like is for him to understand why I want to do it and to actually talk out all of his concerns with me so that we can both decide what I am going to do. So please refrain from 'just dump him' suggestions if at all possible!! Thanks so much.



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