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Thread: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

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    Duh Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    My mom is a good person, but she has really bad habits (like being selfish, unreliable, unable to take suggestions) and is not self aware enough to realize what she is doing and that makes her really, really hard to be around sometimes.

    Yesterday, for example, she was super mad at me for not taking care of her cat. She has never asked me to take care of her cat, nor has she ever asked me to take care of the cat, nor do I have any history of taking care of the cat, but she thinks I just should have "known" or taken the initiative to check on the cat when she wasn't home.

    I also think she is trying to sabotage my diet (whether consciously or unconsciously). She knows I have been working really hard at my diet and I am losing weight but I still have a ways to go. The day before yesterday she set out a plate of food she had saved for me (this is really unusual), it was lasagna, plantains, one stalk of broccoli, and three bean salad (what a combo, right?). I was like, you know I am on a diet, why would you give me this food? I was starving and had like 3 bites and was so mad at myself for it. Yesterday, she bought all these "healthy" (if processed food can be healthy) frozen dinners. I was hungry and tired from working so much and didn't feel like cooking. I asked her if I could have one and she said no. (We are food sharers, not sharing food is super unusual and very passive aggressive). I was like, WTF?

    Because it is the holidays and I have to spend one-on-one time with her and I just want to hide from her and not talk to her for awhile. I am living with her to finish school and I am in no position to move out right now. I just need to suck it up and deal with her. Her crazy makes me so frustrated! I should note, my mom didn't have parents who raised her, had a really unstable and bad childhood and is a remarkably good parent, all things considered. But she is working my last nerve!!! We have a holiday event tomorrow that I promised to go to with her months ago and I am just like going to have to channel all the patience and zen I can muster. I wonder if youtube has guided mediation, holiday family edition?

    Do you have crazy parents?

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  3. #2
    Senior Member stormi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    Yes, I can relate. Your post sent up so many flags: the sabotage, the making you think you should have "known" about taking care of her cat; it sounds like your mother is narcissistic and I don't blame you for wanting to hide.

    http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

    http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com...mother-survey/

    If those checklists resonate with you maybe this book can help http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good.../dp/1439129436.

    Those links and that book has good coping strategies but if your mom really is narcissistic it's a subtle form of abuse and you will need to find a way to have very very limited contact (or no contact with her at all) in the future to keep your sanity.

    My parents' favorite part of the holidays is that they will get presents and they get attention; they barely care about what I can afford or if I can travel they just focus on what they want. They also sabotage me by promising rides to work or giving me a car then completely backing out of it and then blaming me for not being able to keep a steady job. With people like that it's always your fault and they will rarely apologize.

    I hope you get through this season ok with your sanity intact. Don't let her drive you crazy.

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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    Yeah.Is there anything serious that happened to cause you to think she's crazy? Maybe she just didn't feel like sharing her food that day, plenty of people are the same way.Mood swings or whatever is normal.

    Maybe she actually was trying to be considerate & nice by saving you a plate of food and forgot you were on a "diet".

    This all seems circumstantial as the courts would say lol

    As far as the cat thing.....

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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    I'd hate to answer a question with a question, BUT does being the manager of a strip club count? My mother got me into dancing based off the style of Gypsy Rose Lee. She was the house mom/manager of a strip club for 8 years. I thank her for my abilities, talents, looks, and career, but sometimes I wonder...

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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    OMG my dad is the worst, he was recently divorced from my bitch of a step mom who didn't want me around on holidays for oh the past 5 ish years maybe 4 cause I'm not someone she can control but of corse she makes it seem like something else, my dad listened to her he always takes other peoples side over mine like i couldn't possibly not be fucked up so i became used to not seeing him on holidays, i didn't go see him last year his first holiday divorced he disowned me for 3 months for this, the most peaceful 3 mo of my life. lol. now this year i am participating and feel bad about last year but he wants to c me exactly as many times as I'm seeing my mom, if i saw her once he'd be cool with seeing me once but since I'm seeing her 3 times, he wants to see me 3 times and got all mad at me telling me how he's working around everyone else's schedule and its so hard on him. LIKe wtf so am i first of all so get over it, he's impossible to please. My mom is so easy, i just tell her I'm coming over and thats it, the dads gotta have an hour long convo about it and god forbid theres a change of plans, he has to read into it and have another hour long conversation, damn i came in town to have conversations with him about plans.TF

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    Yes, my mom is a bit on the crazy side, too. The holidays are especially hard, and she becomes more than her usual crazy at this time of year. Last week she was upset because she got too many party invitations, couldn't make a decision on which ones to accept, so her husband just RSVP'd on her behalf for a few different parties. Then she got mad because he picked the wrong parties, apparently. Even though she never did make a decision about which parties she wanted to go to and which she'd prefer to skip.

    I got a call from her last week digging for an invite to my house for Christmas day. I told her I was going to be going to a brunch gathering, and she'd be welcome to join me (these are Real Estate work friends, very much people-people, if that makes any sense) at the brunch, just bring a covered dish and some wine. Nope. She wasn't going to be around "strangers" on Christmas.

    I asked her if she wanted to come by after and we could have a light dinner and go to a movie or maybe go wander through one of the many lights displays in the city later in the evening? Then all she did was complain about how she is now obligated to attend a party with people she doesn't like (She used to like those people. Not sure what happened). She was very upset and crying and yelling (to the extent my mom yells, anyway. She's a very quiet person, generally). She was ready to divorce her husband because he picked the wrong party to attend, even though she never told him which invites she wanted to accept and which she wanted to skip.

    Ultimately, she is one of those people who will never make a decision, and then blame everyone for the terrible decisions they made. This is a life long pattern with her and it just gets worse the older she gets. I'm very direct. Don't ever ask me my opinion if you don't really want to hear it, because I've got no filter if someone ASKS. My mom is the exact opposite. If you ask her for her opinion, she'll usually reply with, "Well, I don't know. What do you think?" and then proceed to tell you all the reasons why you are wrong.

    I'm glad she is like this, because she's inadvertently been teaching me how to overcome objections my whole life. It's super frustrating, but I've finally come to a place where I can get her to tell me what she really wants by switching between talking about the topic of contention and distracting her randomly with off topic comments. I do this with customers in the club to overcome their issues with buying VIPs, and it works great with family, too.

    Finally, she made the decision to force her husband to reverse his RSVP for tonight, and they will be coming over to my house. I've got no real Christmas plans, no Christmas decorations, and had just planned to hang around the house tonight. I guess I'll be entertaining my Mom and Stepdad tonight. We'll be having pizza for dinner and all the alcohol you can drink and weed you can smoke.

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    I don't know how old your mom is, OP, but I've got to say that perimenopause can make a woman crazy. Think 'roid rage kind of crazy. I'm on hormones now, but am surprised that I've got any friends at all after some of the insanity I displayed in the early stages of perimenopause.

    It's a little like PMS and teen angst rolled into one crazy whirlwind of uncontrollable emotions. When I was in the hardest part of perimenopause, I knew I was acting insane and couldn't stop myself. This is probably why you see so many middle aged women taking up hobbies that are way out of character for them, like Krav Maga, or marathon running, or taking up stripping again (hehe) in mid life.

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    Default Re: Are your parents crazy too? I feel like the holidays bring out the worst.

    Yes! Most people in this business come from dysfunctional families. It's probably 1000% of people in this biz maybe.

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