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Thread: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

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    Default How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    So far, when I reveal to a guy that I do web camming, just about all of them have tried to take advantage of me by suggesting that he get on cam with me so he can get a piece of the money $$$. One guy I was dating suggested that we fuck on cam. Others get super annoying and immature by constantly begging for fap material such as snap shots or video footage. It's to the point that I think its best not to mention it to a potential dater because they guys get super annoying or try to pimp me. They see dollar signs and think I'm making easy money. Have any other cam girls experienced this?

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    Featured Member ava$'s Avatar
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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    thats exactly why i don't tell them anything about doing adult work, they all do this shit, so annoying its like once u tell them this they look at u as sex or money, tf.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by ava$ View Post
    thats exactly why i don't tell them anything about doing adult work, they all do this shit, so annoying its like once u tell them this they look at u as sex or money, tf.
    Yes. its almost scary how easy it is to get taken advantage of when you mention this. they think you're rich and want to use you for whatever you have

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    ^Exactly what ava$ said. I just don't date anymore period. I've never dated someone while in the adult industry who was cool with my job without having a host of more serious problems.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    I wouldn't tell guys that you're a camgirl unless or until it gets serious. IMO they don't need to know nor do I think its a good idea to tell every guy you date. If guys ask what you do for a living I would say something that's close to what we do like web tech, customer service, internet sales, etc.

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    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Threads like these makes me glad I went into camming in a relationship and been able to maintain it the after several years.

    I wish all you single ladies the best on finding that special someone.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.


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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    No offense, but it sounds like you need to search harder for a quality man. Sometimes this will mean finding a different job but there are some sex-positive feminist men out there who won't judge or treat you like a second class citizen just because you do this. In my experience though, telling people right away, as in before you even go on a date, is a much better approach than hiding it. If someone is going to waste your time, you might as well know sooner, and hiding it makes it seem like a dirty little secret which is all the more alluring to the type of guy who will take advantage of you. Before I got married, I dated a lot of men and told them all right away and honestly none of them treated me badly for it, unless they were just kind of a misogynistic jerk in which case they would have treated me like crap at some point regardless.

    How you look at your job may have a large effect on how it is received as well. If you are the burned out cam girl who just does this to make money and hates her life, this already puts you in a "I'm ok with being taken advantage of" kind of light. If you love your job, look at it as a form of sex therapy and express it as such, talk about your entrepreneurial hustle, etc. this will put forth an entirely different image of what you do for a living. There is a lot of shame that goes along with this type of work because, well lots of reasons but I would say mostly the unfair way that society looks at women's sexuality. You don't have to buy into it and neither do the men you date.

    All that said it may not be awful to have someone who is willing to cam with you. When I met my hubby 6 years ago, he knew about my past and didn't mind but wasn't cool with me camming in the future because of jealousy and it not fitting his predetermined image of "wife material." Now his views are different and we just started camming together - this has actually really spiced things up for us! I appreciate that he finally gets that I'm NOT a perfect little stepford wife and that I love doing this sort of thing. I feel seen and heard and appreciated because sexuality is a big deal to me and I resent being put in a "prim and proper" box. It's also given him a ton of confidence. But we have a good foundation so I don't have to question his intentions. I just mention this because if you really like doing this type of work, it may be more satisfying to find someone who embraces it vs. the kind of situation in which you will have to continually minimize what you do to avoid fights, etc. and the guys who want to cam with you may be thinking more about fun than the money. It IS a great way to make money though, especially from a guy's perspective, and a way to have more sex, so you can't really blame a guy for wanting to get in on it too. I think most men aren't even aware that this is a career option so they may go a little bonkers when you mention it because on the surface it sounds like the perfect job. Just talk to them and tell them that their response is making you uncomfortable and see how they react, then adjust accordingly. Good luck. <3

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    Threads like these makes me glad I went into camming in a relationship and been able to maintain it the after several years.

    I wish all you single ladies the best on finding that special someone.
    Me too.

    I personally wouldn't keep my job a secret. If that relationship does continue to move in the direction you want it to, at some point you'll have to say "remember how I said I did online customer service? Well... technically I'm servicing a bunch of cocks while I'm naked on cam" and the possibility of someone being hurt and feeling like you've been lying to them is too high. What happens then when they don't trust you?
    No power in the 'verse can stop me.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    How to not get taken advantage of?
    Don't allow it. It is really is that simple. Set boundaries for all relationships. People behave badly if you don't!
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    I'm old school AND old. My dad always advised my sister and i to not give out too much information too fast. Let there be mystery, don't reveal everything. As a camgirl, well men are different when it comes to sex. Telling a man you're camgirl is, no matter what, going to effect the way he sees you. I think it would cloud his vision and seeing the "real" you. Men just get crazy when it comes to sex. Telling a guy that right away would mess with his little brain down there. He'd constantly be thinking, dreaming and having questions about it. It would be the only thing he'd think about when being with you. Too much too soon in my opinion. The beginning of a relationship should be clear and YOU making sure how he handles other issues in life, does he man up, does he take care of business, does he keep a clear head, is he honest, does he keep commitments in his job or personal life, how does he feel about porn, women, relationships, all those little things will tell you whether he's worth it or not. (you should NEVER wonder if you're worth it. Is he worth it? A problem a lot of women have nowadays) He needs, you both need a solid foundation of you both are before opening up completely. Otherwise, when you need him most, he may abandon you.
    You need the man to reveal himself first, make sure it's safe and then let him know. You need to know him, before he knows you so that you trust him to not be a jerk when he knows all your secrets. It's the woman who gives in, surrenders and the man who protects. So better to find out what kind of man he is BEFORE he finds out what kind of woman you are. when you love yourself more and put yourself first it falls into place. So many girls and women are growing up thinking men are more important, their needs are more important and throwing ourselves to the curb, then resenting men when they don't respond or treat us badly. When all along a real man, loves the woman who put herself first, more than the woman who didn't. Sorry for the ramble. I just remember when I was young and how I thought boyfriends were more important than me.
    Of course I'm thinking of if you're wanting a man for long term/marriage.
    it that's not what you're looking for, then go for it. Take a risk, tell him everything and hold your breath. Just my 2 cents. Rent the movie "Shop Girl" or "The Joy Luck Club" to learn your worth.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Written by Steve Martin Based off a relationship he had when he was younger.
    Jeremy stepped up and said the magic words "I'll protect you"
    https://youtu.be/B9M8LG1DZKs

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    Threads like these makes me glad I went into camming in a relationship and been able to maintain it the after several years.

    I wish all you single ladies the best on finding that special someone.
    Same. Can't imagine trying to date now. I would not tell anyone until it got serious then I'd be REALLY firm in telling them what the boundaries are when I did reveal my job. I've always been a 'treat em mean' and pretend I can do without them kind of girl anyway so I'd treat it just like that - tell them short and to the point, make it clear it's a job and it doesn't define YOU either socially or sexually, it is a PERSONA only, and on that basis you expect their understanding, respect, and discretion. Make sure you appear as though you don't care if they leave you over it. The less you seem to need them, the less likely they are to take a power card. Good luck x
    "If you want to earn more, learn more" ~ Zig Ziglar




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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Good ideas, but I think, if you feel that it's potentially unsafe to tell a guy about your job, then keeping yourself safe is much more important than anything else. It's more important than whether or not the guy feels like you've been lying to him.

    For instance, if you have a relationship that progresses beyond a few weeks or a couple months, and you tell him you're a cam girl then. And explain why you didn't feel safe telling him before. If he's a decent person at all, he'll be understanding. And if he's not understanding, then he wasn't worth dating anyway. I realize, a lot of guys (and people in general) aren't usually very understanding in general. Which Imo makes them all not really worth dating, but oh well.

    And it's true that, if someone tries to pimp you, then you definitely don't want to date him, and he'll be mysoginistic and abusive in other ways too.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by caramelcraze View Post
    ^Exactly what ava$ said. I just don't date anymore period. I've never dated someone while in the adult industry who was cool with my job without having a host of more serious problems.

    Same! I don't even bother, cammings made my own opinion of men even worse!
    Id be happy to stay single for a long time, if not forever!

    I had a message off a "sugar daddy" from my SA account that l set up ages ago, we got messaging, and it turns out, I'm too far from him to meet in person, but he's happy to have an online SD/SB relationship. I played dumb and asked him what that was, he said "you know fun txt's, skypes, pics etc"
    Hahahaha yeah right mother fucker! And it turns out I earn more in a day that he does in a week!! Fucking men!!!

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    You know, as terribly annoying and discouraging as it is, maybe there's a bright side. I mean, after finding this out about them, are they dudes you really want to be with? They're showing you parts of themselves that are deal breakers; better to know that before you get too invested! I'd wait to tell them until you've been going out for a while and feel like you have a decent idea of their character, but not after you've been with them long enough that you'll be heartbroken if they act like a jackass. I haven't started camming yet, but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years now and so I told him what I'm planning to do. He was a little uncomfortable with it, but told me that he supports me in whatever I want to do and will help me if I need him. So I've got him helping me with tech needs and photography (things he loves!) which made him feel included and he's warmed up to things! There are good guys out there who will be neither disapproving or skeevy about your work. I'm sure you can find them if you look in the right places! Best of luck... my friends who don't work in the adult industry seem to have just a much trouble finding a man who is not a creep or a jackass of some kind, so don't get down on yourself.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by stripsearch322 View Post
    So far, when I reveal to a guy that I do web camming, just about all of them have tried to take advantage of me by suggesting that he get on cam with me so he can get a piece of the money $$$. One guy I was dating suggested that we fuck on cam.
    I vote telling him to start out solo and if he does well you can try to do shows together.
    BDSM - Business Development, Sales & Marketing

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    As far as I can tell, there are only a few types of guys out there when it comes to dating as a sex worker (or, well, anything):

    The Immature Asshole--he'll belittle your job in subtle or overt ways, objectify you, hold your job above your head as justification for treating you poorly down the road, and so forth. These types of men are never a good idea to date because, sex worker or no, they will eventually show their true colors in terms of disrespecting you in some other manner.

    The Good Guy, Bad Fit--he's a nice person that you could really see yourself fitting with in most if not all ways, but he respectfully admits that sex work or dating a sex worker makes him uncomfortable. These are the types of men that sex workers get their hearts broken over because the tensions created by the job almost inevitably lead to a painful split.

    The Unicorn Man--he's totally fine with dating a sex worker, respects your job, and respects you. If you weren't a sex worker, he'd still be 100% supportive, because he'd support everything positive in your life that makes you happy and respects you as a human being. These are the men worth dating, sex worker or not.


    When it comes to making sure you aren't 'taken advantage of' or treated poorly or objectified or whatever, you need to develop the ability to filter which of the three types you're dealing with and you need to be able to do it within the first few dates. If you're paying attention, The Immature Asshole will always make himself known and you can walk away before he ever needs to know about your job. Look for someone self-absorbed who tries far too hard to impress you in an attention grabbing way or seems entirely focused on getting you into bed. Also look for how he treats others and general comments he makes about other people, particularly women.

    If you've made sure you aren't dating The Immature Asshole, you're left with The Good Guy, Bad Fit or The Unicorn Man. The only way to really know which you have is by telling him what you do for a living and, if you've made sure you aren't dealing with The Immature Asshole, you won't need to worry too much about the outcome because regardless it will be a respectful conversation. You can also feel safe doing it, because you know this isn't the type of man to stalk you, out you to the entire town, etc., etc.

    That last reason, by the way, is why I don't particularly care for dating--most men in my area are the type to not only objectify me, but to brag to the entire city that I'm a porn star, try to find me online and harass me at work/out my personal information to the room, or get me in trouble with the more 'conservative types' around me. It's also why I screen my dates very carefully. So go out with a guy a few times and once you've gotten a good feel, tell him, but it's certainly not first date material in my book!
    Last edited by Issabelle; 12-23-2015 at 09:54 PM. Reason: typo


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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    I laugh when they make such suggestions. Great, let's sign you up & you can do all the marketing, seo, social media, editing.... Soon as they realize they have to WORK, they won't be so interested anymore. Male porn stars are the worst when it comes to those assumptions. A day or two with me & they go back home exhausted, they get to wash my dishes, vaccuum, clean the tub, walk my dogs, go get food, run my errands. Then hand them a computer & get them busy on social media, c4s for their own stuff so they are not financially dependent upon me. Meanwhile, I film like crazy on TRADE & get lots of content to sale.

    It is called flipping the script. Some of them might read this that I have done it to and laugh. This is my job, my career, my brand, I work hard & not earning money for a man so he can fuck me whenever he wishes & live some fantasy life while I get all the work. Yet, they come back & keep sniffing around, think it is my cooking that brings them back. LOL

    No matter what industry, over the years I've learned there are lots of men who want a free ride. Many of my married friends who are not in the adult industry have to work full time jobs, keep the house clean, do all the shopping, cooking, laundry & taking care of the kids while their husbands just have ONE job. Then there are a few, who put their foots down and made them be equal with all the house hold chores or they would move onto a richer guy.

    Want an equal, then treat them like they should be your equal & do half the work too. Why do we have to cater to all their needs? You have the pussy, flip the script.

    Great! they want to cam with you. Sign them up & have it all under their name & taxes so that they have to pay you 50% cash & the tax burden is on THEM! So when they leave or get tired of it your account will not be affected. Go get a model release form & 2257 have them read it & sign it before doing anything. Trust that will be a wake up call as to how real this all is. They want to skype, get free sexy pics & videos, great you want jewelry, flowers, shopping trips. They can be demanding but so can you.

    Before I did porn, before I did webcam, remember one guy telling me I was to expensive to date. Even though married, still chases after me almost 20 years later & how I was worth all those expensive dinners & flowers.

    If you don't know your value, NO ONE else will.

    Smooches,
    Sam

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    We want them to accept us for exactly who we are, but are we accepting them for who they are?

    Get what you want from a relationship, just don't be a giver.

    Some of my best pictorials come from my boyfriends at the time taking the pics, cause their love for me shown through the lens.
    One commented how I told him "Good boy" like I did the dog when he finished task. Thought "damn" he is catching on that I'm training him like I do the dog, but then realized it took him 2 years before he caught on.

    Most of my ex's are still great resources for me all these years later, some are mainstream actors, computer geeks, famous porn site owners and such. So pretty much no matter what my problem is or how to get to the next level I can contact any of them for advise. All of them are horn dogs who want to fuck me, doesn't mean I don't get what I need from them emotionally, advise, strategy & such to this day. Love all of them, just not always the way they want me too.

    What do you want? Make them tow the line & give it to you. Men love task & problems to solve, make them feel useful & helpful. I love men, but I make sure I get what I want out of the deal. Even if it is years later when I didn't get it when we were involved. Many may think it is okay to use females just for sex, but not in the long run & they do feel guilt over it.

    Sam

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Isabelle makes wonderful points. I still emphatically stress that you should tell someone up front because if you find the Unicorn Man, you will likely fuck it up by being dishonest. Would you take it if some guy hid working in the adult industry from you, while you are opening up and getting to know him? If you get the vibe that telling a guy early on would screw things up, listen to your gut. If he's not cool with it up front, he won't be later, and you are just delaying the inevitable.

    Ladies want a quality man who is honest, respectful, and caring. Does lying about what you do show that you are an honest, respectful, caring, and worthy woman?

    Being a cam girl doesn't define you but it DOES say something about you and your personality. You can try to pretend that this is just a job but choosing to be a sex worker is a lot different from choosing to be a barista. It's not an act for everyone all the time and these are things that a man needs to be allowed to process. Not all guys are sex crazed maniacs with pea sized brains that can't comprehend things. I do think a lot of girls in this line of work attract the wrong kind of guy, but this is due to their own lack of insight about what they are seeking, not really about the guys. Keep looking for the Unicorn.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Quote Originally Posted by stripsearch322 View Post
    ...just about all of them have tried to take advantage of me by suggesting that he get on cam with me so he can get a piece of the money $$$. One guy I was dating suggested that we fuck on cam...
    I don't really know how to successfully date as a cam model, but I have been in the situation where my SO thought that couples' camming would be his golden ticket out of his crappy, low-paying job. He had this vision of fucking for a few hours a day and making enough to compensate for both of our incomes. Turned out that couples' camming was not fun at all, and not as profitable as me solo.

    Here's an idea of what to do if a dude is seriously pushing to be your camming partner. Tell him to get a fleshlight or fake pussy or something, because you're each going to do solo camming for a while. He's not allowed to do anything you wouldn't do as a couple, so no fucking his ass unless he's down for pegging shows. Then you'll compare both of your average hourly earnings, and the profits from couples' camming will be split in that ratio. If he whines about how it's unfair because you already have a fan base, tell him he can take as long as he wants to build up his own solo fan base, and you can do the math whenever he's ready.

    If you think about it, guys will pay good money to see a dildo or pretty much anything going into a vagina. I have no idea if guys will pay money to see a real cock going into a fake pussy, but I'm guessing that they won't pay much for it. That should tell you something about actual fucking - guys are probably there to see the pussy getting penetrated much more than they care about the cock. Ergo you are the more valuable side of the equation, and should be compensated accordingly. If it turns out that you can average $80 per hour, and he can only average $2.50 per hour, then it's fair to assume that if the two of you cam together, his cock only accounts for 3% of the earnings. When you notify him that he'd probably earn $4.50/hour max, I think he'll reconsider.
    Quote Originally Posted by temptingmodel
    "dont worry, its slow for other models today"
    I'm not other models, its not slow.

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    y'all rock

    just logged in to kick a spammer and saw an alert about the OP, same person I've already banned twice for trolling in cc

    she posted clearly thinking that this was yet another loaded question sure to bring out the worst in us and instead y'all turned it into a brilliant discussion with some killer insight and perspectives

    much love and gracias, hope everyone has a wicked holidays

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    Default Re: How to not get taken advantage of when you're dating someone new?

    Wow, if you're dating guys like that then that's just a red flag to dump him and get someone better and someone who takes you seriously. Those guys see you as a piece of meat.

    There's no reason to keep camming a secret unless you don't want a relationship or date the guy. Would you wanna date someone who kept something like that from you? Then you either find out somehow or he eventually spills the beans. Surprise!! Sure fire way to get dumped in the future or if he doesn't dump you then you'll have some serious trust/relationship problems.

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