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Thread: End of the road

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down End of the road

    UPDATE***
    we FaceTime and he finally said that the whole long distance isn't going to work out. And that he doesn't know what to expect from it. He deactivated his okcupid and match profile and then asked me to check on it to see if it's deactivated. He said I'm too good to be true and that he has had bad experiences with online dating. He asked how many guys am I talking on the site..5,10,15? He also asked if I have any STD. Since his friend was talking about how she got it.

    He said he still likes me but is just being cautious since he's been cat fished before. He still says I can fly over and meet him whenever I want. He asked me if he's a sugar daddy to me since I asked him for flight tickets to see him. Also, he thinks I'm only talking to him for flight tickets!

    I don't understand why he's doing this!
    -------------------------------------------------------

    I feel like I'm good for nothing. College isn't for me but I still attend to obtain the degree to prove to my parents.

    I've been talking to this Korean corporate litigation attorney for 4 days. We exchanged phone numbers on okcupid. Everything is amazing about him...but he lives on the west coast. (I'm from the east coast.) He wants us to meet. Either he pays for my flight or he flys out to me. He's a 34 year old VIRGIN. He's done other stuff but not sex. He's saving himself for marriage.

    He's already talking about me moving in with him. He doesn't mind my expensive taste. He also doesn't mind if I'm working or not. I wouldn't dare tell him I danced! He gets a hardon from face timing me. We call/text each other every day.

    I feel like he's a bit possessive. I told him about a California photographer that is trying to fly me out to shoot. I told him I was on the phone with him. He asked why am I talking to him. And if I talk to a lot of guys on okcupid.

    He likes that I send him selfies of me (fully clothed). I NEVER mentioned to him what I do for a living.

    He tried looking up flight tickets but as of the holidays. It's a bit pricy so he asked me to wait. I'm not sure if him and I would work out. He's my dream guy. Someone that makes 6 figures a year. That way I can quit dancing. But I'm not sure what I want to do.

    I'm an Aries and he's a Gemini and the horoscopes says we are very compatible. Not sure if I should believe in that. But it seems like we are. We are both very hyper and energetic individuals.

    He says he only goes on his profile to talk to me but I see him regularly online. He told me he's very attracted to me. Like we have a connection and that we are compatible.

    I just got off the phone with a close guy friend of mine. He told me the negatives & positives sides of me. The negatives are 1.) I'm a dumb girl. I don't engage in intellectual conversations. 2.) college is NOT for me. 3.) I'm insecure with the guys I talk to. 3.) I have daddy issues.

    Positive sides 1.) I'm big on family. 2.) I'm arrogant to people but when I form a friendship with them. I have a big heart.

    I know I shouldn't care what peoples say or think about me. But I need to work on myself!
    Last edited by sweet_baby; 12-28-2015 at 08:54 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: End of the road

    I really think you need to work on your self esteem. Your friend sucks and shouldn't talk to you in such a cruel way when you're already down. I refuse to believe that an intelligent, beauty young woman only has three positive qualities. Make a list of all the good things you are. If you can't think of any, start making a list of things you're not. You're not unattractive, you're not uneducated, you're not unemployed. That should tell you you're beautiful, kind, and intelligent. I'm not sure what your living situation is, but you're not homeless, are you? That tells me that if you're on your own in an apartment, you're successfully supporting yourself. If you're living with a significant other, you're doing that and able to maintain a relationship. If you have a roommate, you can be polite and pleasant enough to be around that people want to live with you. Hell, even if you're living at home, you have people who love you that you can rely on. I'm also going to assume you can drive, can get hired at a job interview, are able to change your path in college. A lot of people can't do all those things. You deserve credit just for posting and being open enough to ask for help. I'll think of something to say about the relationship online later, I just got home and I'm tired and starving.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: End of the road

    Thanks! It really means a lot. I've always had low self esteem my entire life! No. I'm not homeless. I still live with family.

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    Default Re: End of the road

    I saw that ominous title and assumed the worst! I'm thankful that the body of your thread doesn't seem to bear it out. For the record, are you endorsing your somewhat less than helpful friend's opinion that you have only two positive qualities?

    First, as they say in medicine, wouldn't it be helpful to have a second opinion?

    Second, what are your goals for the new year?
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: End of the road

    Well one of my goals is to become a better person.

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    Default Re: End of the road

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_baby View Post
    Well one of my goals is to become a better person.
    Real talk: finding better friends will go a long way in achieving that goal.

    The people you surround yourself are a reflection of who you are and how you feel about yourself.

    If you surround yourself with good, kind, motivated people with a strong sense of self, then that can't help but rub off on you.

    If you surround yourself with people who freely tell you, unkindly, how many 'negatives' they see in you as a person and can only come up with vague/weak positives when asked, then that feeling of being useless with few true positive attributes to offer the world will become something you believe.

    By the way--your 'friend' sounds like an asshole who's pissed you called him for advice about a man much more successful then him instead of calling to ask if he's down to fuck. No, really, calling you a dumb girl with daddy issues is the sort of shit you hear from a broke customer in the club expecting freebies when he gets mad that you won't entertain him anymore. Toss that loser out with the nearest trash pick up. He doesn't even deserve an explanation for being dumped from your life entirely if he thinks so fucking poorly of you. That is not the kind of person who would be there for you if you needed help.

    Also:

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_baby
    I know I shouldn't care what peoples say or think about me. But I need to work on myself!
    Doesn't that just sum up the answer to your own question? You shouldn't care what people say/think about you because the only person who has to live with your decisions, sense of self worth, and self in general is you. Sure, easier said than done, but it really does get easier with practice. No, really, I'd personally start by calling up your frenemy dude over there, saying 'fuck you for saying such terrible things about me you fucking dickbag; don't you fucking talk to me again EVER,' hanging up, and blocking him from your life forever. See? Great practice in not giving a damn what people think and making it clear why you're done with them in the shortest time possible.

    And on a slightly more serious note, you say you need to work on yourself first. I agree that anyone who thinks they need to do that probably does need to do that, but not necessarily because they need a vast overhaul to their personality or whatever. If you think you aren't good enough as is, you need to work on that self esteem until you do feel worthy of all the good things in your life and capable of changing anything that you find unfulfilling or bad.

    If you think you need to work on yourself, you have no business being in a relationship. You can't focus on yourself while growing a new relationship. Factor in that this guy sounds possessive, jealous, and seriously inexperienced (and, I assume, older) and you have a recipe for disaster. No amount of money is worth some dude pressuring you into a quick marriage so he can lose his virginity and have a nice little housewife. You've literally never even met this dude and you're talking about marrying him while he's talking about not liking you talking to a male photographer and immediately jumping to the 'how many other fucking men are you stringing along' implications. He sounds insecure as fuck, just saying. I'd drop that like a hot potato if I were you. Rich, stable, and not crazy are not impossible to find.

    Also, you don't need to be an intellectual genius to score a steady man. Sure, it's a plus to many dudes, but at the end of the day a man looks for a partner that makes him feel good mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you're very good at reading a man's desires on all of those levels, then it won't matter to him if the most complicated thing you talk about all day is what color you want to repaint the bathroom or how you bought new matching throw pillows for the office. A man will be satisfied with someone who makes him feel satisfied on all levels. Those men don't stray and they aren't all looking for the same things. One man may want intellectual conversations while another man may be thrilled to know his wife/gf will never needlessly bring him drama/problems and is a good listener. Just gotta look until you find someone you match with.
    Last edited by Issabelle; 12-27-2015 at 10:41 AM.


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    Default Re: End of the road

    [QUOTE=sweet_baby;2834297]UPDATE***
    we FaceTime and he finally said that the whole long distance isn't going to work out. And that he doesn't know what to expect from it. He deactivated his okcupid and match profile and then asked me to check on it to see if it's deactivated. He said I'm too good to be true and that he has had bad experiences with online dating. He asked how many guys am I talking on the site..5,10,15? He also asked if I have any STD. Since his friend was talking about how she got it.

    He said he still likes me but is just being cautious since he's been cat fished before. He still says I can fly over and meet him whenever I want. He asked me if he's a sugar daddy to me since I asked him for flight tickets to see him. Also, he thinks I'm only talking to him for flight tickets!

    EL OH EL! I would run for the flipping hills! Sugar daddy over a shitty plane ticket?!? I'm dying, on the best day maybe a Splenda daddy. Was he going to charter out a private jet or going to give you at least business class tickets. When a man wants to meet you and you live far away it's only right he come see you, find his ass accommodations, and you'll be on your own turf and know your way around in case anything goes wrong. Don't ever deliver yourself to a man, IDC where he lives. Let the man show you with his actions that he thinks your worth the time and effort

    Beyond and all that... this guy sounds like a super kook. I would never talk to him again. Seriously. At best he sounds like an annoying head ache but from what I read I wouldn't be surprised if he become dangerous. So.... BLOCK! IGNORE! RUN! lol There are good guys out there takes some sifting but please.... don't deal with these types.

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  12. #8
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    Default Re: End of the road

    Okay, well, we can definitely update all of this to say the following:

    Crazy status: con-FUCKING-firmed.

    Block him everywhere. He's trying to mind fuck you from a distance before you even meet him in person while being suspicious, jealous, accusational, and generally emotionally manipulative. Oh, and clearly insecure as fuck. I'm sorry, but does his 6 figure salary cover the cost of therapy that you'll both need to survive his insanity?

    The first time that psycho flies off the handle will be amazing--he'll either accuse you of sleeping with everything from his dog, to his best friend, to his boss, to the gardener, then use it as an excuse to fuck every woman he sees after, at which point he'll probably make you beg to get back into his 'good graces' over shit you haven't even done yet.

    Sound far-fetched? Hardly, considering that he's already accusing you of being a whore (how many men are you talking to on OKCupid? More than one? SLUT!) and of having an STD (cute, really just adorable). Alternatively, he's trying to make you desperate enough to come to him (and then god knows what will happen), or is so desperate himself he thinks a freak out will help his cause, or both. Lord knows on that front.

    One clear thing I can see though: you need to RUN!


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