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Thread: Considering secretly dancing again....

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    Veteran Member jadey23's Avatar
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    Default Considering secretly dancing again....

    Hello everyone it's been a while since I've hit up the boards -- been going thru a tough situation with my boyfriend and long story short he got into some bad deals and we are FLAT BROKE. He has some outstanding personal debts, is out of a job and prospects looking bleak, and he's pretty down and out to say the least. To save some money we moved out of his condo and into a decent lil one bedroom that is now under my name. He's very resourceful and I know that he'll get the money coming in again somehow, as well I'm not upset about having to step up and take care of some bills as he was paying everything for the past year (leading me to give up dancing and focus on school), but this new restaurant job I picked up is just not cutting it.

    I talked with him about me dancing again and was met with a very stern ABSOLUTELY NOT -- but I feel like I just want to take it into my own hands and do it on the low. Maybe just a shift or two a week. I hate having to lie to him, but I just feel like our options are so limited right now. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Oh, girl, I'm sorry, situations like this are no fun. The thing is though, since you're now financially responsible for both of you, he has no business telling you how you can and cannot earn money, especially with something as trivial as stripping once a week. It's not like you're Walter White and you're building a meth empire. Can he really not just grow up and let you fix a problem he created?

    If you feel like dancing secretly is the best choice, then do it. You know what's right for your own life. Good luck and $$$!

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    Veteran Member jadey23's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    I do feel like it's the right choice, I'm just torn because I hate hate lying to him. I feel like karma's gonna come and bite me somehow because of it.
    Unsophisticated in the finest sense of the word.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    If your current job doesn't give you enough money to cover your bills and your boyfriend is currently unemployed, how exactly does he expect your bills to get paid? Unless he has a realistic alternative to go with his refusal to let you dance, sorry, but he needs to face reality and you should not feel the need to hide how you're going to be supporting his ass. The fact is that the bills have to get paid and neither he nor your current job will be able to pay them. If he doesn't like that, he can figure out how to magically pay the bills.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    I'm assuming that you were dancing when he met you...

    I don't want to sound mean, but there had to be a combination of bad decisions and overall poor judgment for a guy to bust out so badly. I'm a small business owner who has been part of a few bad deals himself over the years, but I controlled my exposures and never put all my eggs in one basket. Perhaps he didn't feel the same constraints since, unlike me, he doesn't have a family to feed. Idk, but to get to the point where he has to rely upon his waitress GF for the roof over his head and his next meal is pretty bad. I'm not sure you can or should expect him to recover anytime soon, if ever.

    So with all of that said, I agree with others who said that he doesn't have a right to dictate how you provide for the both of you. In fact, IMHO you should be candid with him rather than trying to sneak behind his back. What's he gonna' do, leave? LOL. Seriously though, it's going to be far more difficult for you to bring in meaningful money if you are so limited in the number and duration of shifts. It will also be a never ending cause of anxiety for you, which I cannot imagine will not carry with you into the club.

    Anyway, just my and good luck!

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    Featured Member ava$'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Id just lie and say I was going out on the two busiest nights of the week and if that won't work, try camming

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    then dont lie to him and just do it. maybe that'll add fuel to the fire under his ass to get his shit together. that place is under your name, you need to find a way to feed not only yourself but the bf until he finds something, he has NO right to get uppitya bout stripping when you guys are on the brink. how ridiculous.

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Flat Broke sounds like a reason, but lying to him is something that will eat away at you slowly overtime and its best to keep things clean as possible. Tell him the truth (You will thank yourself later for it.) and stick to your initial feelings, that money is needed and it taps into a chance at high income. Remain firm on the options as his title is not to take ownership over your body, but to love and listen. He may of expressed his anger and distress for the thoughts of knowing his gf will be watched by other guys, chance at being grabbed/touched by others and refuses to hear anything out since he may be in a slight shock. (I would give it time and bring it up to him again calmly, with a plan to back it up.)

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    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Even if you did lie to him, when he sees the increased funds he will have figured it out anyways.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    I think you either dance and say bye-bye, or dance and figure out a way to make it work with him knowing. Is the relationship really worth it if you're lying to your SO everyday about where you're going 2-3 nights a week? Is it even a real relationship at that point? And like Ariel said I really can't imagine you'll be able to keep this from him for long-- he's gonna notice suddenly you aren't stressed about money and are staying out late constantly and not working at the restaurant anymore and it'll blow up in your face, and unfortunately at that point a lot of the argument is going to be about you lying about it.

    My boyfriend wouldn't be mad about me going back to dancing but he'd deal with it, and if we were flat broke and it was his fault--- yep, we all make mistakes but being flat broke is a pretty big one and makes me think there was something else going on-- he definitely would deal with it. If you can't pay your bills it's ridiculous for him to expect you to become homeless just because he doesn't want you in a club.

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    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Hey again!

    Oh god please don't tell me you met him at a strip club or something. Because if he did, he was ok trying to date a stripper and now that he got her, he's suddenly not ok with it?

    And and... he's DEPENDING on you right now, right? Who the fuck does he think he is, "plz sustain my grown ass while I try to get my shit together BUT IT HAS TO BE ALL MINIMUM WAGE WAITRESSING MONEY EVEN THOUGH IT'S REALLY HARD ON YOU, WITH SCHOOL AND ALL"

    Don't lie, tell him that money don't grow on trees and unless he's bringing the funds in again, you have to go back to stripping. Money don't grow on trees. Neither does time. By stripping, you're not only getting money, but you're saving time that you can invest in school.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Veteran Member jadey23's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    GAHHH you're all right. I know you are, but I just can envision his reaction in my head already. Even if I am honest and he knows about it, it's the coming home after a shift and him scooting 3 feet away from me in the bed, the built up resentment... the overall deteriorating of the quality of our day to day relationship.

    What's funny is that I've known for as long as we've been together that he's not the "ONE", but we do love and need each other for the time being. It's always been a very "right now" relationship, I never pictured myself staying with him long enough to get through the rough times and yet here I am. There's no way I'm just gonna up and leave him when he's down and out. ANd yet... I still feel like I HAVE to keep it from him, because he'll never understand.
    Unsophisticated in the finest sense of the word.

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    Senior Member LoveViviAmante's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Take a deep breath baby, you know that he's got no right to boss you. Get out while you can, he's a waste of time, energy, and love. You deserve someone that is the One, theEnd, the Everything.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Grownups have to act like grownups. There is no way that you can reasonably support two people in the LA metro area on a single restaurant job, especially starting from flat broke. If he doesn't get that then he's a moron. So that means that either you need to do something extraordinary to pull in the cash or he needs to get off his ass and start contributing - like now. If that means ringing a cash register and cleaning up at the local Quik-Mart until he finds something better then so be it.

    And if he leaves you holding the bag and then treats you like crap for doing what you need to in order to feed and house the two of you, then IMHO you should punt his ass. Preferably before he drags you into a financial ditch with him.

    Good luck as you work through all of this.

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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Based on your comment about his very stern ABSOLUTELY NOT, do you think there is any possibility that he could become violent if you tell him or he finds out?

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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    LOL this guy isn't contributing at all, you both live in a place that's in only YOUR name, you are going to school plus working to pay for everything.. & he has the nerve to tell you where you can and can't work? Girl.... this guy needs to shut up and worry about himself and just let you pay the bills of YOUR apartment however you choose to. If he's too insecure to 'let' you work in the strip club then he can go hangout on the sidewalk in a cardboard box lol. Especially if you don't even see him as a long term boyfriend. He's lucky he even has you in his life right now to fully support him while he's down & out. He should be grateful you're still around.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    It's not going to be secret. You already threw the idea of stripping out there and unless he's slow he will catch on when you come home late with stacks of cash - unless you are REALLY good at acting and living a double life (and living a double life especially around people you are close to emotionally is very very hard)

    If you're paying the cost to be the boss then he can't really say too much at this point.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 12-31-2015 at 06:48 PM.
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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    Quote Originally Posted by jadey23 View Post
    GAHHH you're all right. I know you are, but I just can envision his reaction in my head already. Even if I am honest and he knows about it, it's the coming home after a shift and him scooting 3 feet away from me in the bed, the built up resentment... the overall deteriorating of the quality of our day to day relationship.

    What's funny is that I've known for as long as we've been together that he's not the "ONE", but we do love and need each other for the time being. It's always been a very "right now" relationship, I never pictured myself staying with him long enough to get through the rough times and yet here I am. There's no way I'm just gonna up and leave him when he's down and out. ANd yet... I still feel like I HAVE to keep it from him, because he'll never understand.
    You don't owe him anything, f*** him. Your job is to take care of yourself, not the grown-up adult that is supposed to be your partner and work with you to make both your lives better. He's pulling you into a 'rough time' by not allowing you to dance with a clear conscience by telling you what you can and cannot do and fucking up the finances so that you can't get by. And if he's not the one, why stay? Maybe you'll find someone you like better who is more accepting of sex work, or maybe you won't, but you won't be working long hours at a restaurant, making pennies and struggling to pass your classes. If you want to stay with him because you feel guilty leaving him when he's down, OK-- but it's ridiculous for him to be dictating what you can and cannot do when you're doing the favour of helping him out after he's fucked up.

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  34. #19
    Veteran Member jadey23's Avatar
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    Default Re: Considering secretly dancing again....

    @eagle2 -- no I don't think he would ever become violent. I DO think that at most would lash out verbally :/

    Sighhhh okay I'm just gonna put some pants on and have a talk with him. I'll probably do it this week or next, and hopefully be back working by Valentine's. Thank you for ur input everyone <3
    Unsophisticated in the finest sense of the word.

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