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Thread: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

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    Default Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I am already 31 and haven't been in the business long. I have a degree in a low-paying field, so I basically just want to do this until I get my college loans payed off and have the down-payment for a house. The problem is that I am too old to be drinking as much as I am. I am not a partier, I just have trouble engaging with the clientele and not clocking out too early if I am sober--I get very bored and reserved with such a fake-ass place and fake-ass people when sober. I know that a dancer who drinks on shift is nothing new or unheard of. I just want to have a couple days a week where I can stay sober and still get after the money as if I am properly buzzed on vodka-redbulls, without the alcohol and caffeine. I know that it is up to me to make this happen, but I was wondering if any of you who have struggled with the same dilemma have come out on top and what you did in order to master sober-minded confidence, prowess, and will. I have considered anti-drinking medication, but I enjoy having a cocktail with friends when I'm not at work, and I do not suffer alcohol withdrawal during my days off--yet.

    Thanks! <3

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Sounds like some soul searching is on the menu, boo. Lots of uncomfortable questions come to mind that aren't my place to ask.


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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Are there any juice bars around your area? If so I would recommend checking them out.

    I am also an introvert, and am an INFP so I can completely relate to getting bored of all the SC fakeness. But you know what, stripping doesn't always have to be shallow. I find what helps me is making myself get to know the customers. Take an interest in their life, ask questions. See what you two have in common and get him to talk about his hobbies. Find something, anything, you like about them and compliment it. This is usually easier to do one-on-one. You meet some interesting characters at the SC (both good and bad). Hope this helps.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I had to die. Literally. I overdosed on cocaine 8 years ago. My heart stopped.
    I don't know what your issues are and I'm not going to ask, but my experience as a former addict tells me that this industry will only amplify whatever you're going through 100x. I'm not saying you have to be 100% sober all the time. But if you need alcohol to function this isn't the place for you. This industry consumes the weak and spits them out. You mentioned in the butt plug thread that you'd never do it because you're sensitive to "cattiness from other dancers."
    Honey this is an industry where other's opinions do not matter if they are not giving you $$. If you're worried about that my advice is take some time off and do some soul searching or grow a pair of cajones real quick. Some are just not cut out for this industry, at least mentally. No shame in that.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    My two cents:

    For starters, age is not an obstacle (in fact, there are some threads about strippers successfully working way beyond their 30s). Second, it is not mandatory to drink (there are threads on strategies for not drinking alcohol offered by customers, and I would think that you would not start drinking on your own), and there, just like Culitos said, juice bars (her advise on how to approach customers is also very good).

    Finally, I agree with Tempest (a person who has my utmost respect); this industry is the ultimate example of natural selection and it can go deep in your vulnerabilities and make them even more painful. here are several examples that you can read here, Tempest had a drug addiction that almost killed her; I thought I was solid rock until I noticed I had a sex addiction; so please, do not think this is easy money and thake care.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    This is something I struggled with as a deep introvert, especially when I would start to burn out. It got to the point that I couldn't even talk to a customer or go on the floor without a buzz. First off I would look into camming if I were you. If anything there's no approach anxiety with camming... Otherwise my only advice is to fake it til you make it; make up a persona, have lines ready to feed every customer. That's the only way I could work without drinking. I played a bubbly, dumb, "horny" blonde. Fake real name, fake back story, etc. all ready to go. I would approach every customer in similar ways, feed them the same bullshit and see if they took the bait...then move on. It became mechanical so I didn't have to think about it. Customers weren't meeting the real me, but a character, and that made it easier for me to interact with them.
    I would also put myself on a 2 drink maximum rule. Quitting cold turkey doesn't work but you can wean yourself off the dependency.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Is it at all possible to work shorter shifts or come in later, right when it's starting to get busy? I don't know about you, but I find I drink more when the club is quiet because there's nothing else to do. When I'm busy running around chatting with customers and giving dances, I straight up don't have time to get drunk. I also feel less like drinking because I'm happy to be making money, and that always motivates me to keep making more.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I am a total introvert and I was the dancer that had to be shit faced on every shift to make money, if I wasn't I wouldn't make a dollar because I wouldn't talk to anyone. One night I got super trashed at work and had something awful happen to me. I knew at that point it was either give up dancing or give up having to be completely shit faced to work. I took a long hiatus and during that time I started doing yoga, mostly for physical exercise but the more I did it, the more I enjoyed the mental aspect of the practice and how it taught me to focus on my breath and be present. Practicing yoga gave me a huge confidence and self esteem boost. When I started dancing again I made sure that yoga was a part of my routine before work. It gave me the opportunity to stretch as well as clear my mind and make me feel as though I was prepared to handle anything. Before, I would drink before I even got to work, have a drink in the dressing room, and then be all ready to work. Since discovering yoga, I do yoga before I get ready for work and make sure I drink lots of water. If I can help it, I do my hair and makeup at home, so I just have to change clothes and get out on the floor when I get to work. If I am not able to do that, I listen to yogic chanting with my headphones while I get ready so I am not listening to all of the awful things you hear in strip club dressing rooms. Before I go on the floor, I remind myself that I am about to go and put on a great show and hear some interesting conversations, and if things ever get too overwhelming out on the floor I can always come back to the dressing room to put on my headphones and just breathe until I'm ready to go back out and try again. I don't know if something like this will work for you but I'd say give it a shot. I hope everything goes well for you.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Quote Originally Posted by Amira702 View Post
    I am a total introvert and I was the dancer that had to be shit faced on every shift to make money, if I wasn't I wouldn't make a dollar because I wouldn't talk to anyone. One night I got super trashed at work and had something awful happen to me. I knew at that point it was either give up dancing or give up having to be completely shit faced to work. I took a long hiatus and during that time I started doing yoga, mostly for physical exercise but the more I did it, the more I enjoyed the mental aspect of the practice and how it taught me to focus on my breath and be present. Practicing yoga gave me a huge confidence and self esteem boost. When I started dancing again I made sure that yoga was a part of my routine before work. It gave me the opportunity to stretch as well as clear my mind and make me feel as though I was prepared to handle anything. Before, I would drink before I even got to work, have a drink in the dressing room, and then be all ready to work. Since discovering yoga, I do yoga before I get ready for work and make sure I drink lots of water. If I can help it, I do my hair and makeup at home, so I just have to change clothes and get out on the floor when I get to work. If I am not able to do that, I listen to yogic chanting with my headphones while I get ready so I am not listening to all of the awful things you hear in strip club dressing rooms. Before I go on the floor, I remind myself that I am about to go and put on a great show and hear some interesting conversations, and if things ever get too overwhelming out on the floor I can always come back to the dressing room to put on my headphones and just breathe until I'm ready to go back out and try again. I don't know if something like this will work for you but I'd say give it a shot. I hope everything goes well for you.

    Wow, thanks so much for the earnest and thorough reply. And you know, I do feel like a completely different person between when I am going to the club everyday and when dancing is my primary form of exercise. Maybe because I am a bit high-wired I basically just need tons of exercise and meditation to keep me level. I will still have to figure out how being an empath under 3 mercurial signs can fit into the dance world, but I think the meditation is a big key.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Quote Originally Posted by wednesday86 View Post
    This is something I struggled with as a deep introvert, especially when I would start to burn out. It got to the point that I couldn't even talk to a customer or go on the floor without a buzz. First off I would look into camming if I were you. If anything there's no approach anxiety with camming... Otherwise my only advice is to fake it til you make it; make up a persona, have lines ready to feed every customer. That's the only way I could work without drinking. I played a bubbly, dumb, "horny" blonde. Fake real name, fake back story, etc. all ready to go. I would approach every customer in similar ways, feed them the same bullshit and see if they took the bait...then move on. It became mechanical so I didn't have to think about it. Customers weren't meeting the real me, but a character, and that made it easier for me to interact with them.
    I would also put myself on a 2 drink maximum rule. Quitting cold turkey doesn't work but you can wean yourself off the dependency.
    Thanks for your very earnest reply. That is good advice. To make a very elaborate back story. I used to canvas in my early twenties and we would have a "rap" we would have to use with people, so maybe instead of trying to figure every guy I talk to out, and get under his skin, so to speak, maybe I should just have my rap or spill for a while until it is easier to chill and focus without booze.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I had to die. Literally. I overdosed on cocaine 8 years ago. My heart stopped.
    I don't know what your issues are and I'm not going to ask, but my experience as a former addict tells me that this industry will only amplify whatever you're going through 100x. I'm not saying you have to be 100% sober all the time. But if you need alcohol to function this isn't the place for you. This industry consumes the weak and spits them out. You mentioned in the butt plug thread that you'd never do it because you're sensitive to "cattiness from other dancers."
    Honey this is an industry where other's opinions do not matter if they are not giving you $$. If you're worried about that my advice is take some time off and do some soul searching or grow a pair of cajones real quick. Some are just not cut out for this industry, at least mentally. No shame in that.
    Thanks so much Tempest for sharing your story and being honest. I have considered that maybe I am just not cut-out. I am highly empathic, so it is too easy for me to internalize other people's garbage. But I guess that is my ace in the hole with introverted/nerdy customers. I get them to open up themselves and their wallets. I mean, I don't get wasted and I've never broken down in tears at work (one time I cried when I got home though), and I make pretty decent money. but yeah, it's like I don't know what to fucking say to customers if I haven't had a drink--and there are the obvious health concerns. I think that Amira's approach really rings true for me. We empaths need more self-care and decompression, so I think yoga will be really good for balancing and grounding myself. hmmm yeah actually that is stupid to be sensitive about other dancers because the ones that are rude are always either way younger than me or way more wasted. there is always something to pity/empathize with in those girls. So yeah, at the end of the day I have a sense of humor about myself and the stupid things that get my goat, so I think that is why I am not too worried about this industry eating me alive. Because I can throw a pity party and then laugh at it after I've let off some steam.

    Thanks again for your frankness! Congrats on being alive and away from the blow.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Thanks everyone for your responses. I am trying to up my stage presence so that I can do well at stage-oriented clubs where 90% of your money is coming from $1 bill rainfalls and not pitching private dance sales (I am currently at an upscale club where all my money after house fees comes from private time). I have never needed alcohol to physically dance--it's just the sales aspect. And as someone who is high-wired and a bit ADHD, more exercise and meditation will definitely help level me out so it is easier to focus on the acting role one customer at a time (one of my nerdy regulars would complain that I was too fidgety LOL). So yeah, I guess I was self-medicating for ADHD with alcohol and didn't even realize it--and the alcohol was messing with my mood and making me sensitive--it makes total sense though. My therapist is making me promise to go to the gym 5 days a week tho and we are tapering me off the wellbutrin (a prescription that doesn't help with excessive nervous energy), so...

    Lovelies keep shining! <3

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Also, something big I am not giving myself credit for. Two weeks ago, I kicked my alcoholic emotional-vampire boyfriend to the curb. I always drank more when around him. He kept the closet stocked with liquor and I had to be drunk just to stand his annoying co-dependent ass. So yay to that!

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Fellow introverted, older dancer here. I make a game out of my day to keep myself motivated. If I'm feeling nihilistic I'll play a game I call Biggest Reject. My goal is to get as many "no's" in a row as possible. I start with customers I'd never want to dance for in the first place. That makes the first few "no's" easier. Once you've got 5 "no's" in a row, then you'll start to feel more into it.

    Other things I do to entertain myself and to keep my hustle interesting: say nonsense things that sound like it could be a real sentence when talking to the customers to see if they are listening. "You know, sometimes it's the blue chair that makes life difficult for hamburgers." Then listen to how the customers reply. LOL! It's funny until I end up doing something like this while suffering a stroke.

    Ultimately, if you can't force yourself to work w/o drinking on the job, perhaps this isn't the right job for you. If sex work is exciting to you, and it's just the club atmosphere that's the problem, maybe try doing bachelor parties or webcam or escorting or some other sex work that is easier for your personality type.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    This is extremely relatable to me. I am the same age and have been dancing on/off for almost 10 years. I guess I had the idea "i'd be done by now" So there was a lot of guilt and self-worth I would carry with me to work. But in all honesty you have to realize that being older gives you a huge advantage...you know by now what kind of clientele to approach, who to avoid, how to ask for a tip, how to keep a regular. I average more now than I did when I was 25. However, if I have one more 27 year old tell me about how he "likes older women" i'll vomit.

    I have danced in both juice bars and cocktail clubs so I know it is a myth that i "needed" alcohol to dance...but I am also they most awkwardly introverted human on Earth so I like to tell myself I do.

    But I think you will be surprised that once you are aware of your behaviors how you can change them. I do choose to still drink at work but after I am having that 3rd cocktail I ask myself...."ok why?" I also have another freelance job outside of the club, so I am also responsible some of the time for being a human being in the morning. This helps sometimes.

    I limit the hours/days I work and I don't push myself to work more if I can't handle it. It is more important to have my mental stability than financial. Also I find the less I work the more motivated I am to stay on track while I am there. 2-3 days a week is my max.

    Thank you for opening up and talking about your struggle. I feel like this quite often and most of my friends I work with choose not to drink. I appreciate your share.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I'm struggling with the same thing myself. All these ladies have given invaluable advice. When I first started dancing seriously a few years ago I did it stone cold sober and I made excellent $$. The last two years I've let myself fall into the pit that is alcoholism and while I've still made bank more times than not I've also allowed my boundaries to be pushed past my comfort level, I've been sloppy as fuck, exhausted as hell and just overall not behaving in the put together and classy manner that I desired. And I knew the entire time that my drinking was only holding me back. But at the same time, I found it impossible to work without getting plastered. Something had to give thou so just last week I decided to take the next several months off to detox my mind and body, hit the gym and sweat off these pounds I've gained from the excessive drinking and just get my shit together. I'm lucky that the VA will cover the costs of an inpatient treatment program for me. I've also requested anti anxiety meds from my doctor. Yoga would probably do loads of good as some of the other ladies suggested. I swear, thank goodness for this site. Best of luck to you. The fact that you're self aware enough to realize you have a problem and are seeking solutions bodes well for you. Don't ever give up on yourself. And if anything, this group is here for honest advice.
    Adapt and Overcome.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I struggle with the same thing right now too, I am 27 and dancing is definitely giving me alcoholic tendencies. Usually I don't like to work in the winter when its terribly slow here, it happens every year but I have tremendous pressure to make $$ because I am going back to school in less than 10 days and I have to pay for this entire semester out of my own pocket until i fix my grades. The pressure is killing me, usually I do drink but its getting to the point in the last few weeks where i blackout and don't remember the end of my night a few times. My body can't even tolerate the same amount of alcohol that I used to drink and be fine. I try to make amends by eating lots of salad and vegetable juice and working out but its just not ok to be treating my body like that. Alcohol is such a dangerous and addictive drug, i literally love the way i am feeling up until the point where i don't remember anything. But alcohol is so addictive that its like that japanese saying "you take a drink and then the drink takes a drink". I'm telling my bartenders to make me fake drinks on Saturday because obviously I can't regulate myself when I am this stressed out. I have definitely been reading all the alcohol threads lately and I am going to quit drinking for good, I make great money still when I am sober I just have to not ever have the first drink and I'll be fine but I find it impossible to do so when I am trying to make money in a slow club in a small town but traveling would be even more stressful so I am just doing the best I can until school starts. so in other words, i feel ya girl and its comforting to see that others are going through similar struggles with alcohol and dancing but remember its not our fault, its the drink itself. its poison and its addicting, in order to dance without drinking you have to prove to yourself you can dance without drinking and that you prefer to be sober. A lot of us have limiting beliefs regarding drinking and its so-called benefits but any benefits are false. The truth is that dancing is a stressful job and we have to find other ways to cope with our stress aside from poisoning ourselves with alcohol. I like what was said about yoga and breathing exercises, I'm also going to start bringing with me a journal of positive affirmations and hustling advice from this website to read and give me a confidence boost when I need one at work so that I dont turn to alcohol. I try to remember that having a drink, for me, is like having a glass of devastation or a shot of depression and misery yummmy. I recommend reading the book allen carr easyway to control alcohol, its been helping me a lot.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I've been in a similar situation. The first couple years of dancing I drank A LOT. All the veterans did and I just thought it was normal, plus I was 22 so I had the "hey free booze" mindset as well. Well it took getting an ulcer which the doctor believed was related to my heavy drinking for me to stop.

    I felt kind of awkward at first but I eventually got used to it. Rejection can be more difficult to accept without a good buzz but developing a thick skin helps you get past that. It also helped that I've made hundreds of dollars from customers who said they picked me because I was the only girl not wasted. I've gotten used to pretending to be buzzed as well (if I think that will be beneficial to the situation). I now make more money working sober, my instincts and judgement aren't clouded. Money is my motivation.

    Now days if I'm working at a club that has a "code drink" that you can order that isn't alcoholic I order that. At my home club I have an arrangement with the bartender, I'll just say "you know my favorite" when the customer wants to get me a drink and she knows to hold the liquor. Another one I use is "aw honey I just took 3 shots a short while ago, how about a soda/redbull/juice for right now." Obviously these aren't tips to help you build confidence without drinking but are helpful when dealing with the party crowd, a customer that really wants you to drink with them or a club where you're not allowed to refuse drinks.

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    I don't know if you care about my 23-year old self unworldly advice, but I used to be like that too. I'm an introvert, too and extremely awkward and at my old (alcohol) clubs, I always worked night-shift weekends, so it was always high pressure to make lots of money. I basically drank every time I worked, but I rationalized it by saying that I never got drunk (and I didn't) but I knew that I wanted to work sober without feeling like I was losing money because I was being awkward and weird. I don't really know what to tell you other than I am now working in a nude club but something about the environment of the club doesn't make me feel pressured to drink. I became a day-shift girl, lol, something I totally never thought I would be, but I feel like for me at least, there's literally no pressure to make money, though I normally always do, so I don't feel like ahhhh I need 3 shots so I can talk to these groups of guys and be making money. Instead we like bullshit around and eat food and I have nice convo's with customers who end up giving me money too.

    Basically, I know that if i continued working at alcohol clubs I would probably still be drinking most shifts, because the pressure and the temptation and the routine of it all. (I used to come an hour earlier before everyone, do all my makeup, get a cranberry vodka, sit in the back, then after that, pour my homemade alcohol into the empty cup until I had a buzz and then start my night, everytime). Now if I'm feeling awkward or uncomfortable I just keep telling myself in my head if they laugh at me, they're the losers for being in a strip club anyways and I definitely won't get a dance if I don't ask. Sometimes though when I still work night shift my anxiety does get too much and I don't know what to tell you but maybe if you worked at a more chill-vibe club on days even it might help.

    sorry if my advice is terrible lol!
    I hope it all works out for you

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    Default Re: Introverted Dancer Struggling with Alcohol Dependence

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    Fellow introverted, older dancer here. I make a game out of my day to keep myself motivated. If I'm feeling nihilistic I'll play a game I call Biggest Reject. My goal is to get as many "no's" in a row as possible. I start with customers I'd never want to dance for in the first place. That makes the first few "no's" easier. Once you've got 5 "no's" in a row, then you'll start to feel more into it.

    Other things I do to entertain myself and to keep my hustle interesting: say nonsense things that sound like it could be a real sentence when talking to the customers to see if they are listening. "You know, sometimes it's the blue chair that makes life difficult for hamburgers." Then listen to how the customers reply. LOL! It's funny until I end up doing something like this while suffering a stroke.

    Ultimately, if you can't force yourself to work w/o drinking on the job, perhaps this isn't the right job for you. If sex work is exciting to you, and it's just the club atmosphere that's the problem, maybe try doing bachelor parties or webcam or escorting or some other sex work that is easier for your personality type.
    Your game made me LOL! so cute and awesome. Yes I think that part of it is how overwhelming the club atmosphere can be--the loud music, lights, constant hustle, etc. It is way easier for me to slow down during day shifts, but then I start wanting to drink when the night crowds and girls start to arrive, so I need to start arriving earlier so that I can be done with my shift earlier.

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