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Thread: Should I tell his girlfriend?

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    Default Should I tell his girlfriend?

    A few years ago, I dated a guy who treated me horribly. I ended up dumping him when his brother called and told me he was still seeing his "ex gf" Hannah behind my back. I had a feeling he had been cheating since he came back with a hickey mark a few times and always made excuses not to hang out. I dumped him and moved on.

    Fast forward to October of last year (about 4 months ago). He comes into the strip club and remembers me. I am nice to him because he tipped me well on stage. He gave me his number, I did not text him since I had no real reason to.

    Well last night, I had 3 dreams in a row about him randomly. I haven't even given this guy a thought in ages but was bored and looked him up on facebook (he never had one at the time we dated). I find his profile, it's DEFINITELY him. Turns out he has been dating this Hannah chick for almost 4 years now, meaning that our relationships overlapped, assuming they weren't on and off at the time. Even before being official with him, we fooled around on and off for months beforehand.

    I could give a fuck less about this guy but I'm pretty sure he cheated on her with me at the time, and they are still together today. Should I send her a message and let her know? If it were me I'd totally want to know. This chick has no idea I ever existed. Normally I'd figure it was so long ago who cares, but the fact he then somewhat recently saw me at the strip club and gave me his number again (they were for sure together during that)

    Should I gently let her know? I'd be really nice about it, and apologize if it does not apply to her etc. If I were her I'd want to know but I wanted some more opinions

    Thanks in advance

    P.S. according to his facebook his brother died a few months ago so I can't contact him for details or anything

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Eh, I'd stay out of it, she may freak out & accuse you of naking it up, he coul show up @ ur club & start sme bs, etc,
    It's nice that u wanna help, but seems like this type of thing wouldn't end well, just saying


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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    I wouldn't say shit unless u like drama cause thats what telling her will bring.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Eh, I'd stay out of it, she may freak out & accuse you of naking it up, he coul show up @ ur club & start sme bs, etc,
    It's nice that u wanna help, but seems like this type of thing wouldn't end well, just saying
    I switched clubs since then so I'm not too worried about his reaction. No idea how she'd react however

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    She probably already knows he's a cheater, I'm sure he didn't only cheat with you..after 4 years I'm guessing it's probably come to her attention, I would stay out of it and stay away from him..unless she messages you directly. Just sounds like a drama fest you dont need

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    It sounds like you kind of want to tell her. if the tables were turned, would you want to know and how would you want to be told?
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Don't do it. Unless she is a friend of yours but I get the impression she is not
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    I would ask, do you want to tell her because you're truly concerned about her or do you want to do it because it would be "payback" to the dude?

    I agree with simone on the "she already knows" thing. I've had several friends who dated blatant cheaters. One of them was literally shown pictures of her dude making out with another girl, and she dismissed it and kept dating him as though it never happened. Most people aren't stupid, and shit always comes out. It only took you a few months to learn that he wasn't being faithful to you. This girl has been with him for years - she probably knows and is in denial/low-self esteem acceptance of it.

    It's not worth the fallout. She probably will not believe you, get hostile, and keep dating him anyway. And then who knows what he'll do. She has to live with her own decisions, and it's not really your business.
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    It sounds like you kind of want to tell her. if the tables were turned, would you want to know and how would you want to be told?
    I'd want to know, but in my case my longest relationship is one year. I agree with what people are saying, after 4 years of dating she probably has realized or at least been warned by now that the guy is a cheater.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    I actually went through this with an ex. Except I was the girlfriend being cheated on. We were together for 4 years and he had me so blind, I'm not normally so naive but he was in my blind spot. He could do NO WRONG. But then my best friends wife is a hair dresser, and she had a client who went on and on about how her niece was seeing this guy... well it turned out to be my guy. It took random ass chance for me to finally see who he really was. She was a nice girl really, looked a ton like me, which was creepy as he basically went online to find a replacement me. My mother had just died and I guess I wasn't giving him the attention he thought he deserved. Told me he wanted to just be with someone who was happy. Anyways, I am so thankful I found out because who knows how long I would have kept him in my blind spot if by chance her aunt wouldn't have went to my friends wife to get her hair done. And he lied, and lied, and lied to me and when I confronted him but I was done, I knew I was done. She was stupid enough to take him back but it didn't end up well anyways.
    I guess my point is, yes it's going to be a pain in the ass and your probably going to in the middle of 'drama' and just the fact that your a stripper is going to count against you because this is a stupid fucked up world.
    But finding out my ex was a bastard in disguise was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I say do what you truly feel is the right thing to do.


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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I would ask, do you want to tell her because you're truly concerned about her or do you want to do it because it would be "payback" to the dude?

    I agree with simone on the "she already knows" thing. I've had several friends who dated blatant cheaters. One of them was literally shown pictures of her dude making out with another girl, and she dismissed it and kept dating him as though it never happened. Most people aren't stupid, and shit always comes out. It only took you a few months to learn that he wasn't being faithful to you. This girl has been with him for years - she probably knows and is in denail/low-self esteem acceptance of it.

    It's not worth the fallout. She probably will not believe you, get hostile, and keep dating him anyway. And then who knows what he'll do. She has to live with her own decisions, and it's not really your business.
    Subconsciously it probably is partially for payback, but you're right, she'd have to be totally oblivious to not figure this out after 4 years. I'll stay out of it unless approached by her for some reason. I am very pro-sisterhood though lol, I always want to warn women when they're with a scumbag. I usually don't since it's not my place and usually the woman is in denial in those scenarios anyway

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by LucyLenore View Post
    I actually went through this with an ex. Except I was the girlfriend being cheated on. We were together for 4 years and he had me so blind, I'm not normally so naive but he was in my blind spot. He could do NO WRONG. But then my best friends wife is a hair dresser, and she had a client who went on and on about how her niece was seeing this guy... well it turned out to be my guy. It took random ass chance for me to finally see who he really was. She was a nice girl really, looked a ton like me, which was creepy as he basically went online to find a replacement me. My mother had just died and I guess I wasn't giving him the attention he thought he deserved. Told me he wanted to just be with someone who was happy. Anyways, I am so thankful I found out because who knows how long I would have kept him in my blind spot if by chance her aunt wouldn't have went to my friends wife to get her hair done. And he lied, and lied, and lied to me and when I confronted him but I was done, I knew I was done. She was stupid enough to take him back but it didn't end up well anyways.
    I guess my point is, yes it's going to be a pain in the ass and your probably going to in the middle of 'drama' and just the fact that your a stripper is going to count against you because this is a stupid fucked up world.
    But finding out my ex was a bastard in disguise was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I say do what you truly feel is the right thing to do.
    I do have proof that he tried to hit me up recently (when he ran into me), the texts are still in my old phone. I guess I'm one of those people who believes in dreams and intuition not being a chance thing, and I just found it really odd I randomly had 3 dreams in a row about him last night, then look him up and after years and years of him having no facebook (even as recently as our strip club run-in), he now has one and it revealed that his brother wasn't lying.

    I'm really not sure what the right thing to do is at this point but thank you for your perspective

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    I'd only tell her if I was still fucking him and I felt everyone should lay everything out in the open. Or if I just wanted to be messy and get revenge. Or if she flat out asked.

    Sometime you try to warn a person and they either don't believe you or they are in denial. And besides she's not your friend so just let her figure out on her own.

    But I think you should spend your energy elsewhere. He's a douche and she's an idiot. They deserve each other and you can find better.
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    You ever hear the saying "don't shoot the messenger"? Well chances are she will. It's not worth her flipping out on you and all the drama that it will bring. He will tell her you're some dumb lying stripper and she will believe it and blast you all over social media.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Anything you see before going to bed may be in connection towards your dreams of him. She will either be kind and appreciate the fact that you are informing her or will be an ultra mega bitch, which could stir problems!

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    You'll be labeled as the crazy ex, no one will believe you anyway. Unless you have a child by this guy, it isn't worth bringing up now.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Nah. Screw her. You dont need the drama. Why care? nobody cared to tell you he was cheating on you, and I am sure there were people who knew. Let her find out on her own and just keep living life.





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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    I did something like this years ago and I thought it was the best intention and like you I would want to know too.

    My ex, his best friend, and the best friend's girlfriend. Ex and the girlfriend started seeing each other behind the best friend's back. Ex came online on messenger and bragged to me about it. I warned the best friend and I think I even sent screen shots of the bragging. But somehow even with the proof it backfired on me, I'm sure the ex spinned the story around to his friend and somehow I was the bad one and everyone was pissed off at me.

    It seems to always happen in these scenarios even if they had well intentions. I would leave it be.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Meh, let it be. If you try to let her know, YOU'RE the crazy bitch and she's just going to run right back to him anyway. Not worth the trouble.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Girl don't. Just don't. Let it be.





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  37. #21
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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Why make your life complicated? I would not get involved. It's not your relationship and you have moved on (or have you?) There's no reason at all to get involved. Either she already knows or will know.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Seeing as this scenario totally backfired on me...I say say nothing. Protect your neck.

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    Default Re: Should I tell his girlfriend?

    Before you do anything, be truly honest with yourself answering this question. If she stays anyway how will you feel?

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