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Thread: BF asked me a weird question today

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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default BF asked me a weird question today

    I went to vegas to help my bf because he had eye surgery. We dont see each other much, once a month for a week or less, sometimes more than a month. He's 53 and a very stoic, inward kinda guy. He's super private and has few friends. Really stuck in his ways and has a hard time trusting women b/c he's been burned by so many of them. We've been together a year and a half now. I told myself that we'll never get married and I will probably never live with him because I couldn't imagine him ever asking me to live with him. Recently I was feeling very neglected and just totally unhappy. I came really close to breaking up with him.

    He had his eye surgery and his near blindness was affecting him more than I thought. As soon as he could see well again, he was totally different. Things were so good these last few days. Not perfect, but he's certainly back to the guy I love. He was bringing me back to LA (it's so nice he drives from vegas to get me then bring me home, he does it whenever I see him now). We were just sitting quietly, and all of a sudden he asked me a question out of the blue. He said "When you moved from maine to california, how much did you bring with you?". I just told him I had one suitcase basically, and so he said where did the other stuff come from and I said everything I now have (which, other than my hearses and automotive tools fits in a tiny bedroom) I have accumulated over 5 years time. I just thought it really strange for him to ask this, unprompted by anything else. It made no sense to me.

    My friend who's known him for 25 years tells me its a "gather information" kind of question, like he might be thinking about asking me to come out there and wants to try to figure out how, and how much stuff I have so he can figure out how to get it all there. I dont know though. He's such a lone wolf kinda guy. I did recently have a serious talk with him about how unhappy I was and I told him I had no intentions of moving to vegas on my own and needed to know where our relationship was going. And by move on my own I mean rent my own house sort of thing. I can't afford to do that, plus with 3 hearses and a 4th on the way I would never find room. (His house has TONS of space. you could put a 12 wheeler out back and not even see it from the front). Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I have to be honest and say I would really consider doing it (ok, I'd say yes lol). What do you guys think? Do you think hes asking a super vague question because he's trying to gather info? I've been dropping tons of hints about this actually, though he's not really the type that picks up on that shit.





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    It is a weird question to ask and 5 years is plenty of time to own a decent amount of stuff. The only reasons I can see behind him asking this would be to either find out if this stuff was gifted by other men or if you truly accumulated this stuff over time..it could be that he is just curious if unaware.

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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Nah he knows thats not true. I honestly dont think I have a lot for 5 years. The only thing I spend money on is cars and tools lol

    I'm also scared that he lurks the forum. He's not a dumb guy. And I think he saw me browsing this forum a couple days ago. Since his eyesight is good now he totally could have seen it. Can random non registered people just see all the posts? Maybe I shoudnt ask this publicly and should just get on the verified list? Makes me nervous lol





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Sounds like a lot of communication issues / distrust for a mature relationship. I'm seeing fewer issues with his question and more issues with your decision to not confront him with your concerns and your worrying that he might be spying on your posts.

    I know my post sounds harsh - my tone isn't! I'm just typing this out right before bed on my phone.


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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Oh no I don't have an issue with his question at all! I just wanted people's opinions. I guess it was just wishful thinking. Yes I absolutely have trust issues! I've had so many boyfriends do skeevy shit. I'm not saying he will, but I just don't like the idea of him snooping around in a place where I want to feel like I can discuss these sorts of things without him seeing. You know what I mean? It's not that I'm concerned about his question, I would absolutely love it if he was getting at that! But as I said he's kind of an inward guy, and he likes to test things out before coming out and making any moves. That's everything in his life not just relationships.





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    I would just straight out ask him , it's the only way you'll know and if you're wanting to live with him you guys should be able to discuss things frankly. I'm not saying give hi the third degree or badger him ,just calmly voice your question next time y'all talk!

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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    I was thinking maybe he wanted to move to CA to be closer to you... does he have a business or job in Vegas that he could not leave behind?
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    But I'm scared of rejection! I also don't want him to feel pressured. LA is too expensive for him, he has a nice house out in Vegas with lots of land and no HOA. That's what he wants. To get that in Los Angeles would be way too much for him. It's a shame, because it would be really nice if he came out here. I'll just have to see what happens. He's retired law enforcement but he wants to try and find a job out there because he's basically bored





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Hmmm... Well I guess you should just ask him. Maybe he does want you to go to Vegas, maybe he was just trying to make conversation ?
    XoXo Gia
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Perhaps. It's just such an odd question for him to ask. You kinda have to know him I guess. I guess we'll see what happens! He knows I cant move for at least a year because I cant leave my Lincoln hearse at a shop in the middle of a restoration to move to vegas.





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    "
    Quote Originally Posted by MistressX View Post

    I'm also scared that he lurks the forum. He's not a dumb guy. And I think he saw me browsing this forum a couple days ago. Since his eyesight is good now he totally could have seen it.
    Dude, if you *are* reading this, ask her to marry you RIGHT NOW. Acquire a ring, get down on your knees, and do it. Not to be rude, but you will die alone. You are 53, you seem like the social scene isn't your game, and here is a person who really cares about you. Stop asking weird questions, man up, and ask. When you find someone who knows you as well as she does, who doesn't run away, consider yourself lucky. Help her work on her cars, then take her out, then get it done.
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    To me it does sound like he's thinking about either moving to you, or you moving to him (or someone moving somewhere.) It sounds like he doesn't have any desire to move from Vegas though.. In past when guys wanted me to live with them, they started asking things like "When is your lease up?" or "Could you see yourself in this town/city?" give me a key to their place and make space for my stuff. I would look at the whole picture. Do you have a key to his place? Are you free to come and go as you please? Does he talk about the future in general lately? If so he may ask you to move in soon or ask you to marry him. I would maybe even have the whole cliche "Where do see yourself in 5 years?" talk to get a better idea of where his head is.

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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    "

    Dude, if you *are* reading this, ask her to marry you RIGHT NOW. Acquire a ring, get down on your knees, and do it. Not to be rude, but you will die alone. You are 53, you seem like the social scene isn't your game, and here is a person who really cares about you. Stop asking weird questions, man up, and ask. When you find someone who knows you as well as she does, who doesn't run away, consider yourself lucky. Help her work on her cars, then take her out, then get it done.
    Yeah, get married when your gf is afraid to speak her mind to you.
    Greaaaaat idea.
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Lol it isn't that I am afraid to speak my mind to him. You kinda have to know him. He's just a very private guy, a lone wolf type, and he's very wary of women. Of course I know he loves me and he's come a LONG WAY. We have only been together just over a year. Now our mutual friend jerry he has known about 25 years. He's had conversations about marriage with my bf and he doesn't want to get married to anyone ever. I'm cool with that, mostly. I mean most women wanna have a nice wedding and stuff but I respect his wishes. I have had talks about this kinda stuff with him too, I mean last time was about a month ago where I told him I wasn't that happy and that I needed to know where this relationship was going because I can't deal with the long distance forever. So I have come out and spelled it out for him. He said he would be better. I know he doesn't want to split up.

    He has a hard time sharing his feelings about anything. It's mostly a man thing but it also has to do with the job he had years back where he was basically NYPD (best I can describe it) and he sorta also has symptoms of PTSD. I can deal with that. I really love him and I just want us to be happy. Will we be able to live together? I don't know. Hopefully. I'm certainly not afraid to have talks with him, but this topic in general I have to be careful about since he is the way he is with his past and how private he is, I don't want to come out and just ask and make things awkward. I think we have to just see how it goes. As I said I can't do anything for at least a year because of one of my hearses going into restoration. So it's not necessarily something I need to bring up right this second.

    I just wanted opinions on what that might have meant. Maybe I was just reading too much into it but being how he is it was a really out of character question to ask. Also Bahuba, that post made me laugh out loud for real LOL!





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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Oh and I was unhappy because he was constantly miserable and just a different person. Plus the long distance and I just couldn't handle it. Last week he had eye surgery and I'm not even exaggerating he was a completely different person. He was back to his old self. Being nearly blind was really causing him misery. So I think things are on the up and up now. Hopefully!





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    You don't have to answer, but it's concerning that you're somewhat alarmed at the idea of seeing your posts on this site. If you don't want to say why, it's totally understandable, but knowing why would really help me figure out a more helpful response.
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    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    No real reason to be honest. He has never "snooped" on me before, but that was basically his job when he was in law enforcement. I have also had other bf's do the same to me, so its a personal fear I guess. And I am just afraid if he sees it, he will reject me. I have some abandonment issues due to some pretty bad past abuse He knows this, and he does his best to help me with that but sometimes he's a little thick headed and doesnt realise things. He's a guy after all lol





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Quote Originally Posted by luvnrockets View Post
    Yeah, get married when your gf is afraid to speak her mind to you.
    Greaaaaat idea.
    LOL I don't think she's afraid of him, they're both sensitive people. She clearly cares about him in her way. Not every relationship needs to be the ideal. Some relationships are bumblebee relationships, they shouldn't fly, but they do.

    I'm just saying if he reads this forum, he ought to realize she cares about him, and quit being a nervous nelly.
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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Ok OP, so you're concerned that if he sees posts where you say you weren't too happy and were considering breaking up, it'd hurt his feelings? That's better than what I was guessing. How bad was his vision before his surgery? Cuz if it was pretty awful, he may have been putting off serious talks, decisions, etc.. until his vision was repaired. Maybe the vision issues were keeping him from being as active as he wanted to and now that it's no longer as serious a factor and source of stress, he'll want to visit more often.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Yes, I don't want him to see that. Also if he saw about the moving in thing, I'm afraid he will reject me and it will scare him off. He was burned very badly by women in the recent past and he's just very cautious and stuff. But anyway, as per his vision he was legally blind in his dominant eye. His other eye had to have retina repair surgery a couple years ago too so that one sucks as well. I know it was really getting him down and he was very depressed and stuff. But he also has foot problems, one of his feet has a fallen arch and it causes him massive pain like all the time and he hasn't been able to exercise because of it so he has gained weight. He also has a very severe heart condition with high BP and some markers of PTSD due to his law enforcement job in NYC. So lately he's been a bit of a mess. I love him regardless though, and having his sight back has really made a huge difference for him.

    Not sure about the putting off serious talks thing.. He kind of strikes me as someone who tries to avoid that all together. Although I have had serous talks with him, as I am not afraid to tell him what I need in this relationship, he just kind of listens and says "I hear ya" and says he will try to do better. He does listen though but he's 53 and sometimes he's just stuck in his ways and doesn't realize it. He is very guarded with his feelings and doesn't like to feel vulnerable I guess. I have tried to get him to tell me straight up how he feels about me and while I know he loves me and he says so, I can't get anything more than that out of him. It's almost as if he is afraid to show his feelings. Which is part of his negative result from his job, he basically had to do that all the time for survival at work. So now I guess it's just a permanent trait. It sucks because I would like there to be better emotional communication between us, but I can't say that it hasn't gotten better over time either.





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    Default Re: BF asked me a weird question today

    Late to the thread but I think he could find a lot of things to keep himself occupied in retirement. I hope it works out. BTW mood issues are common after surgery
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 01-28-2016 at 03:42 PM.

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