Hi guys. I just needed a virtual shoulder to cry on.
After a lot of bullshit and mistakes on both sides, my fiancé and I are taking a break.
He's been realizing he doesn't know what he wants to do with himself and is unhappy in general. He expressed this to me and framed it as "I don't know if I want to consider another person right now". All these things about how what if he wants to do such and such activity, like I am holding him back when really he never chooses to do anything except work and sit at home. I asked if he wanted me or not, and after a several minute silence he had a meltdown of tears and "I don't know, I want you around all the time but sometimes I freak out and need to get away", etc other examples. After 2 days of this we decided to work on issues and if he still is unhappy and blames the relationship we part ways.
A few days of him faking happy, last night he came to me very agitated and dropped "I love you but I'm not in love with you". We managed to pinpoint where we had started to wall off each other and cause this to happen, and agreed to take a break. No talking, no hooking up with other people, no telling people until we are sure of ending it. He cried like a child the whole time and freaked out that he needed to be alone and I ended up leaving. I got halfway out of town and felt a punch to my gut that this was WRONG. Came back, talked more, got "we've been trying to fix it and don't know how so that's why we are doing this".
Im at my parents house now processing.
The shitty part is, over the last few months we have had several days of that crazy-love feeling on and off. I know it's still in there. He had noticed them too. On Christmas he had said how when we were happy like that it was wonderful/what he wants all the time.
I know he has serious insecurity issues; is threatened by one of my guy friends; he has always been afraid I'll find something better; not 3 weeks ago, he said he hates when I go to work after a fight bc he then remembers what I'm doing and is afraid I'll take revenge by cheating. There was also "no escorting, you with another guy makes me sick".
Im angry and hurt. His statement doesn't seem to match the other things he's said/all this crying and freaking out. If you aren't in love with someone, why be upset about them being with someone else? Why want them around all the time?
I feel like he's panicked and sabotaging it before he gets hurt.
4/4 of my friends are sure he will come back after he's alone. I'm not sure what I would do. But I want him to because I feel after all the crap I've stuck through, I want the luxury of choosing.
Im hurting really bad. This is 6 years of friendship + 2 of dating seriously. A lot to throw away.
Thanks anyone who got through this post. If anyone has been through similar or has input/analysis/anything, please share.



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