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Thread: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Thanks in advance for reading, this is a long one.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I don't know what to do.

    [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I've been with my boyfriend officially for just under 2 months. But we started fooling around and then seeing each other in September. We've been friends for 3 years already. And everything started when he was temporarily staying with me because his dad died and he lost the place he was supposed to move into in August, and it worked out for me too because my old roomate (also a dancer) had to go to rehab and that was a huge thing to tackle along with packing up all her stuff, cleaning the apartment etc. He was a huge help. I also broke up with my ex around the same time, so having the company around was nice. Fast forward to November and I'm telling him I need him to figure out what he wants because I'm starting to have feelings and I don't want things to get messy because we work together. Oh yeah, he's the DJ at my club. Chastising of the self has already been done, believe me, this craziness totally happened out of the blue, I've even posted in other threads about how terrible an idea it is to date your DJ. Or anyone at the club. But I went and did it anyways because...feels...and also we are like eerily similar in so many ways so everything just seemed so natural. Christmas comes and goes, I go away for a week, I come back, and he tells me he wants to move in a year and for me to come with him. And that he wants to be with me seriously. So I'm thinking: cool. I'm the kind of girl who falls for people pretty easily, but is also aware of it, so I really make an effort to keep a safe distance until the other party has expressed interest, and that it is "safe" for me to feel things about them. My upbringing was full of narcissists, borderline sociopaths, and rageaholic control freaks, so my boundaries are very important to me. For the last 7 or so weeks since he gave me the green light, I've been letting myself feel all these nice fluffy things that I don't usually get to. But I have also cried more times in the last 7 weeks than in the last 7 months probably as a result of the same. [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]
    [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]There's been a few incidents that have resulted in me feeling upset, betrayed, and stupid. And I can't figure out if I'm being ridiculous or he is, or both maybe.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]
    [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]First, he hit on one of my girlfriends while he was drunk one night and we had a bunch of people over. I was livid, but he made a sincere apology. Then some other girl I used to work with that he was banging for a while was texting him trying to start stuff up again, and he didn't tell her he was spoken for. And I was literally right there, sitting beside him, having a chill conversation about it the whole time. Now, last night was the kicker.. I met him and his buddy at a pub. And his buddy mentions something about ANOTHER chick he was apparently into in the fall. And they went out right before Christmas (according to buddy--DJ claims it was in November). Nothing happened (apparently). He was all "ew she's an escort, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole". What bothers me is when I was already starting to get emotionally invested, he was out looking for something else! Granted, we hadn't made the mutual decision to be exclusive yet, but it still bothers me. My first boyfriend saw another girl behind my back for the first 4 months of our relationship. So I have trust issues that I am well aware of, to put it lightly. And I feel stupid for thinking that this one might be worthy of trust. When he is demonstrating repetitive behaviour that indicates he is the opposite. This is the part where I don't know if I'm overreacting and this can be resolved, or if I am being completely rational and he's had his chances to prove himself worthy and hasn't so I should dump him. That's going to suck for my wallet but I know my happiness is more important. Thoughts? [/COLOR]
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    Honestly, you've only been dating 2 months and he's already scoping out other girls, flirting with and texting other girls....Sounds like he's "just not that into you" which may have nothing to do with you. He probably just isn't boyfriend material. Of course he's going to reassure you and try to keep you on his good side because he lives with you and (assuming you're having sex) getting convenient pussy, but he's not exactly shooing other women away either. He's trying to keep his options open.

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    Default Re: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    I would dump this guy and tell him to pack his bags. Can you afford to live without a roommate? Maybe shop around for apartments? This guy is stringing you for some free pussy.

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    Default Re: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    Get rid of him. Changes the locks, change the number, and let him fade into non existence.

    but if you don't want to be that extreme. Tell him you just want to be friends. From what you describe he doesn't sound like relationship material. Too many red flags.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    Sorry, you made a mistake, move on.

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    Default Re: To Dump or Not to Dump: my boyfriend/roomate/DJ/HOT MESS

    He's playing games and he doesn't even seem to care whether you or the people that you both know see it. Honestly, it sounds like he's working the angles, trying to do and say just enough to keep you on the hook while he continues to pursue other avenues. IMHO this "relationship" is DOA, with a lot more pain and even loss of dignity in store for you the longer this goes on. This really sucks and I'm sorry that you are going through this.

    But none of that makes you stupid. Opening ourselves up is a necessary part of forming real romantic relationships. If someone betrays the trust given to him, then he is the ass, not you.

    Good luck as you work through this.

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