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Thread: Boyfriend troubles

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    Default Boyfriend troubles

    The title sums it up, but my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs, however they've been magnified recently. He's been getting very insecure and possessive, angry at me for spending time with other men as friends or wearing something that shows too much skin. He has moments where he gets angry and throws things around the room or smashes things like lamps.

    he pays his own rent but whenever we go out, it's me footing the bill and he always asks me how much I make after I get home from work.

    the other night before Valentine's Day reached a peak. I went in and was speaking to a musician we know of. Anyway, said musician made it rain on me and I thought it was funny so I texted my boyfriend to which he said "I don't want to hear anything else about the strip club ever again." This ruined my night and put me in a mood. When I got home he had separated the blankets on the bed so we had a "barrier" which felt really shitty. The next morning he explained that it was this individual who he had heard stories about and the fact I spent time with this guy hurt him.

    i told him it's my job and that he really hurt me and made me feel like he was disappointed by me or angry at me for my job. He gaslighted me by making me feel like I had done something wrong and was just simply overreacting or misinterpreting his text to me that night.

    anyway, I'm not looking for advice so much as to just get this off my chest because I spent all of Valentine's Day in tears which sucked.

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  3. #2
    Featured Member luvnrockets's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    What a baby. Someone needs anger management counseling...
    "Do you do tech support in exclusive?"

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    As soon as I read, "he always asks how much I make/made" 'dump his ass' came to mind. None of his f'n biz.. Sorry, but he sounds fucked up, jealous, & immature.
    That's my take.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Featured Member luvnrockets's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    As soon as I read, "he always asks how much I make/made" 'dump his ass' came to mind. None of his f'n biz.. Sorry, but he sounds fucked up, jealous, & immature.
    That's my take.
    It's totally ok to ask that question...in a healthy partnership where you've decided you're pooling your money. But this guy is so not ready for prime time.
    "Do you do tech support in exclusive?"

    Don't call me BB...I'm not the prime minister of Israel!



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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    How much you make at the club is none of his business. I met this guy through my friend and we were texting each other no more than 15 times and he started asking how much I make. I was turned off so I blocked him. I would dump this guy. He's immature and doesn't know how to treat a woman. You shouldn't foot your own bill when you go out!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Get away from this guy. If you're having "ups and downs" like this after just 2 years, it will only get worse. Do you really want to deal with someone who doesn't support you emotionally or financially, criticizes what you do (from your outfit to your actions at your job) and "punishes" you for making a choice he decided was wrong?

    Speaking as someone who just left a troubled 5 year relationship last week. I know it's hard, but you deserve better than this guy. Really think about what you want from a relationship, and don't settle.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by MelissaRenee View Post
    he always asks me how much I make after I get home from work.
    How much you made?......refer to my Rich Homie Quan lol! Cue to 1:33

    Only person you owe financial transparency to is your husband in my opinion.

    And sometimes people want the truth but they really can't handle the truth. Maybe its best to let what goes on in the club stay in the club, when it comes to your boyfriend.

    Sorry to hear about your boyfriend obstacles. I was talking to one of my friends who was also experiencing some relationship challenges on Valentines so at least you're not the only one. But I feel ya though, totally not what one would expect on whats supposed to be a romantic day.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 02-15-2016 at 02:54 PM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Oh, also, I just now read the part where he throws/smashes things??? All kinds of NOPE, in time, this w/be YOUR things, then you..You want that shit? I didn't think so..
    Btw, he made that shit up about 'he heard things' about the musician. Sorry, I have a hard time reading this, mostly cause I already lived most of it..alot more than I care to divulge.
    Making a divider?
    Let's Call up the WHA-MBULANCE!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Thanks, guys. I've had a few days to ponder over things. I'm pretty sure it needs to end as its not a healthy relationship and these problems are not going to just go away...it's just hard, we live together and actually just recently moved into a new apartment (no lease though!) so I'm not happy about the possibility of moving again. Unless I ask him to leave lol.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    ^ It sounds like you definitely should TELL him to leave ( kindly if you are so inclined ). It sounds like he doesn't hold his own financially for some reason ( pays half the rent but then you pay for all food / outings ect. ) ? I'm not sure of the details of that , but you didn't mention his being a student or recovering from an injury ect. so we can only assume that has no signs of improving soon.

    He's definitely not ok with details about your job, so don't tell him any ! Make sure your next guy is ok with it ! Dancers who are pretty successful at it are a REALLY bad match for men who don't have their own work projects / success to keep them busy.

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  21. #11
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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    If he is anywhere near as young as the OP, then truth be told he probably didn't stand a chance of keeping up with her on the money front. Strippers peak far younger than dudes with plain vanilla jobs. The fact that he even shelled out half of the rent in the L.A. marketplace is probably more than many 20-something year old stripper SOs are able and/or willing to do.

    Melissa, it sounds like you simply outgrew him. You can drive yourself around now and your income situation has clearly improved since you stopped bouncing from club to club in Chicago and hit the land of strip club milk and honey in L.A. If I had to guess, I'd wager that his behavior got increasingly worse after the two of you moved from Chicago to L.A. and he witnessed these ongoing changes in you, including the cash you're pulling down from all nude VIPs in your new club. No doubt that, from his standpoint, things have been spinning out of control and he is struggling to process it.

    Now none of that is meant to defend breaking things and his poor treatment of you, but just to put everything in perspective. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter why he is the way he is. The simple reality is that you two seem to want different things now. Who knows, maybe he will move back to Chicago (L.A. is not for everyone), but whatever happens it sounds like the current situation really isn't healthy for either one of you.

    In any event, good luck!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    +1 to everything Rick said. MelissaRenee, sounds like you have outgrown this guy. It's time for him to move, or you to move.

    XOXO
    Z

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Incompatibilites. I disagree with some girls here that say he is just being immature or unnecessarily possessive. I think he knew what he was getting into, he REALLY loves you, but it's dawning on him that he isn't actually OK with your work. He wants it to work out because you're one of the best girls he has been with. But he's also worried that he may not be the best guy you've been with. And he's worried that if you keep stripping you may meet a better (wealthier, more famous, hotter) guy than him.

    Either accept that stripping will be the elephant in the room your whole lives. Or consider that, however close you are to each other right now, this is not the best time in your lives to be together.
    I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend troubles

    Has anyone here EVER had a relationship like this that got BETTER over time?

    It seems like it will head in one of 2 directions, 1) you end it, and eventually find someone better because you no longer will put up with douchebags like this. Or 2) You try to 'make it work' and it just gets worse over time.

    Throwing things was the biggest red flag in this. Unless he is a toddler.

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