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Thread: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinion

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    Senior Member Bambibabe's Avatar
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    Question My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinion

    My boyfriend has never had a threesome and he's really into the idea. I'm not super into the idea...I'm not highly attracted to women sexually (although he thinks I am, from hearing about my past experiences with women) and lately I've been struggling with insecurities.

    When my boyfriend and I got together, I was an escort. He knew I had full on sex with multiple men on a regular basis...and he accepted it and was nothing but supportive. He had never dated a sex worker before, but he was willing to give it a shot and has never used it to manipulate me or guilt me. (Even though I know he wasn't thrilled.)

    i never crossed a boundary with a client, never did anything for free because I enjoyed my time with a client, but I have definitely had wonderful experiences with clients...had orgasms, thought some were hot, etc. So reasonably speaking, I have no reason to be jealous over this.

    this month I ended up quitting escorting permanently. I realized after 4 years I am so incredibly burnt out, i would prefer to be broke. I have been starting up my own business now and hopefully it pans out.

    Anyways, I feel as though I owe my boyfriend a sexually explorative experience/help him fulfill a fantasy because he was so understanding and supportive when it came to my full service sex work. Despite my feelings of apprehension and jealousy, I think it would be unfair to deny him that all things considering.

    Im really looking for a sounding board here,and interested in everyone's opinions. Xoxoxo

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Nomatter what, you should not do a threesome if you are not really into the idea. Trust me, I've been there - and it was a disaster.

    The other girl was biseksual and more into girls than guys. I wasn't really in her either, but ended up going along with it. My boyfriend was really into her and gave her much more attention than me (at least I think so). I really hated her touch and having her eat my pussy was just awful - but I went along with because I felt like I owed it to him.

    Just don't do it.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Nope. Don't do it. We don't owe anyone anything because of what we have or haven't done. Ugh. I can't even keep talking because it makes me feel a knot in my stomach. I think no matter what our boyfriends (or later boyfriends) who know what we have done will hold it against us in some way or another.

    This sounds the same as when girls feel like they absolutely have to do anal and they are scared to death of it or they think they have to because of crappy losers on social media.

    Tell him how it makes you feel.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Don't do it. This will come back to haunt your relationship later and you will resent him for it.
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I agree with the above posters that you shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with. So if the idea of a threesome weirds you out, the most important thing to do is figure out exactly why.

    What exactly does your SO want? "Threesome" can mean a million different things. Maybe there's another form of sexual exploration with another that you are both open to.

    It's important to have the discussion. But I'd only do it if HE brings it up. If he wants something new or different, it's his responsiblity to ask for it. And it's your responsibility to not accuse him of being unreasonable. Good luck.
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I think you need to ask him that actually. You literally need to say "Just wondering if you feel this is something I MUST do for you because of my past or something you are flexible on"...

    Because if he is a understanding as he sounds, he might actually be very flexible with you and totally get that its not for you. He might also be assuming that because you had done stuff with women in the past that you would be into him. You might need to have an uncomfortable convo with him and talk candidly about the stuff you did with them and let him know that none of it was really for you and that you were just hustling.

    Normally I would say hell no right off the bat with this, and it is true that I do not think you should do it because let's face it, he CHOSE to be with you and not be a dick about your job, so he musn't feel butthurt or expect things because of a choice he made ages ago. If he wasn't cool he also could have walked away, so don't let him use the fact that he was supportive as a guilt mechanism either.

    However, the fact that he was man enough to not manipulate you in the past means that there is room for conversation and clarification...like I said, the conversation could go a lot better than you think.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Look, he knew you were an escort when he met you (right?) and he knew what he getting into...not to mention that you've quit, so it's irrelevant now. You don't owe him a damn thing! If he's trying to use your past against you, show him the door! If he's not trying to guilt trip you, it sounds like maybe you feel guilty or have some issues with your past as an escort? Maybe you can seek counseling to sort that out and let your past go.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Just because you were an escort doesn't mean you owe him shit. If you don't want to wholeheartedly do it,then don't. if you do happen to do it because you "owe" him he won't enjoy it and it'll be a waste of time.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Maybe you can show your gratitude in another way. There's got to be some other things that would please him. If you begrudgingly have a threesome it kind of counteracts the gesture because you won't be feeling it and he will most likely pick up on this and it will be a lose lose for everyone.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 02-16-2016 at 03:39 PM.
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Tell him sure, you'll do a threesome, as long as you get to pick the other guy.

    Usually shuts guys up............


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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Don't do anything because you feel guilty. What I think will happen: you won't be into it, but the great acting skills you've learned from escorting will convince him otherwise. He'll be so excited, possibly want to make it a regular thing. You'll either: 1-go along with it and be really miserable or 2-admit you were acting, making him worried that you're that good of an actress and wonder what else you have/will lied about. You won't win. It's not going to be good for your relationship. You got burned out on sex work for a reason. The healthiest thing for you right now is to not do anything sexual you don't like. I realise you mentioned SOME clients were hot, SOME got you off-but the majority? This experience-if you go through with it-will trigger feelings seeing the not so hot clients did, on a smaller scale-except you're not being paid for it. Best of luck. I don't know how old you are and how old your bf is, but I hope you can understand my idea of putting your mental health and recovery from escorting ahead of a one night adventure.
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by Bambibabe View Post
    My boyfriend has never had a threesome and he's really into the idea. I'm not super into the idea...I'm not highly attracted to women sexually (although he thinks I am, from hearing about my past experiences with women) and lately I've been struggling with insecurities.
    Definitely be totally honest with him that you are not really that attracted to females. He can't know if you don't tell him.

    Unless he is bisexual himself he probably would not want a threesome with a man either if you expected him to fuck another guy would he? Give him that example and maybe he will understand how you feel.


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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Bam, your sexual needs, desires, and taboos are as just as important as your boyfriends. I don't care if you slept with every dick in the world. You don't feel comfortable having a threesome, and that's it. You don't owe him, shit! Please work on your self-esteem, Bam. Being a sex worker, or ex-escort does not bring down your value. Any man lucky enough to deserve you, ex-hoe or not- should respect your sexuality and boundaries. You are not damaged goods no matter how many men have slept in your bed and you've already explained to him that you're not attracted to women. Tell him no, stop feeling guilty, end of discussion. You don't have to have a reason to say no and even if you did- he chose to accept your past so he needs to be okay with that and so do you. Stop apologizing for being a sex work and previous escort. He either excepts you for you- or he can walk.




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    Featured Member strippername's Avatar
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    ^Haha. I thought you were saying "BAM!!!" like Emeril and not "Bam" short for "Bambi".

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    uhhm, guys do not need to be bisexual to have a threesome with another guy. I've had a threesome with an ex and another guy.
    None of them were into guys or eachother in any way. I was the only center of attention - and loved it

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by VirginCamgirl View Post
    uhhm, guys do not need to be bisexual to have a threesome with another guy. I've had a threesome with an ex and another guy.
    None of them were into guys or eachother in any way. I was the only center of attention - and loved it
    And likewise, girls don't have to be bisexual to be in a threesome either.
    "Do you do tech support in exclusive?"

    Don't call me BB...I'm not the prime minister of Israel!



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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    If you do not want to do it, do not do it.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    If you're struggling with insecurity right now, tell him about it and don't do the threesome right now. Nothing brings out a big insecurity breakdown like a threesome. You don't "owe" him sexual things you're not comfortable with right now because he made the decision to be with you while you were a sex worker. I think the more pressing issue, though, isn't so much the threesome as it is the insecurity you've said you're feeling and it leading into feeling obligated to do things (even though he's never been the one to try to guilt trip you?).

    Work on that, get to a secure place, and then you can have a level-headed discussion and decision about the threesome.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Stay within your personal comfort zone and do NOT disrespect yourself. If a 3-some is not you or your thing , do NOT do it.
    Leave everything else aside and just try to think about it logically : How fun would it really be if you are not into it ?

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    You just quit and are dealing with all the emotion and changes. Good and bad.

    Put it on the long finger. Give yourself time to think about it. Maybe you will feel differently later.

    Maybe there are other things you are both into that would be great to try instead?

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    NO!!! being forced to do a sexual act is RAPE! It doesn't matter how active you were before. I have never done anal sex because I knew once we break up and I get a new boyfriend, he would expect anal just because I've done it before. Men are PIGS and that's how I protect myself! My current boyfriend always asks for anal and I have the perfect excuse "I've never done it before because the thought doesn't appeal to me" he pouts, but gets over it. But if I done it in the past and he knew, he would say "you've done it with soandso, why not me?" No matter how many times I say no. Guys are pigs honey. Animals. So you have to train them. Don't feel like you owe your precious body to do something you don't want to do. It's rape. I know as a sex worker you sometimes feel like it's not rape because you agree..but working as an escort didn't you feel raped sometimes because you knew you didn't want to..but had to for money? I don't want to rant but please don't do it just for a BOYFRIEND. You're not married.


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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I don't think you're obligated to do ANYTHING because of your job. He knew you were an escort when you got together.
    If you're not 100 percent into the idea tell him no. If he tries to guilt trip you into doing it because of your job, then he's a huge asshole (obviously)

    I am and always have been very into girls emotionally. I've had several relationships with them and have fallen hard for more women than I have men but I'm now married to a man and would not want to share him with another girl so I get it, just because you've had experiences with girls in the past doesn't mean you are obligated to have a 3 way either. If my husband ever asked me to have one I'd tell him no.

    Threesomes are a relationship hurter and killer in almost every situation I can think of where one party wasn't one hundred percent going into it and just doing it because they want to please their partner. It's not worth it in my opinion.

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by CamBabe View Post
    NO!!! being forced to do a sexual act is RAPE! It doesn't matter how active you were before. I have never done anal sex because I knew once we break up and I get a new boyfriend, he would expect anal just because I've done it before. Men are PIGS and that's how I protect myself! My current boyfriend always asks for anal and I have the perfect excuse "I've never done it before because the thought doesn't appeal to me" he pouts, but gets over it. But if I done it in the past and he knew, he would say "you've done it with soandso, why not me?" No matter how many times I say no. Guys are pigs honey. Animals. So you have to train them. Don't feel like you owe your precious body to do something you don't want to do. It's rape. I know as a sex worker you sometimes feel like it's not rape because you agree..but working as an escort didn't you feel raped sometimes because you knew you didn't want to..but had to for money? I don't want to rant but please don't do it just for a BOYFRIEND. You're not married.
    Jesus christ is all I have to say to this.
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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by CamBabe View Post
    NO!!! being forced to do a sexual act is RAPE! It doesn't matter how active you were before. I have never done anal sex because I knew once we break up and I get a new boyfriend, he would expect anal just because I've done it before. Men are PIGS and that's how I protect myself! My current boyfriend always asks for anal and I have the perfect excuse "I've never done it before because the thought doesn't appeal to me" he pouts, but gets over it. But if I done it in the past and he knew, he would say "you've done it with soandso, why not me?" No matter how many times I say no. Guys are pigs honey. Animals. So you have to train them. Don't feel like you owe your precious body to do something you don't want to do. It's rape. I know as a sex worker you sometimes feel like it's not rape because you agree..but working as an escort didn't you feel raped sometimes because you knew you didn't want to..but had to for money? I don't want to rant but please don't do it just for a BOYFRIEND. You're not married.
    This is crazy talk. Consensual sex is not rape, escorting is not rape. I agree that no one should do anything sexually they don't want to do. People consent for all kinds of reasons.

    This kind of mentality is faulty and really dangerous.

    Let's not victimize and infantilize women, ok?

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    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    As a bisexual escort, I can tell you that it NEVER goes well for anyone in the party, when the woman in the relationship isn't attracted to women and just agrees to participate in a threesome to make their husband/boyfriend happy. And to be honest, you're not obligated to do anything for him that you're not comfortable with. He was supportive of you because that's what good boyfriends do! If he couldn't deal with your being a sex worker, he could've had other options. Just because he's a good boyfriend, that does not mean you need to do things outside your boundaries. And I doubt that he'd want you to either. IF -- and that is a huge IF -- you are comfortable with him seeing escorts, but don't want to be a participant in the threesome yourself, he can request a duo session with your full knowledge and approval. But having a threesome out of feelings of obligation will inevitably turn out bad.

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