Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 26 to 40 of 40

Thread: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinion

  1. #26
    Featured Member luvnrockets's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Twue Pvt
    Posts
    889
    Thanks
    1,827
    Thanked 2,098 Times in 617 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    ^^^ Again, there are ways to have a threesome with two people involved not being attracted to each other. I've done it numerous times. It just makes it a different experience than what people generally think of when they hear "MFF threesome."
    "Do you do tech support in exclusive?"

    Don't call me BB...I'm not the prime minister of Israel!



  2. The Following User Says Thank You to luvnrockets For This Useful Post:


  3. #27
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Kya-Na-Da
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    212
    Thanked 185 Times in 66 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Bambibabe, I think your question is a very personal one and probably best to address with your boyfriend. Just be honest with him about how you feel insecure and that you are more straight/heteroflexible than really bi. Also, if you want monogamy now/always you will want to let him know to see if he's on the same page with you or not.

    I think that guys who willingly date escorts are often under the impression that a sex worker will be more willing to experiment with non-monogamy (threesomes, swinging etc.) but this is often not the case. You might want to make clear what kind of relationship will make you happy. There's also lots of room for healthy consensual sexual experimentation within a monogamous relationship.

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ad_Astra For This Useful Post:


  5. #28
    Senior Member Bambibabe's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    125
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked 116 Times in 41 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Thanks so much guys. I'm going to talk about it with him next week. I'll update you all on it! I have faith it will go well. He's a truly good guy.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bambibabe For This Useful Post:


  7. #29
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,854 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Threesomes are a lot of work & usually awkward for everyone involved. Tell him that he has to find the 3rd party... men are lazy, going out & convincing someone to fuck them but a 2nd person to is much harder than they think.
    o
    In general, men want the female to hunt down the other girl & talk her into it. While he gets to sit back & enjoy them doing all the work for him. 90% of the guys just want to talk about it & that is enough for them, putting in the work to get a 3rd is more than they want to do.

    Now, I did have an ex who loved the thought of them. Several times would come home to him presenting me with another female. Would take her into the bathroom & chat, none of them were into females but willing to do it for him. Made me laugh, as if I would do something like that just for him. So talked them into flirting with me, getting him all worked up & then laugh in his face. AS IF!

    Fact is, we don't owe anyone anything sexually. Great sex & connection is mutual, the moment it isn't then resentment begins & thus puts the love at risk.

    Now, I do recommend wearing a wig so different in hair color & style, changing up make up & outfits to make it seem as if he is doirng it with a different woman. Get all dressed up, text him to meet you at a bar. Surprise him with this role playing. It will still be you, but look like another.

  8. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  9. #30
    Veteran Member Shy2's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Adelaide, South Australia
    Posts
    269
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 282 Times in 132 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I'm sure if he had any idea that you didn't want a threesome that he wouldn't want you to do something you didn't want to do. Otherwise he'll be able to tell you're not enjoying yourself and you'll just end up resenting him after. You can't expect him to know what you're thinking if you haven't been honest and let him know what you want

  10. #31
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I've never posted before but have to tell you with experience-threesomes are not all they are hyped up to be. I've had two in the past and I was glad when they were over. Although for the other people involved I guess they were fun. It didn't feel intimate and as pretty as the other girl was, I just wasn't into sex with a woman. However I find women attractive. Fantasies can feel very different in real life than they do in our imagination.
    A few years ago, I was dating a guy and initially thought the idea of a threesome was sexy, because it would please him. But once I fell in love, the idea turned my stomach. I asked him how he would feel watching me fuck another guy, he said he would kill him. So, that was the end of the threesome talk.

  11. #32
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Center of the World.
    Posts
    3,128
    Thanks
    66
    Thanked 82 Times in 51 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    You should never feel obligated to have sex with anyone.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to ahmeerah For This Useful Post:


  13. #33
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    100
    Thanks
    325
    Thanked 203 Times in 70 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by CamBabe View Post
    NO!!! being forced to do a sexual act is RAPE! It doesn't matter how active you were before. I have never done anal sex because I knew once we break up and I get a new boyfriend, he would expect anal just because I've done it before. Men are PIGS and that's how I protect myself! My current boyfriend always asks for anal and I have the perfect excuse "I've never done it before because the thought doesn't appeal to me" he pouts, but gets over it. But if I done it in the past and he knew, he would say "you've done it with soandso, why not me?" No matter how many times I say no. Guys are pigs honey. Animals. So you have to train them. Don't feel like you owe your precious body to do something you don't want to do. It's rape. I know as a sex worker you sometimes feel like it's not rape because you agree..but working as an escort didn't you feel raped sometimes because you knew you didn't want to..but had to for money? I don't want to rant but please don't do it just for a BOYFRIEND. You're not married.
    This is the argument the moralist and control crowd use to keep sex work illegal. Something that you don't want to do, but voluntarily do anyway, is not the same as rape. To say otherwise is to say that women don't have agency, and that women need protection from being asked to do things. Most people do jobs they don't want to do, people do labor that is dangerous, gets them killed, gets them hurt, causes nerve damage, causes time away from home, destroys relationships, and might be tough emotionally, etc. etc. I sure am disappointed to see a sex worker use the oppressive language of the control freaks.

    On topic, "Despite my feelings of apprehension and jealousy, I think it would be unfair to deny him that all things considering."

    Don't let you career color your thoughts. There is nothing unfair about not crossing boundaries that most of society observes. You were, or may be again, a sex worker. But your mind and spirit are speaking to you because women understand relationships. There are many open, swinger, and other type relationships that succeed happily. But going down that roads means you have to do all the work associated with those type of relationships - and that relationship work has nothing to do with your former work. Sex and relationships are complicated. For some people sex is needed, but it is not among the most important pillars of a relationship. Other people feel sex is the backbone of their relationship. Jealousy destroys some people even though nobody is unfaithful, some people even see jealousy as a kind of virtue, synonymous with "I love you, see how possessive i am?" Others see jealousy as a problem emotion, like anger, that doesn't have a place.

    All that to say I think your issue is not a one time 'do we have a threesome'. You and I know sex can be compartmentalized. That's not the issue. The issue is what kind of relationship do you have, what are your boundaries, what are his boundaries, how do you both deal with emotions of your relationship having additional sex partners, can those sex partners just be sex partners, what are the pillars of your relationship, what is the long term plan for these exploits, what are the rules, etc. In other words, having an understanding and communication whether you decide to do it or not. But you both have to understand that its about your relationship and not sex, sex work is compartmentalized, is that compartmentalization something to be invited into your own relationship bedroom?

    I'm not speaking for or against as I've seen so many types of relationships and explored many of them myself. I just don't believe you go down roads without seeing that they take you someplace different. Your relationship won't be where it is now, it'll be somewhere else.

  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SarcasticGoldFish For This Useful Post:


  15. #34
    Veteran Member red.velvet's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    368
    Thanks
    93
    Thanked 411 Times in 158 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    What? I know I'm conservative, but just say no

  16. #35
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,846
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Try telling him MAYBE, but you have to find a guy you really like. That might quiet him down.

  17. #36
    Senior Member samanthamx's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Location
    Mexico
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    16
    Thanked 216 Times in 93 Posts
    My Mood
    Chatty

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    You are only obligated to yourself

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to samanthamx For This Useful Post:


  19. #37
    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    The dirty south
    Posts
    1,381
    Thanks
    1,942
    Thanked 1,993 Times in 605 Posts
    Blog Entries
    17
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    I'm assuming you have an open relationship with your boyfriend, since you were escorting while you were with him. So why not tell him that a threesome isn't for you, but that it's fine for him to seek out that experience on his own?

    And I'm echoing everyone else who says you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do.

  20. #38
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    167
    Thanks
    563
    Thanked 411 Times in 140 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Quote Originally Posted by SarcasticGoldFish View Post
    This is the argument the moralist and control crowd use to keep sex work illegal. Something that you don't want to do, but voluntarily do anyway, is not the same as rape. To say otherwise is to say that women don't have agency, and that women need protection from being asked to do things. Most people do jobs they don't want to do, people do labor that is dangerous, gets them killed, gets them hurt, causes nerve damage, causes time away from home, destroys relationships, and might be tough emotionally, etc. etc. I sure am disappointed to see a sex worker use the oppressive language of the control freaks.

    On topic, "Despite my feelings of apprehension and jealousy, I think it would be unfair to deny him that all things considering."

    Don't let you career color your thoughts. There is nothing unfair about not crossing boundaries that most of society observes. You were, or may be again, a sex worker. But your mind and spirit are speaking to you because women understand relationships. There are many open, swinger, and other type relationships that succeed happily. But going down that roads means you have to do all the work associated with those type of relationships - and that relationship work has nothing to do with your former work. Sex and relationships are complicated. For some people sex is needed, but it is not among the most important pillars of a relationship. Other people feel sex is the backbone of their relationship. Jealousy destroys some people even though nobody is unfaithful, some people even see jealousy as a kind of virtue, synonymous with "I love you, see how possessive i am?" Others see jealousy as a problem emotion, like anger, that doesn't have a place.

    All that to say I think your issue is not a one time 'do we have a threesome'. You and I know sex can be compartmentalized. That's not the issue. The issue is what kind of relationship do you have, what are your boundaries, what are his boundaries, how do you both deal with emotions of your relationship having additional sex partners, can those sex partners just be sex partners, what are the pillars of your relationship, what is the long term plan for these exploits, what are the rules, etc. In other words, having an understanding and communication whether you decide to do it or not. But you both have to understand that its about your relationship and not sex, sex work is compartmentalized, is that compartmentalization something to be invited into your own relationship bedroom?

    I'm not speaking for or against as I've seen so many types of relationships and explored many of them myself. I just don't believe you go down roads without seeing that they take you someplace different. Your relationship won't be where it is now, it'll be somewhere else.

    Wow! You get a gold star and A+. Fantastic response. You should be Dear Abby or Ask E Jean. Next time I need advice I will ask you directly.

  21. #39
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    100
    Thanks
    325
    Thanked 203 Times in 70 Posts

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    Thanks Ginger I really appreciate that. I hesitate on direct advice (do this/do that) and try bend towards giving information. I hope she starts from a place of recognizing her own equality and agency in the relationship that is not in the least diminished by her sex work. My heart went out with that struggle of her feeling like something is 'owed' or that her agency is different because she'd been a sex worker. Her BF's needs are no more important than her needs. Beyond that we all deserve a partner that has our backs, so communication and a long view is never bad advice.

  22. #40
    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,247
    Thanks
    4,702
    Thanked 2,158 Times in 845 Posts
    My Mood
    Innocent

    Default Re: My BF wants a threesome and I feel obligated because I was an escort. Your opinio

    This has to do with a large amount of trust and respect to allow another person into the bedroom and you either can or cannot do it. It sounds like he is mentioning you being attracted to woman in hopes of having a sudden change of heart however, this is a decision that is rightfully yours.

  23. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BambiCutie For This Useful Post:


Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 191
    Last Post: 08-31-2010, 11:32 AM
  2. Girls I need your opinion..... Should I feel bad about this?
    By Heather7679 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 08-05-2009, 10:21 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •