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Thread: Sex work while in love...

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    Senior Member Slutdust's Avatar
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    Dizzy Sex work while in love...

    Hey everyone-- It's been a while since I've posted on SW. I've been going through an intense mental battle with myself, and I need some input. Advice, words of encouragement, or just knowing I'm not alone will be helpful...

    Where do I begin. I've been doing sex work in one form or another for ten years now. I've been lucky enough to have only positive experiences, and the sex industry has been very good to me in general. For the past four years, I've been working as a high-end escort. I've always loved my job and have been very okay with the idea of escorting for as long as I can (as long as it's still fun, as long as people book me, etc). I've always been aware of the importance of an exit plan, and it's something I've continuously gone back and forth with, but ultimately, I feel like I'm currently doing what I was born to do...

    Well, then one day I fall deeply in love. I'm 29 years old, my boyfriend is 36. We met in the gym three years ago, but our relationship became official in the past year. I have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, get married, perhaps have children, etc. As soon as we began our relationship, I confessed to him about my job and was completely honest-- how I enjoy it, don't plan on quitting anytime soon, etc. I'm very lucky to be with someone who is so mature and understanding-- he has never asked me to quit and he never will. He understands the difference between work and pleasure. However, I know deep-down it pains him to know I am sleeping with other men (for money), although he has never confirmed or denied it. The most he says is, "Without condemning or condoning, I understand."

    The issue lies here, in my own head. The deeper in love I fall, the harder work becomes for me. I am very good at separating the two (work and personal), and I still enjoy my job. The hard part is knowing: 1) continuing to escort longterm may stunt the growth of our relationship, and 2) it hurts me to hurt him, and I can't prolong that pain for who knows how much longer.

    I believe my passion in life is helping people embrace their sexuality and break free from sexual shame, I love dressing up, having intimate conversations with strangers, the rush of walking through a hotel, and the money is good-- some of the reasons why I love escorting. I've honestly exhausted all other options of careers and even business start-ups. I'm still having a good enough time, but we all know escorting is a dead-end job. It HAS to end some day...then what?

    I could just power through and keep on doing what I'm doing until the day we get married. But then what? I am not comfortable with the idea of him supporting me (I have too much pride, and plus, I love to work). All of this would be much easier if there was a light at the end of the tunnel...if I could at least have a Plan B in motion while I finish up my time as an escort, you know? Right now, I'm just going around in circles.

    I've considered investing in real estate property (according to my calculations, will take about ten more years of escorting in order to have multiple properties where I can actually survive off the income...and I just don't think I have ten more years left in me). I've also considered going to nursing school to become an RN and get into aesthetic medicine (botox, fillers, etc)...but I've never been a school OR a job person, and medical studies might be pushing it a little too hard. Like I said...going around in circles.

    Well...I guess I just wanted a listening ear. So thank you guys for reading. xoxoxo

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    I don't have the experience to give real advice, but I heard you, and I hope the best for you. I wonder if you could go into sex therapy... I know your not into school, but if you we're going for an end point you live you may enjoy the experience. Would you be interested in working with people that are traumatized/disabled/autistic?

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Quote Originally Posted by LilLadyLux View Post
    I don't have the experience to give real advice, but I heard you, and I hope the best for you. I wonder if you could go into sex therapy... I know your not into school, but if you we're going for an end point you live you may enjoy the experience. Would you be interested in working with people that are traumatized/disabled/autistic?
    I know someone who got into sex surrogate work (not sure if that's what you mean) after she had done regular sex work for many years. From what I understand, it can be very rewarding.

    Have you considered trying domme work? It doesn't burn most people out nearly as fast, and it's probably the best kind of sex work to do while in love with someone - since unless you're in a BDSM relationship, what you're doing with clients is just way different than anything you and your boyfriend do together. There's still an intense erotic component, you're DEFINITELY helping people embrace their unique sexuality, but you're not performing actual sex acts on them. (The industry standard is to make them masturbate until orgasm. If you want to go further you can, though, as many independent dommes do give HJs and some will have full sex with select clients for good money.) The longevity of domme work is, however, somewhat overrated. With a few exceptions for very talented women, your client base will stick with you only for as long as you're sexy and attractive. And, of course, domme money also isn't as good as escort money.

    Ultimately, you are right in that you will eventually need to transition to something non-sex work. Considering the standard life expectancy, we're all going to spend the last 30-40 years of our lives too old for sex work and needing another source of income. I know you enjoy being an escort and frankly, whatever job you take later on will probably disappoint you every day in comparison to escorting. As you realize, though, that job will still be better than being old and poor.

    You may luck out in that with your savings from escorting, you can take a lower-paying job and still not live hand-to-mouth. Have you thought of being a therapist or an addictions counselor? Doesn't relate much to sex, but you'll still get to have powerful, life-changing one-on-one connections with people. Nonprofits are always looking for people to work with indigent clients, helping them through homelessness and violence. Should you do that for a few years, you may find that you'll get some opportunities to help design programs and move up in the ranks. These jobs still generally require college or more, but your program doesn't have to be super rigorous.

    I wish I had more ideas but hopefully others will offer some too. Lastly, please don't ever rely on your BF to support you though, even if you guys do get married! Maybe he'll make the majority of the income, but it's best that you are always able to get by if you guys split, even if what you do pays just $30-40K per year.

    Good luck. I'm your age and went through the same realization a few years ago. I'm transitioning out now, even though I still have quite a few years of sex work left in me. Sometimes I think that the best years of my life are behind me, because I loved sex work so much!

    I've known other women in the industry though, and I've seen cautionary tales play out. I know one woman who's in her 50s and was very pretty. She got by for a long time doing various forms of sex work. She opened up a business eventually, but it failed - from what I can tell, it was her dream business, but she didn't do enough to market it and bring in customers. She went back to sex work but just was not making nearly enough money, and eventually had to move back home with her parents, where she still lives.

    I've also known women who went "behind the camera" after a certain age, renting out space to sex workers or making and selling outfits. Some are very successful, but this can be hit or miss. If you wanted to go this route, it would be best to start now so that you can bounce back from failures using your current income and maybe even get regulars to finance some ventures.

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Quote Originally Posted by LilLadyLux View Post
    I don't have the experience to give real advice, but I heard you, and I hope the best for you. I wonder if you could go into sex therapy... I know your not into school, but if you we're going for an end point you live you may enjoy the experience. Would you be interested in working with people that are traumatized/disabled/autistic?
    Thanks for replying. I'm totally interested in going to school...I feel like my brain has been so stagnant and under-challenged these past several years, I'm actually craving to DO something more. My inner lazy bitch makes me second guess myself though. You just got me researching sexology/sex therapy for the past couple of hours...definitely intrigued, but I wonder if I'm capable of putting the next eight years towards school-- seems like a toss up between investing in real estate and investing in education!

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Switch to dancing & if he's really a keeper he will stick around.



    Just my 2 cents. Love can be a fleeting thing. The future is usually there to be lived though.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 03-28-2016 at 01:43 PM.

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Don't think of it as 8 years, you can do a lot with a 4 year psych degree of that's all you can take. And you don't have to take it all in at once. Just aim for the 4 year and start with 2 classes to get your feet wet. Once you are more comfortable you can talk to someone about scholarships available for those accepted into the PhD program as unxergrads, they can get their whole education paid for and they (because they are getting PhDs soon enough ) get to see clients right away!

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    As a man, if you want a man's opinion, if I was your partner and I saw you transitioning to both real estate and sex therapy, I'd be both proud and excited for our future. Women always seem to think it is just about the sex, and certainly that's a challenge, but there is also the daily fear that you'd be arrested or get a bad client, I'm sure. Love makes you a touch protective. The options above together might yield the income you need while letting him know you have a long term plan.
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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Quote Originally Posted by LilLadyLux View Post
    I don't have the experience to give real advice, but I heard you, and I hope the best for you. I wonder if you could go into sex therapy... I know your not into school, but if you we're going for an end point you live you may enjoy the experience. Would you be interested in working with people that are traumatized/disabled/autistic?
    This is what I thought of too when I read your post! I think a lot of us sex workers are deeply caring people at our cores. I always tell customers the stereotype of the stripper working her way through nursing school exists for a reason.

    As far as schooling, I don't think you will need to do a full 8 years-probably more like 6 if you go full time or take summer classes so you can finish with the undergrad portion more quickly. Also, you will probably have a gap of several months to a year between finishing undergrad and starting a grad program, so you would get one last chance to give it your all at work and stack up some money before leaving the industry for good. You sound very independent and business-minded so I think you would ultimately be able to start up your own practice (although it is probably best to seek more traditional employment at first so you get some experience). A good friend of mine (not a sex worker) has a Master's in Social Work and started her own very successful business as a therapist for high-needs adults.

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    I too think you would be great at sex therapy. Maybe you can dance while you go to school so you know you can eliminate the sex out of the sex work. I think you both would be much happier this way and you'll still be making bank.

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    Veteran Member red.velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Sexwork is hard for people while in a relationship unless you're a sociopath or able to keep reminded yourself that sexwork is a job that is temporary to fund your future.

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    ^That seems like a severe generalization.

    (it certainly hasn't been my experience)

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Quote Originally Posted by red.velvet View Post
    Sexwork is hard for people while in a relationship unless you're a sociopath or able to keep reminded yourself that sexwork is a job that is temporary to fund your future.
    Sexwork in which you have sex or ALL sex work?

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Hey there!

    I have some websites that might help you. I am also trying to plan an exit strategy and I've been doing a lot of research along the same lines that you are brainstorming on. ...

    Have you ever considered becoming a sexologist? It seems that it takes considerably less school than a sex therapist.... Here is a website that talks about it.



    They are giving a webinar on April 30th, I believe, about how to start a career in sexuality... here is that link...

    Also, they have great articles about sex positive porn companies, if you've ever been interested in that. It would be interesting to me to see what it would take to start another organization like this in a different state.
    Also, your experiences as a sex positive empowered sex worker would provide great fodder for a blog/book/podcast. I can link an article about how to make money off of a blog but there are so many to choose from.

    Perhaps you and I will meet again on the road to a post-sex-work career in sexuality. Good Luck!!

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    Default Re: Sex work while in love...

    Quote Originally Posted by Slutdust View Post
    Hey everyone-- It's been a while since I've posted on SW. I've been going through an intense mental battle with myself, and I need some input. Advice, words of encouragement, or just knowing I'm not alone will be helpful...

    Where do I begin. I've been doing sex work in one form or another for ten years now. I've been lucky enough to have only positive experiences, and the sex industry has been very good to me in general. For the past four years, I've been working as a high-end escort. I've always loved my job and have been very okay with the idea of escorting for as long as I can (as long as it's still fun, as long as people book me, etc). I've always been aware of the importance of an exit plan, and it's something I've continuously gone back and forth with, but ultimately, I feel like I'm currently doing what I was born to do...

    Well, then one day I fall deeply in love. I'm 29 years old, my boyfriend is 36. We met in the gym three years ago, but our relationship became official in the past year. I have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, get married, perhaps have children, etc. As soon as we began our relationship, I confessed to him about my job and was completely honest-- how I enjoy it, don't plan on quitting anytime soon, etc. I'm very lucky to be with someone who is so mature and understanding-- he has never asked me to quit and he never will. He understands the difference between work and pleasure. However, I know deep-down it pains him to know I am sleeping with other men (for money), although he has never confirmed or denied it. The most he says is, "Without condemning or condoning, I understand."

    The issue lies here, in my own head. The deeper in love I fall, the harder work becomes for me. I am very good at separating the two (work and personal), and I still enjoy my job. The hard part is knowing: 1) continuing to escort longterm may stunt the growth of our relationship, and 2) it hurts me to hurt him, and I can't prolong that pain for who knows how much longer.

    I believe my passion in life is helping people embrace their sexuality and break free from sexual shame, I love dressing up, having intimate conversations with strangers, the rush of walking through a hotel, and the money is good-- some of the reasons why I love escorting. I've honestly exhausted all other options of careers and even business start-ups. I'm still having a good enough time, but we all know escorting is a dead-end job. It HAS to end some day...then what?

    I could just power through and keep on doing what I'm doing until the day we get married. But then what? I am not comfortable with the idea of him supporting me (I have too much pride, and plus, I love to work). All of this would be much easier if there was a light at the end of the tunnel...if I could at least have a Plan B in motion while I finish up my time as an escort, you know? Right now, I'm just going around in circles.

    I've considered investing in real estate property (according to my calculations, will take about ten more years of escorting in order to have multiple properties where I can actually survive off the income...and I just don't think I have ten more years left in me). I've also considered going to nursing school to become an RN and get into aesthetic medicine (botox, fillers, etc)...but I've never been a school OR a job person, and medical studies might be pushing it a little too hard. Like I said...going around in circles.

    Well...I guess I just wanted a listening ear. So thank you guys for reading. xoxoxo
    Hello,
    I know how u feel as it happened to me. My actual hubby, I met while escorting, he is a former client of mine.
    I started as a camgirl, things got tough and i had to start escorting as i couldnt find a regular job. In the beggining was hard to see myself as an escort, but as time has passed i got used to and just like u, i only had good experiences. One day i meet my hubby and things got complicated. He never asked me to stop, but im sure that was what he wanted in his mind. I did stop, money got tight but we manage. For 2 years ebfore having our baby, i was teaching english and all was good, but then the baby was born and teaching wasnt an option anymore as i had to go to my students offices. So i decided to go back to cam, which he didnt like as he thought i was going to do sexual shows. I didnt. I changed my shows to domme shows, which is something i always did in the past but in a lower scale and even then, he didnt like it a lot. But time has passed and he got used to it and the money helps us a lot. So, what to say to u and how you should deal with this? I cant tell u to quit escorting, but eventually u will by urself, coz u will be more and more feeling guilty and afraid u will lose the love of ur life. Well, at least this is how i felt. And in the long run, believe me, if u dont stop, this is what will happen. Im sorry to tell u this,but men just cant take his girl sleeping around, even if its for money.
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