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Thread: Blowin' Smoke

  1. #1
    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Default Blowin' Smoke

    A recent thread has me wondering about this...

    One of my favorite cutsies sends me money every week. Its not a significant amount, but it adds up to be about as much as my day job would pay and I literally don't have to do a god damn thing except text him and send him pics. Maybe a phone call here and there. I haven't even met him yet and he's been doing this (without my asking) for several months. Every time we set up a meeting, it snows or he is stuck at work out of town, or what have you. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind meeting him. He's a darling man who isn't too hard on the eyes. But for whatever reason, we haven't met yet.


    So, here's my problem:

    He's fallen for me. Not the typical shit we get every day that I addressed in the Question for the Ladies thread, but feelings that he either really has or perceives as real. He's even dropped the "L" bomb. We lightly banter about this every so often. I make it clear that fun is fun and those feelings aren't mutual. He goes off and pouts for a few days but he always comes back like nothing happened. Still sends money, etc.

    I would NEVER intentionally lead anyone on to make a dollar. I'm not that desperate or cruel even. In this case though, I don't feel as if I'm taking advantage because I have made it crystal fucking clear to him.

    Am I being too soft? Is this a case of being paid for my texting/chatting services regardless of his silliness?

    Or...

    Should I cut him loose?

    (I want to make it clear that aside from his feelings, he is harmless. I'm not dealing with a psychopath here.)

    Follow up question:

    How much smoke have you been known to blow to get what you want out of a cutsie? Is all fair in love and war?

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Naw drop him. At the very least he is a loner & at the worst a potential stalker. I still get texts & calls from a couple former male acquaintances b/c frankly they're pathetic & creepy & hope to catch me at a weak point. Once he accepts there is no chance of romance he will drop you first.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Isn't this his fantasy, though? That he's in love with a woman he's never met? He sounds like a romantic, and this sounds like the fantasy he wants you to create for him. He's paying you for it.

    Honestly, I do believe that all is fair in war and sex work. If someone is paying me for services rendered (pictures, dates, dances), they are paying me for a fantasy. I would never date someone 'for free' and lie to that person - that's a clear violation in my head. But if you're giving me money and I'm giving you fantasy-grade product, then that is a business relationship. He's a grown-ass man. He can take care of himself.

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    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Isn't this his fantasy, though? That he's in love with a woman he's never met? He sounds like a romantic, and this sounds like the fantasy he wants you to create for him. He's paying you for it.

    Honestly, I do believe that all is fair in war and sex work. If someone is paying me for services rendered (pictures, dates, dances), they are paying me for a fantasy. I would never date someone 'for free' and lie to that person - that's a clear violation in my head. But if you're giving me money and I'm giving you fantasy-grade product, then that is a business relationship. He's a grown-ass man. He can take care of himself.
    The thought had crossed my mind that this was a fantasy and that maybe I shouldn't ruin it for him. I mean, I've told him on numerous occasions that I "don't do monogamy" and "love isn't my game". The shit I usually tell guys. But he always comes back around. Surely he can't be that delusional in this?

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    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Once he accepts there is no chance of romance
    And then there is this... Maybe he actually feels that way about me and he hasn't accepted yet that I just don't? That's kind of what I'm afraid of. Like I said, I don't want to lead anyone on, but if its just a fantasy I'm not going to fuck myself out of easy money by being Miss Muppet about it.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    The thought had crossed my mind that this was a fantasy and that maybe I shouldn't ruin it for him. I mean, I've told him on numerous occasions that I "don't do monogamy" and "love isn't my game". The shit I usually tell guys. But he always comes back around. Surely he can't be that delusional in this?
    I think as long as you've told him upfront how you feel (i.e. the terms of your agreement), there's no issue with spinning the fantasy now and in the future. Just focus the attention 100% on him - his 'love,' his 'dedication,' his 'hopeless romanticism,' and don't feed back any full-on lies. Like, instead of saying "I love you, too!", say "I've never had the privilege of knowing someone as loyal as you are!" or whatever.

    Think of it as a form of financial domination. His fetish is love, and he's paying you to acknowledge his sacrifices. If this is truly what he's into, he won't push you into 'loving' him in return. There are a million ways to compliment someone that don't imply any sort of interest or commitment on your part.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Yes he is somewhat delusional and very persistent. Some of these guys think that with enough persistence they will change your mind and win you over.

    I'd keep going until he becomes a problem. By that I mean his actions. Like continue until you feel like its not in your best interests to do so.

    It's good you've been honest with him so therefore at the end of the day you can have a clear conscious and any misunderstandings will be on his end.

    Just be careful still though. Just because a person seems harmless and doesn't have any past criminal activity doesn't mean they are free and clear of causing you harm. And its easy for people who lack maturity and experience to get upset when the lines between reality and fantasy get blurred.

    Google "crimes of passion" and "Erotomania"

    If he shows any odd behaviors or you get any warning signs - be careful and get out while you can.

    Otherwise, carry on and good luck with your hustle.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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  11. #8
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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    The sad thing about American culture is movies and books tell men to "keep trying" to get a woman's attention, even if she seems uninterested (because it's unladylike to be honest/direct, shaking my damn head!) I've had guys call me a bitch for not wanting to talk to them, guys threaten me for cutting off communication after I been open about how I felt about them.. etc....Hopefully this guy is not nuts.

    As an older woman now I feel no guilt about this topic because men often are good game players with women & some are all talk. Plenty of them move on to other conquests when they finally "get with" a girl.

    You can always replace this guy. Better to be safe than sorry.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    I think that he's enjoying a fantasy of being in love, and you needn't feel bad about helping him play it out. The fact that he is delaying meeting you tells me that he's trying to retain as much control over the fantasy as possible, since your real connection might of course not be what he is picturing. It's good that you reaffirm to him that you don't reciprocate his feelings, so that he is forced to always keep that anchor of reality at the back of his mind.

    I would say to keep having fun with him and getting presents. In my experience these guys always try to ramp up after a while and get you to say "I Love You" back, break various of your rules for them, and let them into your "real" life. They think persistence will work as it does in the movies. You inevitably need to set some kind of emotional boundary, and then the relationship becomes a tug-of-war between what he wants and what you can give. Just gauge his crazy/dangerous factor and bow out if you smell trouble. You can suddenly become busy, go on tour, etc. It helps to introduce him to another girl he'll like, so that he can potentially start the cycle over with her. These guys are serial lovers, it's like Days of Our Lives for them, but with them as part of the cast. They may be sad that you don't love them back, but they're totally happy to have played out an emotional love story with a hot young woman.

    Edit: Is he married? If so, he's a bit safer as regards his chance of going off the deep end.
    Last edited by tigershoes; 03-01-2016 at 10:45 PM.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    He's married but works as a contractor out of town for weeks at a time. My gut tells me that he is just lonely from being on the road and is completely harmless. I've screened him. Nothing scary about the guy. His public FB profile is as wholesome as it gets. He never gets angry when I tell him how it is. He just pouts a little bit.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    The "pouts a little" thing caught my attention. Maybe he's more serious than he lets on. Just be careful.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    The "pouts a little" thing caught my attention. Maybe he's more serious than he lets on. Just be careful.
    This, along with all the rest:

    He's fallen for me. Not the typical shit we get every day that I addressed in the Question for the Ladies thread, but feelings that he either really has or perceives as real. He's even dropped the "L" bomb. We lightly banter about this every so often. I make it clear that fun is fun and those feelings aren't mutual. He goes off and pouts for a few days but he always comes back like nothing happened. Still sends money, etc.

    Bomb, a married guy who starts telling a girl who he has never met and who he pays for attention that he loves her, and really seems to mean it, is just not all there. Just something to think about. I know that you have talked about meeting up with him, but IMHO you might want to reconsider doing that and just keep collecting cash for as long as you can without letting him get too close. Just like he is only seeing what you want him to see about you, the same holds true in the other direction as well.

    Good luck and stay safe!

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    This discussion reveals an ugly truth about some married guys- many marry with 0 intention of being faithful, no matter what they tell others. Some feel entitled to cheat, others were raised that way & never adjusted their viewpoints.

    It also crossed my mind that OP's guy might be doing this to fabricate a "revenge fuck" scenario if his wife was cheating on him. (To possibly explain away a real life affair with a co-worker or neighbor.)

    ///Marriages are weird places.

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    Default Re: Blowin' Smoke

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    He's married but works as a contractor out of town for weeks at a time. My gut tells me that he is just lonely from being on the road and is completely harmless. I've screened him. Nothing scary about the guy. His public FB profile is as wholesome as it gets. He never gets angry when I tell him how it is. He just pouts a little bit.
    Yeah, I would guess that he has turned to you to provide a lot of sexual/emotional stuff that he doesn't get from his wife. He may be the type of married guy who has a difficult time getting up the nerve to physically cheat - that would also explain why he's loving you from a distance. I'd bet that he doesn't want to torpedo his marriage and won't be doing anything too crazy to pursue you, especially if you don't give him any hope.

    If/when he gets too intense and you have to end things, I would recommend the fade-out method. Being busy a lot, having various life/family issues that you have to spend time on and travel for. Clients expect us to be somewhat flakey and on the move. I would just not do it right after he drops a lot of money on you. If you ever really want to get rid of him, you can tell him a sob story about how poorly things are going for you, which makes you both a worse target for revenge and a less appealing love object.

    I have used the direct talking-to method (like, "I NEED you to understand that this is strictly professional and though I think you're great, I do not and WILL NOT EVER have feelings for you" as opposed to the earlier reality-checks of "that's very sweet honey, but you know I can't say that back to you, I'm just your provider") twice on clients who were showing way too much emotional attachment, but I knew them in-person and sensed from our interactions that things would go ok. It was hard for each of them to hear and if they hadn't been emotionally mature, they might have lashed out at me.

    Just make sure to not play on his feelings to solicit stuff (I'm sure you wouldn't), and I would seriously think twice before accepting anything major like a new car, and don't let him try to prove his love by draining his savings for you. Whenever I hear of a guy going off the rails, those are usually the factors involved.
    Last edited by tigershoes; 03-02-2016 at 07:34 PM.

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