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Thread: Confidence...

  1. #1
    Member missviktoria's Avatar
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    Default Confidence...

    I need help in trying to be more confident in and outside of the club...What have any of you guys done to feel more confident or build your confidence... cos sadly being an anti-social stripper doesn't really always work especially in like small clubs, where talking to people will be your come up or undoing

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    Featured Member SuperJa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    I'm completely and utterly antisocial and have zero desire to talk to anyone if I'm not being paid for it. Even in small clubs, I don't change my hustle. I'll spend about two minutes or less with a customer. I try not to sit down. For that two minutes I'm incredibly friendly and make sure I say something super funny, sexy, corny, or dirty depending on how I read the customer. I try to leave them with a line that they'll remember if they don't want dances right at that moment. At that point we either go for dances or I politely excuse myself and move on to the next customer.

    I don't care if they're the only customer in the club, I will not waste any time or social energy for free. If they don't tip me or take me for dances I'd rather chat with another dancer, text a friend, or go stretch or something.

    Honestly confidence is a fake it till you make it thing for a lot of us- just act like you are the hottest girl in the room and you know it. You give the best dances and they obviously want to spend time with you. Don't compare yourself to the other girls; ignore them completely.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    I look at talking to customers as a chance to learn things from them. The main reason guys come to strip clubs is to get to talk to a pretty lady.

    A protip about this is to also make a good friendship with the bartender and manager- they appreciate girls who want to make bar regulars out of customers. Make it obvious that your mission is to never have a customer say a bad thing about you.

    & Truly showing empathy/love with your body language will help you. The only downside to getting good at talking to customers is it is draining. (Sometimes to the point of affecting your life outside of the club.) There are many ways to deal with this & a lot of other occupations have this drawback (medical field, service industry, etc.)

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    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Just be real! You are there to make money, not to win friends or seek approval from people. Don't take things too personally or give it much thought, just be normal and be yourself. You dont have to impress everyone you meet or put on a big show to get them to buy dances. Go up to them and be like "hey hows it going? are you in the mood for some fun today?" I find that the less you worry about it, the more carefree and confident you will become. As mentioned above, dont waste too much time talking for free. Have a basic conversation for a minute or two and if he's not paying you after that, on to the next one.

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    Veteran Member red.velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Confidence is everything! I'm ultra confident always and here's how I do it:

    1. Spend time enhancing your best physical attributes with makeup, hair dye, surgery, clothes, or whatever else you do or don't want to do. Be realistic and only go for enhancements, not turning into a new person. Example: You may not look like a Heidi Klum, but you could become the perfect Angelina. Example 2: You have the potential to be an Adriana Lima but not a Christina Hendricks.
    2. Eat healthy whenever possible and workout so you feel good, not so you necessarily look better
    3. Spend time pursuing your own hobbies and interests! You'll continually be interesting and will never see another person as a threat if you're obsessed with your own little world
    4. Feed your mind. Formal education, books, articles, meetup groups, book clubs, whatever you have to do so you always keep your mind sharp and continually grow

    Its the combination of those that allow me to look and feel my best, so I'm able to be the most confident person I can be

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    Veteran Member NakedNicole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    You just have to remember that most of these guys are drunk and are not really judging you that hard. Most guys are slightly nervous talking to girls, so just know that they are probably more scared of you than you are of them. Choose a fun opening line and practice it so it will flow naturally. Knowing how you will approach and what to say will ease your anxiety. Taking deep breaths will make you give off grounded and powerful energy. Take a couple deep breaths and then walk up to your target, make some sort of physical contact like putting your arms around their waist and pulling them in close to you. Look into their eyes and deliver your opener. " Ooo look! I found a sexy man to molest!"

    If you have any insecuritys, fix them and it will give you amazing confidence. For example, if there is a certain body part that YOU are not happy with, fix it. It's worth the effort because once you feel 100% about yourself that will show through and that new confidence will draw money to you. This could also mean buying a new outfit for work that you feel great in, getting your nails done, your roots touched up, etc.

    Don't think "they might tell me no" you have to tell yourself that they already said "yes", you just have to go get them now.

    No matter how confident or how beautiful the girl, there will still be a few guys who will say no to her. This has nothing to do with her though. To mentally cope with this rejection, I've seen someone else post about "collecting no's" tell yourself that "no's" are just a small part of the game. Then pick an item you want. Maybe you want a purse. Well, if you want that purse you have to get 20 "no's" that night. That means you're going to have to sell to atleast 20 different people. And i can guarantee not all of those people are going to tell you no. What this does is gives you motivation to close the sale on multiple people without fearing rejection.

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    Newbie dreya.5's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    I heard in a TED talk about psychology that body language works both ways: We use certain body language because we are feeling a certain way and our body language can also change how we feel and how other people feel. So take a look at how you stand/walk/sit when you are feeling confident. Or look at how other confident people move, and mimic that. Puff your chest out, switch your hips, get big, hold your head high. Practice it! Then do it even when you aren't feeling it and eventually you will convince yourself and everyone around you.
    Give it a try! Good luck!

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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Disclaimer- this may not work for everyone. Here are some pro-tips to help build confidence that have worked for me.

    1) Being focused on immediate goals. If you have a personality that gets sidetracked easily by distractions, emergencies or people trying to provoke you, there is nothing wrong with "checking yourself" to make sure the world doesn't derail your plans. The easiest example is how the mafia family in the "Godfather" movies operates to protect themselves. When I feel good about my identity/self, it's like the sun is shining on my plans/life.

    2) Learn how to read body language. It is the easiest "tell" to catch who is trying to get at you, or to you.

    3) Self-care. The only constant in this life is that you will be living in your body until the physical end of your life. Take care of it. Every major faith on the planet has a version of this idea- it is a universal concept.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 04-16-2016 at 02:34 PM. Reason: typo

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    Default Re: Confidence...

    For confidence boosting:

    1. Only hang out with people who make you feel good

    2. Improve physical appearance - in the words of Deion Sanders "when you look good you feel good, when you feel good you play good, and when you play good you get paid good". As others have said, it's not just your clothes/hair/makeup, your body language also subconsciously displays how confident you may or may not be feeling.

    3. Hypnosis - sometimes we have these negative irrational thoughts that hold us back and getting past this with hypnosis can definitely help you really feel more confident.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Confidence...

    I think true confidence happens when you just do not give a fuck about what anyone thinks. That might sound like it could backfire and repel people, but it's when you truly DGAF that you can really relax and when you're relaxed you can be confident. When you genuinely don't care about what people think you may find yourself surprised at how smoothly your interactions with people then tend to go.

    I'm also a big fan of faking it until you make it, I had horrible social anxiety when I was younger but I had to deal with it and just kept forcing myself through it until I eventually grew out of it. If you force yourself to do something enough you get used to it.

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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Also I've learned if someone (usually female) goes out of their way to bash on you it's because you have threatened them in some way (you make them feel threatened.) I've also noticed people with bully personalities tend to shrink their pool of targets as they age (it goes from targeting random people to picking on the nearest & dearest because often those people can't get rid of the bully right away. Protip- fat old women are almost always hardcore bullies/sociopaths.)

    Sooo in short don't even let bullying break your stride.

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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Also I've learned if someone (usually female) goes out of their way to bash on you it's because you have threatened them in some way (you make them feel threatened.) I've also noticed people with bully personalities tend to shrink their pool of targets as they age (it goes from targeting random people to picking on the nearest & dearest because often those people can't get rid of the bully right away. Protip- fat old women are almost always hardcore bullies/sociopaths.)

    Sooo in short don't even let bullying break your stride.
    Story of my life. They may or may not be jealous of you, but they are jealous of things you have whether tangible or not but it's often intangible things. I've dealt with a lot of crazies through out the years starting as a little girl. My mom's friends were bitter divorced women that married rich very young and thought they'd have it made for life. Many were just flat out rude to me. One even said "you're not that cute" when no one was around, and I was a darling little girl because I'd hear it all the time.

    My best friend since 11 had it the worst because she has naturally huge boobs and a tiny waist + Angelina Jolie natural lips and 99.999999% of people think are fake. She got bullied by older women and female peers so much growing up that she hates all people and spends all her time working with special needs kids. She's very successful, I think she runs the entire program. But she herself says this. Grown women would tell her at 12 that she looked like a prostitute and other peers (girls) would call her a slut and then talk to others about how they wanted her entire wardrobe. Her mom would take her shopping all the time to overcompensate for bullying I think. To this day she has never ever dated or had a boyfriend despite being so pretty and smart because she's traumatized off the non-stop "slut" comments. We bonded over being repeatedly bullied for no reason and that's why we became and remain best friends.

  24. #13
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    Story of my life. They may or may not be jealous of you, but they are jealous of things you have whether tangible or not but it's often intangible things. I've dealt with a lot of crazies through out the years starting as a little girl. My mom's friends were bitter divorced women that married rich very young and thought they'd have it made for life. Many were just flat out rude to me. One even said "you're not that cute" when no one was around, and I was a darling little girl because I'd hear it all the time.

    My best friend since 11 had it the worst because she has naturally huge boobs and a tiny waist + Angelina Jolie natural lips and 99.999999% of people think are fake. She got bullied by older women and female peers so much growing up that she hates all people and spends all her time working with special needs kids. She's very successful, I think she runs the entire program. But she herself says this. Grown women would tell her at 12 that she looked like a prostitute and other peers (girls) would call her a slut and then talk to others about how they wanted her entire wardrobe. Her mom would take her shopping all the time to overcompensate for bullying I think. To this day she has never ever dated or had a boyfriend despite being so pretty and smart because she's traumatized off the non-stop "slut" comments. We bonded over being repeatedly bullied for no reason and that's why we became and remain best friends.
    So true. My bff growing up looked like LeeLee Sobieski but due to her paternal Grandma being a raging sociopath....bff had a terrible fear of other people & developed crippling social anxiety disorder. (Plus I hate to say it but she kinda grew into some genetic tendencies from her less than savory forebears.)

    & In my world my mother's beauty was a curse. Just trust me. I often think her cruelty to me was a misguided attempt to prevent me from trying to trade on my looks & sexuality (if it was she failed miserably ha ha.)

    So back on topic, regarding personal confidence...once you realize where people are coming from...You can decipher why they treat you a certain way.

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  26. #14
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    Default Re: Confidence...

    Listen to 'confident' by Jbiebs on repeat I hate bieber but I love that song lol

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