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Thread: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

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    Default I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    So Ive come to a realization, the reason I dont "care about looks" is because Im not attracted to men. I never have been. I guess I started dating men because it was expected. Ive been with many men and enjoyed sex with them, but mostly because i utilize their penis for self gratification. Ever since I discovered self orgasms, Ive become even less interested in men. I was never able to reach orgasm unless it was with a partner. So about a year ago I began trying online dating and found a lot of the lesbian women didnt think I was "lesbian enough" because Ive been married and have a child. Ive tried to going to gay bars (hard to mingle i dont drink) but found no luck. Im not sure how to go about this. I am in a good place in life now, and everything in my life is much better than it was before. I want to be truly happy and I am not happy being straight and being with a man. Every time I meet a female, i scare them off because Im sure they feel Im developing romantic feelings for them. I know there are gay aa meetings but idk if i can join since technically im not "really lesbian" Ive never been in a relationship with a woman.

    Everything about me makes sense now, the way I dress, the way I treat women vs men. I like to impress women, could care less about men. No man can stick around for long. I check out women a lot, like a lot. I have always managed to reach an orgasm thinking about women, like things I do to them in my imagination... etc Im in my late 20s. There is also the thing about how this will affect my son Perhaps this is why im also trying to suppress this....

    this week was great, and I went for a walk alone and began to think about all of this. when i see lesbian couples I get envious of their happiness, i want a special woman in my life too

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    My first thought when I read the title of this thread: "YAAAAAAAAAS gurrrl!!!"


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    Senior Member PSOcodemonkey's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    I really hate the terms bisexual and lesbian. I came out to my family and friends in high school as lesbian in the 1990's. In college though I dated women and men, mostly women though. I graduated, and dated women exclusively. Married a woman (not legally, not on option at the time). Marriage fell apart when she suddenly decided that she was straight and she became a Christian fundy. I fell in love with a guy next. Married legally. 14 years later, marriage fell apart, but still good friends with him, and sex was good with him.

    After all that, I've decided for myself, that the terms bisexual and lesbian are restrictive. I mostly fall for women, but there are a few guys (not many) that really do get me going and I can be 100% happy with sexually/relationship wise. I'm also 100% monogamous, no matter who I am with. Not for religious reasons, but because I don't think I could mentally handle sexual relationships with more than one person. I'm sure others can, but I know myself too well. Would not work for me.

    I live in a major city that has a lot more places than gay/lesbian bars to meet people. Don't worry if you have never been in a relationship with a woman before, does not make you any more or less whatever you are. Go slow though. I know if I was with a woman who just "discovered" that she was lesbian, I would want it to go slow. I would be afraid if she fell in love right away. I think many women are the same, completely open to dating women who might not have considered themselves lesbian in the past, but are cautious about it. For good reason.

    Good luck in your discovery, wherever it leads you.
    Last edited by PSOcodemonkey; 03-04-2016 at 05:03 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    Quote Originally Posted by PSOcodemonkey View Post
    I really hate the terms bisexual and lesbian. I came out to my family and friends in high school as lesbian in the 1990's. In college though I dated women and men, mostly women though. I graduated, and dated women exclusively. Married a woman (not legally, not on option at the time). Marriage fell apart when she suddenly decided that she was straight and she became a Christian fundy. I fell in love with a guy next. Married legally. 14 years later, marriage fell apart, but still good friends with him, and sex was good with him.

    After all that, I've decided for myself, that the terms bisexual and lesbian are restrictive. I mostly fall for women, but there are a few guys (not many) that really do get me going and I can be 100% happy with sexually/relationship wise. I'm also 100% monogamous, no matter who I am with. Not for religious reasons, but because I don't think I could mentally handle sexual relationships with more than one person. I'm sure others can, but I know myself too well. Would not work for me.

    I live in a major city that has a lot more places than gay/lesbian bars to meet people. Don't worry if you have never been in a relationship with a woman before, does not make you any more or less whatever you are. Go slow though. I know if I was with a woman who just "discovered" that she was lesbian, I would want it to go slow. I would be afraid if she fell in love right away. I think many women are the same, completely open to dating women who might not have considered themselves lesbian in the past, but are cautious about it. For good reason.

    Good luck in your discovery, wherever it leads you.
    Thank you. I agree with restrictive labels but, I'm only sexually attracted to women. : ) I do like people, in general, I am able to love just about anyone but can only seem to find women sexually appealing to me. I live in a major city too, I'd like to meet people.

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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    I have lesbian friends & I have to warn you, lesbian couples seem to have some pretty intense relationship drama.

    I'm highly sexual & basically a sex addict who gets it from hetero men. I wish I would have had this self-awareness sooner. So IMO the fact you embraced your truth makes everything much better.

    Feel free to share more, I'm happy for your furthering of your identity.

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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    If going to bars hasn't worked out for you, and you don't drink, have you looked into joining any groups or organizations where you have the possibility of meeting lesbians?

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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    FWIW I've noticed the coolest lesbians gravitate towards trades jobs. & I don't care what everyone says, I love every farking gay bar on the planet. Go there girl!!! Networking is half the battle.

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    Default Re: I think Im a lesbian, not bisexual, a lesbian

    Regardless whether labels are restrictive por not, I identify myself as bisexual and I enjoy sex with both genders (even simultaneously); it took long time but finally I in a monogamous relationship with another girl and we may marry later this year. I hope you find someone that makes you feel happy

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