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Thread: Family judgment

  1. #1
    Senior Member Jinxxi_'s Avatar
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    Default Family judgment

    Not sure if others have this problem but I feel like I can never complain about camming to my family. Sometimes I have a slow day or have trouble psyching myself up to work and ever time I want to vent to my sister and mother, they immediately start in about how I need a new job and this job is bad for my mental health etc.

    maybe im being sensitive, but I feel like they are allowed to complain about their days at work and I'm just supposed to be supportive and say " aw that sucks. I'm sure it will get better". But when it comes to me, I just feel attacked and sort of talked down to about my choices.

    Anyone else get this/feel this way or am I just being super sensitive?

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    Default Re: Family judgment

    This exact thing helped hasten the demise of my relationship with a former good friend! She was very much against me stripping, so whenever I vented about my job, she'd say stuff about how I had to expect shitty situations as a stripper and I should quit, etc. But she worked as a barista and would complain endlessly about that. I was too timid back then, but should have told her that she had to expect shitty situations as a barista and that she should find a new job.

    There's no point in talking about anything work-related to people who disapprove of what you do. That's why sex work can be a lonely profession, and you have to seek out those non-judgmental people to befriend.

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    Featured Member luvnrockets's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Um, no, you're not being super sensitive. You have a job as real as theirs, and it can be compared to any other job in the entertainment industry. ANY job can be bad for your mental health; it depends on a person's particular personality and how they fit into that job, their life circumstances, etc. There's nothing about camming that is inherently destabilizing. Anyone who disagrees is not only misinformed, but probably not accepting of sex work in general.

    So in other words, FUCK THEM. You're lucky to be in a position in which your family isn't disowning you for doing sex work, but not lucky enough to be around people who can't butt out of your bizniz. Since it's your family, I'd suggest trying to explain exactly HOW a slow day or a bad mood makes it difficult to work. Complain about specifics so they become more educated about what you do exactly. If it were me I'd complain about how my eyes get tired staring at a screen under bright lights when I have little interaction from the guys, or mention (without getting too sexual) that it can be physically demanding too. Compare things like smiling and being engaging all the time and sitting (if you primarily sit) to those annoyances in other jobs as well. Talk about the harassment from assholes. Talk about specifics, rather than just saying "work was slow" or "I'm not motivated to work." Many people think camming is such a fun, easy job cause you get to lounge around in your underwear masturbating all day, and it's our job to debunk those myths.

    Alternatively, you can just decide you don't care cause they're being judgmental douchebags.
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    My Mom always hated the fact that I was a stripper. Yet she took my money when she got sick. They don't like what you do because they love you. Really think about it. I don't know you or your family but I am sure you have a younger female sister, niece, cousin or something.. Would you want her; given all of the opportunities in the world to do what you do? Probably not. I am not judging you or your family; I am trying to make you see it from their side. It is hard for them to accept because THEY CARE. While their words may be painful, their sentiment is not. You are lucky to have a family at all.
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    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    I never complain or talk about my job to my family. I just don't understand why you even would go there?

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    Default Re: Family judgment

    I know you have moments when you want to vent but you are going to have to quit venting to people who won't listen and don't understand.

    And also consider being more open to being thankful about positive things about your work. Your family venting to you has caused you to also go into a negative vent cycle. Be careful getting caught up in that. Be supportive of them but don't let them slick use you as a therapist.
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  12. #7
    Senior Member BabyWillow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    I wouldn't want my kid doin this job either. No offense to myself, other dancers, or patrons. I just wouldn't want my kid to have to deal with it, and I hope she will find something more exciting to do with her free time than try to be a good stripper.

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    God/dess DonaDiabla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Jinxxi,
    You are not being sensitive but I would not complain to people who do not understand this line of work. Your family just have tons of fears about the adult world and do not want you to get hurt. Just find some sex worker friends who can related to you and vent. Or vent on here when you need it As far as family judgment is concern in my life,my mother can not complain when she suggest this job to me in the first place. Frankly, she thought it was more gross to work at a slaughterhouse than to work as sex worker. Many of my ancestors were sex workers but most of my family moved away from the adult industry by the 21th century. However, my family never forgotten our sex worker roots. I would say that she is overall supportive but I do not complain about my job to her too much because she would not completely understand. But she is a pretty cool mom about it

    Quote Originally Posted by Jinxxi_ View Post
    Not sure if others have this problem but I feel like I can never complain about camming to my family. Sometimes I have a slow day or have trouble psyching myself up to work and ever time I want to vent to my sister and mother, they immediately start in about how I need a new job and this job is bad for my mental health etc.

    maybe im being sensitive, but I feel like they are allowed to complain about their days at work and I'm just supposed to be supportive and say " aw that sucks. I'm sure it will get better". But when it comes to me, I just feel attacked and sort of talked down to about my choices.

    Anyone else get this/feel this way or am I just being super sensitive?

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  16. #9
    Veteran Member Shy2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    This is why all my friends are strippers or are in the BDSM scene. It's nice to be able to talk freely without having to censor yourself. I know my mum hates my job so I don't mention things that are bad about it or she will just tell me that I should get a real job.

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  18. #10
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Not from family, because I don't tell my family about work, but from friends, yes definitely. I don't think of it so much as "judgment" as letting their socially-ingrained preconceived notions about the adult industry cloud their perception. (And yes, I realize that's a fancy of way of technically saying "judgment" but judgment sounds more sinister and like it's on purpose). The majority of people, deep down, just don't truly equate sex work to other jobs. I have a lot of amazing friends who support what I do, but when push comes to shove, I think all of them still harbor this idea that most sex workers are downtrodden and exploited in some way. So the second I complain about work, their minds immediately spiral into "omg harsh conditions/sexual slavery/you're going to become addicted to crack in order to get through the day!" Or something like that... I'm being dramatic for comedic effect, but I really do think it's kind of an accurate representation of people's freakout thoughts - emotions aren't rational.

    Like someone else said, it comes from a place of caring. A misguided place of caring, but you can't necessarily blame and hate on people too hard for not knowing the ins and outs of what sex work is truly like if they've never done it. I liked the suggestion above about mentioning specific complaints and comparing them to the complaints you'd find in other jobs. It makes it more understandable. Otherwise, I also just started keeping my complaints to a minimum around the most "well-meaning" but annoying people.
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Not everyone is going to agree with you and there's really no way to please either party. I think this is why people have friends (including family) for different shared interests. There's only so much you can share with some people before they freak out.

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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWillow View Post
    I wouldn't want my kid doin this job either. No offense to myself, other dancers, or patrons. I just wouldn't want my kid to have to deal with it, and I hope she will find something more exciting to do with her free time than try to be a good stripper.
    Yeah I think the biggest hurdle most girls have is the stigma. If everyone treated you normal then it would be fine. But at the same time, if everyone treated you normal then it probably wouldn't be a more profitable career path than any generic one.

  22. #13
    Senior Member Jinxxi_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Thanks for all the helpful suggestions and opinions guys!

    I think next time I vent, I'll be more specific about what is bothering me and try to relate it back to their jobs. If that fails, yeah, I guess I'll just not vent to them.

    I like the idea of finding other people in this city that do similar work. That would probably be the best solution.

    Thanks for taking the time guys!

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family judgment

    Vent to stripperweb. That's what the site is for!

    I'm in the camp of never sharing my work challenges with vanilla friends and family. The most anyone will get out of me is that I've had a dry spell, financially, and that's why I can't go do whatever it is I've been invited to do (usually means I have to work and/or can't afford a night out on the town).

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