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Thread: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

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    Member LoveSoraya's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    So far... not so well. Im in a great relationship,I have to start by saying that because I have been in abusive, awful, even obnoxious relationships before and the guy I am seeing now is AMAZING! Everything other than the way I decide to make money is just fine. Is anyone able to balance a good stable relationship while doing this kind of work?

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    Nothing is outside the realm of possibility and there are even a couple people on here who say they've maintained a healthy relationship while escorting. But IME it's far rarer in escorting than in stripping or camming because of the full service sex component. It's one thing to justify dancing or camming by saying "it's not like I'm having sex with them" but you obviously can't compartmentalize like that in escorting.

    If he's dealing with it for now, he sounds like a fairly even-minded and mature guy, but it's rarely something someone will truly 100% get over in the long run. General rule of thumb is that if a SO isn't cool with whatever form of sex work, little will change their mind if it drags on. You might have a few more months before you'll have to make a decision to either focus on work or quit for him or switch to a an adult industry job that he's more comfortable with.

    However if this is what you were doing before he committed, and he made the decision knowing all about it, there's little to feel obligated about in terms of choosing him over your job.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    Absolutely! Very sound piece of advice. He knew before hand but it doesnt stop the fact that it kind of bothers us both. Im hoping to reach my quota and be done with it for good.

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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    I've had my experiences with escorting. Thankfully at the time I had a very understanding boyfriend who was actually my driver and security.. however, this usually isnt the case. As is with any sex work, if he knew you did it before you got together he has no right to complain now or try to make you stop. I get that escorting is different than camming (which is what I do now), as it requires very intimate physical contact, however its the same idea. You mentioned it bothers you both. Why does it bother you? Is it because you know it bothers him? I would think about why that is and then make a decision. What are your plans after you are done with it? Just make sure youre not feeling guilty only because of him. There are plenty of nice guys out there who arent abusive.





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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    I think the big issue is that as much as I would like to just have sex with him and I really do! Im completely satisfied with our sex life but this is what I chose to do to keep the lights on. As much as he is understanding to what I am doing, I know that having your gf sleep with other people sucks. So in a way I do feel bad for him but not because he makes me feel that way. He just seems to get down when I go to do my thing, which Im not expecting him to be overjoyed by it, that would almost be worse if he was happy about it) I wouldn't want it to be the shoe on the other foot, I probably wouldn't be able to sit on the sidelines and let it happen, lol. I know if it bothers us that I could move on to something else but I have financial goals and once I hit a certain number I would like to invest in other business endeavors of mine.


    Quote Originally Posted by MistressX View Post
    I've had my experiences with escorting. Thankfully at the time I had a very understanding boyfriend who was actually my driver and security.. however, this usually isnt the case. As is with any sex work, if he knew you did it before you got together he has no right to complain now or try to make you stop. I get that escorting is different than camming (which is what I do now), as it requires very intimate physical contact, however its the same idea. You mentioned it bothers you both. Why does it bother you? Is it because you know it bothers him? I would think about why that is and then make a decision. What are your plans after you are done with it? Just make sure youre not feeling guilty only because of him. There are plenty of nice guys out there who arent abusive.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    Be honest with you, this is the worst scenario that I have encountered. It's nearly impossible for me to cope with the idea. They don't mix.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    Veteran Member Blue_Dust_Bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    Think to yourself though, why does he think he has the right to get down or be bothered? Is he, in his own mind, upset with what you are doing because he believes in monogamy, or does he see you as less valuable when you go to work?

    I understand that you might be doing your job for survival and you completely hate escorting (and if that is the case I am really sorry and I hope you make it out soon) but you have the right to be in a relationship with someone who values you the way you are, for what you have done, and what you have believed in.

    You might not believe in sex work or really appreciate it that much, and that is perfectly fine, but you have made the choice to do it, and you believe it is the best choice you have, and your partner should feel similarly. Someone who feels you are lesser, gets bummed out or upset about what you are doing, thinks of you in a sad way when you go to work, or is only happy with your actions when you are not working - those are all signs of someone who doesn't fully respect your decision to be doing what you are doing.

    And this is true for everything, and in any industry.

    Many times we may think that we are special cases, worse case scenarios, hard to deal with and fucked up etc., all because we have chosen sex work. And trying to please those we love or care about may let us feel this way. And this is not the case. There is nothing wrong in the decision you have made. There are plenty of people who will appreciate you exactly the way you are, not after you have been saved from this line of work. Think about these things for a moment.

    Also - just because you stop escorting does not at all mean that the effects of your job will magically disappear. Not only for his sake, but for your sake too. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone where you can't talk about your past experiences? Where you have to pretend like it didn't happen or feel bad if it ever gets brought up again? What if it does get brought up again or your family finds out etc.? It is possible. Do you want a partner who will be embarrassed or someone who will completely support you and understand the type of emotional help you need?

    I'm not trying to be rude or sound high and mighty - I am speaking from personal experience. Trying to always soothe the mind of a partner who doesn't really believe in you is taxing, and often times your partner will think their needs are more important, and won't return the favor - and this is the type of work where emotional support is so so necessary.

    I know I am super idealistic and all, but I feel like people deserve people that chose them in their entirety, not just when they are doing things they are comfortable with.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend and Escorting, how well do they mix?

    I appreciate your perspective. You are right on so many points. Posting this topic really got my boyfriend and I talking and its really brought us so much closer because we were able to identify where our real issue with this matter lies. I guess when I go do my thing I don't share whats going on, not because there is anything to hide but because once its done I don't dwell on it an thats my coping mechanism but Im learning to share more with him so my work is less of a mystery, his intentions for me are good and I am so lucky to have him. Its nice to be able to come to an agreement and work things out for a change, Ive done my fair share of kissing frogs but this one is really turning out to be a prince. We just have to learn what works best for us and makes us a secure, trusting, love-filled relationship and being able to discuss and compromise for one another is awesome!

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