I'm dealing with some serious lonely problems.
I've lost many friends and family members over what I do for work and I feel like I only have my partner and here to come to now.
There's also an existential part to this.....my mom died at 24 from ovarian cancer and my aunt on my dad's side is terminal with her second round of ovarian cancer. I'm going to be 24 this year and I'm facing big things that concern my education. Is it even worth pursuing school for the next 2-3 years if I might be diagnosed? I've considered that thing where people have kids to deal with this kind of existential issue. I'm considering escorting for big money so that I can travel and see the world but that wouldn't be okay with my partner who has stood by me for 3 years.
While he supports me he is the only one here to support me and he's getting tired of hearing my shit and probably kind of tired of me since he's started trying to go on more dates (we are poly, no poly shaming!). We both work from home so we are with one another daily. It feels much more lonely than it sounds and he can only do so much.
I've seen fellow workers block me and I don't even know what I did.
Even people I don't know are telling me to fuck off.
I know this sounds like I'm being a total pansy, I've got psychotic depression and it's hard to tell what's normal or not and deal with shit. Suicidal ideation is back in my daily thought pattern again.



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