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Thread: Friend is somewhat imposing?

  1. #1
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    Default Friend is somewhat imposing?

    I recently visited my hometown which is a good 5 hour drive from where I live. While down there a good friend of mine was saying she was wanting to take a trip to my city soon, no dates or anything like that discussed. I told her to let me know and of course she could crash with me if she were to visit.

    Fast forward to a few days later, I'm home now. I get a text from her saying she's not sure if she will be able to come up anytime soon due to financial issues, I say no worries just let me know because it'd be a fun visit etc.

    The next morning, without asking my plans for the day or anything she straight up announces that she and her boyfriend are on the way up. Now I realize this is partially my own doing as I should have made it clear that a few days of warning would have been expected. Meanwhile due to a surgery that I just got over, my place is a disaster due to not being able to clean it (as in physically could not which is why I left town) and I'm also low on money. In other words I am in no place to house guests. I will be in about 4 days since my place will be clean by then (it's a bit of a project) and I'll have been allowed to return to work by then.

    Once again, I totally realize this is my own doing since I wrongfully assumed they'd give me a heads up a few days in advance. I told them my situation and said I'm not going to leave them in the dust with no place to crash but preferably they would stay elsewhere. They stayed at a hotel last night and their other good friend who lives nearby of course is out of town so they can't stay there.

    I don't know what to do, I just barely have money for my own necessities and my place is still a mess. I'm super stressed since even with having been actively cleaning there is a lot left and I was planning to do this as a day by day thing.

    Another annoying thing is I texted them early this morning to double check their plans for the day, since I did say I'd help them I figured at least then I'd have all day to clean. It's now late afternoon and I just now hear back from them. This happened yesterday as well - I told her as soon as she stated she was otw now wasn't a good time and she didn't reply until she was already halfway here. Because of her late response, i assumed she figured something out and went ahead and made plans tonight, which now I guess I'll have to be changing.

    What should I do at this point? I have no clue how much money they brought or anything nor are they good at keeping me updated on their plans. I don't want to center my whole day around their visit. Technically they don't know my address yet, I could easily snake them but I do value her friendship so idk what to do

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    Moderator Genoveve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    Well if snaking them is even a possibility then you guys must not be THAT close(so I personally WOULD snake them lol). I think you missed the best window of opportunity, the morning when they randomly texted you that they were OTW you could have said "Oh no! I'm not going to be here, I need more advance notice for a visit, sorry!" Honestly if they are that flaky that they can't clue you into their plans, do the same back. Don't answer a text till the day they have to return home. If they aren't being respectful towards you you don't owe it back IMO. I wouldn't even change the plans you originally had made(unless you WANT to), I'd be like 'Well you didn't answer so I had to work around you, sorry.'

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    Featured Member strippername's Avatar
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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    Unless you are a "knock on your door without notice" kind of person you won't get it. I don't get it and can't stand people like that. You are a person with a life. Dump them. I can't stand when people think it ok to ambush someone's life without notice and approval. :heated:

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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    Thanks, I think I'm going to have to snake them at this point since they aren't answering my texts or calls yet expecting me to respond instantly to theirs

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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    Yea, they don't sound like they give a shi* about you, seriously..I mean, really, she just announces that they're on the way over? F*k all that, that's beyond rude!
    Please, if you just had surgery, also you need to take care of yourself.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    I would take it one step further and 'ghost' them.
    I have freeloaders living where I'm paying good money to rent. People like that take a yard after only been given an inch.
    F..k em.

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    Veteran Member CharlieTen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    Be honest!
    Send her a text saying more or less what you've told us ''Hey girl, sorry I assumed you'd give me a few days notice, really am not able to host guests right now. It's messy, I'm broke, have nothing to feed you and I'm recovering from surgery. Hope you guys can find something else.''

    Job done.
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    Default Re: Friend is somewhat imposing?

    I'm glad you decided to avoid them. This might teach them to ASK before intruding on someone else's life. I've had a couple "friends" like this, and I no longer consider them friends after the freeloading and lack of consideration they've given me. Best not to waste your time.

    You aren't to blame, they should know better and should at least be contacting you in a timely manner.

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