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Thread: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

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    Default Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I'm new to this site, and joined to possibly get some advice and opinions on a situation I recently found myself in. First off, I know that the last thing that should cross your mind as you go to a club is to become an actual friend or even partner with a dancer... And that was my mind set before all of this happened. The background to this story is I recently broke up with my latest ex due to her cheating on me and losing feelings for me, And a friend that I work with was a regular at a club that is a few minutes away from our work. He invited me to come along with him to the club after work on a Saturday because we typically get out on time on those days. I accepted the invite because I never went to a club before and was curious what the experience would be like and to hopefully have a good night out since I have been single for about a month. So, when we got there and took a seat at the stage (at 7pm; the club was still pretty dead at this time), the dancer on stage immediately had my attention. Completely straight forward, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. After her dance on stage, she walked right up to me and asked if I wanted a private dance and I said no thank you, even though I really did want one but it was my first time in a club and was just getting used to the atmosphere. After that night, I knew I wanted to go back again to see her dance again and possibly have a private dance with her, and I knew it was very out there but I was also hoping to just talk with her and get to know her a little bit. So, on the night that I went back, I got there early on a wednesday night and nothing was going on inside the club yet. In about 15 minutes of being there, a dancer came over to me and we talked for a bit. No making me feel like she was just talking to me because she wanted to do a private dance, just having normal conversation. After a while of talking, she asked how old I am (I'm 21) I'm guessing because I'm young for most customers who go there and in pretty good shape, and also asked if I'm there to see someone in particular. I told her who and we talked about that dancer for a bit. Then the girl I went there to see came down in a bit and we talked for a while. She left after like 10 minutes to get ready to go on stage since she was the first one up for that nights show. She came down after her show and talked for like 5 minutes and then we went in the dancing booths for a private dance. We talked afterwards too and then she asked if I'd mind if she tried some other customers. So after some time goes by we talked again for a bit and overall we got along well and had some heart to heart conversations. She said that she will be working both Friday and Saturday after I asked when would be a good time to see her. So? I went to see her on Friday. I got there and the show has started, and after 1 or 2 dancers dance on stage, she was up. I was sitting at the spot I Sat the previous days I was there and she instantly noticed me, smiling at me. Throughout her dance on stage she paid a lot of attention to me. Dancing in front of Me a lot, said a few things to me, etc. After her stage dance, she came up to me and talked for a bit and I asked if we can have a private session and we did. Throughout the private dances (3 of them in a row) she got really into me. Like, she smiled at me a lot, let me suck on her nipples, kiss her neck, she had me grab her boobs a lot, smack her ass, and she was totally getting into it with me. (Just being straight forward to tell the whole story) after the last dance, I was hesitant in telling her that when she does dances with me, I get the feeling of wanting to make out with her and before I came out and said it, she was like "do I ever get horny with you", laughed in a good way, and said "yes all the time, babe" and then I told her I get horny when she dances too but then told her I'm trying to tell her I felt like making out with her, and she said "that thought crosses my mind a lot too, but my boss is here today and I can't get caught doing that". Later that night, she asked if we could exchange numbers over Snapchat (she asked for my snapchat last time I was in) and I got her number that night. After that, I knew she was into me and likes me. So we talked almost every day but usually only for about 10 texts a time due to our work schedules and how busy she is with her going to the gym and traveling for work (about an hour drive one way for her). We kept in contact and after about a month from the time we met, she told me she was going on a trip and we won't be able to see each other till next week (I'd usually go to see her at work 2x a week), and I mentioned to her that maybe we can plan to hang out outside of work one day and she said maybe when she gets back. Well, she kinda dropped off the face of the earth. She hasn't been on snapchat in days, and hasn't responded to any of the 2 or 3 texts I sent her. At this point, I don't know what to think... If she decided she doesn't want to be friends outside of work, or if she's just been busy, or just doesn't want to talk to me. I doubt it's the topic of seeing each other outside of work because that wasn't the first time we talked about it. She really is such a sweet woman, and she's super cool and we get along great. As I said before, I know that the last thing anyone should expect is to become friends with a dancer, but this situation is different. I'm actually sad and feel like she all of a sudden stopped liking me or wanting to be friends. If I what to do :/ the next day she works is wednesday, which is coming up so I know I'll most likely see her then, but I don't know how to go about asking her what happened. I know this question is more of a typical guy/girl advice kinda thing, but she is a dancer and this situation is unique due to that so I though in hope that maybe someone on here can help me out. - Eddie

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Sorry Eddie, she never liked you. She allowed you to hold into the fantasy that you might eventually date so that you would become a return customer. Stripclubs are beautiful fantasy worlds, the relationships inside do not exist outside. She disappeared because you kept pushing for her to meet outside. Your young, I'm sorry it hurts. Enjoy her beauty and attention in the club, seek out a meaningful connection (with someone else)outside the club.


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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Thank you LilLadyLux.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Were you texting her while she was on vacation?

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I texted her on the first day of her vacation. She also said she'd be back home today but still nothing.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    When I go on vacation, my phone might as well be turned off unless it's a member of my immediate family trying to reach me. More often than not, the date I get back is not the date I go back to work -- you know the feeling of sometimes needing a vacation from your vacation? Sometimes I need a day or two to recharge before I can be "on" for customers/work again. It's also happened more than once (most of my vacationing is going to conventions/festivals) that I've come down with a bug shorty before or right after coming back, and so then I *really* needed some down time after the fact. Give her a few more days. Let her enjoy her vacation. She'll probably get back to you eventually, when she's ready to do so.

    With that said, it's totally possible to develop a friendship with a dancer, but only really if you understand the terms. Sure, maybe she gets something out of your company, but odds are *really* good she didn't pay $40+ just for the privilege of standing/sitting next to you in foot-killing, ridiculously high heels and a thong. Make sure you pay her for her time. Also understand that everything in the club, her and yourself included, is a fantasy. The woman sitting next to you is probably absolutely nothing at all like how she acts/talks/appears in real life. Personality, interests, vocabulary, appearance down to the bone structure... none of it exists outside the club. Maybe her stage name is Monica and her real name is Kim. It's best to think of Monica as a fantasy creature that only exists in the club. The moment the body she's attached to leaves, she ceases to exist. There is no Monica outside the club, ever. Not a trace of her. There's only Kim.

    Dancers do sometimes meet outside the club, but when you ask Monica to exist outside the club, you need to have a lot of money to back it up, and here's why. You're asking for her to extend the fantasy to a more believable setting for you, where there are no bouncers to protect her, and there are no other customers she can go make money off of if you start taking up too much time for too little money. Even then, the Monica you take out to dinner someplace is going to be different from the Monica you hang out with and enjoy in the club, just by circumstance. She can't be the stripper you fell for in the club if she's outside of it. The real world calls for a quieter personality than the one you need to have in the club as a dancer. The make up, the persona, the everything you see in the club is too big, too over the top for anywhere else. It's only slightly more realistic than asking one of the cats from the musical of the same name to meet you outside the theater and have dinner with you while they stay in or close to character.

    If you're okay with that, then by all means, carry on. If you have the money to back yourself up, I'm sure she'll probably be in contact with you again soon. Odds are totally in favor of everything she says and does being a fantasy and nothing more than illusion. But even if she does genuinely like you, she can't afford to aim for anything less than the most money for the least amount of work while she's in the club. This job is temporary. You can keep going to clubs as a customer until you die. The same is not true for her as a dancer. Her time is extremely finite, and she needs to make the absolute most of it while she can. The more money you give her, the more time she can afford to spend with you. It's just the nature of the situation, and the price of the fantasy.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I totally get where you're coming from. I guess in a few more days I'll know if she doesn't want to talk outside of work. And I know that dancers are in character in the club. I feel like when most of the time we talk is in reflection of her real self though. Like, we don't always talk dirty and stuff like that. We had some real conversations and had some laughs and connections through some things we relate to. But, is it still possible that those conversations were her in character? Sure it is. But it's also possible that it's not. I'm just kind of looking at all options in this. I mean, I also know her real name. I just look back at all of this and see how she let me in to a part of her personal, real self by sharing her number, snapchat, and name with me. And I doubt that she would give out these things to just anyone, you know? But I'm New to clubs and what goes on, so maybe I'm just not seeing things right. And it's not like I want to hang out with her in "character", if we were to hang out outside of work, I'd like to get to know more about the real her. If we aren't meant to be friends when shes the real her, then it's just not going to happen. And that's all I'd care about when we spoke about hanging out. I'm not looking for a fantasy, I just want to get to know each other and make friends lol I wish I could just have this conversation with her. It'd be so much easier than guessing. I'd just ask her how she feels about the whole thing, if she'd honestly want to be friends and hang out. And I'm a nice guy. Way too nice to ever be mean towards s a woman. But overall, there's a lot of variables to this situation. Maybe her and I can talk about It some time. In the meanwhile, I guess I'll just play it by year.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I can just tell you from my own experience....I would sometimes allow contact (texting/email) with customers to bring them back in, and keep spending. Some of them I even liked (as people.) None of them I was actually interested in getting to know as a boyfriend or good friend outside of the club. Once they started pushing to meet up outside of the club, and quit coming to spend on me inside of the club, that's when I would end our friendship and stop talking to them.
    Some dancers will go out to dinner and stuff with their regular customers, but I was never comfortable with that. It sounds a lot like that's what's going on with her. We deal with a lot of guys who think the flirting and the conversation, along with the nudity is a "real" connection. I can understand how it could feel very intimate for you...but to her, it's just a job. It doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy spending time with you, but if she wanted to get to know you outside of work, she would let you know. You just have to take everything in the club with a grain of salt and try not to get too attached to the dancers.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Sorry, she's not your friend. She's good at her job. I've had three friends come out of adult work-all twelve years of it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Knight 21,
    Maybe you should not get to attached to your new friend. She is just doing her job and trying to make you feel special. Maybe it could help if you met some girls elsewhere unless you want to turn into her sugar daddy or something. You sound like a nice guy who fell for an illusion. Enjoy it But that is okay, you are still young and still new to clubs.


    Quote Originally Posted by Knight21 View Post
    I totally get where you're coming from. I guess in a few more days I'll know if she doesn't want to talk outside of work. And I know that dancers are in character in the club. I feel like when most of the time we talk is in reflection of her real self though. Like, we don't always talk dirty and stuff like that. We had some real conversations and had some laughs and connections through some things we relate to. But, is it still possible that those conversations were her in character? Sure it is. But it's also possible that it's not. I'm just kind of looking at all options in this. I mean, I also know her real name. I just look back at all of this and see how she let me in to a part of her personal, real self by sharing her number, snapchat, and name with me. And I doubt that she would give out these things to just anyone, you know? But I'm New to clubs and what goes on, so maybe I'm just not seeing things right. And it's not like I want to hang out with her in "character", if we were to hang out outside of work, I'd like to get to know more about the real her. If we aren't meant to be friends when shes the real her, then it's just not going to happen. And that's all I'd care about when we spoke about hanging out. I'm not looking for a fantasy, I just want to get to know each other and make friends lol I wish I could just have this conversation with her. It'd be so much easier than guessing. I'd just ask her how she feels about the whole thing, if she'd honestly want to be friends and hang out. And I'm a nice guy. Way too nice to ever be mean towards s a woman. But overall, there's a lot of variables to this situation. Maybe her and I can talk about It some time. In the meanwhile, I guess I'll just play it by year.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...

    She sold you a hustle and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

    You just got dumped. You're a strip club newbie. And she read it and played you like a fiddle. Because that's her job--creating a sense of intimacy and connection to get customers to spend. Dirty talk, a bit of touching, and that sly play to avoid actual sex by saying her boss was around is the art form. See the act for what it is: an act.

    You got her real name and her phone number, did you? Do you understand that most strippers have a 'real name' and a 'phone number' too? And by that I mean a fake name that sounds real and a burner phone they maintain to keep their privacy safe from potential pervs.

    Talking about meeting up keeps you coming back for more (with more money, of course). Actually doing something with you outside of work is the only sign that actually says she wants anything to do with you outside of work and--guess what?--she hasn't made plans.

    If a waitress or a bartender was nice, friendly, and seemingly into you, would you assume she actually wanted to spend time with you or that she was trying to get you to buy more and tip higher? Not unless she said those specific, exact words. Same logic applies here.

    If she was into you, she'd be telling you all about her vacation and answering your texts. If she was into you, she'd be making plans outside the club instead of reminding you of her business hours at work. If she was into you (and not your money), she'd be sitting with you all night at the club instead of politely excusing herself to hustle other customers. If she was into you, she'd tell you straight up.

    She hasn't, so face facts buddy. She's just not that into you.

    Take the blinders off. You sound like a nice guy, but she isn't a damsel in distress that needs saving by friendship or relationship. She's a woman making a living. And yes, your posts reek of a White Knight, intentionally or not. That's not the game here. She got in your head good; now let it go.


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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Thanks for your input everyone. I really do appreciate it. Looks like I did get hustled... And pretty good, too.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    ^ But a lesson learned right? And you enjoyed it while it lasted so it can't be all bad right?

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Yeah, definitely a lesson well learned. It was great while it lasted. Just sucks because I really believed she wanted to be friends. Overall though, you're right. Surely it wasn't all bad.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I'm sure she still wants to be friends..in the CLUB. Go back when she works and give her money. It's really simple.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    It'd be perfectly okay with me to stay friends at the club if that's the comfort level she's at. Things got a little carried away (if that's the right phrase) when I believed she wanted to be friends outside of the club. I mean, women who work at clubs have to watch out for themselves and I understand that. Thinking about it throughout today, I'm okay with that. I'll express that to her, if it ever comes up in conversation. And I respect her comfort level.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Just apologize for pushing boundaries and tell her you still want to get dances in the club. It won't happen again. And buy a dance and add a tip to it. I'm sure she will forgive you.

    Glad you understand the working of the club. Just go to have fun and flirt. There are the magical unicorns that may date their customers, but that is a super rare beast. Don't focus on that though. If it does happen, you will definitely know.


    I'm sorry to hear that your ex was a cheating on you. That's rough. You seem like a nice respectable young man, I'm sure you will meet a better girl who will respect you in return. <3





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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Did not read, paragraphs not even once. Cliffs?
    “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Quote Originally Posted by safado View Post
    Did not read, paragraphs not even once. Cliffs?
    TL;DR: recently single club patron got hustled and dancer went MIA because OP was pushing for OTC.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I'm glad to hear you took our advice to heart so maturely. Trust me--rarer than you'd think to see that.

    You do seem like a nice guy. I wish you luck finding a 'real life' girlfriend who treats you well darling.


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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Nah never heard of Cliffs

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Thank you, audritwo!

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Thank you, Isabelle! I appreciate it! I know I will find someone OTC who I will have a real connection with. Not usually do I have a hard time with that, but I guess I just got hung up on the dancer not knowing what was really going on ITC. Now I do know how things work, thanks to everyone who spoke with me on this thread! So again, thank you everyone!

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    I'm sure she likes you just fine. But make no mistake, you are paying her for this attention and she is providing excellent customer service.

    You aren't genuine friends with a stripper until you hang out with her outside of the club, meet her cat or her boyfriend or her sister or whatever and didn't pay for her time in this capacity.

    I've danced and done extras with plenty of customers who got me hot. I consider it a perk of the job. However, I tell ALL OF MY CUSTOMERS that they make me hot. Obviously, not all of them do turn me on or make me hot. My job is to show them a good time. If they wanted women acting bored in their presence, they could go just about anyplace for that kind of treatment.

    I hand out my business number to almost every customer who wants it. I will reply to texts if I'm in the mood. I will reach out to customers sometimes because I'm bored and figured it is just good PR to take care of a spending customer. Are they my friends? Nope. They are clients, valued clients to be sure, but they don't get to meet the real me. My friends know the real me.

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    Default Re: Became actual friends with a dancer, but now she kinda disappeared???

    Tourdefranzi, I see what you're saying and I agree with you! After you and everyone else who shared their input on this thread, I see that what she was doing is basically providing great customer service. Although she seemed very genuine (not in charactor) in some of the conversations we had, it's still true that I do not really know the real her. Maybe a little bit, But not fully. Whenever I see her again, I'll apologize for going outside her comfort level and see if we can still be friends IN THE CLUB. Being that I met her on my first visit to a club and really liked her, I didn't realize everything that goes on in a club and thought she in fact wanted to be friends in general. If she ever wants to be friends in the future, I'll let her make that decision and let me know.

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  4. Kinda gross female customer and dancer..
    By lilhotmama in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-18-2007, 03:50 PM
  5. would you refer your friends to a dancer you really liked?
    By leogirl876 in forum Dancer's Discussion
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 12-20-2006, 05:34 PM

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