I'm so mad at myself. I find myself emotionally investing my time into guys that obviously don't give a shit about me, but pretend otherwise, just to get in my pants I guess? i met a guy a year + ago (I'll refer to him as D) I met him randomly at a party, I wasn't drunk but he was. He just tried so hard to hook up with me, I found him charming, funny, hot, etc so I gave in.
Maybe I shouldn't have hooked up w him the day I met him but I never planned on being his girlfriend, or to ever see him again really. But I gave him my number, and he called me the night after. He was so sweet, we talked for hours and he asked if I would come to see him one day (he lives 3 hours away) to go to a concert since I had mentioned my favorite dj playing in his city. Long story short, I went to see him, had fun. I met his friends a couple times. After we talked on the phone almost everyday, for hours! I ended up visiting him a couple times, he also drove to philly to hang out with me.
Anyway, one weekend he came to philly, we had tons of sex and the condom broke, I ended up getting pregnant and had an abortion. I was undecided at first, I told him how I felt and he got mad at me? I was so shocked he tried to threaten me by saying he's not going to talk to me again, that it probably wasn't his kid. (By this time I was four weeks, I showed him the ultrasound that said four weeks preggers on it, that shut him up) in the end, I decided to go through with the termination, I wouldn't want to raise a kid with a shitty dad, and I wasn't ready to take care of a baby. I didn't want him to feel like I was trapping him with a baby. He was with me after and took me to get food, and took me shopping, I guess to say sorry although he never verbally said it. I forgave him and just tried to forget about it and everything was fine with us before he left.
After all that, everything changed he never called me as much, maybe a couple times. He will send me things but barely replies to anything I sent him. I called him fed up one night and asked if he hated me, he said no everything is fine between us. I'm like..ok well it feels like you don't give a shit about me anymore. And he basically said if you feel that way, bye. I'm basically done at this point, I told him to have a nice life.
Like really? You're not even gonna try to understand why I feel shitty, obviously he doesn't care. But he could've told me he didn't instead of telling me everything is ok. Like you got me over here trying to reach out to you because what? Like whhhhhhy just tell me you don't want to fucking talk. Ughhh I'm here crying when he is totally fine. I'm just so mad, mostly at myself. Silly me.
*rant temporarily over*



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