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Thread: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

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    Senior Member dahlia_love's Avatar
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    Default Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Ok, *takes deep breath* so I have been looking into camming for a loooong time. I've done TONS of research (90% on this site). I am prepared to hustle, I am prepared to sell, I am prepared with side eggs like kik and clips4sale, I am prepared to market myself on social media. I recently quite my job (but not so I could cam) that was in a call center and it was just awful. Cursing, screaming customers all day AND I had to be nice to them despite being called every name in the book. The job was making me ill. So, we're going on 2 months now of me being unemployed. I let my boyfriend know camming is something I have always wanted to try. Even if I only made $10 an hour that's more than minimum wage! I thought it was worth a shot (small town). So my boyfriend FINALLY agrees...BUT there is a catch. He wants to cam with me, and I am NOT allowed to cam by myself. Ok, I can handle that. What about kik? He says NO. I say ok, can I make my own videos? He says NO, but we can make them together. I feel like my boyfriend is really limiting me on this...I want to sell panties and pictures and sex toys...I want to sell my godamn toenails! HE wants to log on for 2 hours a day 2-4 times a week and he thinks we're going to make $4,000 a month. UM, NO. So here's what I'm thinking, I need to either talk some sense into him or I'm just going to make a profile for myself on a different camming set. Right now we've agreed to cam on Streamate but I feel SOOOO FRUSTRATED! He works fulltime and he works the graveyard shift (peak hours). I want to work full time too! I want to bust my ass and make bank! I want my OWN MONEY and I want to make GOOD MONEY. I think I just need some advice on how to talk to him or let him know we are going to need to treat this like a business and we can not half ass it. Any ladies here that needed to convince their boyfriends to let them cam and willing to share thoughts/advice?

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Instead of adorable he sounds controlling and annoying.

    Why are you having to ask his permission anyway? Especially as it is allowing you to leave a job that was affecting your health so badly? Posts like this just blow my mind.

    Does he try to control other areas of your life too? How did he get the idea he is allowed to tell you what you can and can not do and why in the world are you allowing him to do this?



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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Yea...I also don't feel like there is anything adorable about this. I know a lot of women tend to think "aww, he's jealous of me doing things with other guys, that's so sweet, he wants me all to himself"...that is a poisonous way of thinking.

    If he works full time what's wrong with you working while he's out the house? Also doesn't he realise that its all acting? Its not like every camgirl is married to a client or something. He also needs to learn how tough it is to make good money. LONG hours and consistency is the key there. You seem to have your head screwed on the right way about this, but sadly, if he is that jealous, i doubt he will ever be ok with it.

    You're going to be faced with a choice...independance or him. Sadly it almost always ends this way. Because its also a huge problem that he wants to be provy to your earnings etc on cam too, being part of the couple. Kinda sounds like he's not entirely ok with you being successful on your own. If you want to do sex work you'll most likely have to leave him. The harsh reality is that a lot of us are successful but almost terminally single. There are some women who have managed to find amazing men though who are totally cool with it and the ensuing success, but your guy doesn't sound like he'll ever be one of those if he already wants to be so controlling.


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    Veteran Member Tigrillo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I just... why should you need to convince HIM to let you work in what you so obviously want? why should he be able to give conditions or limit how or when you work? and what's this deal about only camming with HIM? what, so everyone on the net knows you're HIS?

    I just.... I can't. It just doesn't sound right, do you see?
    Last edited by Tigrillo; 04-10-2016 at 11:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Yeah it's an ongoing issue with us. He even said he doesn't consider camming to be "porn" when it SO OBVIOUSLY is. He's really not controlling at all....when he saw how unhappy I was at my job he allowed me to quite. He makes enough that he can support both us. There has been some financial strain and he hasn't once complained. Unfortunately, he was raised very conservatively and we live in a small town. I think he needs to overcome the social stigma of porn. That's part of the reason why he wants to cam with me is because he wants me to be interacting with HIM and not someone else...because if I interact with someone else others will see me as a slut. I know it's not right and I will continue to fight him on this. He went from not even considering this to being willing to do it with me so he is slowly but surely compromising with me. I think that once we tank (and we WILL tank) and not making any money he will be more willing to compromise again. He's just been so great in a lot of other aspects of our relationships, he always let me spend my money however I wanted, has never taken money from me, always paid more than his portion of the bills, and now has supported me quitting my job and is taking care of me. I would hate to end our relationship over this but in the end I need to be my own financially independent person. Maybe things will work out between us, maybe they won't. I'm going to give it some more time and see if he will be willing to loosen up a little bit first though.

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    God/dess Vlodina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    He allowed you to quit your job?
    He lets you spend your money how you want?

    Mmm.


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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    When you say "others will see me as a slut", who are you talking about? Because you do realise that you don't have to tell anyone in your immediate circle. Keep your geoblock on and don't cam in a room that has any identifiable markers if you don't want other people finding out. Also, keep your mouth shut and be savvy on social media. Then there's no people around to call you a slut.

    Also think about this, most guys want you to interact with them, even if you're in a couple. Its going to look so bad if you're mute and he's doing all the talking and you're doing what he says...that's not how camming works and I think you know that, since, as I said before, you seem to have done your homework.

    Also, him "allowing you" to do things? I realise I may seem a little harsh, but your dynamic doesn't seem healthy if you have to be given permission to do normal things.


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    Veteran Member Tigrillo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    That is not compromising. It's micromanaging you so he can sabotage/control what and how you're doing your work. Don't let him set limits on how you're going to do your startup! Think of it as if you're opening a bakery... would you let him tell you and control your recipes, your dealings with customers, suppliers, etc....?

    if he's going to support you luxuriously and keep you in the lap in the gods AND you want to cam as a couple recreationally for hots and moans well fine, but if this is something that you want to do for YOU as a job, that's a whole other thing and he should have no say.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    He might not be aware he's doing it and just thinking himself as protective or more willing to compromise little by little, but he should be willing to trust blindly that you now how you want to do this. Then it's your job to reject this controlling shit and forcing him to confront this behaviour in himself, question it and find a way to work around what scares him or bothers him. Try leading the conversations in that direction?

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    He wants you to do this on his terms which is infact controlling. You will never have your full independence when you allow someone to control you, you infact lose yourself in the process. I dont know you or him but i was in an abusive and controlling marriage for a long time and it starts off that way and just gets worse. If you want to do this and take it serious as a job then you need to have full control on what you will and wont do. I have seen so many threads like this and i try my best to say something to try and help. I hope you dont take this as being mean towards you at all, because that isnt my intention i just try and help considering i know the beginning steps that lead to way worse. He will see when you do this as a couple that it isnt all fun and games and some guys can be very nasty especially to another guy, he will soon not want to do it again once he has to deal with that. I hope that you can put your foot down if you are serious about this and dont let him make the decisions on this. It requires alot of hard work and dedication to make it successful and it has to be something youre comfortable with not what someone else is. Please think about this and listen to the ladies here they are trying to help. him saying no to everything is not letting you be independent that is controlling you for his benefit what makes him feel comfortable with this situation,not what you want to do and what youre comfortable with. I wish you the best whatever you decide. Good luck with talking to him. Hopefully you get what you want.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I think my boyfriend is worried about other guys on the internet, the ones I'm interacting with, viewing me as a slut or thinking they can control me, etc. He works in a prison and he has to deal with the worst type of people. I think part of him wants to be there as sort of a moderator to make sure the other guy doesn't get out of line too much but he also wants to believe that I'm sexually interacting with HIM and not the other guy on camera. I also made a refference to him "allowing" me to do things because another person had asked if he tries to control other aspects of my life. And I get it, I actually did get out of an abusive marriage almost 4 years ago so I understand it's a concern. I was just trying to make a point that he isn't overly controlling or has any anger problems. If he did I would have left LOOONG ago and would not be needing to have this discussion with him lol. He is a great man in a lot of ways I am just trying to get him to be more open minded about camming.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    ANOTHER thread about a bf/hubby giving his lady a hard time. *Hug* That sucks. He sounds annoyingly controlling. He "allowed" you to quit your job? Do you have to always run things by him first? Also, it seems like he thinks it'll be easy peasy for y'all to get on cam as a couple and bring in $4,000/month.
    My referral link for models to join the Boleyn Models daily pay program
    https://cammodelpay.com/ref?page=&campaign=&affToken=NDcx

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    We want to believe us women have rights and independence in our relationships but truth is, many of us are not in healthy relationships at all and some dont even realize this.

    Soo many details in the OP posts dont sound right to me, too many to even consider giving any kind of advice because what i understand from these all is, the foundation of this relationship is not healthy like soo many others i got to read about in here.

    Is the principle that matters, sentences like 'he allows me to...', 'portion of his bills', etc etc, sounds to me these people (not only this particular case but many others) live in relationships that has nothing to do with love.
    Are people not loving each other anymore in this world?
    Are people living together to cut living costs eventually?
    Are relationships based on feelings at all?
    Cause what i read around here is just giving me the impression women put up with a lot of crap from their 'boyfriends' just to have what? The permission to do things, a cock in bed & a boyfriend near them that has to allow them to live, work, etc etc.
    I am just not understanding 'this world' i guess?!?

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    Featured Member Chellyinparadise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    You do have to sexually interact with the men because they will want you to pretend its them in many cases and want attention on them as they are the ones paying for it, so it will be difficult to do it his way. There will be many guys who will want that. Unfortunately he wont be ok with that it seems.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I think my boyfriend is worried about other guys on the internet, the ones I'm interacting with, viewing me as a slut or thinking they can control me, etc. He works in a prison and he has to deal with the worst type of people. I think part of him wants to be there as sort of a moderator to make sure the other guy doesn't get out of line too much but he also wants to believe that I'm sexually interacting with HIM and not the other guy on camera. I also made a refference to him "allowing" me to do things because another person had asked if he tries to control other aspects of my life. And I get it, I actually did get out of an abusive marriage almost 4 years ago so I understand it's a concern. I was just trying to make a point that he isn't overly controlling or has any anger problems. If he did I would have left LOOONG ago and would not be needing to have this discussion with him lol. He is a great man in a lot of ways I am just trying to get him to be more open minded about camming. LOL I promise you ladies, he is not an asshole. He's just buying into the social stigma crap and he needs to stop.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Truth is, men will view you as a slut whether you are solo or in a couple. They will call you names, they will talk dirty...its the nature of the game. For some, dirty talk is the only way they can get off. Also, due to societal norms, any naked girl is viewed as a slut, be she with a man or not. You are doing porn, that comes with it. And if you guys cam together and he goes off on every guy that says things to you, it also won't be as profitable either.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I dont think camming as a couple Will work out for You Both because of the fact You think he wants to moderate the chat and want You to interact with him only... How is he going to react when members blurt out their sexual feelings towrds You; how is he going To react when they get very graphic about fucking You and how their dick is bigger and he looks worthless (guys Online are dicks be prepared... And i think yiu are, but i think he isnt bec he is usef having controll in his work at the prison and be doesnt have to pull up with bs. But in oure job its about managing the bs and turning it positive)... How Will he feel and react when they get graphic about fucking him instead of You? I just dont know if he can handle it since he is raised in a conservatevely town (by the way i am to but still happily sexual free and openminded never bound by how i have Been raised/village i grew up in... Smallmindedness/rigid mindset isnt to blame on wherr You have Been born or brought up)
    You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I don't see a point giving advice to any woman who is brainwashed by a man.what is the point? "adorable" boyfriend limiting my freedoms. Wow that truly is adorable indeed

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Everyone deserves a partner who treats them as an equal and my partner knows if he tried to tell me what to do he'd be history (and the same goes for me too - I'd never tell him what to do or want to be with a man who would put up with that type of thing).
    I was alone for a long while and would definitely rather be alone than with a controlling insecure man.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't share his feelings about your camming, but to actually say no, that you can't do it, as if he were your daddy or something and you weren't capable of making your own decisions? Unbelievable.
    I swear sometimes I want to check the date when I read through these threads to be sure I've not been caught up in a time warp back to the 1950s.


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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    This relationship and business are not a match. Not with your submissive personality. It would never occur to me tip ask if I can do this, or ask to quit a job. Discuss? Sure , but requesting permission is a problem. Please please please for you, get a good councilor. You're got many great smart women trying to point out to you the obvious, this guy is controlling and abusive. If he's worried --NOW-- about "guys on the internet" wait until you are actually interacting with other men in front of him.he is going to shame you and what you do constantly. I can already hear him in many head giving you the classic "this job sexually arouses you, your a deviant and you belong work the sick fucks that pay you speech. ( love read how many variations now? What other areas of your life will he have to control too feel better?

    My ex was never worried about me, of course not, he knew I wouldn't cheat, it was always a fear of other men and he had to protect me from then by controlling me. At first I felt loved for the first time. And then after 5 years I was so miserable I wanted to die, I couldn't wear makeup to my office job or speak to male waiters. (i wasn't the industry at the time. So imagine it's all that and way way worse)

    Could you, using strong statements tell him you will be camming separately,on your schedule. If he really loves YOU he will find a way to make it work?
    Last edited by LilLadyLux; 04-11-2016 at 08:36 AM.
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I used to be in a relationship with someone just like that. At first they said that my camming was ok as long as i wasn't shooting porn anymore. So ok i cammed next to them one day and when my ex saw what the guys were typing and how i was responding trying to entice the guys to go private, my ex came at me with...oh i know u want to meet up with him and suck his dick! fuck that. this dude is obviously controlling and brainwashing the fuck outta u. im not even trying to be mean im being dead honest. he has some serious control issues and that shit does not get better the deeper u get into this industry. You have the right to choose your own job, money, and how u choose to live your life. you do NOT need to be asking his permission for shit. He needs to either let u do you 100 percent or u need to get strong and kick his controlling ass to the curb.

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    This line of work is all about putting up with bullshit members bring 'on the table' lol, it's us who need to make them pay while we put up with all they come up with when in our rooms, we need to draw the line of how much we accept from them, we set the boundaries, if ur guy wanna moderate the room to 'protect u' there, guess what?

    You guys wont make any money on cam as a couple cause when on cam, u guys will perform for the member paying you, there u need to give ur attention not to ur man, ur man does not matter at all believe me, he is just 'a cock' u use to satisfy ur paying member, ur man will be a toy boy for the member watching & paying you.

    That guys will ask u to tell them u imagine them fucking you while ur man is doing the actual act.
    Ehh, how this sound to ur man? Not good i assume as he is used to be in charge at his job, u two will not last long on cam believe me.
    If you wanna make any money on cam u have to do it all alone on ur terms and schedule, he has to stay out.
    If he does not agree then let the money tank to the point where he will get worried for ur finances then he might reconsider things.
    I can say for sure u jumped from a bad relationship to another, u just dont realize, sorry, i see all the signs. How old are u guys, u, him?

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    Featured Member LoraDoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Umm. I belive he is an adorable man, just like that. But actually seems like, he thinks he know everything better. Even what and how u should do.
    I d say, dont let him controll you, nothing good come from that. Follow your intuition and your own ideas. That means some confrontation maybe.
    I would say something like: this is your story and your trouble, aint his. If he want to protect you - and that s why he bossing around - u want him just stay a nice partner, who you can rely on. This is how he can help the most anyway.
    Than you ll see if he is really a controlling person, or he just don t know how to handle this thing. (however it is, do not make the mistake, making excuses for him)

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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    It's funny how this topic keeps coming up lately...

    At what point in your relationship did you allow him to think his controlling behavior is okay?! I'm sure camming is not the only thing he's controlling. I'm not asking to be mean, I'm asking so that this can help you reflect because whatever you put up with is what you'll end up with.

    Bring people into your life that bring out the best in you not the stress!
    Last edited by Marina Starr; 04-11-2016 at 07:28 AM.
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Im in this crazy mood! I would say. Send him here. Let him read this thread and let him respond to us himself about why he doesnt want you to be camming alone. If he is brave enough. I predict he would either melt down and start calling us all names and insulting us, go completely silent and become more controlling of your situation OR genuinely reflect on his actions, see the error of his ways and work on his own issues of insecurity while letting you do whatever the hell you want to do with your life and your body.

    If he does the third option then he is an amazing man.

    But Im crazy right now. So you probably shouldnt do that because its mostly likely going to end badly.


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