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Thread: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

  1. #26
    God/dess SweetJulia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    You won't make much working so few hours and you won't make more as a couple. I'd say work while he's at work, but I find it ridiculous that a grown woman has to sneak around to work and ask for permission. He doesn't sound adorable, he sounds controlling and doesn't seem like he wants you to be successful at camming.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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  3. #27
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    You have three choices: Do what he says, do what you want and tell him to get over it, or cam behind his back while he's at work. There's nothing you can say to him to convince him to "let" you cam alone. His mind is made up and you've given him all the power. You can take your power back, or find another line of work he's okay with if you want to stay submissive. I understand some women like being submissive in relationships; it makes you feel "protected" or whatever, but if that's the dynamic you want in the relationship. sex work isn't a good fit. Dominant men usually aren't okay with "sharing" their woman in any capacity.

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  5. #28
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Vanilla dominant/submissive relationships usually work because boundaries never get tested and these women don't even realize they're living in a D/s world with their partner (aka owner!). When the boundaries get pushed and tested...you're rocking the boat! And there's no way to tell how your SO will react.

    My ex (we were together 7-8 years, but we split up more than a decade ago)....I didn't know i was in a D/s relationship until I decided to rock the boat...unknowingly. Very much together at the time, he leaves to go to the other side of the world to see his family....this was unavoidable. There was a family illness and him and his parents went to help. (we are both 1st gen americans with family in the eastern hemisphere).

    well, what do you know, I get laid off from my temp job and can't find work as an 18yo college student with a full class load. my bf and I had zero savings. we were poor ass college kids just getting started out. a neighbor that was a dancer told me about her work. I went to check it out. I started working there. I told my ex (bf at the time) and all the way from the other side of the world, he told me how much he abhorred what I was doing and couldn't believe i would do such a thing, blah blah blah. I kept working to build up a savings and get caught up on past due bills and got a little bit of new furniture. I quit before he got back.

    when he got back, he wouldn't even use the furniture that I paid for through that work. wouldn't sit or sleep on it, didn't even want to be in our apartment that i used to pay for with my dirty money. I asked him what i should've done, his reply was that he would rather us live in a box on the street than comfortable with that kind of money....

    when I really grilled him about what the issue was, he said that if I'm going to be a dancer, I should do whatever it takes to be the best dancer I can be if that's the best of my abilities. But i'm smarter than that. I have a brain. I shouldn't have to use my body to make money. why the fuck not? you mean only a stupid person should use their body to make money? you think I should be poor and smart and miss out on making a comfortable life because that's what you want. fuck that shit. I'm smart and want to use my body to make money...and that makes it even more lucrative for me...

    The way I see this OP, you have found out you're in D/s relationship and found that boundary...you fall back in line or you will see the repercussions of how he reacts to your actions. You want to cam. He doesn't want you to. The thing is, even if I decided i didn't want to cam, just knowing that it was based on how he would react would make me not want to be in the relationship anymore.

    My husband now, when I told him i was going to cam, 5 years into our marriage, he supported me. He still does. He doesn't question what I do or control what I'm doing on cam or off. these guys exist....don't settle for one that think of you as property that needs protecting. you aren't property!




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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Just do it.

    I'd recommend dancing initially if you haven't done sex work.

    Cams can be recorded so it's " high risk " if you are just getting started / doing sex work temporarily.

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  9. #30
    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Work in secret when he's not around. Save up enough to get yourself out on your own. He's not your father and you are not a pet.
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    Sad Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Quote Originally Posted by hyori View Post
    Work in secret when he's not around. Save up enough to get yourself out on your own. He's not your father and you are not a pet.
    This^.
    Also https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...(rant-warning)

    Hopefully, you will see the light & get away from him. This makes me very sad & angry..I've lived thru it many X's unfortunately, & it never ended well, to the point I felt my life was in danger. &, not only that, he continued to stalk me MANY yrs later, I had to contact the police like 3 X's before he finally stopped. this type of man will NEVER, EVER change or do anything to your benefit. As Marina aptly said, you will lose & damage yourself (much more deeply than you could ever imagine) in the process.
    From the tone of your posts, esp. after the responses, I don't think you're going to listen to/apply anything said here.
    Best of luck to you.


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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I would suggest to do what hyori said because now you dont have your own money and there is another part of the controlling part that he will use against you at some point. Save enough just incase and hide it away for when you decide to leave. Even if he does agree to you camming id still put some hidden away even if its a little every week its something as a security blanket. Good luck with your decision.

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  14. #33
    Senior Member E.S. Camgirl, Ph.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    You need to end this relationship and move on with your life.

    Long story short, I was in a very similar situation. My BF and I were broke, so I started doing phone sex. He accused me of "touching myself" while talking to the guys, which was not okay with him, his abuse got worse, and my escape route involved a stay at a mental hospital.

    You need to either be okay with the fact that he thinks he owns you, or you need to live your own life. There is no alternative to these two options.

    Knowing what I know about men and their behavior, and knowing what you've written here, I'm genuinely concerned for your physical and mental safety.

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    God/dess KatM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Pretty often submissive women cant manage life on their own that's why they 'need' a man to 'take care of them' but this submissive status wont last forever, women 'wake up' sooner or later eventually.
    Maybe it's not her time to 'wake up' yet.
    Some women stay submissive for life not even realizing it or simply accepting the status, this often happens in eastern cultures, i see this here a lot including in my family/ relatives/ people i know.

    In my case i was the one who did something 'extraordinary' in the family when i divorced, my mom said "you were supposed to be together with ur husband for the rest of ur life", i told her "Really, who said so, u who was in an abusive relationship all of ur life? That is not life u fool, that is a nightmare, it was ur choice, i choose different".
    So i did, never ever felt sorry for my decision even life was not and is not easy for me.
    We have a saying here "What does not kill u is making u stronger".

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  18. #35
    Veteran Member scarlettbelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    I completely agree with everyone else in this thread. You are in a toxic relationship and you need to leave, for your own well being. My husband is from a conservative background, both of us grew up in small towns. I get the "stigma" part that you're talking about. But my husband discussed camming with me, we worked out some reasonable boundaries, and changed those boundaries over time. I've never asked his *permission* to do anything. He's my partner, not my owner.

    Your boyfriend is in for a very rude awakening if you two actually cam together. He may suffer from performance anxiety and not get hard when he needs to, may cum too soon or too late, and let's see how he handles all the trolls aiming their guns at HIM. And after all of that...you'll be lucky to make any money at all.

    Think of how easy this would be if you weren't with him right now. You could put all of that knowledge to good use, build your business, and be a success. He is dragging you down. He wants control, and he will lose that control if you're financially independent.

    Save up some money and get out on your own. You deserve better.


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  20. #36
    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Preach, Scarlette! #amen #mondaychurch


    Quote Originally Posted by scarlettbelle View Post
    I completely agree with everyone else in this thread. You are in a toxic relationship and you need to leave, for your own well being. My husband is from a conservative background, both of us grew up in small towns. I get the "stigma" part that you're talking about. But my husband discussed camming with me, we worked out some reasonable boundaries, and changed those boundaries over time. I've never asked his *permission* to do anything. He's my partner, not my owner.

    Your boyfriend is in for a very rude awakening if you two actually cam together. He may suffer from performance anxiety and not get hard when he needs to, may cum too soon or too late, and let's see how he handles all the trolls aiming their guns at HIM. And after all of that...you'll be lucky to make any money at all.

    Think of how easy this would be if you weren't with him right now. You could put all of that knowledge to good use, build your business, and be a success. He is dragging you down. He wants control, and he will lose that control if you're financially independent.

    Save up some money and get out on your own. You deserve better.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Arrow Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Quote Originally Posted by E.S. Camgirl, Ph.D. View Post
    You need to end this relationship and move on with your life.

    his abuse got worse, and my escape route involved a stay at a mental hospital.

    You need to either be okay with the fact that he thinks he owns you, or you need to live your own life. There is no alternative to these two options.

    Knowing what I know about men and their behavior, and knowing what you've written here, I'm genuinely concerned for your physical and mental safety.
    Yes^!

    I wanted to add, a friend of mine was married to an abusive guy..he shot @ her thru a closed door, narrowly missing her & her son.
    Also, he had family convinced she was the crazy one, & had her put in a mental institution..she was set to be permanently placed there, luckily her doctor intervened.
    I am also concerned for your physical & mental safety..no man, no amount of $, anything is worth risking them.


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  24. #38
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Wow. Um OP, if YOU want to cam, do it. If he breaks up with you, you have financial security now!







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  26. #39
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    It's funny how this topic keeps coming up lately...

    I know! I said this the other day in a different thread. We used to have an active 'Dear Diary' thread on here that was created by CamWhore. Now I feel like we may need a 'My man ain't actin' right!' diary thread or something.
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  28. #40
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Iyanla must be on vaca so it's 'Stripperweb Fix My Life' lately, LOL!
    Where you at, Iyanla?

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBrownFox View Post
    I know! I said this the other day in a different thread. We used to have an active 'Dear Diary' thread on here that was created by CamWhore. Now I feel like we may need a 'My man ain't actin' right!' diary thread or something.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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  30. #41
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Quote Originally Posted by dahlia_love View Post
    I think my boyfriend is worried about other guys on the internet, the ones I'm interacting with, viewing me as a slut or thinking they can control me, etc. He works in a prison and he has to deal with the worst type of people. I think part of him wants to be there as sort of a moderator to make sure the other guy doesn't get out of line too much but he also wants to believe that I'm sexually interacting with HIM and not the other guy on camera. I also made a refference to him "allowing" me to do things because another person had asked if he tries to control other aspects of my life. And I get it, I actually did get out of an abusive marriage almost 4 years ago so I understand it's a concern. I was just trying to make a point that he isn't overly controlling or has any anger problems. If he did I would have left LOOONG ago and would not be needing to have this discussion with him lol. He is a great man in a lot of ways I am just trying to get him to be more open minded about camming. LOL I promise you ladies, he is not an asshole. He's just buying into the social stigma crap and he needs to stop.
    I am confused by why this is even an issue. o.O

    He does know that you are a grown women and he does trust you to be able to make your own decisions right? If he has any emotional issues or if he is buying any into social stigmas he knows that as an adult it is his own personal responsibility to deal with those issues on his own since he has trust in you and your ability to make the right choices for your own life since you are an adult, right?

    Um, right?

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  32. #42
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Where's Sam38G to weigh in?


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  34. #43
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Don't ever let any man control you and tell you what you can and cant do. I understand sometimes this kind of work is hard for guys to get over and understand because they are seeing it from a male-centric and emotional perspective. But that doesnt give them a free pass to tell you what you can and cant do. My boyfriend tried to tell me after he saw my Fartsucker 2 video (where I was sitting on a slave with shorts on farting into his face) that that was not ok and he didnt want me filming stuff like that. He tried to liken it to me getting mad that he might go to a strip club every once in a while, but doesnt touch or talk to the girls.. And I told him no, fuck you. First of all, I'll do what I want when it comes to making MONEY. Fartsucker was my highest selling clip EVER and as a guy who is obsessed with money, he should understand dont fuck with my money! And second, how is a strip club the same as that? Is he being paid to be there? No? The fuck outta here with that shit.. And third, we ALL know that n guy goes to a strip club and doesnt talk with any girls. They come to him! He has no business saying that shit. There isnt a way to avoid it because guess what? The girls are there trying to make MONEY!

    After talking it over with him, he seems to be a little more ok. He now knows its just money for me, I dont get some cheap thrill from it and in fact, I just treat it as a job. Knowing that makes him feel better and over time he has come to trust more and be more understanding. He started out mostly understanding but still a little insecure, hence the upset, and I think he has a little ways to go on it but I understand because sometimes it can be a lot to swallow for some guys. Especially if I were actually stripping in person or actually doing porn. Kudos to the guys who can be cool with that.. If it's your job, its your job. Get over it and get past it or move on..

    Every guy has boundaries and things he isnt comfortable with. I am sure you do as well. If my man were a bouncer at a strip cub, I would be insecure about it. But I would make an effort to understand it and get past it because it would be his job. If your guy is worth anything, he should be willing to discuss it with you so that you can explain it to him in simple terms and try to arrive at an understanding that its only you making money and he has nothing to be insecure or possessive about. If he cant stop being possessive and trust you, you need to leave. It sounds like it's past that point for you though, and he isnt going to change his mind. Men who are truly abusive and controlling do not change. It doesnt sound like you have one of those level headed guys who is willing to talk it out with you with an open mind. That's truly a shame. I was in your shoes at one time and it doesn't get better if you are with someone who is genuinely abusive. But its like boiling a frog...

    I support Hyori's suggestion to work while he is at work and save up your own money to get out. Get a PO box and sin up for a new bank account if you have a joint one. Make sure he is not monitoring your activity on the computer. Always clear your cache and history if you share the computer. Cam with him on a couples account and make him believe you are just doing that. However, be careful if you are going to open a solo account on the same site as you may have guys come in saying hey! I saw you the other day on your solo account. And finally, I dont know how controlling this guy is but it seems to me like you are blind to how controlling he really is. Nevertheless, take extra precautions. Controlling men can be fucking psychopaths. Always check your room for hidden devices like cameras. He may suspect something and try to catch you in the act or maybe he just wants to know what you get up to while he's gone. Especially if you start camming together and talking to guys on the internet.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Please consider everything everyone has said here.





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  36. #44
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    reading people's thoughts about submissive women on here is quite interesting, purely because I am a sub (in a stated d/s relationship, not 24/7 tho) and it's definitely not a need for a guy to take care of me I'm fine doing that myself, just something thats nice with someone I trust (who would also respect my boundaries, if my boyfriend told me I couldn't do the work I am, that would be breaking a boundary for me - I pick how and when I work) I guess
    the idea of like, a non-realised d/s relationship is a huge red flag to me to, usually consent and communication about boundaries and limits is super important, without it it's just plain abuse tbh, theres no consent to it
    OP it sounds like you need to talk seriously to your boyfriend, tell him you want to do this, that it is an acting job, and that you are willing to take the risks of the stigma and such, tell him you can geoblock your area, and tell him while he might be jealous he needs to learn to deal with it because you are doing it and you are doing it your way

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  38. #45
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Nothing to add on the topic (because there's been so many threads here recently about it), but it's not like couples make more than solo girls, and him expecting you'd be making that much while putting that little time into camming is ridiculous.
    Quote Originally Posted by MissJu View Post
    On cam, you can be unwashed, stinky but with makeup. And guys probably think you smell like roses.

    .

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  40. #46
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    How bout an update?


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  42. #47
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    He can't control what other people think of you, nor can he prevent anyone calling you a slut. Just like you cant control what we think of him.....

    You do realize if he cams with you, EVERYONE at his job will find out & he will get FIRED!!! then what?

    Why does he get to approve of any job you do or don't do? Let me guess, he is much older than you?

    Why do think camming is the answer? There are soooooooooo many ways to make money from home on the internet, why dont you try them. Cause there is NO guarantee you will make money on cam. There is no guarantee as a couple ya'll will make money on cam much less $4000 a month for a few hours of work... talk about delusional. Neither your pussy or his cock is that golden that for a few hours a week you pull in $1000 at it.

    Do you realize all that money he makes is ALL his, you have no retirement, no savings. He has you under financial control, which is abuse. Which makes him the opposite of adorable. What skills are you developing to make yourself more employable at a higher pay? What are you doing to get ahead in life during those two months besides reading up stuff on here?

    Odds are against you staying together forever & ever, yet you let these earning years slip by in the name of love. How is being broke & no skills for a good paying job love?

    If he gets sick, hurt & no longer can work then what? How well can he live on a pension from his job? He works in a super toxic job where control & being an alpha male asshole is necessary,but he is bringing the job home & controlling you. At work it is survival, but in life it is ugly.

    At what point do you grow up & take resonsibility for yourself & make decisions on your own? You are cutting off your own maturity, growth, job skills, life skills. You are crippling yourself, that is a shame.
    Cause there is way more to life than to be worried over being called a slut or anyother name. Like having money in the bank, good credit, knowing you can survive no matter what life throws at you.

    Sam

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  44. #48
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    They will call you a slut about 100 times a day or more. They all will get out of line, him being moderator will run off all the money. They will call him every name in the book too, welcome to the internet.

    Sounds like he is the one who wants to be a porn star & knows only way to do it is on your body, your image & hanging onto your skirt. Which pretty much is true. No matter if you are fucking him or anyother guy, you will be considered in Porn & a whore, slut, bitch and every other name in the book.

    Since neither one of you know whether or not this will make money, it isn't worth losing a relationship over. 80% of most cam performers quit after the fist two weeks, they don't make money at it. Considering you cant convince him, doesnt sound like you are all that good at sales. Camming, selling videos is all about how well you can sell.

    Not like camming is the only job online that you can attempt, have you tried any of those?

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  46. #49
    God/dess KatM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Just today they shown in the news how a 27 yo teacher had to quit her job cause she was found by her students on adult site(s), she had solo content for sale there, also couple content with her man and cammed solo on a camming site.

    Her 12-13 yo pupils/kids found her online on cam, not sure how these young kids managed to access such sites, how they knew where to look up.

    She quit right away and school director said the school will file a complaint/ report to the highest teaching authorities that this young teacher wont be allowed to teach ever again.

    You guys can imagine her man is affected too at his work & in the community, they interviewed some people from her living place and they all been disgusted of this woman like it was a crime what she and her man did there but yeah, that's how stigma affects people especially in small communities.
    Made me cringe just watching the news today.......

    Yes Sam is right, u can do soo many other things than cam & yes, ur man is controlling & he'll never change but get worse in time, i speak from my own experience unfortunately, also family experience.
    They really never change for the better but for the worse.

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  48. #50
    Featured Member Bootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need HALP, adorable boyfriend driving me bananas

    Quote Originally Posted by Sunnylexie View Post
    Nothing to add on the topic (because there's been so many threads here recently about it), but it's not like couples make more than solo girls, and him expecting you'd be making that much while putting that little time into camming is ridiculous.
    You know how fast I'd find a horny dude to fuck on cam if it meant 2 hours 4 times a week was $4k a month money? Shit, I am single because I don't like relationships but I'd fucking MARRY someone for money like that!

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