Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27

Thread: how to get the boyfriend on board?

  1. #1
    Curious Guest esmeisme's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Hi! I started researching stripping about 2 months ago (literally downloaded every ebook I could find, read a TON of blogs, etc so that I'd be as prepared as possible) and have worked a handful of nights now. I really enjoy it and feel like it's already had a pretty great impact on my life- I'm eating way healthier and exercising daily, being more careful about how I spend my money, feeling way more confident and I have a healthier sex drive, I've been making friends with dancers, etc. It's something I'd REALLY like to keep doing a few nights a week to supplement my income from my day job so I don't have to worry as much about money.

    I've had a few long talks with my boyfriend about it and he's pretty adamantly opposed to it. He's always been a little bit more of a prude than me when it comes to stuff like this, and until now we've both just done our best to respect where the other is coming from and talk it through when issues arise. I think he just can't comprehend that it could be a really good thing for me rather than the beginning of a slippery slope into addiction/prostitution/whatever nightmare he's got going on in his head. We've been together for years and there's no doubt in my mind he's my soulmate, so part of me thinks I should just drop this if it really makes him that uncomfortable, but I'm worried I'll come to resent him for basically making me choose between him and something that would allow me to become more financially secure/more confident/etc.

    We have a few friends that are dancers and he totally respects what they do, I think he's just uncomfortable with the idea of me being so overtly sexual with other guys. Are there things y'all have said to your SOs that made it easier for them to understand why you want to dance?

  2. #2
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    You can't... he feels a certain way & that is it. Is a part time job worth losing him over?
    There are all kinds of part time jobs & ways to save money in order to get out of debt.


    Would you want him to be overtly sexual & grinding other females or males for tips?

    Whose to say it is a slipper slope, rehabs & AAA are full of people from all kinds of jobs.

    No one here can talk him into anything, we don't know him.

  3. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Curious Guest esmeisme's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I totally understand where you're coming from. It's definitely not worth losing him over! But I guess what I'm struggling with most is that he's a musician and a big part of that for him is performing really sexually explicit music and being seen as 'available' to his (many) female fans, and I've always been super supportive of that (to his credit, he doesn't encourage them, like at all- but we both understand that it's part of his brand to ooze sex appeal and at least not *discourage* them from giving him all kinds of attention). It feels to me like now is his chance to return the favor, but he doesn't see the two as at ALL comparable.

  5. #4
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,994 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Have you two had a calm conversation about his fears? You're speculating about why he's uncomfortable, but...if you're soul mates, you should probably be able to have level-headed conversations about such things...?

  6. #5
    Curious Guest esmeisme's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Yeah, we have more than a few times he so far hasn't been able to articulate it beyond "it would just make me uncomfortable" or some variation of that. We've been talking about all of this in a super calm way, trying to work together to help each other see the other's point of view, which is one of the (many) reasons I love him, but I'm getting frustrated because I keep coming back to "I would do it if you didn't essentially tell me I can't" so I feel like things might not stay so undramatic if we keep talking about this.

  7. #6
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Dump his ass. Money doesn't cheat, lie or break your heart. If my boyfriend ever told me to quit dancing I'd tell him to go fuck himself.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  8. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to tempest666 For This Useful Post:


  9. #7
    Senior Member TearieLeigh's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2015
    Location
    NeverLand
    Posts
    128
    Thanks
    36
    Thanked 135 Times in 71 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I agree with Tempest.

    I'm not saying dump him, but you need to do what you have to do. I dumped my last bf when I started dancing. Best thing I could have done at the time. He was to jealous, and hated me doing it, but he wasn't paying my bills, and he didn't buy me my new truck.



    So either go back to your normal relationship with him, or keep dancing. Just know hes not going to change how he feels about it.
    Hey there Delilah, whats it like up in rack city?
    I see 10's of 10's of 20's laying down upon your tittes.
    Yes I do.
    No one can twerk dat ass like you...
    I swear it's true.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to TearieLeigh For This Useful Post:


  11. #8
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    If he's your "soulmate" like you claim then he shouldn't be a bloody hypocrite about you dancing. Why is it ok for other women but not you? Sounds like a case of Madonna\whore complex to me, which further strengthens my conviction that you need to dump him, or at least disregard him. I bet when the Benjamins come in he'll be singing a different tune. They almost always do.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tempest666 For This Useful Post:


  13. #9
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,994 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    If you two are as committed as you sound, then he needs to do some work on himself to figure out why this makes him so uncomfortable. If dancing is fun for you and is improving your life (as you mentioned), then that should be just as important to him as his own issues with dancing are. If he's ignoring / refusing to recognize a significant part of you (the part of you that benefits from dancing), then you are entitled to ignore a significant part of him (the part of him that is uncomfortable with you dancing).

    If I were you, I'd be disappointed and annoyed with him at this point. Communication is such a critical part of any healthy relationship.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to charlie61 For This Useful Post:


  15. #10
    Veteran Member RyanXO's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2016
    Location
    (:
    Posts
    470
    Thanks
    723
    Thanked 1,042 Times in 330 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I am in the same boat! I am trying to get my depression under control so I can go back to dancing, but my boyfriend is not cool with it. What's really frustrating about it is that he doesn't pay anything of mine. We split everything down the middle. I'm fed up with the whole speech about, "women and men are equal nowadays so women should pay half or otherwise they are hypocrites," yet I don't get a say if I strip or not???? He would be perfect if it weren't for this hang up...

  16. #11
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Try bartending or waiting tables at a strip club. You can make great money & still keep some clothes and not have to do table dances. STripping is not the only job at these clubs, there is also door girls & house moms.

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  18. #12
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Quote Originally Posted by RyanXO View Post
    I am in the same boat! I am trying to get my depression under control so I can go back to dancing, but my boyfriend is not cool with it. What's really frustrating about it is that he doesn't pay anything of mine. We split everything down the middle. I'm fed up with the whole speech about, "women and men are equal nowadays so women should pay half or otherwise they are hypocrites," yet I don't get a say if I strip or not???? He would be perfect if it weren't for this hang up...
    If you are equal then he can't dictate where you work.

  19. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  20. #13
    Veteran Member absolutelyadorable's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2014
    Location
    in my own bubble
    Posts
    404
    Thanks
    606
    Thanked 686 Times in 288 Posts
    My Mood
    Busy

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Quote Originally Posted by RyanXO View Post
    I am in the same boat! I am trying to get my depression under control so I can go back to dancing, but my boyfriend is not cool with it. What's really frustrating about it is that he doesn't pay anything of mine. We split everything down the middle. I'm fed up with the whole speech about, "women and men are equal nowadays so women should pay half or otherwise they are hypocrites," yet I don't get a say if I strip or not???? He would be perfect if it weren't for this hang up...
    Sounds like he wants equality when it's in his favor........

  21. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to absolutelyadorable For This Useful Post:


  22. #14
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    If you are doing it to give him a taste of his own medicine then there is trouble in paradise. Rather than tit for tit, try a couples therapy so ya'll can remain soul mates.

  23. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  24. #15
    Senior Member BabyWillow's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    130
    Thanks
    136
    Thanked 150 Times in 66 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    My fiancé doesn't like that I dance, so I'm quitting. Sometimes he asks me "how would you feel?" and even though honestly I think it would be hot if he was a stripper, I let it go and realized I must be truly be in love. I loved dancing for the same reasons as you but he prefers a more modest lifestyle, and I don't want him to be upset. You can't change your boyfriends feelings, and I don't think it's fair to disregard his feelings if you love him. It's hard to make the decision but I think if you love stripping too much to quit for the sake of his feelings, maybe you two just weren't meant for each other.

  25. The Following User Says Thank You to BabyWillow For This Useful Post:


  26. #16
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I'm going to ask my landlord if he accepts "true love" in lieu of cash. Because you know that's what pays the bills.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  27. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to tempest666 For This Useful Post:


  28. #17
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Some of my stripper friends, lol we are all close to 50 or older at this point, don't dance anymore but they do teach stripper classes. They just loved performing.

    If you love the stage, being the center of attention there are many jobs or careers that can give you that high. Usually high pressure sales jobs, event modeling, bartending & such.

    Reading books or even this site if you have never done it before is no substitute for actually experiencing how it really all works. Even then your experience will vary from state to state & club to club. You may not make money at it, you don't know for sure it will get you into better shape. Lots of girls get fat stripping due to the amount of alcohol they have to drink on the job with customers. Customers dont want to sit & chat with a girl who isn't drinking & not having the same level of fun. Plus the club loves girls who sell alcohol, especially the high end stuff whether or not she gets a cut of the sales from it. It is more profit in the clubs pockets.

    Some club insist on girls doing extras.

    When your soul mate is on stage prowling around he is a bit removed from the audience & probably fully dressed. When you are a stripper you will be wearing a thong & pretty much nothing else when a few inches from a man. Sorry, it is NOT the same thing at all.

    Why not ask to be in his band, be the cymbols or tamborine. So you can dress sexy for the stage & prance around on it with him? Then he can pay you a share of the money just like the rest of the band gets paid.

  29. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  30. #18
    Senior Member BabyWillow's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    130
    Thanks
    136
    Thanked 150 Times in 66 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I'm going to ask my landlord if he accepts "true love" in lieu of cash. Because you know that's what pays the bills.
    Lol... You say this as if there's no other alternative for a woman to make money.

  31. #19
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWillow View Post
    Lol... You say this as if there's no other alternative for a woman to make money.
    Oh there's plenty of alternatives. I personally would not trade a lucrative job that requires minimal effort to assuage the feewees of a spineless, whiny jerk. No man is worth trading financial security and independence for.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  32. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to tempest666 For This Useful Post:


  33. #20
    God/dess Zofia's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Durham, North Carolina
    Posts
    2,416
    Thanks
    2,964
    Thanked 2,370 Times in 934 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    When I was stripping, I had a very hard time keeping a BF. After a couple of years, I was just fuck buddies and a gay guy who was mostly in the closet. He and I would go out on "dates" and I'd go with him to his parents place every once in a while so he could keep his sexuality a secret from them. Most guys are not "on board" with stripping. It challenges their machismo. Really, you just have to decide what is best for you and let the relationship stand on its own. There is no way, I know of, to get a guy on board with stripping. Either he is, or he isn't.

    HTH
    Z

  34. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Zofia For This Useful Post:


  35. #21
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,438
    Thanks
    47,039
    Thanked 34,921 Times in 12,869 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Sexuality is always going to be a double standard with men. They can get away with more than women -'hence why it's okay for him to ooze sexiness with his female fans but not okay for you.

    I personally would use some of my profits to do nice things for him (ethical bribe) so he will look the other way about your dancing. This way he can literally see how the money from dancing is improving yours and his life. If he continues to complain then I'd run a reverse guilt trip on him for not stepping up as a man and making enough money so you don't have to work the club.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  36. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  37. #22
    Featured Member
    Joined
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,809
    Thanks
    2,282
    Thanked 3,638 Times in 1,173 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    This is totally something you just have to decide for yourself because theres no correct answer. Personally I think you should be with someone who loves you and wants to be with you no matter what and having a conversation with them about it can help them understand. I was with my ex for 4 years and made it clear I would never stop dancing for him and he knew I was serious. Plus at one point when I was in school working a vanilla job stressed out we both talked about how going back to dancing would be the best option for me and he was even encouraging me to quit and go back to the club. In my opinion a man who truly loves you no matter what just wants what is best for you and wants to be with you anyway. Or maybe I just got really lucky lol because my ex was a jealous guy but he would never leave me just because I was dancing.

    Your bf could just be saying that right now because you've only worked a few shifts and it seems like a scary idea to him. In the beginning was when my ex wasn't really okay with it. But after a while if you're coming home to him every night and not doing stupid shit then he could eventually see it for what it is: a job.

  38. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 22lligm For This Useful Post:


  39. #23
    Veteran Member RyanXO's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2016
    Location
    (:
    Posts
    470
    Thanks
    723
    Thanked 1,042 Times in 330 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I've been thinking about this more...could it be jealousy? In boyfriends' minds, they think we get money for "easy" work while they have to do "real" jobs? (I hate those terms, stripping is a real job, and often times is hard, you have no guaranteed income, it can be hard on your body, etc) As hard as it is, it is a very flexible job and can be very profitable. Maybe that's the hangup? Also, a lot of guys are terrified of independent women.
    Didn't mean to hijack thread from the OP, but I am getting fed up. Once I get back in shape, I'm going back. I need a better income then I have now. If the relationship is meant to be, then it will work out. I am not willing to give up financial security and independence.

  40. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to RyanXO For This Useful Post:


  41. #24
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,994 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    I was dancing when I met my partner, and there was simply no question from the beginning that this was a job, not a conversation. It took him years to fully understand what the job entails, and it took him years to stop feeling jealous whenever I'd trot off to the club. That said, because there was never any question about it from the beginning - I was extremely firm, confident, and serious about it - and because he understood the motive ($$$), and because he could see what a difference it made in my quality of life, we never had to talk about whether or not I should do it.

    When I was severely burnt out and wanted to die, we did talk about me quitting. But even then, he was there as a supportive, loving partner. He wasn't coming from a place of jealousy or insecurity.

  42. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to charlie61 For This Useful Post:


  43. #25
    God/dess SweetJulia's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Rolling in a BIG pile of money!
    Posts
    2,836
    Thanks
    21,633
    Thanked 6,196 Times in 1,978 Posts
    My Mood
    Yeehaw

    Default Re: how to get the boyfriend on board?

    Does he have a good understanding of the behind the scenes in clubs? Has he been to any?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. How to get your SO on board?
    By Anya333 in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 07-04-2012, 06:54 PM
  2. new to your board
    By WHO?? in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-26-2007, 01:29 PM
  3. New To Board
    By liberator in forum Coming Out
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-23-2007, 08:12 PM
  4. Just saying hi, new to the board
    By Rockette in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-14-2006, 05:29 PM
  5. New to the board :)
    By Carrera in forum Coming Out
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 02-17-2005, 09:26 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •