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Thread: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

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    Default Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    I feel bad but I just don't. I already lived in an unpleasant area of the country while he finished under grad for 2 years. The grad school is in LA, and I don't want to live there. I never have. I like where I live now. I also feel like I spend too much time focused on other people and their priorities instead of my own future, and have lived to regret that. I told him tonight and he feels really bad about it, so now I feel bad. But life is really short. Have you ever moved for an SO and regretted it?

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    Default Re: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    Maybe you've just hit a point where the relationship isn't necessarily bad, but you both are ready to head down different paths. There's nothing wrong with saying that you're ready for a period of time in your life that is focused on you and your goals. That was basically what it all came down to when I broke up with my last bf. I didn't know if I wanted to stay here, or, if I moved, where I wanted to move, what I wanted to do for work, if/when I wanted to go back to school - I just didn't know what I wanted to do with my future, but I felt stifled in even being able to explore decisions when I had to take a relationship into account. Especially since he made it very clear that the only place he'd ever want to live besides here was Florida, and I don't particularly like Florida.

    We broke up and he moved to Florida, which is something I knew he had always wanted to do. I couldn't stay here "just for him," I didn't want to move to Florida for him, but nor did I think it fair to prevent him from moving, or to keep him hanging on by a thread while I said I didn't know how long I'd stick around. I know the break-up hurt him, but ultimately, he was then free to move on and do something that he didn't feel free to seriously think about while we were together, and I was also free to start turning my own life around and focus on me. I'm doing really well now, and as far as I know, so is he. I really think it was all for the best.

    It's great you want to be a supportive gf, but it's also not evil to decide that you want to focus on your own life for awhile so you can figure out your own path, instead of constantly playing backup to someone else.
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    Default Re: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    Yes. Don't go. Honestly if you are miserable there you will take it out on him.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 04-19-2016 at 07:51 AM. Reason: typo

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    Default Re: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    Ugh, we were in a similar scenario last winter. I wanted to move (albeit only about 40 miles), he didn't, for kind of the same reasons. I ended up staying where we were. However, I'm more of a personality that doesn't mind doing what the SO wants in that case though, as I value the relationship more than what zip code I'm in, and can find work or hobbies where ever we go.

    Do you have reservations about going for other reasons, or just that you think you'll hate the city? It also kind of depends on what future you see with that person and if you're planning to be with them permanently.
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    Default Re: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    You've already been there and know you don't like it, why feel guilty?
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    Default Re: Don't want to move with my boyfriend for grad school

    Thanks for your replies everyone! I think Aurora is right I'm just ready to pursue my own dreams and goals without having to take another person into account. I have a tendency to bend over backwards for other people to the detriment of my own goals. I think I just need to show myself love and respect I deserve by focusing more on my own needs and career goals. He'd also be accruing about 100K in debt, which I think is a crazy amount for anyone that isn't going into a very high paying field. I'm so relieved now that I told him I'm not going, it's a weight off my shoulders for sure.

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