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Thread: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

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    Default I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    I hope this is in the correct forum. I've tried to make this post as short as possible without losing the context.

    I think I should mention first that I'm not a regular at strip clubs, so it's not a scene I'm familiar with and this is why I came here for advice (but I will also contribute where I can).

    That said, I was out with some friends at a strip club a few months ago. While there I was approached by a dancer (I'll call her "Dee") after I had got bottle service. She talked with me for about an hour and I REALLY liked talking to her, but I knew her time is money so I told her that I would buy some dances since I know she's working (it was just me and her at my table at that point since the others departed).

    After two dances she offered the VIP but I told her I honestly couldn't afford it since I had spent about $500 at that point (I'm not a high roller, just a normal dude with a normal salary). I expected her to excuse herself and seek other business, but she kept talking and coming back to continue talking with me whenever she was called away. Taking that as a signal that she might want me to ask her out, I did. She gave me her number and told me to text her and she'll give me her real name. I texted, and she replied to my text right away that night.

    I texted her again the next day to make some small talk before setting up a date and she kind of dropped the dialogue mid-conversation and I waited a week but no reply. I then thought that she wasn't that interested and I didn't text her again until a few weeks later. I texted to ask how she was doing, but she didn't reply. I then texted her the next day and asked "are you working tonight?". She replied that she was debating going in, so I asked her to meet me and she agreed and we went out that night.

    We've been out twice so far, and both times she invited me her place. I took her on actual dates where I paid (although she offered to split) because I wanted to show her that I am interested in seeing her on a fairly regular basis (meaning at least once a month, but ideally more often), but not seeing her as a customer but as an actual romantic interest.

    On both dates we had oral sex, but "Dee" insisted that we not have full on sex because we'd only gone out two times. I'm OK with that, and I wouldn't have run off if we had went all the way. It's been about 4 weeks since she's replied to any of my texts and we'd gone out. I basically text her once a week to try to setup a date for the weekend or the next week.

    I'm thinking maybe I moved too fast on sleeping together, but I'm hoping it's just that she's very busy (which I know she is actually, just wondering why she doesn't just send a quick text?). I didn't pressure her to have sex. It just flowed that way I just kept going until she she stopped the progression.

    I sent her a text saying "Hey I know you're busy. I understand because I worked long hours for 10 years and it's only now that I have a lot of free time. Was hoping we could go out this week. Either way, get back to me when you can and keep doing your thing". I sent that text about 10 days ago and she hasn't replied.

    If I were to ask my male friends, they'd say to forget about her and just let her get back to me, but I asked a female friend who's a very attractive bartender/model what she thought , and she basically said that she gets hit on all the time and the guys she was interested in often give up too quickly because she takes a while to text them back. I've NEVER thought about it this way before because I was always advised that you should stop calling/texting/asking out someone who's not responding within a few days to your invites. But she said that since she works a lot and at the end of the shift she's got tons of texts to catch up with so unless you text her at the exact time she's looking she probably won't get around to getting back to you unless you are someone she's already close friends with.

    Basically, my bartender friend told me that if "Dee" was willing to go out with me at all, and she hasn't directly told me that she's no longer interested, then I'm overreacting and should keep pursuing her.

    I'd like some feedback about this from other dancers because I would like to avoid dropping the ball. I'd rather try too hard then do too little. Thanks in advance.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    If you try too hard you're forcing things.

    Maybe just ask her to be honest about why she doesn't get back to you otherwise if she doesn't make much of an effort then she's most likely not interested in the kind of romantic relationship you are looking for.

    Most dancers value their time and money is a big factor, not the only factor but a large factor, in who gets more of their time inside or outside the club.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    She has a life outside of the club. I'd wait till she reaches out. Good luck.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    You don't sound like a bad guy. It just sounds like she's not interested anymore. She probably went back to an ex or has someone she's really into now. And money talks for strippers.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Thanks for the replies. Sounds like my initial conclusion and decision was best, so I'll hold off getting in contact with her unless she contacts me. From past experience I don't like asking why someone didn't reply because it never seems to make any difference. Things always seem to take a very negative turn whenever I ask, no matter how I ask.

    One odd thing that she said that I just remembered. She replied to an invite a few weeks ago saying she was out with a friend who came in from out of town. Whether that was true or not isn't an issue, but it was clear she wasn't inviting me to join, but then she mentioned that she had my umbrella (which is true, I forgot it last time). I just replied "Yes that is my umbrella. Cool, have fun tonight and let me know when you have time."

    I have to wonder why tell me about it if without offering to leave it somewhere where I can get it or tell me when I can pick it up from her place. Wouldn't it have been better not to mention it? I never asked about it nor was I going to.
    Last edited by epitomeh; 04-24-2016 at 05:40 PM.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    That's a good point about the umbrella. Its sounds as though she likes you. But she might have a few guys she's dating at the same time. You might hear from her down the road. So it doesn't sound like you. It's just that she's busy with work, friends, boyfriends, etc.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Going out with you for free is just not that enticing to her when she could be getting paid elsewhere. She may of seen the error in her ways or maybe she's just busy with paying clients.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Strippers typically do take a while to text back....sometimes even days as crazy as it sounds. They're usually pretty busy working or sleeping so unless they have a reason you don't get quick replies. Sometimes on a slow night, if the club lets them have phones out you get replies or if they're going to their locker because they're bored. What happens as a result of this is just like your bartender friend says .....they forget. Waiting a few days and sending a text to "rekindle the flame" (sorry I just couldn't come up with anything better) works. You probably should have split on that second date. You have to remember they're super used to a you pay for everything dynamic.

    That was pretty much the "stripper specific" advice. Apart from that it just sounds like you were a bit too into everything. Your last text didn't have to be that long with you insisting that you can relate to her. You could have said just that you wanted to get together that week. Either way, you'd still be waiting to hear from her. As the other ladies have said, maybe something else in her life came into the picture. You don't know.

    She definitely liked you.

    If you want to go down swinging, I'd say just send something very relaxed and short to see if she's still in the picture.....nothing intense. If she replies then you're good. I don't think the odds are in your favor though. If you roll the dice you might get a text from her about the psycho ex that came back into the picture and threatens you. Those are always fun.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Text her saying you have cash to spend and ask if she's working. If she responds to that she's just been wanting you as a customer. Then either go spend some cash and enjoy her company in the club or move on from her if that's not what you want.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Quote Originally Posted by Nyla19 View Post
    It just sounds like she's not interested anymore. She probably went back to an ex or has someone she's really into now.
    This IMHO.

    OP, this is not a "stripper" thing - just a normal human thing. You met a girl, went on a couple of dates with her, and now she's blowing you off. IME girls don't go radio silent for weeks at a time when they genuinely like a guy. You had your shot and it didn't work out, for whatever reason. Shit happens. It's probably time to take the hint and move on.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Quote Originally Posted by BobbleHead View Post
    Text her saying you have cash to spend and ask if she's working. If she responds to that she's just been wanting you as a customer. Then either go spend some cash and enjoy her company in the club or move on from her if that's not what you want.
    You hit the nail on the head!!!

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    Going out with you for free is just not that enticing to her when she could be getting paid elsewhere. She may of seen the error in her ways or maybe she's just busy with paying clients.
    Agree. It sounds like she made a mistake. Especially with someone who didn't take care of her time. Taking care of a stripper's time during work, you show that you respect her time. If she wasted money time with you, it's like ehhh.... wtf did I just do??

    Also, if she liked you she could've told when she had free time.

    With strippers, you have to make a strong effort.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    Agree. It sounds like she made a mistake. Especially with someone who didn't take care of her time.
    I'm confused by your reply Vyanka, but thanks for replying either way.

    So am I missing something when you say I didn't respect her time?

    I'm confused because I mentioned that I bought a few dances from her but I didn't want to do the VIP because I couldn't afford to pay that much that night, but of the $500 I spent that night, about $350 went for the bottle and tip to the server, and the rest to "Dee". I basically paid the bill for everyone who was with me when I arrived. I know $500 probably isn't a lot of money but it is a good portion of my paycheck each month so that's one of the reasons I don't go to strip clubs often.

    I paid for three dances but told her to do one dance and keep the rest as a tip for the time she'd already spent (basically tipped her $100, although I don't know how much she got out of it). After she did the one lapdance, I left about 20 minutes later after finishing my drink and waiting for a cab. I also told her I knew she was working so she didn't have to continue chatting if it was keeping her from making money. She insisted that it was fine and kept talking until whenever someone did want her for something. But I decided to leave as soon as possible since I figured it's not polite to stay at a club after my money was spent.




    BTW, on our first date, after we met and spent some time at a small nightclub, she asked me if I wanted to go to a another strip club where some of her friends worked and I agreed. It was a lot of fun with her, and the staff were very cool so I bought drinks for them. She then told me that she wanted me to hang out with her and some of the dancers there for a party after work near her house. Couldn't say no to that, so we went to her house but after a little while there it was clear we weren't going back out because she just undressed and hopped in bed and invited me to join her. And that's how it started.

    So I can't say I pushed her. I was expecting to just say goodnight and maybe meetup again but she just took me home and it was not in any way awkward or tense.

    Anyway I'll contact her again down the line.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    I'm not sure how long she's been dancing, but she could see it as a newish mistake she regrets. Please don't push her, she can easily go into bitch mode and dissolve your version of the story with one text, it seems like something you want to hang on to-so don't.

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    Default Re: I met a dancer at her club and we've been out a couple of times...

    You spent more on a bottle and server in an hour, than you did on Dee. That is Dee's fault by staying at your table for that frikkin long without asking to get some sort of compensation up front to hang out. If not, keep it moving...time is money.

    That's her responsibility, but it would've been nice if you told her ahead of time before she decided to sit there for an hour that she should go somewhere else or that you were ok for now.

    Anyway, you're a customer and a one timer at that.... so yes, you're most likely a mistake to her. No more shitting where she eats.

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