Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

  1. #1
    Veteran Member thatgingercamgirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Making that money
    Posts
    273
    Thanks
    2,681
    Thanked 498 Times in 203 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    Hey all,

    Last year I ended my most recent relationship of six years. We remained friends and more recently discussed trying to get back together, and then realized that we would still have all of the same issues and squashed that. I have been in long relationships more or less back-to-back since I was 18. I need to connect with those I have sex with and unfortunately that has led to some regrettable relationships. So I am following my heart and getting comfortable with being single.

    I'm already working on meditation and diving into my interests, and for the moments when I miss having men around I got myself this http://www.amazon.com/Don-Wand-Gradu...ilpage_o02_s00.

    I'm sure there are others who have found themselves in this situation, what has helped you?
    "Another fun and exciting evening tormenting the souls of men."

    Stolen from a reg.
    "I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you have peace and power."

    -the Goddess Marina Starr

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to thatgingercamgirl For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Featured Member
    Joined
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,809
    Thanks
    2,282
    Thanked 3,638 Times in 1,173 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    I don't have any advice really but I'm in the same boat. I ended my 4 year relationship like 6 months ago and I don't have any men in my life right now. It can be a hard adjustment but I think it's important to be alone for a while after being with someone else for so long. Lately I found myself starting to like guys who I normally would not go for because I've been lonely and just wanted to fill that void...but I realized that was stupid and they were stupid so I blocked their numbers and am going back to 'me time' lol.

    It is helping to focus on other things like working out, work, & saving money. I don't really have any hobbies that could keep me busy but so far gym + work is enough.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to 22lligm For This Useful Post:


  5. #3
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,430
    Thanks
    19,846
    Thanked 18,507 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    It sounds kinda cheesy when I describe it to other people, but one thing that really helps me with being happy being single for so long, is "going back to childhood" in a sense. It's not like you've needed a man around to complete you your entire life. What did you do before puberty hit? What made you happy before you started having sex? I'm not saying to necessarily go back to doing all the things you did in elementary/middle/high school - but just getting back to appreciating the mindset of having a life that didn't revolve around the opposite (or same) sex in a romantic manner.

    Fill your time with friends, meeting new people, family, hobbies, volunteer work, classes (either for academic/professional development or just for fun), attend shows/concerts/movies/lectures/plays or try a new restaurant by yourself and just enjoy the experience without worrying about the person sitting next to you, and/or a get a pet to love and dote on (if your lifestyle allows it). There are so many ways to fill up your life to the point where you won't even have time to worry about the fact that there isn't a man sitting next to you or defining your social calendar. You used to do it for many years before you hit the age where dating was something that everyone started doing.

    Not that there's anything wrong with desiring a relationship and making dating a part of your life once you reach adulthood, but if you've found yourself drifting into having this one thing define all your time, energy, and happiness, take some time to really focus on all the other parts of your life that you used to love but have been skimping out on and get back to a more balanced approach. It's sort of like, there's nothing wrong with enjoying alcohol once you hit drinking age, but if you've started veering toward alcoholic tendencies and are getting wasted every night, it's time to regroup, drink some tea or soda, and remind yourself that you used to function just fine for years and years of your life while sober.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.







  6. #4
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    13,467
    Thanks
    10,869
    Thanked 20,995 Times in 6,795 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    It's an opportunity to have a relationship with yourself. I'm jealous! I've never had a period like that in my adult life. I think it's an extraordinarily healthy opportunity. It's a time to figure out what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, etc. without the influence of another person's feelings.

    Don't do anything you think you're 'supposed' to do during this time. Pretend that you'll be single for the rest of your life and won't be able to be entertained by a man for the rest of your life. It's a thought experiment to get you to figure out how you would use your non-working time in a way that fulfills you. What is missing in your life that would add meaning to your existence? A hobby that you *actually* enjoy? A child? Taking a class to stimulate your brainz? What feels great about being single? Having more space in your bed? Being able to eat wherever you want, whenever you want? What feels not-so-great about being single?

    We live most of our lives looking 'forward' to something and very little of our lives living in the present. It's a cliche for a reason. When you no longer have someone in your life as a partner, it's a serious opportunity to clarify where you are in your life right now and what truly makes you happy (or not happy). Time for some self-work. Which you should do 100% for yourself, but will have the added benefit of clarifying what you want your next relationship to look like.

    /tipsy post

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to charlie61 For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    I'm not going to lie, I feel lonely sometimes. But I don't have the same anger, insecurities & resentment as a single person....I tend to get into mediocre relationships & get stuck in them.

    So being single is better than spinning wheels in a crappy go-nowhere relationship. That is the truth.

  9. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    Same here. I've been single (and celibate) by choice for four years which is not usual, for me, as I had been either dating or in relationships since my late teens early twenties.

    Truth is I suck at relationships or did suck in the past and ended up with guys trying to take advantage of me and use me for sex or arm candy. I was young and naive and basically a doormat looking for love.

    Don't waste one iota of your time with sucky dudes just to fill a void of loneliness etc. I think a lot of people have had relationships and or sex we regret later. It's all a learning experience as long as you learn and don't repeat mistakes.

    Being single is a great way to focus on yourself and do things you want. Find your passion, travel when and where you want, take up a hobby, wear facial masks around the house, stay out late if you want to.....do all the things you can't do or would be hard to do if in a relationship.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 04-28-2016 at 07:18 AM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  11. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    57
    Thanks
    25
    Thanked 68 Times in 24 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    Being happy with yourself really helps. I've dated so many men since I was 18 and I'm now 26. I was always desperately seeking a relationship and always felt the need to be with someone. Recently, things have changed though. I don't feel the need to be with someone. I know how to go out alone and have a good time, and watching a good movie by myself, with a bare face, feels way better than going out on a bull shit date and spending the time getting ready for it. I also keep myself busy. When I'm bored, with an idle mind, I tend to feel lonely.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Dulce For This Useful Post:


  14. #8
    Banned
    Joined
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    952
    Thanks
    839
    Thanked 1,337 Times in 600 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    I've gone through both. From like 12-23 I was a serial monogamist always in a relationship. Not that I needed one, I just continually met guys I liked. Then after that, I spent time in big cities with goals in mind that most men would have distracted. I've noticed that I've become ultra picky and if there is just one thing wrong, it's now a dealbreaker lol. I won't settle for a nowhere relationship like a lot of people do. I have specific things in mind, and won't compromise much. I've been asked to go exclusive a lot, but if the guy isn't totally what I had in mind, I won't do it.

    Focus on hobbies, goals, accomplishments, your body, etc. Its not an end all be all. I'm glad I've gotten to experience things from both sides.

  15. #9
    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    204
    Thanks
    507
    Thanked 519 Times in 156 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    I've been single for the last 4 years and I really enjoy myself. I love it so much I want to date, want to have a boyfriend but I'm also terriefied to give up my "me time". Anyway my big advice is friends are great, but learn how to do things alone. Take YOURSELF on dates. My favorite days are pure Lux Luxury days. I spend hours slowly getting ready and doing my hair and makeup, listening to my favorite music. I may go to a museum for an hour or two and relax surrounded by beauty. Then I get a big Starbucks and get a mani. Then I go and have dinner at a place next to a theater so I can have a few drinks and sober up during a movie. I'll often have great interactions with strangers all day that are interesting and fufill my social needs, but really I spend my time thinking, getting to know myself. I usually bring a journal of a book to dinner and mill over my opinions or dreams.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

  16. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to LilLadyLux For This Useful Post:


  17. #10
    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    204
    Thanks
    507
    Thanked 519 Times in 156 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    I've been single for the last 4 years and I really enjoy myself. I love it so much I want to date, want to have a boyfriend but I'm also terriefied to give up my "me time". Anyway my big advice is friends are great, but learn how to do things alone. Take YOURSELF on dates. My favorite days are pure Lux Luxury days. I spend hours slowly getting ready and doing my hair and makeup, listening to my favorite music. I may go to a museum for an hour or two and relax surrounded by beauty. Then I get a big Starbucks and get a mani. Then I go and have dinner at a place next to a theater so I can have a few drinks and sober up during a movie. I'll often have great interactions with strangers all day that are interesting and fufill my social needs, but really I spend my time thinking, getting to know myself. I usually bring a journal of a book to dinner and mill over my opinions or dreams.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

  18. #11
    God/dess ScarletKitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Hyperspace
    Posts
    2,208
    Thanks
    3,162
    Thanked 6,709 Times in 1,895 Posts

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    What I have learned is: Do not expect all your happiness from one person. That was the problem I had all my life until recently. I would latch onto a man and expect him and only him to make me feel whole, happy, and loved. This is codependency and a set-up for extreme disappointment. Because, let's face it, you cannot expect any one thing or person to make you 100% happy. You also cannot find yourself in another person.

    I am single now after just recently leaving a 9-year relationship, and this is the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. I feel at peace with myself, I feel powerful, and I feel so happy. I do not expect to receive love or happiness from any one man/ person, nor will I expect that ever again. I focus on loving the entire planet, the entire human race, my family, my friends, my pets, and my interests/ dreams/ hobbies. My interests are extremely diverse and keep me from getting bored or restless with life. I also travel alot now. I am much more interested in seeing the beauty of the planet and connecting with it on a spiritual level, than I am with connecting with just one person. I am probably meant to be polyamorous to be honest. But as of right now, I am enjoying being single and loving myself.

    Some nights though, like last night, I had a weak moment and felt really lonely and emotional. But talking to friends helps quell that. I also listen to tons of music, including girl power music. Being creative and writing music also helps get through those lonely nights.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

  19. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to ScarletKitten For This Useful Post:


  20. #12
    Banned
    Joined
    Mar 2012
    Location
    MilfVille
    Posts
    8,415
    Thanks
    29,866
    Thanked 19,603 Times in 6,566 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    Quote Originally Posted by LilLadyLux View Post
    I've been single for the last 4 years and I really enjoy myself. I love it so much I want to date, want to have a boyfriend but I'm also terriefied to give up my "me time". Anyway my big advice is friends are great, but learn how to do things alone. Take YOURSELF on dates. I'll often have great interactions with strangers all day that are interesting and fufill my social needs.
    I love this! I have some of my best times, when I am interacting with strangers every time I'm out. Now, when someone tags along, it feels like they are kind of 'hindering' me. Like a kind of ball and chain around my ankle.

  21. #13
    Veteran Member thatgingercamgirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Making that money
    Posts
    273
    Thanks
    2,681
    Thanked 498 Times in 203 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: Being single and happy:Advice for a serial monogamist

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    What I have learned is: Do not expect all your happiness from one person. That was the problem I had all my life until recently. I would latch onto a man and expect him and only him to make me feel whole, happy, and loved. This is codependency and a set-up for extreme disappointment. Because, let's face it, you cannot expect any one thing or person to make you 100% happy. You also cannot find yourself in another person.

    I am single now after just recently leaving a 9-year relationship, and this is the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. I feel at peace with myself, I feel powerful, and I feel so happy. I do not expect to receive love or happiness from any one man/ person, nor will I expect that ever again. I focus on loving the entire planet, the entire human race, my family, my friends, my pets, and my interests/ dreams/ hobbies. My interests are extremely diverse and keep me from getting bored or restless with life. I also travel alot now. I am much more interested in seeing the beauty of the planet and connecting with it on a spiritual level, than I am with connecting with just one person.
    I can so very much relate to this, I am happier now than I ever was in a relationship. I feel so free now, and it's such a good feeling
    "Another fun and exciting evening tormenting the souls of men."

    Stolen from a reg.
    "I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you have peace and power."

    -the Goddess Marina Starr

  22. The Following User Says Thank You to thatgingercamgirl For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Are you happy to be single?
    By Flickdreams in forum Life Support
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 11-26-2015, 04:37 PM
  2. single mom new in the business, any advice?
    By jessymisspretty in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-07-2013, 09:17 AM
  3. Single MOMS and Child Care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Advice Needed.
    By MissChocolateDLite in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-15-2012, 01:28 PM
  4. And todays reason I am happy to be single...
    By Trem in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-27-2011, 10:34 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •