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Thread: What to do?

  1. #1
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    Default What to do?

    I am living a miserable life. I am being abused verbally, emotionally and physically everyday by my so called "boyfriend". I really don't know what to do anymore... he won't let me study, I am in college, but I simply stressed by him everyday to not be able to study. Today I was told to get on cam and stop studying. I got on cam and then I hear the dumbass saying "Why do you talk to them? Talk to them when they pay." and I was like "You really don't know anything about this world you've caught me into. That's something that worked years and years ago, now you have to get their attention and talk to them a bit". I am sorry for saying this here, but I have to say it to someone, I feel like I am drowning and I think about killing myself everyday or just leaving this place and this country by first plane. I feel stuck up, like I don't have any chance to a normal life and I am never going to get out of it...

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    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Go to the authorities, lay charges against him, find a shelter or a support group for women. Whatever you do, try to stay in college. maybe someone there can also give you resources. But seriously, go to the police and have him removed from your life forever. Move away as well if you are able to, disappear so he can't find you. Sending you lots of hugs and strength girl, cos this is definitely not easy.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    The most important thing in any abusive situation, especially one that you feel stuck in is to make a safe escape plan. There is always a way out, it just might not feel like it right now. No matter where you are or how alone you feel, there is an organization out there that can help you to make a safe escape plan, or to help you find a place where you can be safe. When I escaped my abusive situation, I had no idea of the resources that were available, and it's very important to me that others know that there are options. Always.
    Last edited by thatgingercamgirl; 04-27-2016 at 12:50 PM.
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    Default Re: What to do?

    On one hand, I would go to the authorities, but how good will that do to me? I don't think much ... Then he'll just do everything to destroy me ... not that he isn't doing it now. I have the resources to leave like now, but where? And what I will do if I leave and what do I tell my family?

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I know it's hard to leave an abusive situation. Trust me, I've been there. These guys are incredibly manipulative and make you feel like you can't leave or that you belong there. Well you can leave and you don't belong there. I know it's hard but the sooner you realize this the better. Cops won't do much for verbal and emotional abuse but they will help you if you're being physically abused. If you don't want to be camming, tell them that he's forcing you into sex work. If you do want to continue camming after this then you can leave that part out. Get a restraining order against him. I know that it's just a piece of paper and it doesn't always work, but it's worth the extra protection in case you can't get him locked up for the abuse.

    Also, everything that Simone mentioned above about finding a shelter and a support network. I honestly don't know if I would have ever had the courage to leave my abusive ex husband if it weren't for the support of my friends.

    Stay strong, it'll get worse before it gets better but it always gets much better!

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    On one hand, I would go to the authorities, but how good will that do to me? I don't think much ... Then he'll just do everything to destroy me ... not that he isn't doing it now. I have the resources to leave like now, but where? And what I will do if I leave and what do I tell my family?
    When you think about hoping on a plane whats the first place to come into your mind? There must be a place but maybe your fear is preventing you from doing it? Just go. You sound young to me and thats a good thing when it comes to taking huge leaps. If you take off it doesnt mean it will be forever. You family will love you no matter what you do. But if they are in the vicinity of your boyfriend then going to them may not be safe. And you are right to second guess the authorities. I know here in the US restraining orders are like a joke. Whatever you decide to do please do not have a huge fight with him. Don't tell him what your plans are. Just go to that place you've been thinking of. You will be fine.

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  12. #7
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    Default Re: What to do?

    I know getting out can be tough, but girl, if he is abusive it will only get worse (((hugs)))

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I live in EE. I really don't have anyone's support because nobody knows. My family doesn't see it, they seem to caught up in their work to take a look at me and help me. His family saw it and does nothing about it. I have started to blame everyone for what's happening to me. I have started to hate his family for not raising him the right way, for not supporting him thru life properly, I have started to hate my family for letting me destroy myself, I have no friends.. the ones I had, he made sure they will disappear. Whenever I was going out with my girl friend he'd call me and start telling me to pick him up or whatever stupid reason to not be able to have a nice meeting. I always cared about my education since a young age. Always thinking about what career path should I choose and always loved studying. Tomorrow I have a big exam and I am not going to pass it because he didn't want to let me study. Not to mention when I choosed college I went for something and in the first year I realised "I don't like it and I feel that I can do something bigger". I told to him and my family and while my family wanted to support me and make this change, he didn't want to let me change paths and do what I felt was right for me. I know I sound like the most stupid girl you ever met, but I feel my hands are tied .....

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Well, you're being verbally abused, forced into artwork-even though camming is legal, doing it against your will isn't, and possibly being prevented from leaving your home. Seek out a victims rights advocate or just go to the cops by yourself. Move in with your family. Get a CCW and a gun you're not scared to use. Option b-start stashing hidden money in his clearly empty sack. Leave when you have enough. Option c-contact an attorney. If karma exists, and I have to believe it does, you'll have a female judge hearing the case. Oh, and remember he's making you cam, so PLEASE let his lawyer bring it up and try to talk his way out of that.
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    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    but I feel my hands are tied .....

    ^^This is what abusers do to you, what they depend on to keep their power over you. Don't let him do this to you. You are smart, you are beautiful, you are young and you have a great life ahead of you. You are completely capable of freeing yourself from this asshole.

    Stop talking to him, stop giving him power over you. Find a safe place to go right now, maybe open a post office box where your mail can be safely delivered. Do not assume that your family will not help you, you don't even need to tell them, as long as you know that you can be safe staying with them.

    Do not trust him. Do not tell him where you're going. Do not give him any info.

    We are giving you some great advice in this thread, please do listen to these ladies. We have been through this and survived. You can too.

    **Edited to add resources**

    http://http://www.hotpeachpages.net/europe/
    I hope this website points you in the right direction.
    Last edited by thatgingercamgirl; 04-27-2016 at 01:33 PM.
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  19. #11
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    Default Re: What to do?

    I know ginger ... To me it just seems too late for myself ...

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I've been there and with multiple kids, go to a safe place (a relatives) contact a womens shelter, they will come pick you up (In most cases they will not allow you to bring yourself there, only a police officer can take you to keep the location a secret) It is up to you whether or not to file charges, they do not care, they will take care of you and will not ask questions if you don't want to talk about it. Cut off all contact completely with him. It is not too late, I spent a decade in your situation thinking there was no way out, and there is. It was actually much nicer and easier than I thought, after being in that situation for so long I know that they just make you feel like it's easier to stick with what you know, but it isn't. All it takes is a phone call and you are completely safe as long as you stay and do what they tell you. The shelter I went to even told me I could be transferred to another state to feel safer if I wanted.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I am reading a list from a shelter home and I can literally mark everything they have in the section: "Am I abused?" : jealous, doesn't like when I am spending time with my friends, checks my phone, my Facebook and whatever there is to be checked, makes me delete people from my Facebook list, calls me non stop to check where i am at and with who, tells me what do wear and how to act, laughs about me with other people, gets aggressive (extremely aggressive), threats, forces me to have intercourse when I don't want to ...

  23. #14
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    I know ginger ... To me it just seems too late for myself ...
    It's not. We have all been through this feeling and believe me, it is not too late. You can have a life where you feel safe and happy. You do need to accept that you deserve to be happy and to do what will make you happy, which is get out of this situation and go back to your studies. Big hugs, lady. You can do this. Please protect yourself and please be safe.

    Also, let us know. We would like to know that you made it somewhere safe and sound and have nailed down anything that he might be able to get to, like your mail and your bank account.
    Last edited by thatgingercamgirl; 04-27-2016 at 04:06 PM.
    "Another fun and exciting evening tormenting the souls of men."

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    "I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you have peace and power."

    -the Goddess Marina Starr

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    Default Re: What to do?

    You said you do have the resources to leave...you are very lucky in that case, many women stay because of money issues. I know this is hard, but you need to just let that part of you that is fed up be stronger than the part of you that has given up. I too left an emotionally and somewhat sexually abusive man after four long years and literally overnight things got better. I also started talking to people and was very surprised that they didn't judge me and actually supported me. But please, take your money, place it somewhere he cannot get to it and RUN. It might be rough starting over, but think about how much worse it will be for you if you stay. I really wish I could reach through the internet and give you hugs. PM me if you need anything xx

    ETA: I also thought that mine would do everything to destroy my life. He can't now though. I have resources and after a while of seeing that he couldn't, he went after some other poor girl. If you have resources, you will be able to survive. Also, just make sure that none of your stuff is touchable by him. That helps a lot too.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    OP, I hope you're safe.

    I know it will be scary at first but things do get better. One day you'll be on your own, or in a healthy relationship and you'll smile knowing you did the right thing by leaving your abusive ex. I was in a similar situation to yours 2 years ago and I left and haven't looked back. I'm happy, I'm stress free, and I'm healthy. You only need yourself. Even if you have to stay in hotels, airbnbs or even a woman's shelter until you get back on your feet, so be it. Sneak out in the middle of the night (you have wheels I believe) and you sound like you have enough for a few months deposit, few months rent and can pick up stress free camming if you're still interested in it. Leave him, ASAP! You are worth saving. You are worth a second chance.

    Change your mindset and thought process and break these thoughts of low self-worth. He is a liar and you deserve a HAPPY life. You are NOT happy and will not be until you treat yourself the way a happy person does. A happy person loves and respects their bodies and person and would not allow anyone to hurt them. Please leave, now. You will be fine! No more excuses. It's time to go. He is no longer allowed to take up parking space in your life. Tow his ass.
    Last edited by kortneykay; 04-27-2016 at 05:25 PM.




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    Default Re: What to do?

    Only way it is too late is if you are dead. Life is too precious to spend living it so miserably in the name of "love".

    Pack a suit case & be determined to live a happier life without him. No matter what he says, can't destroy you. No matter what he throws at you can't be worse than the life you are living now.

    Can't blame his family for how he is, he is an adult. You are an adult, so can't blame your family for not taking actions you should be doing. In this life you can only rescue yourself.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgingercamgirl View Post
    there are options. Always.
    This ^^

    I'm sorry you're going through that It can be hard to see through it, but she is right, there are always options. You need to find your strength and move yourself out of that situation x
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    Default Re: What to do?

    I've had a boyfriend, and he talked a lot about his family to me. His mother was abused by his father emotionally , verbally , phisically. Basicly on every possible way. What s more, in front of their children too. That woman stayed in that relationship, by some reason. I guess she had toughts on the same line ... "it's too late for me" "i can't do that" so on.
    This "theater" works like this, as i understand: there is a person who plays the "helpless one" and another who plays the "strong and evil" one. ( i dont wanted to say "relationship" coz it s not.)
    If u have toughts like "it's too late" or "i can't do anything" actually, that is ""normal"" coz u play that role. And U'll feel like that, untill you move out. So no need to wait for anything (to feel stronger or whatever... as Phatgirl told perfectly : "JUST GO")
    Once u get out, from a distance, u ll see that things are the opposite as they seemed before.
    The abusive person usually the weak and instabil one. And not you.

    I would like that guy to know that u're in better position than him. Coz u still have a choice, u can leave. But he ll stay like that forever. (he ll always need an innocent one, to abuse - trying to balance his inner shit and weakness) So who s the helpless? Let him helpless and alone, that s what he deserve.
    Last edited by LoraDoll; 04-28-2016 at 01:43 AM.

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  35. #20
    Veteran Member miss cleo's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do?

    I've been in a similar situation when I was in my early 20s he was older than me and although not physically abusive he was controlling and isolated me from my friends and family. Its very hard to find the strength and courage to leave but you must because he won't change and you will find yourself living this awful life year after year. I would try to get back in touch will a friend and explain your situation and see if she will help you. I left the country to get away from my ex and my best friend came with me and I used to wake up every morning with a huge smile on my face when I saw her and not him. Please be strong you deserve to be happy. Xx

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Normally I wouldn't recommend this, but you need a quick out. When you go to college tell the biggest strongest guy what you just told us. If he has a place you can stay then let him take you to pick up your things when fuckhead isn't home. Then never go back.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    I'm a survivor of abuse. I wont go into all of it here, but he did some of the ugliest things a person can do to another. YOU HAVE OPTIONS, AND YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW. There are hotlines, shelters, many things you can do. Right now search domestic abuse help with your location. Call them now. Now. NOW! If you dont know what to do, they will line out your options and help you make the best one for you! Do it girl! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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    Default Re: What to do?

    there are probably resources in your own school. Go tomorrow to your social services department, tell them you can't take your test today and that you need help because you're in a situation of violence. Take your computer, your webcam, pack a bag, go to a cheap hotel accross town, contact a woman rights center. Go stay with your family, you don't even need to tell what's going on, just say, I need to stay here, I'M NOT SAFE with this person, please just do this for me as we're family. They will always be on your side, HE has manipulated you to make you feel alienated from them... these people are predators.

    Hope you can get away, like someone else said it's never too late. Don't waste any more of your precious YOU on him. Hugs from accross the world, I'm sure we all wish we could do more to get you out of his power.

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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    I am reading a list from a shelter home and I can literally mark everything they have in the section: "Am I abused?" : jealous, doesn't like when I am spending time with my friends, checks my phone, my Facebook and whatever there is to be checked, makes me delete people from my Facebook list, calls me non stop to check where i am at and with who, tells me what do wear and how to act, laughs about me with other people, gets aggressive (extremely aggressive), threats, forces me to have intercourse when I don't want to ...

    OMG, this is RAPE, and I am so sorry, honey.
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    Default Re: What to do?

    If your in the EE then I really dont know what resources are available to you there. I know from a lot of people the European men and Eastern European men tend to be masochistic so his behavior is not surprising but it is abuse. Your going through a very normal thing and you can change it for the better.

    The very first thing is move out. Ask a friend if you can crash with them a while or a family member. Do not tell him just go and do not tell anyone else. Lay low for awhile. Let your emotions work themselves out a bit and you will come up with a plan on what to do next. You need to let him know that the relationship is over for you so just go away for a while. If he finds you or calls you tell him its over and hang up or walk away.

    If he is physically abusive to you then call the police and report that AND HAVE HIM CHARGED!

    If not move out and then tell him its a break up. Just leave a note or not. The most important thing is you wont know what to do until you get out and get your head out of the "abuse" game!

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