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Thread: What to do?

  1. #26
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Sorry for not replying to you girls earlier.
    The issue with moving out. He is practically staying in my home, so I don't know how to approach that. The only solution is leaving.
    I think he knows that I hate him and I would like him gone. He used to be my all, now he turned out to be something I never expected to have in my life ever.
    I am afraid that if I leave like that he will start posting screen caps with me and have them sent to my family. Eveytime we got into a huge fight over the phone he would start texting me screen caps and calling me a whore and saying that he'll make a Facebook page with all of them.
    It's not too late probably, but he started to look to me like a psychopath who thinks I am some piece of meat that must do as he tells and provide him with money and also maid services, because he is lazy like that and I seem to have al the energy in the world.

    I feel broken, sad. I think the only way to get rid of him on good terms is making the money he still needs for buying what he wants and then act like the grossest girlfriend ever and hope he will find someone his taste.

  2. #27
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    Default Re: What to do?

    alexa, I hope you find the strength to make your life better...plan ahead and try to find the best solution. Good luck to you. xox

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  4. #28
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    Default Re: What to do?

    He is trapping you. THIS IS BLACKMAIL! I would just come out first, or let him do it.

    KICK HIM OUT! GET A RESTRAINING ORDER! PLEASE GO TO A WOMAN'S SHELTER COUNSELOR FOR HERLP. THIS IS A FORM OF ABUSE BABE.





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  6. #29
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    I feel broken, sad. I think the only way to get rid of him on good terms is making the money he still needs for buying what he wants and then act like the grossest girlfriend ever and hope he will find someone his taste.
    Remember that this is coming from him, not you. This is not a reflection of who you are, it is a reflection of who he is. Reject that ish. You don't have to let his shit get up in your head, anymore than you have to keep letting him have a spot in your life.

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    The only solution is leaving.
    200% yes. You need to find somewhere safe to go or this is just going to keep getting worse. Fucking fight, girl. I have and I fucking won, and so have a lot of other people here. My ex tried to destroy my life, he drained my bank account, tried to turn the people in my life against me, threatened to get a gun and hurt me and my family, harassed me at work until I quit because I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up homeless and unemployed, and had to work my way up from there. It was all worth it, I walked away and got to teach that egotistic loser that he had no control over me. I am so much happier now, and I wouldn't be if I had stayed. Things don't have to go the way they went for me if you are smart about this and plan carefully. Fight to be happy. Fight for the right to live life on your own terms.
    "Another fun and exciting evening tormenting the souls of men."

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  8. #30
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Hey girl, any update on this situation? Hope you're safe xo

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  10. #31
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    Default Re: What to do?

    For now he left for a couple of days my place.
    I am still undecided what to do and how, but I have some events happening and I hope he will spend his time somewhere else.


    I really don't get why some people think they must stay in our lives when clearly we hate them and don't want them near us.

  11. #32
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    Default Re: What to do?

    You could either tell everyone you can on your own, so that it is done, or you could try to make the consequences of him outting you to people so high that he will not do it, but the second option is playing with fire. If HE is staying in YOUR home, I don't see why the only solution is leaving. He should be the one leaving.
    Also the first post sort of made it sound like he made you cam. If that's the case and he outs you, tell your friends and family that.
    If it is interfering with school, tell your professors at least -something-, even if it is vague, before you let your grades fall. They are typically understanding, and some college campuses have resources for women in your situation, too.
    You should weigh the options here. If you are already miserable, and being physically and verbally abused, is being really outted worse than that?

  12. #33
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Hi Alex, i have been reading this thread but have only just got round to thinking about what you could possibly do. First off if he is out for a few days, change the locks. Get a locksmith in and they will change them within around half hour and new keys. Also add on saftey locks etc incase he tries to pick the new locks. I would also install cctv throughout the property, they can be discreet and the footage can go to a remote location, i would have this covering every square inch of your home, inside and out.

    You say that he forces you to have intercourse when you dont want to, in the UK this is classed as rape and we now have laws that cover emotional and financial abuse not just physical abuse. We also have revenge porn laws so here if he was to force you into camming then out you he can go to jail. I dont know if charges like this can be bought where you are living but it really needs to be bought to the authorities attention.

    If you cant go to friends or family for support and you dont believe that the police and justice system will do much then you must go to your college, they will have support officers there for you and if needs be you can remain anonymous. If you also know that you want to move on to a new place they can help you with transfering courses and places. Could even work out that whilst this peice of scum is away you can get packed up, moved somewhere new and changed the locks before he gets back. There will be people out that want to help and will help you with this.

    I think once you share this with someone in person you will feel releived that you confided in someone and thats when things can start to change but you really do just have to speak up about whats happening hun, you cannot and most certainly should not continue like this, it will completely destroy you if not kill you. Hugs xx
    I deserve the life i want. To be adored by men, treated like a princess and to be indulged. I deserve nothing but a life of luxury.

  13. #34
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    Default Re: What to do?

    He knows the consequences, but to me he started to look like he's a real psychopath, that wouldn't give a damn about them.
    I am saying that the only solution is leaving because practically he doesn't have my full permission to stay here. I barely agree staying with a guy in the same home at this age, but to stay with someone who abuses me life this I just can't stand it. And he knows it. He never got my permission to stay with me, he just moved and from 7 t-shirt's it looks like now it turned into 27 t-shirts. Whenever he leaves I put a smile on my face (I can't help it) and when he sees it: Don't worry I will be back very soon.

    He's the only reason I started camming. It was supposed to be a temporary situation for like 2 months and from 2 months it turned into years. I gave him all the money I made with no expectation than him continuing his studies and having what he wants. I don't mean we split it, just 100% of everything. And after so many efforts and time lost and giving up on my dreams he didn't put aside any money, while I averaged 4500 a month. And there came the time when I was burn out, I couldn't stand watching him how he spends money on stupid stuff and complain about how little money I made and I simply needed to stop doing it. And now I am forcing myself to do something I no longer feel comfortable doing.

    In the end, in his head I am the only one to blame for the fact that he doesn't have money to buy the car he wants and do the stuff he wants to. But, he was never responsible for not saving a penny. He didn't even know how much money I made and was complaining that I barely made 30k during the whole time, while the sum is double more than that and when I showed him the bank account history and summed all of it he couldn't believe it.

    About school .. I am going to pass all the exams, I will probably have one that I won't be able to pass.

  14. #35
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Get hold of the police and ask them which charities they work with that tackle domestic violence.

    Here in Margate UK there is a charity named porchlight that do amazing work with people in alot of not so great situations. From homelessness to mental health to domestic violence. They hold a thing called one stop every Tuesday where they are available, along with a police officer on the domestic violence until, that can give you advice, tell you your rights and help you in alot of different ways. The police now have a hell of alot more power to deal with domestic violence. UK law now covers emotional abuse aswell.

    If your in the UK then I can give you alot of advice. My best friends other half is the police officer in charge of the domestic violence unit and she is really great. She has been in some pretty horrific abusive relationships herself and so is very passionate.

    I hope you get away from this guy soon. Be strong and do whatever you can to keep him from completly isolating you!

    X

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  16. #36
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    He knows the consequences, but to me he started to look like he's a real psychopath, that wouldn't give a damn about them.
    I am saying that the only solution is leaving because practically he doesn't have my full permission to stay here. I barely agree staying with a guy in the same home at this age, but to stay with someone who abuses me life this I just can't stand it. And he knows it. He never got my permission to stay with me, he just moved and from 7 t-shirt's it looks like now it turned into 27 t-shirts. Whenever he leaves I put a smile on my face (I can't help it) and when he sees it: Don't worry I will be back very soon.

    .
    I don't know anything about about the laws in EE, but can you get some kind of restraining order or protection order against him, to prevent him from coming back? Is there a friend or family member who is large and scary who can come and stay with you for a bit, and make it clear to this guy that he is no longer welcome?

    I'm glad to hear that college is going well, definitely do not hesitate to ask for any help that your college offers. When you are in an abusive situation, it's best for your college/employers/family to know, unless it would hurt you in some way. But generally most people are a lot more willing to help than you would think. Good luck!!
    "Another fun and exciting evening tormenting the souls of men."

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    "I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you have peace and power."

    -the Goddess Marina Starr

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  18. #37
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    Default Re: What to do?

    I am sorry I haven't replied to the thread, but I didn't really use the internet lately. It seems it is getting better for now.

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  20. #38
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    Default Re: What to do?


  21. #39
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    Default Re: What to do?

    from the link above...

    The Warning Signs of Abuse

    You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

    Controls what you do, whom you see, and where you go
    Calls you names, puts you down, or humiliates you
    Makes you feel ashamed, isolated, wrong, stupid, scared, worthless, or crazy
    Acts jealous, accuses you unjustly of cheating, flirting, or having affairs
    Threatens you or makes you feel afraid
    Punishes you by withholding affection
    Constantly criticizes you and your children
    Blames you for arguments or problems in the relationship
    Makes non-verbal gestures intended to intimidate you
    Isolates you from friends or family
    Makes you feel guilty for spending time with someone else
    Threatens to take the children from you
    Monitors your phone calls
    Continually tracks your whereabouts by cell phone, pager, text messaging or GPS system
    Causes problems for you at work or at school
    Continually harasses you at work either by telephone, fax, or e-mail
    Takes your money, withholds money, makes you ask for money, or makes you account for the money you spend. Spends large sums of money and refuses to tell you why or what the money was spent on
    Refuses to let you sleep at night
    Uses your immigration status or personal history against you
    Tells you that he cannot live without you and threatens suicide if you leave

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  23. #40
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    Default Re: What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by alexalexx View Post
    I am sorry I haven't replied to the thread, but I didn't really use the internet lately. It seems it is getting better for now.
    You mean he's ok, or the internet?
    If you mean him, they (abusers) go in cycles, they have a cooling down period when they seem to be ok, until they start back up again.
    Just saying. I've been thru all this more than I care to admit.
    Good luck, wish you the best in school too.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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  25. #41
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    Default Re: What to do?

    If you don't have any proof against him to call the police, at least try to record or take print screens with the moments he is blackmailing you, telling he will post pics with you.
    Also, if you can get a proof of him, taking all your money, telling that you don't make enough money, would be perfect to transform him into some sort of pimp.
    Also, if the money you make are sent on his card or something, you can use this against him for money laundry, in case he doesn't pay the taxes (I am sure he didn't let you do that). Or at least do something in this way.
    And don't worry, you don't need your family support or care what they think, especially if they are not willing to help you. This is not family anymore, if you can't find a spot to refugee.
    MY advice? Look for a town where you think you will live ok, in a good neighbourhood. I am sure you will get back the motivation to work for yourself so you can pay a decent rent to live in a good, safe area and bring back your life to a good path.
    I keep you the fingers crossed.
    And don't EVER let him make you think he is going to be better. He won't. He needs your money. Without you he is lost.
    And PLEASE, never be afraid of being exposed. Nobody has been prized at the end of the life for having a moral life. And those who will judge you, are those who weren't there to give you a hand when you needed. So fuck them and their oppinions. Even is family.
    * Me, everytime a member has 100 requests in freechat, like he's at a 5 Stars All Inclusive Holiday Resort *

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